What are your opinions on families that only have 1 child?

[juicychops]

before i had ds i used to think maybe it was cruel for a child to have no siblings and it was selfish of the parents to choose for a child to grow up being an only child..

But since having ds, i could not possible have another child, for many reasons including the fact i couldn't cope with another and being a single parent couldn't risk being left alone again with 2+ children

what are your views?

I'm an only child and was perfectly happy and well-balanced. I did used to get friends asking me why I didn't have brothers or sisters, but that's only because they did, so they were intrigued. I don't think only children are necessarily spoilt and I believe there are lots of benefits - I am sure that most only children are very good at sharing and forming friendships as they don't have the ingrained natural tendency to jealously protect their toys from siblings or eat their dinner as fast as they can. I'm sure there were times when I was a little lonely, but probably all children have that.
Everyone has their own reasons for deciding to have children, not to have children, or how many children to have, and that's what makes us all different - and makes the world go round!

I'm both amused and irritated by the idea that complete strangers would Have Views on why I have 'just' one child.

There are several reasons, none of which are anyone's damn business but mine.

True, it's pretty rude to speculate. But surely we can talk about what our single-child family friends have said to us?

From what friends have told me why they stopped at 1, I have this theory that most people who wait until 40 to have their first won't have another... not because they can't, but because you're often too set in your ways at that age, and can't even recover from having one, never mind the thought of another.

What I observe about people who only have one is that sometimes (sometimes) they have very high standards, unrealistically high even, and are also more prone to "helicopter parenting". Most are just plain better parents than me, though, not least because they only have one to parent to.

But then, the mother I know with the most unrealistic standards has 5 kids, just to show the sweeping generalisations are all wrong.

whatever suits you is best. I don't have any opinion on families with one child because there are so many different reasons for having only one child, and no one child family is like another, just like three child families, families with twins, step families are all different.

my opinion? jealous!

I think it's up to people what they prefer for their family. Having grown up with a sister who is now my best friend I would feel sad if ds didn't have this. But my Aunt and Uncle have one dd and she's a delight. They've worked really hard to combat any signs of only child type behaviour and ensure she has a really good social life.

For me it wouldn't be right, I always knew I wanted more then one, For others, it is their choice/circumstance, I wouldn't think anything of it.

am suprised anyone cares

TBH our one child is an unexpected blessing since we were told we couldn't have one and she'll probably stay and 'only' for this reason. If you socialise them properly I don't think it's such an issue.

'You do what you think is right (and it generally is)' would be my motto on this point

One child families often dont have much choice.

I only have one child and I would love another. He is five years old and would love a sibling. However what will be will be. We are blessed by just having one child.

I have been critised by others for only having one child. The answer "Its God's will" quickly shuts them up.

My opinion is that it's really none of my business.

I don't really have any opinion, tbh.

After the amount my two have been squabbling today, I'm with custy!

I'm going to print this thread and read it everytime I feel worried about not having had more children.

You're all lovely

I was told at the age of 22 that I could not have any children. Lo and behold 15 years later I naturally gave birth to a wonderful DS. Whilst I agree that what will be will be I, personally, do not want another child. I feel I have been blessed with my DS and also there is the age factor in my case as I am now rapidly approaching 40.

before I had ds I liked the idea of the amount of time and attention you can give to a singleton.

Now I have ds, I LOVE the time and attention I can give him. I can concentrate on his needs, his potential and I have no other priorites to reconcile alongside this. Ds (and his parents!) are happy and relaxed and our days together are 99% blissful.

I have a brother so I am aware that ds is missing the good things of having a loving sibling and BEING a loving sibling.

However for us the benefits far outweigh this. DS has thrived and blossomed with our sole attention.

How can any of this be cruel! People who say this are unthinking, because they have never given the issue real thought - they are trotting out what they've heard said in the past by other unthinking people.

I'm absolutely all for people having the amount of children that's right for them; 1, 2 3, ten, whatever. As others have said there are pros and cons to all numbers but NO number of children is inherently wrong or cruel!

Really it's no one's business but mine why I have only one DS and the same goes for all parents no matter how many children they have. My mum was called 'digusting' once for having four little ones under 6!!

Interestingly, in studies on birth order that have asked adult onlies what they think, they don't tend to turn around and accuse their parents of being cruel (although a lot of them say they feel they missed out on the 'rough and tumble' of childhood), and what matters is how they feel really, not what others persieve to be the'right' or wrong size for a mimily.

Interestingly (and completely off the OP), a significantly high proportion of applicants to medical school and law school are onlies and first-borns (or where in 2001 when I did my research!).

I honestly don't consider it any of my business juicychops, you do what is right for you and your ds

I think they are great.

Have not read entire thread, but FFs anyone thinking of having a 2nd child. You are bonkers.

I thought fondly of all of that shite, likkle babeeeys, smelling nice.

Arghhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh.

She is very sweet but any visions of my firstborn who was an absolute darling, have gone. She wants us completely differently to before. Every 2 hours but with nappy change is lots. However at 4 weeks she is doing 11 til 5 so I can't complain about sleep deprivation yet...

Watch this space

We ahve one DD if that is all we end up with then that is fantastic, we have managed to have a baby, however if she has another sibling then that is equally as great. What gets on my tits is all the people around here are going when are you going to have another one as all ther children are reproducing like mad as well as friends of ours and they have no idea about whether it has taken a long tome for us to concieve or whether we have had IVF they just presume and I hat epresumption

Part of me thinks I'd be selfish not to have another. Part of me thinks it would be unfair to have another as it we're not particularly well off and it would mean DS being deprived of things. I don't know. But I do know at this moment in time I can't bear the thought of "having" another IYKWIM.

I never think about it tbh. I'm an only. I have 3 boys. Think there are pros and cons to both situations.

My sister has just the one child. She had such a horendous birth, that she decided she didn't want to put her body through that again. And to be honest, i don't blame her. I have the most beautiful nephew, and he has enough family and friends around him, for him never to be lonely or want for anything. We all feel blessed to have him .

I agree with jbr