Groundhog Day exhausting me...Is this the parenting norm?

[TearingMyHairOut]

My ds1 is now 7 months and has been fairly hard work as a baby with reflux problems etc. I returned to work just over a month ago, three days a week and he goes to nursery. At the moment it feels like every day is getting me down. He's still not sleeping through consistently, and most mornings start at 6ish. It's go go go all day long, he goes to bed at seven, I finish off stuff round the house and collapse into bed at about nine.

Is this what life is all about now? I'm a teacher, a mother, a housewife. None of these jobs gets done wonderfully, they all get done 'just satisfactorily. If this is the norm, how do people keep going? It never stops, I wake up in the night thinking of what still needs to be done. I constantly feel like I'm running on a hamster wheel, but not actually achieving anything at all.

I just found DS so much more demanding, what with starting weaning (hated that total ball ache) and him sleeping less during the day and getting all upset if I left the room.

I think I was very lucky with DS as a newborn, he slept so much and when he wasn't sleeping he was happy to lie around gathering dust.

He's 8months now and loves to 'help' me clean so i just give a duster or a broom and he's happy for ages.

i pay my cleaner £10/hour, she's worth it...

if it helps, my DS is 10 - and from 8 mths started sleeping through after CC for 2 nights, and mornings got later too. plus he was happy to be in high chair/playmat while i cooked/ironed if we talked all the time. seems like a lifetime but will come soon...

and you'll get better at managing it too..

cant believe we did it again

sorry he's 18 months now

Tearing, you need to take him to the GP to rule out any continuing reflux problems - both mine still had reflux at that age and dd didn't sleep properly because of it

yes good idea foxy

I think it varies by baby. Ds certainly never sat happily from the age of 6 months onwards - he pretty much started crying at 3 months olds and didn't stop until he was 8/9 months old. Pretty unusual but there you are.

A lot of babies start getting into a routine and are easier to deal with at around 6 months even if they were less settled newborns. Ds didn't set any sort of routine for himself and would fight sleep like anything. He then got overtired and would be miserable. This is only my ds, you may find that yours settles down nicely as lots have said here.

I think a lot of this is about having high expectations of ourselves though. Having your first babay is a major lifechanging event and it is permanent. Give yourself time to get used to it and ease up on yourself - easier said than done I know.

I so remember the feeling of needing to sleep but if I had any time to myself not wanting to waste the time I had on sleep.

TMHO

Does your ds have any sleep during the day so that you can put your feet up?

My ds also had reflux and it was a nightmare so you have my sympathies.

I definately found the first year very very hard. I just couldn't accept that my life had changed and ds was hard work. When I went back to work pt I insisted on a cleaner for a couple of months, which helped alot.

Forget the Cosmo crap about 'having it all'. You don't have to live up to anyones standards. You say you're not achieving anything, but my god you are! You're raising your son, going to work and keeping a house together. Give yourself a break and have a large glass of wine.

It got easier for me (in terms of ds health and my sanity) once he was walking. Suddenly felt less like hamster and more like my old self.

We still see the paediatrician regularly for his reflux.

He has recently started nursery, about a month ago but seems to love it.

He does cry every single time I leave the room, which makes getting anything doen very difficult.

We tried controlled crying, and he would cry for 1 1/2 hours or so, until I gave up and went into him. If he keeps crying, we all stay awake anyway.

I KNOW I shouldn't feel guilty, but with a MIL who does everything whilst sweeeping the floor with a broom up her arse, and also having been used to keeping house nice etc, I find it difficult not to feel guilty. How do you just STOP feeling guilty. When I see hubby come home from work exhausted, how can I think 'he can iron his own bloody shirt in the morning' or make the sandwiches etc.

Welcome to my world! I have 2 dds 2.10 and 5.4 and I work part-time, I do the nursery run and school run 4 out of five days...so i know how you feel. I don't want to bethe voice of doomed but imo - 2+ plus gets harder....more demanding etc..

Lazycow is right "Working 3 days can sometimes be the worst of both worlds as we don't see ourselves as working FT so kind of take on all the home role anyway" - That's me!

I also feel that because I work for 3 days the 2 days that I am at home with dd2 should be focused on her and we do lots of things together - usually going out to place so theren't a lot of time to get housework done.

