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Parenting

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Original poster

For those with 3 children - why did you decide to have a third?

100 replies

earlycomputers · 31/01/2007 10:02

I have 2 children at the moment and am wondering whether to have a third. For those of you who have had 3 children (twins or accidental pregnancies not included!), why did you decide to have a third and do you have any regrets from having a third? Thanks

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eidsvold · 01/02/2007 03:30

about to have 3rd in Mar - just felt like we wanted another child. Had I met dh earlier in our lives we may have even gone on to have a 4th....

always wanted to have a few children.

Despite what other people think and ask - it is not cause was desperate for a boy after two girls.

mrsgee · 01/02/2007 13:14

I was just going to post about what do people think about having a 3rd but then saw this one so i thought id join in. we are justdeciding whether to have a 3rd. dh not too kean. is thinking bout the expense and not being able to go on hols, but im not ready to say that i have finished having children and will never be pregnant again. its now at the point of sleepless nights

Chica · 01/02/2007 14:19

Hi Ladies,
Just thot I would add to this as I have a WONDERFUL 3rd child (first two are 14 and 8!). Took 3 years thinking about it and trying to convince dh. He was NOT keen. Considerations about my career, age (36 at the time), finances and effects on family unit.Researched it from every angle. Tried to get the desire for just one more out of my mind but it kept coming back even stronger. Eventually wore dh down and we are SO happy with him. Now a toddler, still a joy. You would think dh had delivered him himself - he is besotted. We thank God for him constantly (and the other 2 of course, who love him to death and are very helpful with him) but it is scary to think we may never have known him had we not just 'gone for it'. By the way dh was 40 at the time and not keen to go back to baby stage but it is fantastic. I am not recommending it to everyone but I can say I only wish we had gone ahead sooner.

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julen · 01/02/2007 14:38

It was the same of me as for someone else above: our family didn't feel complete without our third one. Can't explain it, it's completely irrational, but very strongly felt even so. THey are 2 yrs apart each, so it's quite busy with 3 under 5, but they are all mad about each other. Of course, I don't know whether they still get on so well in years to come (I'm waiting for the fights to start..), but then you don't know that when you have 2 either. If I weren't so old I'd have another one.. ...

Sheraz · 01/02/2007 14:44

I have 2 DS's and thought I was done with babies. ( they are 7 and 4), but something has started niggling at me, and i cannot decide whether to try for number 3 . I would love a little girl and worry that I would be disappointed with a 3rd DS, so not sure if it is right to go ahead. The timing is not great as my carreer is finaly back on track, but then in 20 yrs time will I regret not trying ??!!

cq · 01/02/2007 15:40

I'm just starting to get my life back with both at school now, aged 5 and 8. But I'm getting broody. Turned 40 this year and don't know whether it's just my aging body clock ticking. I had a traumatic time with DC2, she had major heart surgery at 8 days old to correct a serious defect, and I was traumatised for months/years after going through all that. Couldn't face the risks of it happening again (though they would screen me v v closely next time around). But as the trauma fades (she's totally fine now btw), I just feel like I want the big family we'd always talked about. Not sure I can face the sleepless nights/constant supervision/wrecked body again, but this urge for a third is scarily strong.

I've finally shed the weight gained from 2 pregnancies, not sure I can face the beached whale look again. Does that make me a vain selfish witch? If I was skinny and fit I don't think I'd hesitate.

Confused.

chipmonkey · 01/02/2007 15:47

Sheraz, we "went for the girl" after 2 ds's and got another ds! TBH the pregnancy was difficult, I had placenta praevia, and ds3 was born by emergency cs so it was just a relief that we were both OK. I would still like a little girl but don't regret having ds3 at all, he is a little treasure, even though he has thrown our finances into turmoil!

RubyRioja · 01/02/2007 15:54

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Benmollymoo · 01/02/2007 15:59

Hi -we have three - 7,5 and 8 weeks!Like many of the others, we just didn't feel quite finished - had always thought about three, but after DC2 was born, prematurely and needing surgery, we put it on hold. Eventually we saw a geneticist who said that it was just something that had happened and there was no reason to expect that it would happen again - so now we have a beautiful baby boy! For me, it feels that it has completed the family and I have no regrets (might change my mind when we get to the terrible twos!)

3andnomore · 01/02/2007 16:06

nope fennel, sadly my ys was born by Emergency C-section in the end, as the lil bugger wouldn't come out...very frsutrating to get to 10 cm's and then nothing and ending up in Hospital for that darn section...but he certainly worked fabullously as a deterrent for me to ever become pg again,lol...

chipmonkey · 01/02/2007 16:06

Benmollymoo, we've just got to the terrible two stage with ds3, lots of contrary behaviour! One thing I find is that he doesn't like plastic cups and bowls because if ds1 (10) and ds2(8) don't have to use them, why should he? We've had a few breakages but not as many as you would think.

cq · 01/02/2007 16:38

Goody, lots of 2 + 1 mums to ask all my burning questions........

Do you find people assume the 3rd child was an accident when there's s big gap between 2 & 3?

And do you think the 3rd feels like an only child at times when (s)he gets left at home or can't keep up?

And how did you cope with going back to sleepless night, nappies, baby sick etc?

