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Parenting

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Original poster

sharing pictures of children online (not a mother)

290 replies

user1481460461 · 11/12/2016 13:26

Hello all,

I am new to Mumsnet (don't have children myself, but was aware of the website before) and not sure I am posting in the right thread.
Basically, my brother is divorced and his children (2 and 3.5) were awarded by the court to his ex (who has so many issues that the court decision came as complete shock to us). He has contact once a week and I am often helping him to look after the children when he has them.
I am very proud of my nephews, despite the conflict we have with their mother, and my social networks' picture and video feed is 50% dedicated to them (and another 50% to my hobby, which I am passionate about). Normal videos like playing with toys, nursery rhymes etc, nothing questionable, all comments from my friends and relatives are also very positive and loving.
I received a barrage of messages from the mother last week asking me to remove the pictures and videos under the threat of contacting the administration, police etc. I ignored it at first, but then I thought to consult with the hive mind. Am I breaking any criminal or moral law here? The father gave me full permission to share online whatever I think is appropriate.

Thank you all xxx

OP posts:

Ricekrispiesquare · 11/12/2016 16:05

OP you really are one sandwich short of a picnic basket

NNChangeAgain · 11/12/2016 16:06

Sister or fiancée, the court proceeding and Child Arrangement Order are nothing to do with you.

Even if allegations are made against you and raised as evidence in court you still have absolutely no recourse.

You are far far too invested in these children. They have two parents and while you may disagree with the way their parents are behaving you cannot protect them.
There are clearly a lot of professionals involved in their lives - trust them to do the job they are paid to do.

And for you own sake, relinquish ownership of three children. Your heart will break when you inevitably discover that they don't view you as a parental figure and you do not have a valuable role in their lives.

RebelRogue · 11/12/2016 16:06

Honestly..leave him and move on. This is completely bonkers and he's a twat. The sister is not the sharpest tool in the box either. Just..fuckitall.

Interested in this thread?

Then you might like threads about these subjects:

Families General parenting

TheLivingAsheth · 11/12/2016 16:08

Asking someone not to post videos of her children on a public internet site is not intrusion. It really isn't.

StewieGMum · 11/12/2016 16:08

If he sees he kids only once a week and dumps them on his sister every second week to visit you, he's a selfish tosspot. His kids deserve better and you're a schmuck for taking him back.

NerrSnerr · 11/12/2016 16:09

FFS why can't he just leave at 7pm and get to yours later? If he has to use public transport and it's too laye then tough shit- he travels on Sunday or not at all. If he only sees his children once a week he shouldn't need to dump them once a fortnight to see another woman.

Most dads would do everything to spend every second allowed with their children in this situation.

NNChangeAgain · 11/12/2016 16:09

I believed for a moment that we could be a family if we were given custody, but I am not sure whether I am able to handle their mother's constant presence and intrusion
No. just no.

These children need both parents - if that means living with your DFinace and having safe contact with mum then that's what must happen.

If you're not up to dealing with their mum in their life then you need to step away.

stitchglitched · 11/12/2016 16:10

When you were pretending to be the sister you said the fiancee hadn't even met the kids yet? So why are you talking about 'we' regarding getting custody and being a family. You've never even met these kids.

And your partner shouldn't be travelling to see you during his contact time, it's once a week fgs. Why can't he put them first for one day? Why should his ex have to deal with his hostile, irresponsible sister at handovers?

Original poster

user1481460461 · 11/12/2016 16:15

I met the kids once (it was the youngest birthday and they travelled to my town with their father and aunt as a surprise), mother discovered it through the video posted, and that's when it all exploded. This was the "personal" post I mentioned. We declared our relationship to the court and I confirmed that I am prepared to live together as a family. I was interviewed by the court welfare officer as well, and they thought of observing me with the children but the mother was against.

OP posts:

SittingAround1 · 11/12/2016 16:15

Oh my goodness you honestly believed that you could get full custody, somehow get rid of these boys' mother and have a happy family with this man? I'm afraid that ship has sailed. She will always be their mother and therefore always there watching what goes on with her children.

The courts will have assessed her fit to carry on looking after them and to be honest if the father spends half his allocated time with his new fiance I think the court ruling was correct.

Either accept your role as step mother or leave. As for posting on Facebook to prove he is a good father ! All I can say is that I feel for the boys.

MuppetsChristmasCarol · 11/12/2016 16:15

Sorry. I'm completely on the kids mothers side.