Thing I do to make things easier:

Shop on-line
Have a cleaner (only one a fortnight)
Make lots of lists and as I cross things off I feel that I am getting somewhere.
Priorize and be try to be organized.
Take turns with DH to do things for ourselves about once a month- e.g. DH golf me see friends, go to the cinema,go to the gym etc...
Do things together (get a baysitter) about once a month

Also remind yourself that your not the only one who feels like this!

I bet if you really look hard your MIL does NOT do everything

for a start I doubt she has a 7 month old baby

also it is not an aggressive act to need your husband to iron his own shirt

sit down together and talk together like grown ups about division of responsibilities

I thought I was the only person who lived in groundhog day

I have 3 at 5 and under and work full time. The house is full of crap and the kids dominate my non at work hours. You wait until the after school activities kick in.

For me I got a cleaner in one day a week and she really does the things I would love to do but have no time, like the cupboards, change the beds and wash the bedding. I can manage a hoover and dust from time to time and now have to manage the school clothes bieng ironed but thats about it. My youngest is 15 months and when she goes to bed at around 9.30 I do to.

I am also a teacher of sorts and have to work one evening a week so I get a break then from the after work routine.

Stick at it I can assure you it does get better but I just can't remember when!

Before he started nursery he would sleep an hour in the morning, two after lunch and half in the afternoon. Since nursery, where there's obviously much more stimulation! he sleeps in bits and pieces. He never goes for more than 3/4 hour and as soon as he's in bed I rush to the kitchen and then mid-way through emptying the dishwasher I spot soemthing else that needs doing and I career around the house like a woman possesed half-doing hundreds of jobs but never getting anything donw. Can you picture it?

lol yes

it is my life (I have 3 and one is 8 months)

please stop doing it, at least until he is sleeping better.

get takeaways for a cuople of nigths

honestly, put your feet up woman. I never really cared much about the state of the house (and nor did dh) so luckily, that side of it didn't bother me....but honestly, a few nights of not doing the ironing, leaving the washing basket to full up - it won't kill you.

I'm gathering from this that actually this is normal. The trials change, but do not necessarily get any easier. The answers are what I already knew:
lower my standards (which I cannot seem to lower any more than I already have)
talk to my husband and get him to do more (which I've done and he does some more)
Stop feeling guilty (which I also can't seem to do)
Take time out (which I can't do without feeling guilty)
hire a cleaner (which I might think about)

I think your guilt is the problem here

why why why do you feel guilty

But you say that like I'm constantly doing stuff to perfection. I DO only iron what REALLY needs it, and pile on my sofa has been waiting since last week. My washing basket hasn't been EMPTY for months. I do all these things you're suggesting, but nothing ever changes. I have accepted things not being done.

Also I meant to say it can be difficult to accept how much your life has changed since having a baby.

I recently asked my sister with dd1 10mths, 'so how has your life changed since having dd?' 'completely' was the reply. I also asked her DP 'a bit' he replied.

Try not to feel guilty about not doing EVERYTHING....I am the queen of guilt and it doesn't achieve anything, only stress!

what are you ironing that you have a big pile?

other than work clothes, not much else is a necessity

I haven't got a clue Fox in socks. But I can't stop it. If I have a bath with ds, I'll start thinking that maybe I'll stay in for half an hour once he's out, but than I can't. I have to get out, becuase there's things that need doing.
I wake up in the night thinking 'shit, forgot the sandwiches', 'shit forgot to do the bottles'.
My husband offers me time out but than I know someone else is getting tired out looking after ds.
I can't answer WHY I feel guilty, what I need to know is HOW to stop.

I would have a very frank talk with your husband about what needs doing around the house. You are working part time, looking after your child, which is a full time job in itself and, it seems from your posts, doing the housework without any help at all.

Maybe your husband does come home really tired. Maybe you do look at him and feel guilty about hoping he irons his own shirts. Why doesn't he feel the same about you?

You can't do it all by yourself.

It sounds as though you're exhausted. Can you do anything to sort your baby's sleep out?

I find endless lists (I have a notebook, and a blackboard in the kitchen, plus work to do lists on the computer) help me feel I am acheieving something, even if it's just ticking off 'buy lightbulb'. Also helps with the waking in the middle of the night thinking about what you need to do.

It mainly is work clothes, for me and dh. Remind you here, that we can go through 2-3 outfits a day because of ds throwing up all over us. I need a all in one plastic suit.

make sure you and your husband both get time to yourself - then you won't feel guilty. Have a morning off each at the weekend.

I don't think men are built to feel the same - it's mother nature or something. We feel we're here to nurture our families!!!