Groundhog Day exhausting me...Is this the parenting norm?

[TearingMyHairOut]

My ds1 is now 7 months and has been fairly hard work as a baby with reflux problems etc. I returned to work just over a month ago, three days a week and he goes to nursery. At the moment it feels like every day is getting me down. He's still not sleeping through consistently, and most mornings start at 6ish. It's go go go all day long, he goes to bed at seven, I finish off stuff round the house and collapse into bed at about nine.

Is this what life is all about now? I'm a teacher, a mother, a housewife. None of these jobs gets done wonderfully, they all get done 'just satisfactorily. If this is the norm, how do people keep going? It never stops, I wake up in the night thinking of what still needs to be done. I constantly feel like I'm running on a hamster wheel, but not actually achieving anything at all.

you will kill yourself with exhaustion

are you normally an anxious person? do you think this may be more than just groundhog day but a real inability to switch off?

I understand what you mean about the guilt but you need to find some way of chilling out.

Are you doing any exercise? Something mindless like swimming where you have no choice but to go up and down the pool without thinking about much.

How about really long walks with ds in the pushchair to clear your head (then you won't feel guilty about leaving him)?

Sorry to scare you with the 7-12 mos been harder. It was the starting to move around that made it harder for me as I couldnt take my eye of him for a minute which really got to me. Ended up sticking him in the travel cot with some books just to go to the toilet in peace. Also I think it was the realisation and the tiredness of it all finally took its toll.

You really do need to talk to your DH about him doing a bit more.

Re the CC, I went in after 2 mins, 5 mins, 10 mins etc..rather than leave for long periods. What did you do? It was hard at first but after 4 nights we had cracked it.

I think you should arrange a couple of nights out with the girls soon, even if just to the cinema. It will help to make you feel more like you again.

I would love to sort his sleep out but I can't figure out what's causing it. He'll sleep 7-6 quite happily for a week or so than just loses it completely. CC resulted in nearly two hours crying.

having said that, I had 2 with reflux and it nearly killed me. I always thought I'd have 3 or 4 children but will never have another because of it. It really is exhausting looking after a child with it.

Once he outgrows it, your life will change so much.

So his daytime sleep was originally very good, but has gone to pot since he started nursery? I found that while at first at nursery my two both slept in bits as you describe, they stuck to their sleeping routine at home. For them this was a long sleep in the morning and another shorter one mid afternoon at that age. I can see that would be not much fun if you were used to him having decent naps.

I guess I've always been a 'busy' person and been accused of not switching off, even before I had ds1. But I could get away with it then. ow I can't but cannot seem to break the habit.
Talking long walks is ok if I have to go somewhere, eg to pick up prescription etc, but if I just walk I don't clear my head because I see he's asleep and think 'if he was asleep at home I could be getting such and such done'.

But did you go in to him inbetween or was it solid?

Did you never have anymore children fox in socks? I wanted more, and hubby definately wants 2/3 but I just think it will run me into the ground.

So you are getting through 2-3 work outfits a day because of DS's reflux. Is it it not possible to change after leaving him at nursey or before picking him up? Into a jersey top or whatever that doesn't need ironing?

I agree with fox - my friend's ds had it and nearly had a breakdown in the first year of his life (she was a SAHM )

It will be so much better when he no longer has it.

Mad march hare - re the controlled crying, we did it for several nights leaving just short periods between, getting longer and longer. After about a week we just decided to leave him, and that was nearly two hours. The trouble is that he doesn't necessarily get comforted by us going in, he wants his dummy and then he'll go back to sleep. if we don't go in and give it to him he will just keep on crying.

are you supposed to do cc with a baby who has reflux?

No, I had 2 very close together (knew if I waited I wouldn't have had another) - thought that if life was going to be hell, it might as well be hell with 2 (also they told me that they couldn't tell whether another child would have reflux and allergies or not like dd - ds turned out to have reflux but no allergies).

I won't have any more. The whole reflux thing was just too debilitating. I know they outgrow it but it makes the first year hell, it really does.

