sharing pictures of children online (not a mother)

[user1481460461]

Hello all,

I am new to Mumsnet (don't have children myself, but was aware of the website before) and not sure I am posting in the right thread.
Basically, my brother is divorced and his children (2 and 3.5) were awarded by the court to his ex (who has so many issues that the court decision came as complete shock to us). He has contact once a week and I am often helping him to look after the children when he has them.
I am very proud of my nephews, despite the conflict we have with their mother, and my social networks' picture and video feed is 50% dedicated to them (and another 50% to my hobby, which I am passionate about). Normal videos like playing with toys, nursery rhymes etc, nothing questionable, all comments from my friends and relatives are also very positive and loving.
I received a barrage of messages from the mother last week asking me to remove the pictures and videos under the threat of contacting the administration, police etc. I ignored it at first, but then I thought to consult with the hive mind. Am I breaking any criminal or moral law here? The father gave me full permission to share online whatever I think is appropriate.

Thank you all xxx

what you do is have nothing to do with it, because it really is the very sweetest of fuck alls to do with you

Christ.

Your Fiancé, father of the year, left you. He left you for another woman. He had two children with her, that he can hardly be bothered to look after himself. He put his own needs before yours when he left you, and now he puts his needs above his children's when he ditches them to see you.

I think you are trying to rekindle the relationship and try to pretend that you are or could be a "family" with his children because it will make the fact that he left you to have them with someone else less painful.

I'm sorry to be so harsh, but he sounds like an absolute cunt, and I'm wondering how your self esteem got so low that you would tolerate this shit.

Back the fuck off! What is all this 'we' crap? How magnanimous out you, offering her contact with her children! You are really not relevant to this situation, their dad needs to put them first before even considering adding a girlfriend into things.

You sound like a real bunny boiler.

NNchangeagain, he had supervised visitation in the very beginning until cleared of the domestic violence charges. Now he has Friday to Saturday overnight and Saturday unsupervised + 30 days holidays.

Who the hell are you to be offering contact to their mother? It does sound like you are trying to use her children as a means for you to become a parent tbh. If you want children of your own then this really isn't the way to go about it and if you want to look into adoption I would imagine you would need to do it as a single parent. No local authority would even consider you whilst you were embroiled in your partner's mess.

Palming your kids off on your sister for two hours a week so you can go and spend time with your girlfriend is a lot when you only see them once a week. I'm not surprised he failed to convince the courts he was the best person to look after them.

I'll assume spending quality time and developmental actives means 'Disney' dad. That's not what they're looking for.

Perhaps he'd be better off considering spending as much of the little time he has with them actually with them, taking a role in as much of the everyday parenting as possible and considering whether removing his children from the person who is presumably the main carer so he can play happy families with someone else is in their best interests.

This is a wind up right?

And what's with all the 'WE' posts. THEY ARE NOT YOUR KIDS

On one occasion the mother was 8 months pregnant and went for a week without eating anything (they were still living together), as she thought she is becoming too fat. On another she, also pregnant, threw herself down the staircase, broke a rib and then claimed that he pushed her in anger, so the mental health team and police was informed as a precaution.

How do you know? Unless you were there, or have read independent witness reports?

These incidents were investigated, and the authorities have deemed that she is not a risk to her DCs. While you may disagree, you cannot do anything. Your role is to support your DF to be the best dad he can b given the situation he finds himself in. If that means seeing less of him for a while then that's what needs to happen.

And you've avoided my question about supervision - is his contact court ordered to be supervised?

You have no rights to their DC you certainly don't have a right to be offering contact you sound condensing you need to back the fuck off

X-post, apologies.

So why does the court need to know about you?

Hell, I was referred to as the 'new girlfriend' when DH and I were married - courts really don't care about the relationships the parents are in unless they believe the parents can't keep the DCs safe.

There are definitely a lot of fantasists about ...

must admit i am starting to wonder........no one is possibly like this.....are they?

gah I'd like to say no but I've actually met people like the OP in real life while seeking support as a step mum

Your family are not thinking about what the best interests of the kids are.

Many parents do not post about their kids on FB because they think that the kids should be able to give permission before they are public property. I think that the parents who use their children on Vlogs are in bad taste. It could easily be argued that no privacy settings means that you don't care about child safety.
The fact that the dad can't cope with one day a week care proves that the kids shouldn't live with him. The fact that he sees fiancee during this time shows that he is not prioritising the kids. Work would be a perfectly acceptable reason to use sister as childcare but most people don't work 7 days a week so would negotiate this day on a rest day.
Using the fact that she uses nurseries so she can work is despicable. Shows an awful antagonistic attitude to the mum. She's not from the UK so can't use family as free childcare. That shouldn't work against her. A good nursery is beneficial to child development so you can fuck off to the far side of fuck off with that argument.
Mental health - moving countries and having 2 babies is emotionally taxing. Many women get PND and it is because of twats like your brother that they suffer rather than get help. Would you be so horrible if she'd developed gestational diabetes or physical mobility issues during pregnancy?
Your brother is not the victim. He would have taken precautions after 1 child if that was the case. He used her.
Why are you and your brother so desperate to take her down legally? Do you really think it's in their best interests to have an incompetent father look after them and attack their mother?

Antagonistic.

thats quite disturbing NN!

I don't know in all honesty why the welfare officer wanted to meet me. I wrote a witness statement about being in a long-term relationship with the father that is renewed now, that we plan to move to my town and live in my house if the custody is awarded, that we are planning to get married very soon, and she asked if she can meet me for 10 minutes.
I know I should not use WE now. I was conditioned by the solicitor for months that I should think and speak of us as a solid family unit anytime I am addressed by the court or contacted by any agency, giving no doubt that I am determined to make it work (even if I was not sure myself). It almost became second nature really.

Not sure if it's been said but I would be very sceptical of hiring a photographer if I found out she / he had used pictures of someone's children without their permission to advertise their budding business.
In fact I would go out of my way to avoid and let everyone else know exactly why.

The court is not going to punish a parent four not being able to afford weekly treats and outings. It is also not going to punish a parent for living here without extended family around. The dad should be thanking the stars thgthgat she's not used the dad's antagonistic behaviour to move back home overseas where she can rely on help from her famiuky.

You can't be real. You can't be considering moving them 4 hours away from their mum. Why can't you move with him? How long have you been together this time?

i have a new fear if me and dp ever break up. it used to be the fear that dp would be an absolute twat andctry all the tricks to make me look in the wrong.

my new fear is the above with a woman on the scene like op. its quite chilling actually.

If you felt unsure about being a family why did you go along with it in court? Do you think it would have been fair on the children to be taken from their mother and placed with someone who they had met once, and who wasn't sure if she could handle it anyway? Do you really not see that the courts made the correct decision?

So you'd happily move these children hours away from their mum?

Also, are you in the UK? All this talk of custody battles, presenting yourself as a family etc seems bizarre and not really how it works here.

I think the welfare officer wanted to speak to you for 10 minutes to gauge your intentions ,which were to reduce contact from the mother for the benefit of yourselves mainly you. They can see what all of us can, a desperate woman who got thrown aside for another woman whom he married and had children with. Hes now got back with you but is keen for the both of you be that family you wanted by making it as difficult as possible for the mother. THIS is why the courts ruled in the mothers favour it is clear for all that the interests you have are yourselves you don't even know these children your a stranger to them the welfare officer was concerned about you and your relationship with your DP and the affect it would have on them, if yo cant see this you clearly stupid. you don't move children away from their mother into another woman's home that they don't know you just dont