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Parenting

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Original poster

What are your opinions on families that only have 1 child?

172 replies

juicychops · 24/02/2007 12:59

before i had ds i used to think maybe it was cruel for a child to have no siblings and it was selfish of the parents to choose for a child to grow up being an only child..

But since having ds, i could not possible have another child, for many reasons including the fact i couldn't cope with another and being a single parent couldn't risk being left alone again with 2+ children

what are your views?

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berolina · 24/02/2007 13:02

You never know why that family has only one child iyswim.

I never saw us as having an 'only', but after 1 ds and 3 mcs it's been something we've had to think about. Am pg again, happily, but still pretty nervous.

So I don't actually 'think' anything at all about them.

Spidermama · 24/02/2007 13:03

Fine. There are pros and cons. They have everything dedicated to them. That's pretty precious. They seem to form really important frienships which are extra special to them. The adults I know who are only children seem to be very good at making and maintaining friendships because they almost specialise in it.

It takes all sorts. I really don't understand why some people critisise mums for only having one. It's absolutely fine.

I have four by the way and I get critisism or comments about being mad and foolhardy. Just let it wash over you.

Furball · 24/02/2007 13:03

Well as a parent to one, personally I think it's fine. I have been told to my face that I'm cruel, not sure how that works, but there you go. You need to do what is right for you as long as you are happy, your child(ren) will be fine.

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Chandra · 24/02/2007 13:03

I think this is one of those things that can not be generalised, every family have different characteristics and circumstances, and it's up to them to decide how many children based on that.

foxtrot · 24/02/2007 13:03

I really don't have an opinion. Mainly because there many reasons (happy and sad)why families are the size they are, and it's a private matter.

NAB3 · 24/02/2007 13:04

No opinions. Who is to know why someone only has one child? It is their business, no one elses.

MamazonAKAfatty · 24/02/2007 13:05

my view is thatits none of my business how many children a woman has so long as they are well cared for.

i am the eldest of 10 children and can see the benefit of having just one child.

karabiner · 24/02/2007 13:05

Well there are lots and lots of reasons about families with 1 child.

We have one child and I do get fed up of the comments I've had about it, and the fact that people make comments about my ds, putting down all his behaviour to the fact he is an only child.

beanie2bump · 24/02/2007 13:06

that they have one child, no opnion, why judge

nerdgirl · 24/02/2007 13:09

Have to say, from a practical point of view, I think having 2 kids is actually easier than having 1 simply because they amuse each other.

mytwopenceworth · 24/02/2007 13:11

that it's their business. i'm glad i have more than one, but whats right for me will not be right (or possible) for others.

curiosity · 24/02/2007 13:13

That it's nothing to do with anyone else.

Alliepally · 24/02/2007 13:17

I have one child - left it late and had loads of probs after so no plans for anymore. My dd is incredibly gregarious when we are out. She strikes up friendships with neighbours kids, in soft play, on holiday etc very easily. She may have been like this anyway even if she had a sibling of course. The only problems that we have had have been if we have been on holiday where there are no kids clubs. She thrives on other kids company and too long in just mine and dhs company leads to her getting a bit wingey. At those times I have thought god I wish I had another child.

WanderingTrolley · 24/02/2007 13:20

It's never occurred to me to have an opinion on how many children (or not) anyone has.

LunarSea · 24/02/2007 13:22

Actually I think people should keep their views to themselves. Being told by various opinionated people that I was being cruel to ds by depriving him of siblings for selfish lifestyle reasons, when in actual fact I'd have loved another but couldn't conceive was pretty upsetting. (Am now expecting #2, but we'll have an 5.5 year age gap).

bobsyouruncle · 24/02/2007 13:22

I think there are advantages & disadvantages to having 1 as opposed to 2 children - and the same can be said of having more than 2 or none at all! Don't waste time & energy feeling guilty about having an only child, I'm sure there are lots of mums like me with 2 who sometimes feel guilty for having less one to one time for their children too!

noddyholder · 24/02/2007 13:24

I have one and would have liked 2 but not to be.We have a great time and always have a houseful!Lots of friends and their kids come here and can honestly say ds has never been lonely.It is really up to the individual.

princesscc · 24/02/2007 13:26

I have one child sadly by circumstances and not choice. Luckly I am also a cm, so she has plenty of kids around her during the week. It actually makes it easier at the weekend, coz she gets to do and watch whatever she wants and doesn't have to share or compromise! People with big opinions about it should be very careful, I have been very upset by peoples assumption that I am selfish for not wanting more kids when nothing could be futher from the truth.

Themis · 24/02/2007 13:31

Well three seems to be the new 2.4 . I have two children and would three but have left it late in life to have a family due to various circumstances . Where do we stop ? Someone has two boys why dont they have a girl ? They have two children why dont they have another ? etc etc

People have differnt reasons for having one ( two three four etc ) child (ren) and we shouldn't think anything about it.

I know a few women who are desparate to have number 2 but for medical reasons it just not happening . Who are we to judge them ?

NotQuiteCockney · 24/02/2007 13:39

I have lots of very strong opinions about one-child families.

For one thing, they obviously need fewer seats when they go on a plane. Um. And they probably spend less time settling arguments betweeen their children. I'm sure there's more.

Themis · 24/02/2007 13:41

Christmas is alot cheaper !

Themis · 24/02/2007 13:44

Sorry being flipant ther didn't mean to offend anyone !

treacletart · 24/02/2007 13:44

I'm pregnant with number 2 but agonised about the decision to have another for ages - mainly for financial/practical reasons. I'm quite convinced only children are generally perfectly happy and perfectly well adjusted - but I do think siblings become more important as you become an adult. There's a fab thread here
about the joys of only children.

airy · 24/02/2007 13:46

I have one dd, and have been a single parent since she was tiny. Sometimes I think I'd like another although thats kind of impossible while I'm on my own! But then I look at the benefits of only having one, cheap holidays,days out etc etc.
There are definitely positives and negatives to having any number of children I think and it really isn't up to anyone else to judge unless they're going to come round and help you raise that second child they think you should have

lazyline · 24/02/2007 14:07

I only have one child, and do not plan on having any more and am told by PIL that it is cruel to only have one child. They say that "one of each" is perfect and they can't understand what we would want anything else. Of course, I think that they would think the same if we decided to have 4 kids!

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