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Original poster

What are your opinions on families that only have 1 child?

172 replies

juicychops · 24/02/2007 12:59

before i had ds i used to think maybe it was cruel for a child to have no siblings and it was selfish of the parents to choose for a child to grow up being an only child..

But since having ds, i could not possible have another child, for many reasons including the fact i couldn't cope with another and being a single parent couldn't risk being left alone again with 2+ children

what are your views?

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littlelapin · 25/02/2007 22:20

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Rhubarb · 25/02/2007 22:21

I agree with littlelapin

Surfermum · 25/02/2007 22:23

Peanutbutterkid, you make being over 40 sound like it's positively ancient . I was over 40 when I had dd (my only). I wasn't set in my ways, I was more than ready to change them when dd arrived - and have done with delight. I recovered fine from having her - just as well as any of my friends who had children much younger - and in fact I seem to be finding motherhood a lot easier than some of them. Age is not an issue! If dh hadn't already had a dd we would have had another.

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littlelapin · 25/02/2007 22:23

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UCM · 25/02/2007 22:43

I just agree tooo stooopid at the moment to do anything else, and just had a refill at the toast bar, but what can I hear, DH coming at me with her.......nite

Rhubarb · 25/02/2007 22:44

I agree with UCM.
Is that you btw?

lackofgravitas · 25/02/2007 22:55

We have an only DD ... something that I'm still coming to terms with, having thought things about us as parents and about her as an only child that I would NEVER think about other people. It doesn't help that my mum was a very unhappy only child (to her credit, she hasn't said anything along the 'unfair' lines since DD was about a week old) - but I think there is FAR more to her childhood that having no siblings.

SherlockLGJ · 25/02/2007 22:55

I have one.

I wanted four.

I cannot have anymore.

I thank the Lord for the one I have.

slim22 · 26/02/2007 08:30

love this thread.
mum of one. Always thought I'd have more. Blessed with this one.no plans for more.time will tell.

PersonalClown · 26/02/2007 08:43

Also a mum of one. I don't think I could cope with another as ds is auistic. (don't know how you cope Jimjams!!).
As a single parent I feel that it is unfair to add another child when my ds needs me so much. Plus I don't have the energy!

PersonalClown · 26/02/2007 08:44

Ds is autistic. Need caffine this morning.

GooseyLoosey · 26/02/2007 08:48

Am an only child and never felt deprived in anyway.

I have encountered the view many times in my life that for some reason only children are doomed to be spoilt brats and have on several occasions had people say with surprise "ooh, you would never guess you are an only child - you don't act like one at all" - wtf?

If you feel that one child is right for you, then you know you and your relationship with your child better than anyone else and are best placed to judge. Ignore everyone else!

FrannyandZooey · 26/02/2007 08:50

I have one child (so far by choice). It does amaze me how many people feel the need to comment, sometimes repeatedly, about when I am having another. I don't know how I would cope if I was trying and failing to conceive, as they seem to have never considered this possibility.

I do actually have opinions on 1 child families, but I don't see how any one could possibly believe it to be cruel

Judy1234 · 26/02/2007 08:58

People must decide for themselves when they have a hoice at all. Many don't have a choice although families with only one other than by choice sometimes do choose to adopt a baby from abroad if they had hoped for more than one. I have five and am on my own. My mother was an only child as her father died when she was a baby. She said she would have preferred siblings and I know now we've had problems with my parents death and illness etc it's been helpful having three of us to share burdens of that, discuss things etc.

Cloudhopper · 26/02/2007 09:09

Never really had opinions on it. I think it is up to people what they do with their lives.

I suppose it is like people having an opinion on couples with no children. You just never know the reasons, and it is really presumptuous to judge.

I loved having just one child, and I think we would have been very happy had it remained that way. And I think she would have been very happy. My best friend at primary school was an only child and I was sometimes very envious (as one of 5).

LittleB · 26/02/2007 13:01

We only have dd, who is only 22mths and no plans for another (there are many reasons behind this including house size, child care, finances aswell as being happy as we are), but I got very angry when a Health Visitor told me I need to have another one for dd to run around with. How dare she !, for all she knows I may not be able to have any more - I just tried to brush it off - I was in a waiting room full of people at the time and didn't want to talk about it. My sister is currently pg with her 3rd, she's got a dd and ds and people say they can't understand why she wants another. I think everybody should have the size of family they are happy with - there are pros&cons for all sizes, and I think others should keep their comments to themselves - particularly health care profeesionals - sorry to rant - was just so angry!

Littlefish · 26/02/2007 13:14

Hijack! Franny - how lovely to see you. You've been away for too long.

I feel utterly blessed to have one dd. I never thought I would. It's no one else's business, so I wish people would stop asking when the next one is coming .

lackofgravitas · 26/02/2007 13:14

GooseyLoosey, on the 'acting like an only child' ... I once asked a friend if he was an only. 'Yes,' he said, 'can't you tell?!' Well - no! The only reason I asked is because it suddenly occurred to me that he had never referred to a sibling in all the time that I've known him, and as he has an elderly mother who he helps out a lot, that seemed like an omission.

Littlefish · 26/02/2007 13:16

Sorry, that's not clear. I mean that I never thought I would have a child. Doctors told us that probably wouldn't be able to.

Hulababy · 26/02/2007 13:20

My opinion? I don't have one - how can anyone have an opinion on why someone has x number of children?! Way too many reasons as to why it may be the case.

Sadly have had people tell me directly negative points of having only one child. Fab eh? Was lovely to hear when you have been TTC for #2 for 18 months, and #1 took nearly 3 years to concieve. How lovely of them to have such a strong opinion!

mamalocco · 26/02/2007 13:40

Both DH and I grew up as the only child in our families. My mother made every effort to ensure I wasn't lonely as a child and tried not to spoil me (didn't work) and I had a happy childhood. I actually felt the lack of a sibling when I got older. Both my parents died quite young and there was no one to share this with. DH's parents are elderly and need a fair amount of attention. Again, the burden falls on his shoulders as there are no siblings to help.

Both DH and I grew up knowing we were the centre of our parents world. For me that felt like a huge privilege, for DH a burden. Depends on the family involved.

SpaceCadet · 26/02/2007 13:42

im an only child and it never did me any harm..children dont always want to be a sibling, i was perfectly happy never to have any siblings.

northerner · 26/02/2007 13:45

I am an only child and don't have 2 heads and have lots of good friends., I only have 1 ds who is nearly 5. Had a m/c last year.

I too have had people say to me 'oh, you can't just have 1. You must have another'

If I am honest, not a day goes by when I don't agonise over whether to have another, or not, have I left it too long, how will we afford it etc etc.

Hulababy · 26/02/2007 14:25

There is always this assumption that siblings will get on. For many families that simply isn't the case. Dh deals with so many estates where there are major family issues between siblings, long running from childhood sometimes too. Siblings and bigger families don't always been friendship and support between brothers and sisters!

northerner · 26/02/2007 19:05

Exactly Hula. And having more than 1 is not always a guarantee that they will all help with aged parents.

As an only child I am and always was confident, secure, amd very happy in my own company. I have good friends who I know are there if I need them, so have never wanted for a sibling.

I guess the thing I don't get is sibling dynamics. My dh has 2 cousins who are sisters who are a similar age to me with young kids. It often amazes me how they speak to each other - probably because they are sisters. I sometimes think, 'gosh, she has just really offended the other one' or they say 'shut up' to each other. But they don't seem to take offense....Where as I would not speak to anyone like that apart from my dh