Sheraz · 01/02/2007 17:47

Just what I want to know Cq

hana · 01/02/2007 17:51

like a lot of the otehrs, our family just didn't feel complete after dd2 was born. have 3 now and that's it. It's great to know as well, that this is it. Just didn'tget that feeling after number 2 was born.

mamalocco · 01/02/2007 18:05

Like others, didn't feel family was complete with two.

My three are fairly similar in ages (7, 5 & 2) so I don't think anyone thinks no. 3 was an accident and she has expressed any feelings of being left out yet but we do tend to split off as a family. Usually with dh taking dd1 and ds out somewhere, eg the cinema and me at home with dd2. Hoping that will change as dd2 gets older and can be included in more activities.

Only downside is that there is less individual attention - one of you always has at least two dcs.

Have noticed that dd2 is becoming a bit spoilt by her siblings though. They also use her as a weapon in their squabbles. But the balance of power changes and it keeps things 'interesting'.

mamalocco · 01/02/2007 18:08

As for sleepless nights etc - this time round it didn't bother me at all. I knew it passes quickly and I used to find myself sitting up at night feeding her and actually appreciating the time I had on my own with her (and not feel like I was neglecting dd1 and ds). Also knew that three was the magic number for us, so would be the last time of having to do it.

zzoey · 01/02/2007 20:27

Hello, may I drop in? I've got 3 dd, 5y, 3y and 8m and am very happy. IME It doesn't have to be a long gap for people to think no. 3 might be an accident! You need a sense of humour... when you're expecting your first or second everyone congratulates you - but when you say "it's my third" they say "was it planned?!" or "oooh, you're brave!" I got really cross at first, and then had to laugh.

dh wasn't sure about having 3 cos we are so old. but i talked him round in the end. he is very hands on dad otherwise i would have had 2nd thoughts as 3 is hard work unless you have a lot of help.

Elasticwoman · 01/02/2007 21:01

I was also rather cross with people who asked if we were doing it to get a boy, after 2 girls. There were also people who reacted as though we were having more than our fair share. But we have no regrets - Number 3 was planned and is lovely. BTW we don't have a 7 seater - our Fiat Multipla seats 6 in two rows so I don't have to drive a tank.

Dh keeps reminding me that when in labour I said to him "I'm too old for this game" but despite being in my dotage, I had a normal birth.

chalkie · 02/02/2007 00:43

well i have a small car and thre kiddy seats in the back. It works really well. Mine all sleep in the same room and i'd love more if they came with help and a full bank account. I need more hands and sleep. Our third was the last embro in the freezer. i'm over the hill 42 + and lucky to have have dd1 and dd2 Ialso work from home. I rather fancied the chaos that comes with three, but didnt dare hope it would work. It is a real family we cant controll the household it runs on kiddy times etc. I feel released from the she is not coping comments as no one expects me to and it is all much more relaxed. Go for it but it is different and you do have to get really chilled to survive. my next door neighbough has just had no four and it is that smille you see on her face no sleep but very happy. Nothing like it. Mine are 5 yrs nearly 3yrs and nearly 1 and about to have their first joint birthday party. All girls and fab to boot.

hatwoman · 02/02/2007 00:48

TC - didn't know you were pg! congrats. fwiw i think your reasons are great - you'll have a lovely family unit with 3 of them.

NorksBride · 02/02/2007 00:51

Partly because I always wanted a biggish family (hopefully having no. 4 this year) and partly because I looked at baby no. 2 and couldn't bear to think it was the last time I'd be holding my own newborn.

(Baby no. 2 was just 5 months old when no. 3 was conceived)

katycakes · 02/02/2007 08:17

Hi I m new to all this but just thought i d add my comment and say Hi to everyone.
I m pg with number 3 have 2 ds's (7+2) I always wanted 3 until I had one I think that it was such a massive shock to the system having him that it took us nearly 5 years b4 we felt ready to have nu2.
I remember talking to a friend after I had had ds2 and she had just had her 2nd she said she remembered looking in rear mirror of car at her two kids on way home from hosp and thinking thats it my family is complete.
Even though my ds2 has been a little sod I ve never had that feeling.
But now i m pg I m sure that this will be the last and this will complete our family.
I suppose what I m saying is that its down to personal choice and its what makes us all diferent.
Sorry was rambling a bit!!

eidsvold · 02/02/2007 08:22

cq my three are fairly close in age and so it is not that long ago the sleepless nights, dd1 and 2 are still in nappies so no change there - jsut add another to the line up. I think there will be a period of adjustment but no1 is in kindy 4 days a week - the only difficulties or hassles I can see is with taking three of them to therapy and swimming. Dd1 attends two types of therapy and one swimming lesson a week and I have no one to leave the other two with so that will be a trying time.

But no doubts, no regrets in the least.

I will have 3 under 5 when no3 comes in Mar.

Judy1234 · 02/02/2007 08:51

Glad I had five. I certainly always wanted at least three and more really. Didn't regret the third at all. We agreed before we married.

relaxedgirl · 02/02/2007 09:31

We had 3 because 2 just didn't seem like enough. I am one of 6 myself and wanted my children to have the fun and support that you get from having a lot of siblings. We shared bedrooms as children and never minded so that's what he kids will do. The only downside is needing a bigger car so that Granny can travel with us.

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