sharing pictures of children online (not a mother)

[user1481460461]

Hello all,

I am new to Mumsnet (don't have children myself, but was aware of the website before) and not sure I am posting in the right thread.
Basically, my brother is divorced and his children (2 and 3.5) were awarded by the court to his ex (who has so many issues that the court decision came as complete shock to us). He has contact once a week and I am often helping him to look after the children when he has them.
I am very proud of my nephews, despite the conflict we have with their mother, and my social networks' picture and video feed is 50% dedicated to them (and another 50% to my hobby, which I am passionate about). Normal videos like playing with toys, nursery rhymes etc, nothing questionable, all comments from my friends and relatives are also very positive and loving.
I received a barrage of messages from the mother last week asking me to remove the pictures and videos under the threat of contacting the administration, police etc. I ignored it at first, but then I thought to consult with the hive mind. Am I breaking any criminal or moral law here? The father gave me full permission to share online whatever I think is appropriate.

Thank you all xxx

Jesus you didn't know about the second child Till court! So he wasn't honest about that means it's plausible he lied about the abuse with this lady. You had no intention of 50/50 you resented this woman and what she took from you, your DP the wedding/marriage and importantly bearing his children. Your not thinking straight your friends are rightly concerned about you, your DP has done quite the number on you. The ememy isn't the woman but you're DP get out while you can.

What's to say he hasn't other DC to other woman he had affairs with?

I also wrote my post before you came clean about what the truth is,

Op I echo the thoughts of those who have suggested you leave this thread and start afresh
Over on relationships.

I think you need a lot of support and advise, you'll get loads over there
All the best

What's the next twist OP?

Why would you post a convoluted thread like this, and not a simple one.

The fact that he has convinced you that she was a honey trap is worrying. The reality was that he was bored/horny and took advantage of the situation to have sex with a pretty foreign woman. I know that there are foreign women desperate for passports so that they can escape poverty but that's not the point here. He got her pregnant twice and could have chosen to ignore her advances.

OP- did you really mean to ask about the photos or is there another question that you'd rather ask?
The photos seem insignificant compared to the rest of your story.

OP forget the pics,forget the ex and whatever issues she might or might not have. You have serious problems in your so called relationship,so maybe start a new thread for support,preferably support to leave the lying cheating bastard .

Can you tell us how old you are op? You seem to be saying that your child-bearing days are over and this would be your only chance of a family. Is that why you took him back? Out of interest, who decided the marriage was over, him or her? I'm sure you are young enough to start again with someone who isn't a complete tosser. Hopefully the comments on this thread will help you to move forward and leave this sorry relationship behind you.

Run as fast as you can from this man.

You will never have a happy family with him. He's lied, cheated and used you for money.

Alarm bells are ringing for me about the mother 'falling' down the stairs whilst pregnant. Only 2 people really know what happened but I'd be extremely wary of what went on.

You also seem to have no consideration for the children's feelings. They will love their mother and there is nothing in any of your posts to suggest she is abusive towards them ( the courts would have looked into this as well) and yet you want to take them away from her. You are a stranger to these children, they won't just fall into your arms as a replacement mother.

I don't know. I was 39 when we split up (trying unsuccessfully for a 4 years before, and being through two rounds of IVF and a lot of heartbreaks), and we were repeatedly told that the problems are mainly on his side. Then he fathers a child on the side so easily with a woman who was (as I thought at that time, despite loving him to bits and wishing him well) probably out of his league looks wise. Then he disappears completely, until knocking on my door three years later in tears, telling me about the grave mistake he made marrying this woman because of her pregnancy, and she was only interested in getting a UK passport through pregnancy so took advantage of him when he got a few drinks at a corporate event, and then this madness started when he realized her model looks being a result of body image disorder and anorexia, and that he was conned into something he could not deal with or accept. And then he brought her here and introduced her to the family and they were also not too keen on her, and then she received advice from a lawyer that she can obtain the UK passport quicker if she claimed domestic violence so he did not challenge the first caution from the police in her interests (despite knowing that the relationship would not work).
Then the court happened and I read about the second baby, and he again cried and said that I am the only person keeping him afloat at the moment and that he dreaded telling me this and it again happened when he was drunk and not understanding fully what he is doing. Then more court hearings, and he told me that he was worried about the children being malnourished as their mother does not eat sometime at all. He kept showing me all these videos and photos and I saw that he is a devoted and very loving dad, at the same time telling about how they are mistreated by the mother.
And then we had an absolutely magic Saturday with his children and I somehow believed that this all could become the new truth, and we could become a non-traditional but loving family. I should have seen myself that the children were not malnourished, bruised or dressed inappropriately on that occasion and the eldest mentioned mum affectionately several times.
I can see now that it is completely possible I was lied all way through.

