Groundhog Day exhausting me...Is this the parenting norm?

[TearingMyHairOut]

My ds1 is now 7 months and has been fairly hard work as a baby with reflux problems etc. I returned to work just over a month ago, three days a week and he goes to nursery. At the moment it feels like every day is getting me down. He's still not sleeping through consistently, and most mornings start at 6ish. It's go go go all day long, he goes to bed at seven, I finish off stuff round the house and collapse into bed at about nine.

Is this what life is all about now? I'm a teacher, a mother, a housewife. None of these jobs gets done wonderfully, they all get done 'just satisfactorily. If this is the norm, how do people keep going? It never stops, I wake up in the night thinking of what still needs to be done. I constantly feel like I'm running on a hamster wheel, but not actually achieving anything at all.

bump

Do you have a partner?

Try cutting down on the amount of housy stuff you do during the week.

It is tiring when they are really little.
It will get better though.
Once you get a few nights of proper sleep everything will seem better.
Try not to put too much pressure on yourself.
Is there someone who could help out with the housework a bit.
I survived by lowering my standards.
A lot!

yes the week is rather groundhog day here

lack fo sleep will not help

it DOES get easier

is this your first

Yes I do have a husband, who works full time but does try to help as much as poss. As far as house stuff goes, I only just manage to keep it going with the amount I do. There's always a full wash bin, always a pile of ironing, always dishes in the kitchen. If I did any less, it would go to pot.

bin the housework - lower your standards
(or get a cleaner for a couple of months till the sleepings more settled)
make sure your other half - if you have one - is doing their bit
schedule in some time for you to relax - go swimming or for a walk - so your head is clearer and you sleep better when you can

I'm not sure I can help much but didn't want to let this go unanswered. Tbh this is how it feels a lot of the time to me especially if I'm not getting enough sleep.

It does get easier though especially as they sleep better. The other thing that has helped enormously with this for me recently is getting a cleaner and accepting that the place gets a clean once a week and by the end of the week it is looking quite manky again but that is OK because it will be done again soon.

Do you have any help (helpful dp or Dh)? I did find that in many ways working 3 days was great but as dh was working FT and me PT I sort of expected myself to be able to do all the cooking/cleaning etc yet I did find it very hard.

I now work 4 days and tbh that is better as I've stopped feeling that I should do all the things a SAHM might do and see myself as woking pretty much FT - hence the cleaner.

Working 3 days can sometimes be the worst of both worlds as we don't see ourselves as working FT so kind of take on all the home role anyway. Having said that I am angling to go back to 3 days a week as I did find I felt less guilty about leaving ds then. If I do go back to 3 days though I will keep the cleaner and dh will continue to help with the cooking/planning ds's food etc as he does now.

Yes it's the first, and i wonder HOW on earth I'll ever manage with more than one??? We get a night off ever now and then because granparents babysit but if I plan something to make the most of the time, I end up wishing I'd just stayed at home and rested. If I plan nothing so i can chill out, I end up feeling like I've wasted the time off. I've actually called in sick today to work, just so i can have some time by myself. Except now I still spend the whole day thinking 'perhaps I'll have a sleep' but then I think that when I wake up my time off will be nearly over and I'm so desperate for it.

Your DH needs to get his finger out then.

Dont do the ironing. I never iron, DH does his own stuff and I do for me and DS when I really really have to.

Cook enough dinner for two meals and freeze.

Tbh, I found 6 months - 12 months the worst with DS.

Could he go to bed half an hour later to try and get a later waking in the morning?

Yes, tis the norm

Just relax, it only hurts when you struggle

My standards aren't actually that high. Mostly it's just making sure we've got clean clothes to wear and food on the table. My floors are by no means hoovered, or my bathroom clean. I don't think I could work anymore days because that means more planning, marking etc. I know part of the problem is being feeling guilty everytime I take time for me because I'm always thinking about what should be done. I know this is my own fault but I can't seem to get over that.

We tried a later bedtime, he still wakes up early. The past three nights he's waking up nearly ever hour in the night and I can't tell why, no cough, no cold, no red cheeks, no nothing??

