Groundhog Day exhausting me...Is this the parenting norm?

[TearingMyHairOut]

My ds1 is now 7 months and has been fairly hard work as a baby with reflux problems etc. I returned to work just over a month ago, three days a week and he goes to nursery. At the moment it feels like every day is getting me down. He's still not sleeping through consistently, and most mornings start at 6ish. It's go go go all day long, he goes to bed at seven, I finish off stuff round the house and collapse into bed at about nine.

Is this what life is all about now? I'm a teacher, a mother, a housewife. None of these jobs gets done wonderfully, they all get done 'just satisfactorily. If this is the norm, how do people keep going? It never stops, I wake up in the night thinking of what still needs to be done. I constantly feel like I'm running on a hamster wheel, but not actually achieving anything at all.

Agree with so much on this thread and sympathise so much with you Tearingmyhairout. [Big Hug]

For what its worth, I was really similar to you when ds was 6months. Following a horrendous birth, ds sleeping badly, dh having depression(!) I was rushing around, feeling anxious about everything and developing insomnia. My HV said I wasn't presenting with depression, but now I look back, I definately was!!!!!

I went on anti-depressants cos i was desperate to try anything that might help, and they did a bit. But ds sleeping through was the biggest change of all. I admire you for going back to work already, I didn't til ds 11m and I just couldn't have done it before (I know you might not have much choice)

I think it is particularly hard if you have always been busy and achieved a lot and wonder why you can't any more, but a baby really is a whole different ball game. Also, I'm pregnant again (ds 25m now) so there really must be hope that it gets better!!!

Take care of yourself.

Just came across this thread and also have only got half way through... But wanted to say to Tearingmyhairout it does get better but with a fair bit of trial and error! And lowering standards is the hardest thing to do but also the most necessary.

DS is currently 22 months old, but was 10 weeks prem so lots of issues early on. I had to return to work full-time for financial reasons when he was 7 months old, and he went to nursery as we have no family etc. nearby. I found I really struggled at first- I was still breastfeeding and DS was an awful sleeper. But as I work for a University I could escape at lunchtimes etc. to do shopping, and as both DH & I were working FT the house didn't get that messy. Then we got a dog, DS became a toddler, and we moved due to DH getting a new job in a new area and I had to reduce my work hours... Which I wanted to do to spend more time with DS but suddenly started to take on more of a housewife role.... Now I currently study 3 days a week & work 1 day a week, and am expecting no.2 in July. I feel constantly behind with housework (particularly as we're doing lots of DIY- v messy) and cooking etc. But DS is now sleeping through 80% of nights, and I am learning (partly because exhaustion's forced me) to let go.

I don't do ironing except what is abosolutely necessary for work. DS doesn't get ironed clothes!! I just 'hang' things to dry realtively crease free. DH has to iron his shirts. I do the shopping, once a week max. I still do most of the cooking but some days when I am running late & out of home-cokked freezer meals I stop beating myself up and give DS scrambled eggs, or ready-made shop-bought soup- it won't do him any harm if it's not a 'proper' dinner- plus he's at the stage he throws half the food on the floor!! We usually eat together but if it's not possible again I don't feel too bad. I do a big clean once a week and mini-cleans inbetween. I am trying to get DH to help more as he doesn't seem to care about the house being messy whereas I do more. We have a toy area where all of DS's toys get put at the end of each day- just clearing that away makes the house look neater. We recently bought a tumble dryer- which is FAB- I can do a week's washing in one day now!!

I am not naturally a domestic person and do struggle that I seem to be more in the role of housewife than I would like it. I broke down in tears recently about it in front of DH and it has helped him see that I need more help from him. I am worried about adding to it all with no.2, but I also think these early years are hardest and they will pass. Friends of mine who don't have kids or messy pets just have to accpet my house is pretty chaotic/messy much of the week and if they really don't like it they're not true friends (although I do get jealous of their 'show homes' as I sometimes call them!!). I am considering if our finances permit getting a cleaner in once a fortnight after no.2 arrives (or ever just before).

It's hard to let go but you do need some time each day or at least a few times each week for you, & you & DH. Even if it is just a coffee with some friends, watching a DVD or going to a yoga class, it allows you to 'escape' and forget about being a mummy & all the household chores for a little while- & keeps everything in perspective.

I still find it hard but am learning to let go- and spend the time I have with DS doing fun things rather than trying to tidy up & keep him occupied.

Another tip- we used the No Cry Sleep Solution book (by Elizabeth Pantley) to help us get DS to sleep better. His bedtime is 7:30 and the evenings allow me to do so much.

Good luck to you all...

I have lots of sympathy, but yes, the groundhog day experience is quite normal. The first 18 months are the worst, I found that it gets easier after that.

I've been a WOHM, a SAHM. Both are hard but the major advantage to being a FT WOHM was that the home doesn't get totally trashed everyday. And yes, when I worked 3 days a week I found that the hardest of all (still preferred it though).

Laundry...accept that you will never be on top of it again, especially if you use cloth nappies and have more children. Buy another laundry basket. Somehow this will make you feel better.

Sounds like your DH ought to do more. Have you told him how you feel? cardy's tale about asking her sister with dd1 10mths ('so how has your life changed since having dd?' 'completely' was the reply. I also asked her DP 'a bit' he replied.) is very typical. Is it them or is it us? I dunno, but don't carry all the weight alone - ask him, tell him to help.

More Me Time really makes a difference. And I think you probably need more wine.

(oh and I thought that my "DH is coming - quick! look busy!" attitude was unique to me... )