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Original poster

What are your opinions on families that only have 1 child?

172 replies

juicychops · 24/02/2007 12:59

before i had ds i used to think maybe it was cruel for a child to have no siblings and it was selfish of the parents to choose for a child to grow up being an only child..

But since having ds, i could not possible have another child, for many reasons including the fact i couldn't cope with another and being a single parent couldn't risk being left alone again with 2+ children

what are your views?

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thethirdwisemonkey · 26/02/2007 23:08

I agree with Tinkerbell, we were told we couldn't have children and thankfully we've got our fantastic ds. We're so grateful for him and tbh I wouldn't judge other peoples situation whether they have one child or seven because it's none of my bloody business.
Some people don't have enough to think about.

thethirdwisemonkey · 26/02/2007 23:13

BTW it's so refreshing to read a thread where people are being positive about having one child - you lovely lot

Jaamy · 26/02/2007 23:47

My FIL is an only child and at the age of 70 still acts like a spoilt baby!! Always put it down to the fact that he was an only child but only because I didn't know any others without siblings.

Have since met lots of "onlys" (both adults and children) and discovered that they are just as likely to be delightful or awful people as those of us with many siblings. Just goes to show that my FIL is in fact just a bit of a prat and probably would have been just as unlikeable had he been one of 10!

Totally agree - number of children people have is a very personal thing - not always a choice, either.

Interested in this thread?

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Families General parenting
twinsetandpearls · 26/02/2007 23:53

I regret only having one as I think dd is a bit cosseted and does suffer from only child centre of the world syndrome and it is hard work when you only have one. We have thought about having another as dp and I have been together long enough to consider it (dd is from prvious marriage) but are not doing so for the following reasons

  1. The age gap is now too big so I think it would be like having two only children
  2. Dp thinks we can't afford any more children
  3. I love my job and don't want to be a SAHM again Dp would love to but we can't afford to live on one wage.
  4. I had crippling PND and the thought of going there again terrifies me.
  5. I don;t like babies but do adore children.

It is one of my biggest regrets thatI will never have more children, although I am glad I won't go through baby phase again and reduces me to tears often.

twinsetandpearls · 26/02/2007 23:54

Dd does have a step brother by her father but as we are plannig on emigrating in a few years she will not see him unless she moves back here as an adult.

twinsetandpearls · 26/02/2007 23:56

But i am not a very good mum so perhaps only having one is best, I can do one acceptably well any more may be a disaster.

hellywobs · 27/02/2007 09:30

it's funny isn't it - if I have no children I am selfish, if I have one I am selfish, if i have 2 that's ok, if I have 3 the eyebrows start to raise and if I have more than 3 I am an irresponsible breeder.

Criticism is always directed at the mother as well - NEVER the father.

soph28 · 27/02/2007 09:38

As said before it is up to each family how many children they have and I would never judge- especially when so often there are painful circumstances.

Foe me personally, I would not have wanted to have one child for lots of reasons.
I really enjoyed having my siblings around when we were children and enjoy it even more now that we are adults. My sister and I are very close and have had children at the same time- I hope that my children will have the same closeness.
I also think it will be easier for me as they grow up- they will be able to play with each other/keep each other amused while I am busy etc.

I know someone who had an only child through choice- mainly because of a bad experience of labour/newborn phase/child a poor sleeper, and wanting to be able to give child everything that he wanted- that is until the child started asking for a sibling! He is not an only child anymore and 2nd time round the labour was great and baby was a great sleeper!

soph28 · 27/02/2007 09:47

lazyline- the 'one of each is perfect' line really annoys me and I've got one of each! It's the way people assume that somehow you planned that and now that you've got it there's absolutely no reason to have anymore. It's kind of the 'well that's your family complete' attitude. Why? Because if I have another boy he's going to be identical in looks and personality to the boy I've got?

Judy1234 · 27/02/2007 09:52

On age gaps we had 3 close together when I as 22, 24 and 26, three under 4 at one point but I did want more and we had the twins when I was 36. I was glad it was two otherwise it would indeed have been like an only child at end of the family. Instead they play together, entertain each other a lot etc. It looks like two families - a first and then a second so we have to explain, no they're full siblings from the same marriage. or my 22 year old gets taken for the twins' mother.