I also found this age the hardest as they can't really amuse themselves while you get things done, it has gotten a lot easier now DS can play by himself and feed himself as i can get on with things in the kitchen or actually eat myself!

You sound like you are doing great so don't be down on yourself. Can you pay someone to iron or do a couple of hours cleaning a month?

I've alos just started doing the weekly shop on line, what a massive time saver!

Make a list of the minimum that needs doing and do a rota.

Then when the floor/ironing/whatever gets on your nerves you can say to yourself that it will get done on Tuesday (or whenever) and ignore it until then.

I have only just started doing ironing and mine are aged 4 and 2 (their stuff is now bigger so you can see the creases )

does your dh accept that standards need to be lower?

Ditto the 6-12 months being the worst for me. I went back to work when ds was 11 months old and I'm not sure I could have done it before then (nothing to do with not being able to leave DS - it was just the sheer exhaustion).

I honestly did not enjoy much of that first year but it really is better now. I feel like I have some of my old life back but it has been added to. The first year really felt like I'd lost all my old life and almost nothing nice had replaced it. I know that sounds awful as I did and do love ds. I just found the adjustment of the first year really difficult. I loved ds but hated my life IYSWIM.

Luckily dh didn't seem to have this at all and pretty much loved our life after having ds from day 1 exhaustion and all

How much do people pay cleaners?

Yes he accepts standards being lower, and doesn't expect anything really. But that doesn't stop me feeling guilty if things aren't done.

WHY is 6-12 months the hardest, when 0-6 months is full of sleepless nights, crying that you don't know how to stop, constant care and attention etc. What's worse about 6-12 months...what am I in for?

where do you live?

agree a cleaner is brill if you can afford it

also force yourself to sit down with a book while ds crawls about

get up and start running around as soon as you hear dh's car in the driveway

or put onions on to fry (my mums best tip)

gawd, reflux is dire - is he on any meds? if he is, perhaps the docs need to review them

if you can afford a cleaner, then get one on one of the days you work - otherwise, seriously lower your standards as others have said.

I think the way you're feeling is actually quite normal (if that makes you feel any better). I remember thinking, when I went back to work, that I couldn't fully concentrate on work, was hardly at home enough to be a mother and the flat was a disgrace! You need to be kinder to yourself - you don't necessarily NEED to have it all but you do need to look after yourself.

well I disagree it is the hardest I always found it the easiest of ALL the phases! They are usually quite happy and chuffed with themselves while learning to crawl etc which wears them out hence fab sleep

hehehehehehe

I do that Enid on my days 'off'

I wait until 4.30, dh is back at around 4.45 and I look all flustered and busy busy busy

yes it is essential (the faking busyness)

but also essential NEVEr to feel guilty

It is really hard when they are so little and you are working. I have BTDT and mine are now 5 and 2 and it is much easier. But still difficult. I went back when DS was 4 months and still breastfeeding several times in the night. By 6 months he was sleeping through 7.45 - 5.30 ish but then up for the day at that point. By 12 months he was sleeping through 7.45 - 7 and still is at nearly 6. DD didn't sleep through until 10 or 11 months though but had a later waking time which compensated.

DO NOT put him to bed later. If he is like ds he will wake early anyway.

When I went to Italy on holiday when he was 16 months old I had 10 days of him going to bed at 9pm as he refused to go earlier and he woke at 5am-5.30am every morning except for the last 2-3 days when he woke at 4.50am. He is 2 years old and has woken later than 7am exactly 3 times since he was 6 months old (I remember them) and he rarely sleeps until 7 though he might do that 1-2 times a month.

Put him to bed earlier and get as much time to yourself in the evening as you can. Accept the early wakeups for a while and focus on cutting down on his night wakings. When you start getting some uninterrupted sleep it will seem better - honestly - even if the mornings are early.

One thought on his waking at night - Has he recently started nursery?. Ds's sleep always gets worse when things are happeing and starting a nursery is a big adjustment to make.

Would co-sleeping help? It didn't for me because ds woke more often when with me but for some people this works. In a couple of months you may want to try cc (though if you don't want to do this I can understand).

All I do is re-iterate that when you are getting uninterrupted sleep everything will seem 1000 times better.