Your Df ditches his kids with his sister on his one day a week with them to see you?

Underthemoonlight · 11/12/2016 16:18

Of course the mother is furious why should he cut his one day short to go and see you he could go later than disgusting behaviour!

You didn't have your own DC and now you want to be a family with this woman's and your DP kids but don't want her presence there? Have you even met them or formed a relationship with them? I'm afraid it doesn't work like that either suck it up get on with it or walk away you cannot just decide to take a woman's children off her.

A decent solicitor wouldn't guarantee you would be allocated full custody unless the mother had concerns with alcohol, neglect, drugs , abuse etc. She is financially supports them and is in employment. Her mental health can be managed doesn't mean she can't have her children and care for them like any other parent.

bringmelaughter · 11/12/2016 16:18

Isn't this always the way...man fucks up, next woman in his life blames first woman not the man who has fucked up. When will we learn?

stitchglitched · 11/12/2016 16:18

You told the courts that you were prepared to live as a family with children you had met once! And you wonder why they might not have considered this to be in the kids best interests and sided with the mother?

BratFarrarsPony · 11/12/2016 16:18

OMG you tried to remove these children from their mother when you had only met them once? And you make malicious calls to SS? (or is that the sister?)
Frankly you all sound like a bunch of C@@@s

GingerAndTheBiscuits · 11/12/2016 16:19

You are delusional.

Sloper · 11/12/2016 16:20

Wtf?

Ok, if this new twist is true (!) then why are you still with this guy?!

ElsaAintAsColdAsMe · 11/12/2016 16:20

My goodness you really have been fed a line haven't you, and you've fallen for it hook, line and sinker.

You realise you can't just erase the children's mother because she is an inconvenience to you, it doesn't matter how much bullshit you make up about her.

Underthemoonlight · 11/12/2016 16:22

You only met them once so how do you go from that to moving in and being a family the court must of though your daft, you shouldn't be moving yourself in but your DF working on a relationship with his DC before your even on the scene and when you are involved it's a slow progression

NNChangeAgain · 11/12/2016 16:22

We declared our relationship to the court and I confirmed that I am prepared to live together as a family. I was interviewed by the court welfare officer as well, and they thought of observing me with the children but the mother was against.

The only reason a court would consider it necessary to assess the capability of an unrelated adult is if the parent was deemed to be unable to keep the DCs safe. You are irrelevant to the arrangements the court makes. Their job is to ensure that the parents are capable.

Is that why your DFiances sister is involved? Do the DCs require supervised contact?

Were you hoping you'd be approved by the court as an alternative supervision?

GahBuggerit · 11/12/2016 16:22

we, our solicitor, we blah blah blah

you see him 1 day a week, there is no "we" for you when it comes to THEIR children

ffs you are all totally fucking batshit, the mum sounds like the only capable

Lunar1 · 11/12/2016 16:22

Your boyfriend is pathetic, he palms off his children on someone else when he only has them a day a week, just so he can see you. You should fit around his commitment to them not the other way round.

The mother does the job of parenting while you/your boyfriend/his sister and a random bride from abroad try to put on a good show of a perfect life of family/play/education in a handful of hours. All so you can show it to the court.

You really do come across as a would be child steeler if the courts hadn't seen through this whole bizarre charade.

Youreyouryouare · 11/12/2016 16:27

The mother is furious about this, and tries to present it like he dumps them on his sister constantly (as she handles the handover back).

If you want residency this is precisely the wrong way to go about it.

Original poster

user1481460461 · 11/12/2016 16:28

My fiancée contacted the services, it would not occur to me to intervene. On one occasion the mother was 8 months pregnant and went for a week without eating anything (they were still living together), as she thought she is becoming too fat. On another she, also pregnant, threw herself down the staircase, broke a rib and then claimed that he pushed her in anger, so the mental health team and police was informed as a precaution.
I don't want to erase or get rid of the mother. We offered her every contact with the children she could potentially manage. I was not sure whether I am fully prepared to live as a family, but I was ready to give it my best try and said so to the court officer. It is not a new relationship for me, and I had vague thoughts of adopting in any case, so I did no think this would be too different. No one knows their biological children until they are born, and then it's not a guarantee of success. I don't know what to do now.

OP posts:

GahBuggerit · 11/12/2016 16:28

why would tge court be interested in interviewing you? no offence like, but you are totally unimportant here.

weird

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