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Parenting

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Original poster

sharing pictures of children online (not a mother)

290 replies

user1481460461 · 11/12/2016 13:26

Hello all,

I am new to Mumsnet (don't have children myself, but was aware of the website before) and not sure I am posting in the right thread.
Basically, my brother is divorced and his children (2 and 3.5) were awarded by the court to his ex (who has so many issues that the court decision came as complete shock to us). He has contact once a week and I am often helping him to look after the children when he has them.
I am very proud of my nephews, despite the conflict we have with their mother, and my social networks' picture and video feed is 50% dedicated to them (and another 50% to my hobby, which I am passionate about). Normal videos like playing with toys, nursery rhymes etc, nothing questionable, all comments from my friends and relatives are also very positive and loving.
I received a barrage of messages from the mother last week asking me to remove the pictures and videos under the threat of contacting the administration, police etc. I ignored it at first, but then I thought to consult with the hive mind. Am I breaking any criminal or moral law here? The father gave me full permission to share online whatever I think is appropriate.

Thank you all xxx

OP posts:

RebelRogue · 11/12/2016 17:28

So he cheated while engaged to you,got her pregnant,then married her,got her pregnant again and when things didn't work out he came back to you. And you took him? And paid for legal fees? And you are dissing his ex and trying to get her kids away from her,to make a perfect happy little family with him?!?

Are you serious? Just LTB, he's a complete wanker that's playing the poor naive innocent seduced victim,while pissing all over you and causing shit for his ex.

mamatiger2016 · 11/12/2016 17:29

If someone was posting 3-4 pictures and 1-2 videos a week of my DS and I had requested them not to then I would be bloody furious!

I don't even post that amount myself of my son. I always ask my sister or brother before I post anything with their little ones in so that I am sure they are okay with it.

My FB profile is set to friends only and my jnstagram is private so I can vet who sees my pictures as well.

Why are you not respecting the mothers request not to post their pictures online? Regardless of how you feel about whether the wider family should see them? Besides, if they want to see them, shouldn't your brother be sharing them and not you?

God, this makes my blood boil. To me someone over sharing like you are is the same as announcing someone's birth before they have had a chance to post it.

Original poster

user1481460461 · 11/12/2016 17:30

I did not try to steal anyone's children for my own evil plans! I did not even know there is a second child until the first court appointment. I was in favour of 50/50, even if it was not up for me to decide or have an opinion at all.

OP posts:

Interested in this thread?

Then you might like threads about these subjects:

Families General parenting

eyebrowsonfleek · 11/12/2016 17:30

You paid financially for this stupid idea that was doomed to fai!? He's done a number on you hasn't he?

Guiltypleasures001 · 11/12/2016 17:31

I'm sorry but I think you have no personal insight at all to your actions, your it's only a couple of videos plus some pics per week sounds obsessive to me, and I'm actually questioning your actions and thoughts around all of this.

If I was the mother I doubt I'de want you involved with my kids, you seem to not understand anything anyone is pointing out re your actions.

There was a documentary last year, that shows the extent to how many innocent posts and pics of kids, end up on child abuse sites, you really have no idea where they might be ending up.

You are potentially damaging the chances of your brothers contact because of this situation.

ElsaAintAsColdAsMe · 11/12/2016 17:31

He didn't even tell you he had 2 children?

Doesn't that tell you all you need to know about how much respect he has for you?

LavenderDoll · 11/12/2016 17:32

You were in favour of 50/50

Sorry but your previous posts on this thread tell a different story
Irrespective though it has fuck all to do with you and your opinion isn't needed
Step the fuck away and leave that woman and her children alone

You are paying to effectively take them away from their mother..and create your own little family

This thread and your attitude sicken me

eyebrowsonfleek · 11/12/2016 17:32

Do you have an real life friends who are asking you WTF?
It doesn't have to be this hard you know?

RebelRogue · 11/12/2016 17:33

He didn't tell you he had two kids until court?!? That you then paid for at some point? But it's the mother that it's the issue here? Can't you see he's a liar and a cheat,and has been lying to you continuously and playing you like a fiddle. Basically you're only told what you need to know and what he thinks you want to hear.

eyebrowsonfleek · 11/12/2016 17:33

You can't move hours away and be a 50/50 parent.

Mooey89 · 11/12/2016 17:34

You didn't know he had two children until court?!?!?!?!?! And you SERIOUSLY continued wth the plan to go for custody?!?!?! Are you fucking SHITTING me?!!!!!!!!

OP. For Christ sake woman get a fucking grip! I want to shake you!!!!! What the fuck are you doing with this man!!!!! He's a fucking disgusting disgrace! Jesus wept.

mummytime · 11/12/2016 17:35

I would request you remove them. I did overlook after consideration a couple of images of my DC at a wedding, but was unhappy.
On my Facebook feed there are only 2 or 3 images of my children as I think it is generally an invasion of their privacy.
I really do wonder how the children of some of my friends will feel when they grow up.

