"Life with a new baby is shit, you hate your dh/dp and you hate your life" - do you really all agree with that?

[emkana]

don't want to go into this on the Cathy O'Neill thread, but just wanted to pick up on what marthamoo said there and ask for general opinions on this - is that really what you all feel/felt?

I don't want to p*ss everybody off by going on about how wonderful I found early parenthood - but I do remember that after having dd1 I was just ecstatic at how wonderful she was, how much I loved her, how I felt I had found the meaning of life... it was just completely mind-blowing.
Yes, I was tired etc. but I felt the happiest I had ever felt. I have found things much harder since having more than one, but again with dd2 it was less new babyhood that got me down, but the later stages, when she became a toddler, and all the issues that came along with that... tantrums etc., how to discipline successfully, feeling inadequate in my parenting...

but i just love new babies... sigh...
(and ds is eight months already...)

no it wasn't like that for me at all. first time, it wasn't easy, but I adored my new baby and thought she was scrumptious, I loved my new life, and I don't think it had any particular negative effect on my relationship with dh.
second time around, dd2 just sorted fitted in beautifully, it helped that she started smiling in her first week and I was so delighted to have her and I felt back in the saddle pretty quickly. I was amazed how quickly I healed.

No, early days are very stressful esp. the lack of sleep, but also lovely. Spent a lot of time gazing admiringly at ds and thinking how gorgeous he was and how amazing it was that he existed.

I adored my new baby more than I'd ever thought possible and I was grateful for my husband, BUT I was in a state of shock about how profoundly it all changed my life. I am a fairly independant person who was used to fitting a lot of different activities into a day and I found that the utter helplessness and total dependancy of a newborn baby curtailed all of the things that I loved to do, and so yes that was very frustrating at times. However, all that time sitting around with a baby stuck to my boob did force me to evaluate life - so in the end I have developed more patience and learned to enjoy a slower pace. I'd be lying if I said I loved every moment of the first months of motherhood - I much prefer the toddler stage and dealing with a little personality (albeit a fractious one at times!).

I loved it with ds1- I think of the first year of his life as being the happiest time of my life. The first few months were wonderful. I think of them as peaceful and blissful. I didn't miss anything about my life pre-children.

Much harder with ds2 and ds3 (we were told that ds1 was definitely autistic when ds2 was 2 weeks old, then ds2 got ill and was in and out of hospital and with ds3 I was too busy to be able to sit and nuzzle him). I do love the alien baby stage though when they're all snuffly and nuzzly.

Life now is a bloody nightmare, but the first year of motherhood- bliss.

Had a moment when my first born was a couple of weeks old, it was past midnight and she had been screaming and feeding all evening, my DH was out working a late shift, I finally put her in the sling and tried walking in a circuit round the bedroom with her strapped to my chest and then finally got into bed with a pillow behind me and fell asleep upright with her asleep on my chest (not recommended in any baby book I've ever seen) and I seriously considered what would happen to DH and DD if I just upped and left them, how much money I would need, what clean clothes I might have (if any) I could pack, would I leave a note or not, could I leave the baby in her pram in A&E at the local hospital ...

etc etc etc

but overall, I was very cheerful, I didn't get PND, I sometimes found I was a bit BORED and a bit NERVOUS but I didn't feel I'd made a terrible mistake, I thought I'd just had a baby and it was hard but it would probably get better. And so it was. (Although the evening colic, and never going to sleep until 1 or 2 in the morning carried on for many more weeks. Same with DS born nearly 3 years later. Probably something wrong I did.)

IMO motherhood is an ever evolving state and different people will cope better with different stages, especially as some babies are more difficult than others, some toddlers are more difficult than others, ditto children and teenagers, and some people are better equipped for different stages regardless of how easy/difficult their children are. Still, it helps to remember that EVERY stage is short-lived in the grand scheme of things, and I find that scares me into coping better!

I loved the tiny baby bit, except for the fatness and, with ds, the shocking levels of sleep deprivation, which really only hit me a couple of months in, when it didn't get any better. I was quite euphoric both times when they were tiny little miracles.

Um, no, I quite liked the new baby bit with my first one. Was on my own as well, which may have helped - made me feel strong and grown-up. Can't say I've felt like that all teh time since (definitely not) but I did enjoy the first year.

Have enjoyed the 2nd one even more (I think) despite dreadful sleep deprivation and her being a rubbish eater. Plus have a partner. If I'd had my 2nd one 1st, I'd have been a lot more nervous about having a 2nd

My Sis was always a broody going-to-have-a-dozen-kids type of girl whilst we were growing up. She found out she was pg at 20wks, was over the moon as she had always loooooved babies. Straight after her DS was born she changed her mind, confided that she didn't feel maternal and also that she never wanted to have another one. He is now 5yo and she still says the same.

After my DD1 was born, Sis asked if it had been love at first sight. tbh my thoughts straight after she arrived were "ok, she's fine, can i go to sleep now?" Not love at first sight. Just felt relieved and tired. The first two weeks were difficult because of bf and lack of sleep, but they weren't awful. She was in her own room at 6 weeks and slept through the night from then on. It was about that time that I realised I was totally smitten and would do absolutely anything for her. I would say the most difficult time with her has been recently (she is 5yo), after she started primary school - she suddenly became such a little madam, demanding things, stamping her foot, poking her tongue out..!

DS was a breeze and still is. He is nearly 4yo and at pre-school. He is so clever and so thoughtful and so handsome (of course I am his mum, so I will say these things).