It must be very peaceful having one child.

colander · 27/02/2007 09:55

I have two and would like another. I felt one wasn't enough for me. However, a good friend is stopping at one and says that she is going to make sure her DD has plenty of occasions to play with other children etc. Ultimately it is up to you. Do what you want, it is your life. If you don't want any more then fine, if your child has plently of opportunities to socialise then I don't think they will feel lonely.

FioFio · 27/02/2007 09:59

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn

Ali5 · 27/02/2007 10:34

I'm an only child and had a wonderful childhood, never felt lonely or felt that I missed out. I often get that 'oh you must have been spoilt rotten', yes maybe sometimes but don't all children at some stage? At the mo ds will be an only - complications in pg, a m/c, we found the newborn time REALLY hard work and financially we are good - to have another would make it tough. I'm starting to get the comments about the next one (partic from MIL) and find myself citing the reasons above and thinking about it, I shouldn't have to! I never really thought before about how many children I wanted but having an only one doesn't seem wierd or cruel or unusual to me, but that's because of my experience.

ernest · 27/02/2007 10:35

I always wanted lots. I couldn't understand why anyone would only have 1.

I'd see families with only 1 child out in restaurants from time to time and feel sorry for the poor kid sat there on there own why the parents were deep in conversation.

That was then, a long time ago.

Now most of my friends have only 1 child, oddly enough. I go round with my 3 wild things and feel embarrassed. I envy thier quiet calmness. I've grown up enough to realise that
a. If they choose/decide one is the right number for them, then good luck to 'em.
b. sometimes (often?) it isn't by choice and there can be real heartbreak going on that you just don't know about.
c. It's none of my business and I've really got to stop being so nosey and judgmental.

I've got 3. I'm happy with my decision, which it lucky, as I can't send them back, aparently. I do envy some (many)things my 1-child-friends have. Each to their own.

NotanOtter · 27/02/2007 10:40

how dare folk ctriticise peolpes life choices
this makes good reading
I have 5 people are always questionning why!

jellyhead · 27/02/2007 10:42

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

ernest · 27/02/2007 10:50

jellyhead, SNAP

Judy1234 · 27/02/2007 12:33

If we're going to carbon trade for the good of the planet (plant a tree for each bit of CO2 give out or whatever) then perhaps we should child trade too - someone with none can give me their one child allowance and the damage my having 5 will do to the planet can be extinguished.... or something. In the 1960s when I was growing up having more than 1 or 2 children was regarded as very morally wrong and bad for the planet. We seem to have lost sight of that except in places like China with 1 child policies.

I suppose in the EU countries seem to prefer their nationals to breed more than let foreigners in but many countries in the EU are shrinking of people and not so happy about that for economic reasons.

themaskedposter · 27/02/2007 12:35

It's their prerogative.

Twinkie1 · 27/02/2007 12:35

They are bloody lucky - sorry no sleep due to DS being a shit bag!!

Clary · 27/02/2007 12:45

I have no view on it at all. It's up to them.

I knew I wanted more than one child and we were lucky enough to have three. I count my blessings every day, believe me.

Yes, I guess I do judge about other things (or rather have concerns - see thread about babying our toddlers) but you cannot know why the couple only had one child. he reasons might be like yours, juciychops, or medical, or masses of others, all perfectly valid. Just because I have 3 doesn't mean I think everyone else should!

bubblepop · 27/02/2007 12:55

hav'nt really got any strong views, just respect that everyone has their reasons for the number of children that they have or don't have.

frenchleave · 27/02/2007 13:16

My Dad was an only child and he always wished he'd had siblings, which is why I am one of three. But his mother married late and was nearly 40 when he was born, which was very old for a first time mum in those days, so they stopped there.

There are so many reasons why people only have one child that labelling them as selfish or cruel is insane. And for a single mum it sounds like a very sensible choice to me.

saadia · 27/02/2007 13:23

haven't read everything, but I used to think that planning to have just one child was unfair but have now drastically changed my views. A friend with one son recently had a very traumatic missed miscarriage and has sais she can't go through with trying for another, which I can totally sympathise with.
I used to feel sorry for her son and was very glad when she said she was pg, but in fact her son is a very happy, well-adjusted sweet-natured boy.

Now I think everyone has their reasons for their decision and that there are advantages and disadvantages to all family set-ups.

danceswithnewboots · 27/02/2007 13:27

I can't believe someone would say to the parent of one child that they are cruel I have two and a close friend has one. Although I wouldn't change my situation in the slightest I do sometimes envy her when she tells me what she and her son have been up too when I feel I'm being spread a bit thin (and I've only got two!)