If your profile is public then you are completely wrong. They are not your children and you are putting what sounds like a large amount of photos and videos of them for anyone to see and potentially do god knows what with. In my opinion that's irresponsible

I bloody hope this is a wind up.

On the off chance it's not, Op, run fast and run far. He had a long affair whilst you were together, has spun you a load of bullshit, crawled his way back to you through nothing but desperation and is still lying his arse off. He is being an absolute bellend to you, his ex, his sister and his kids. Why the fuck are you facilitating all this drama?

Jesus wept... you've been had hook,line and sinker! Hell you've been fried,eaten and pooped out as well.

This is so fucked up I have no idea where to even start.

Your partner is a complete dick.

He cheated, left you and had two kids with someone else.

Then he left her and used your money to try and get the kids off their mother.

He only has them 24 hours a week and still uses his sister to care for them so he can drive four hours to have sex with you.

He wanted to get residency of the dc so he could move them into your home (where you can pay all the bills and do all the childcare and he can live rent free with meals on the table for him) and effectively destroy the relationship with their mum who from what I've read has done nothing wrong.

Why in God's name are you even entertaining this cocklodging fuckwit?

How do you explain the fact that this perfect father palms his children off on his sister, for part of the very limited time he has with them, somhe can spend time with you?

If he can't even be arsed to spend that limited amount of time with his children, he is not going to be capable of being the residential parent, if the court were to give him custody.

It does look as if you are now questioning the things he has said to you- which is a good thing.

If this is real, OP, run. Do not look back, this guy sounds like a massive, manipulative, quite likely abusive, bell-end. His family don't sound great either.

If.

Yes OP - I bet the truth is very different. Have you considered the possibility that she can't afford food for herself? Lots of mums "diet" while their children eat "normally." I've sat with my kids in McD's many a time pretending I wasn't hungry but eating a healthier meal later on because I'm a little wobbly.
Stress can lead to a loss in appetite. When my ex left I couldn't eat for a week.

He's done you over op if this is true none of what he says rings true and there's multiple red flats no solicitor would advise his wife to claim DV and he wouldn't let the first time slide he is highly manipulating I'm guessing this woman wouldn't allow herself to be manipulated and he became physical he is continuing his EA on you, you don't even
realise he doing it.

Wow OP this man is using you, it sounds like your self esteem is rock bottom. Councelling definately sounds like a good start, to work out whats right for you. It sounds to me like this man is using the ideal of being the perfect family (with these children, who you don't know) to manipulate and control you, and using you and your relationship to try to manipulate the court. I do wonder how he can afford to live near the children on his own now, but could only afford to move to live with you if he had the children full time.

I had an ex who would always come running back to me when things went wrong and there was nothing better on offer (younger, prettier, sexier) I really regret the the 5 years I wasted picking up the pieces for him! Move on with your life and find someone who truely values you.

Wow...what a thread !

OP, run for the hills. I'm having huge issues of transference here - but I went through a family court battle over residency with my ex - and he said practically the same lines about me as your fiancée has about his ex ! He explained DV incidents as me self harming and trying to frame him; that I'm an unfit mother and that I have body dysmorphia/anorexia and mental health issues - NONE of which are true. Thankfully the judge saw through all this crap, which sounds like has happened in your case too.

You sound very naive, and desperate to create a perfect family life with a family that aren't yours. Your fiancée has probably used you, thinking that a stable home would strengthen his side and win him residence. Please stay away from this man, and drop your fantasy of playing mum to these kids. He sounds absolutely nuts.

Oh dear OP. You've got yourself a failure of a man and a whole lot of drama. Who needs that? He's already wasted many years of your life. Run like the wind. He's a fuck up and you will be by association if you stay.

If this is real then I really hope you start to question some of the things he's told you.

"She took advantage of him". I fully expect my husband to remain faithful regardless of whether a beautiful woman throws herself at him when drunk.

"He was conned into something he could not deal with" so he coped with your infertility issues by shagging someone else, and now he's coping with his wife's mental health issues by running back to you. Nice.

He didn't challenge her accusations of domestic abuse for her sake, so she could get a passport quicker? He would allow a very serious false accusation to be on his criminal record to help a woman he felt had conned him? You seriously believe that?

He lied to you about having a second child, and when the truth came out he tried to emotionally manipulate you by crying and pretending AGAIN that she took advantage of him? This man isn't even responsible enough to put on a condom, and you think he's responsible enough to be a full time parent.

I'm not even going to respond to the stuff about her mistreating the children, as you already seem to have seen through that.

I honestly don't know if you are a troll, but if you are then there are still way too many women in this position being fed these lies, and I hope this thread helps them.