DD2 is 5m and beautiful, adorable and I don't want her to ever grow up because (sadly) she is our last one. She has only ever woken up twice in one night at the most, but...has slept through the last 2 nights from 7pm-6am - yay!

I love them all just the same and I never thought that I could love anyone more than DD1 until DS arrived, then DD2.

I will now be quiet before I end up babbling for Britain.

There were shit bits

There were times when I hated dh and he really should have hated me (but was too much of a gentleman)

There were also lovely bits which I will never have again, but i won't have the same shit bits either so it's okay

I think a lot of it is to do with the help you have. I'm in Canada and my mum is in England, and she came out for a month, stayed with us two weeks. I wasn't breastfeeding, so she could give the baby night feeds, and some nights I just couldn't stand her crying any more, handed her to my mum, put ear plugs in and went to sleep. After she'd gone I was okay for a week or two, but now, at 3 months, my husband is working to 10pm every night, leaves the house at 7am, and although he's helping a lot, has no spare time either, I'm so far from any support and can't take an afternoon off, and when the baby hasn't crapped in 4 days and is screaming about it, I do feel inadequate and depressed - not angry at her, but really sad for her. And I want so much to sleep for more than 5 hours - I know some people have it worse! And I have a work deadline to meet by Thursday and no idea when I'm going to fit in the work. I wish I could just hand her to my mum some afternoon and sleep/work. Me and dh resent each other for not doing more and not understanding why the other's so tired.

But we're very in love with the baby and each other and delighted by everything she does. I have never liked babies of any age, always wanted a little kid, not a baby, and now I think it'll break my heart when she grows a tooth and learns how to talk. I am absolutely baby mad now.

DH & I more like a weary team trudging through holding on to each other for dear life. We don't think marriage is work. But having a family - while well worth it - is work.

Life with a new baby was DEFINITELY horrible. I really dislike the period between birth and 6 months.
Late pg, labor, and birth is also pretty bad. But I AM DONE. We have had our two kids & the youngest is now 6 months, Thank God, Thank God.

"Life with a new baby is shit, you hate your dh/dp and you hate your life"

Yup, this absolutely and totally sums up how I felt when DS was born
I feel very sad about it now, and wish more than anything that I could turn the clock back. But I can't. It was the way it was, and thank god I pulled myself out of that black hole. Eventually.

Where is the Cathy O'Neill thread btw ... I can't seem to find it ...

Found it

Very bitter sweet for me. I felt very close to DH but, besides thinking he was cute, it took a while to become attached to the new little stranger. Mostly because the nights were, and continue to be, pure HELL. It's hard to appreciate anything when your that exhausted.
Things must be getting better now though (DS is 6.5months) cause when I think of those first days I cringe.

I know I'll look back on this as a wonderful time in our family. Things fade over time I suppose... just not enough to make me want to do it again

True for me. I stumbled shellshocked through the first few months, really. I felt alone, terrified and confused 99% of the time, and although I fell in love with ds the moment I saw him, I hated what life had become with an almost equal passion. I eventually lost count of the number of times I sat sobbing on the bathroom floor at 4am. It was just awful.

I think a lot of it was down to sleep deprivation, but I was also coping with a marriage that was crashing and burning and a suicidal parent (who came round every day, ostensibly to help but in reality to wake me from much-needed naps to tell me how many pills she'd tried to take the night before...).

Not a great time, all things considered.

Very true for me. And I do warn pregnant people, that for most people, the first six weeks suck. (I say, some people are giant weirdo freaks, who enjoy gazing at their tiny useless babies and enjoy the whole thing, and if you turn out to be one of those, it'll be a pleasant surprise to you.)

That being said, I found it easier the second time around.

I do wonder whether any of the people who had a hard time had big baby delivery problems, or baby feeding problems? I'd think avoiding those would make the whole experience a lot easier (guessing here - I had CS both times, not what I wanted, and bf problems too, the first time around).

(Oh, and I didn't have PND, I'm quite sure. I just struggled with the transition, particularly the first time. And with the whole 'they cut me open ' thing. And with the bf. And with the sleep dep.)

Felt that with ds1, currently feeling that with ds2. Doesn't make me feel as despairing as it did last time, though, because I've got ds1 running round - so a reminder of what ds2 will soon become and of how quickly the time passes.
Guess some people really love little babies. I don't!

I found it a huge shock when I had DS. I loved him but had no concept that the bad bits wouldn't go on forever. I couldn't understand why my mother hadn't told me what it was really like. Also, we stayed with my parents for a couple of months because work needed to be done on the house, and I spent 2 months trying not to let DS cry and trying to fit into their schedule which was very stressful. Also, I knew I would have to go back to work when he was 5.5 months old so I felt that this was my only chance to have proper time with him and felt I was missing out if things weren't perfect.

With DD I am really, really enjoying it. I know this stage will go very quickly so I am making the most of it. I love being able to watch trash on TV and go and have coffee when DS is at nursery, and when he is at home it is so much more fun to play with her because she usually just smiles at DS, and DS is more entertaining to her than any Baby Einstein video.

I wouldn't go as far as saying I 'loved' the newborn stage with dd1 but I did enjoy it. I'd prepared myself for about 6 months of living hell and was pleasantly surprised when it wasn't like that. DD was an easy baby though and i didn't have PND.

DD2 is 4 days old and still in the sleepy stage (slept 5 hrs overnight! Hoorah!) so ask me again in a couple of weeks.

I don't think its the delivery NQC- ds1s was pretty horrendous, no sleep for 36 hours, 18 hours labour followed by section. Still loved everything about that first year, especially the first 6 weeks!