Once you're over it though, things do really get much easier.

Poor you - sounds tough. Does your DS have any other comforter? Both my DSs have had muslins instead of dummies, which they go to sleep holding, and if they wake up during the night they just reach out and grab it back...all without waking themselves (or me!) up.
Also, bear in mind that everything doesn't have to be done to perfection, it is okay to do things "just good enough" (and I speak as someone who used to beat herself up over things being less than perfect, and basically made my own life miserable. I got my GP to refer me for somoe counselling which has really helped - don't know if that's necessary in your case, but maybe just bear it in mind.)

tearingmyhairout I recall when mine were smaller just seeing clean clothes for all and decent food on the table as acceptable - I rarely cleaned bathroom etc. I think you need to prioritise and let things like ironing go if need be. Your sanity is more important.

IKWYM about Groundhog Day tho - sometimes with children it's just a mad whirl.

This may be heresy but certainly with DS2 (my 3rd) I found it was quite possible to get on with some chores in the day - not ironing but things like changing bedlinen, gettign washing on, hanging it out, maybe even hoovering. Bring DS along to watch in his bouncy chair. Entertaining him doesn't need to be all play - DS2 loved watching the machine go round and used to sit in his high chair in the kitchen chewing on a bit of carrot while I made that evening's meal.
HTH

We were advised CC was fine as long as not soon after a feed

is he medicated for his reflux? if he is throwning up this much clearly he need to adjust meds

I ALWAYS have washing in the washing basket and my kids dont have reflux!

I dont think it is an issue to have washing in the basket - accept that you will never get it done

I seriously think you need to relax. What about acupuntcure or reflexology or something nice for you. If you carry on refusign to relax becuase of guilt you may get quite depressed.

Imafairy - he has a dummy and a muslin!!! Oh dear, how do I get vhim off it, if it's this that could be causing all the waking. I feel unable to forse myself to just STOP and wonder if seeing the GP might help. Somehting has to give

When my DS went to nursery, his sleeping went haywire. I couldn't understand it, until I found out that as soon as he made a noise in his cot, they would get him up. He was getting next to no sleep in the day, and this was affecting his night time sleep.

Maybe have a word with the nursery?

TMHO - if you don't stop, the only thing that will 'give' will be health, both mental and physical. If you feel unable to let things slide a bit at home, then please go and see your GP.. Why don't you phone the surgery now and see if they have an appointment for this afternoon?

cant dh deal wiht him in the night for a couple of nights

you sleep on sofa with ear plugs

sorry hadn't read yr later post about him crying when you leave room. But taking him along to watch might help?

And why do you need an empty washing basket? Mine never is - gah! you people will keep wearing your clothes and gettign them dirty! I cry to my children but they take no notice.

Seriously, you need to feel less guilty and give yourself time to enjoy DS.

reflux I know nothign about but could that be the issue with sleeping? when he outgrows it your life should get a lot easier.

Re. the guilty thing - try making a realistic list of thinga you would like to acheive that week...then tick them off as you go along, that way you'll see you have acheiving something and have a great long list of what you have acheived. Why feel guilty when you actually DO so much.

I think if you are really desperate, I'd give him some medised tonight and see what happens (it should knock him out). Waking up every hour really isn't normal and something is obviously bothering him. I take it the paed has ruled out allergies? (once they figured out dd's, her reflux and sleeping improved straight away).

I understand how you feel - I organised a night away from mine when they were little because I was so exhausted but didn't sleep a wink with worry about how they were (fool!). I look back at that time and wonder what planet I was on.

I'm afraid if you are not used to switching off, you will have to teach yourself how to. You can buy relaxation CDs, go to yoga, do some exercise - but really, if you're not used to it, it will probably be quite a long process. But it's very important because you really will make yourself ill if you don't learn how to.

Imafairy I have just managed to make an appointment with doctor for this afternoon at 4.10. It's just with the on-call doctor though. What on earth do you say... I've got nothing to show them, there's nothing physical, and when I try and explain it gets muddled in my head and all comes out wrong