So please stop and remove the images.

Btw I would be apoplectic if it was somewhere with no privacy settings.

LilQueenie · 11/12/2016 17:35

Im with the mother on this one especially as you can't even post here without lying over who you are.

Original poster

user1481460461 · 11/12/2016 17:38

Yes, I have real life friends who were concerned about me. Probably I had to start this ugly thread to finally understand something went wrong somewhere.

OP posts:

LavenderDoll · 11/12/2016 17:40

Seriously though you funded a fuck wit who shit on you to try and help him steal his kids away from their mum
LTB

Mooey89 · 11/12/2016 17:40

It went wrong when you took him back OP.

I know you probably feel like shit no, you've taken a kicking on here.
But this is what it's good for. You will get honesty, brutal honesty, but you will also get all the support you need to leave this shithead waste of space.

You aren't living together. You have no commitments. Free yourself from it all. It will be so liberating.

alphabook · 11/12/2016 17:43

This man really has done a number on you. He dumped you for someone else, started a family with them (1 child may be a "mistake", 2 isn't). Then he came crawling back to you. He's already proven himself to be a less than wonderful man, so why do you believe everything he says about the ex? I'm not surprised she has/had MH issues being with someone like that. But it sounds like she's still doing her best to provide for her children and look after them 6 days a week. She is there for them through the good and bad of daily life, as opposed to your fiancé who is the definition of a Disney dad. No court is going to allow a father to take his children 4 hours away from their mother, the only consistent presence in their life, to live with a woman they have met once. He only has them one day a week and he can't even put them first. Sounds like the court got it exactly right and you are completely deluded.

Orangetoffee · 11/12/2016 17:46

Be glad the court saw straight through his lies and sart doing the same. If you want advice on how to get rid of this bastard, post on the relationship board, you will get excellent straight talking support.

Lunar1 · 11/12/2016 17:48

I'm reconsidering my thoughts after seeing that you didn't know about the second child.

Run away from this madness as fast as you bloody can. I don't mean this in a nasty way but I don't think you have a clue what a normal healthy relationship is. Or the effect of what your boyfriend is trying to do will have on his children.

I would look at some intensive therapy for yourself and never see this man again.

pklme · 11/12/2016 17:49

Concentrating only on the photos on Facebook question: the children's mother did not stalk you to find them. They were on a public page in a site designed for people to look for and at other people.

Many people are extremely careful about posting pictures of children online, even on friends only settings. They contain location identifying information which techy people can access. They can be stolen and used commercially- a recent case involved the photo of a child with Downes being used in an extremely inappropriate way. They can be digitally altered by peodophles, and sold. The child's mum may have become aware of this and changed her stance.

Only the mother and father have the right to make that choice. They should not undermine the choice of the other parent, if it is stricter than their own preference.

pklme · 11/12/2016 17:50

For all the mother has mental health issues, her boundaries seem clearer than yours.

eyebrowsonfleek · 11/12/2016 17:50

You really need to get better/more realistic legal advice.

Mental health problems (if she has them) can be temporary and are not a reason to remove the kids despite social services having the reputation of child snatching on a whim. Some mental health issues like PND can be "cured" and not proof that the mum is "bad"

Honestly, the mother doesn't sound like she deserves to lose her kids. Struggling mentally can be part of the process of becoming a mother. She sounds like a victim of her ex but is working hard and providing. She deserves applauding not attacking.

If the dad wanted more contact then he shouldn't be palming them off to his sister (who may not be a good choice of child carer if she won't keep them safe online) and he should be staying local so he can work towards a 50/50 or similar solution. By being so antagonistic, he's probably ruined his chances of this anyway.

Being separated from a mother whose been main carer all of their lives could cause serious psychological harm to the kids. I can't believe that a decent person would risk that with an innocent child.

eyebrowsonfleek · 11/12/2016 17:52

What was his reasons for keeping the second child secret?

alphabook · 11/12/2016 17:53

After reading your latest posts that I missed while I was writing mine, I'm starting to feel sorry for you. You must have very low self esteem to have taken this complete waste of space back.

He was not seduced by a "honey trap", she was not a mail order bride. He had an affair, he lied to you and cheated on you. And then he lied to you again after you got back together, he didn't even tell you he had a second child (I guess a second child doesn't really fit in with the whole "it was all a huge mistake and none of it was my fault" story). Why do you believe anything he says?

bummymummy77 · 11/12/2016 17:53

Op he hid a child from you?! Please leave this man. He will only cause you heartache.

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