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ANY OTHER FORCES WIVES OUT THERE?

635 replies

frenziednester · 29/01/2007 20:42

Just been chatting with 3andnomore on another thread and wondered if there are any more of us on mumsnet who would like a chat and a comforting moan? I am on my own atm - hubby away for 4 months, and would love to swap 'home alone with the kids' stories - good and bad, and also a good gossip about the other wives we are left with! A much safer outlet for frustration than the hive!

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Are your children’s vaccines up to date?
Scootergirl · 29/01/2007 20:44

Over here! Just reunited after five months with DH in Afghanistan.
In Germany but have already been in Catterick, Warminster and Shrivenham in five years of wedded (almost) bliss...

frenziednester · 29/01/2007 20:48

I'm in germany too - and came from Shriv before that - left in 2005 - were you there same sort of time?

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Scootergirl · 29/01/2007 20:50

We left Shrivenham in July last year and we're at JHQ now, down near Dusseldorf. Whereabouts in Shriv did you live? We were on Bower Green, the crap old houses sadly

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frenziednester · 29/01/2007 20:54

we were BG too - no 21 - not the alleged 'swingers' end - a great urban myth that one!

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Scootergirl · 29/01/2007 20:55

OMG. I was pg while we were there and you've never seen anyone get so excited as DH when he thought there might be a bit of action down the street...
We were at no 2 so the opposire side to you I think

frenziednester · 29/01/2007 20:59

I think you were a bit further up, nearer the junction? What is JHQ like? I imagine its a bit like Shriv revisited? We are just moving to Herford after no 3 is born, and a went up last week to recce the quarters and it was Shriv deja vu - a bit spooky........

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Scootergirl · 29/01/2007 21:01

We were right on the junction of the main road - nice when the bin men came! It's even more Shriv than Shriv here IFYWIM - all captains and above wearing the same cords and checky shirts (DH included to be fair).
It is nice to be so well looked after by the army though.

frenziednester · 29/01/2007 21:06

I thought it might be - tbh sometimes I found it all a bit claustrophobic. I loved coming to Bielefeld as we are only one of 2 army families on our street - the rest are teachers and civil servants, which was refreshing at first, but I am feeling the draft now DH is away - they don't seem to (excuse pun) close ranks and help as much as I have experienced in the past. When we go to Herford DH is going away againto Iraq, so I guess it will be better for support there. What's it like having your DH back - have you all readjusted or still going through the 'who's in charge of the remote' stage???!!!!!

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Scootergirl · 29/01/2007 21:08

Still finding our boundaries TBH. He went away when DS was only seven weeks old so the whole looking after 2 children thing kind of passes him by. He's great with DD but hasn't really come to terms with DS I think.
I'm getting all my well-deserved lie-ins though!
Off to bed now - DS gets up in the night A LOT but hope we can chat again. It's nice to talk to other people in the same situation.
Sleep well
x

frenziednester · 29/01/2007 21:09

You too - hope to chat again

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Scootergirl · 29/01/2007 21:10

You can CAT me if you need to talk to another abandoned wife when he goes

BellaLasagne · 29/01/2007 21:29

Hi ladies,

Can I join in? My DH has actually just left the Army after 20 years, which is great, and he's got a good job, which is great, BUT he's weekly commuting in order to do it, not so great!

I'm working almost full-time, juggling school runs and a 40 mile commute, then he comes home on a Friday night and is 'knackered' and seems to have forgotten how to load the dishwasher.

Anyway, it's our choice, if having to pay the mortgage is a 'choice', so I can't complain - at least we don't have the long-haul deployments any more.

I don't know where I was hiding during our stint in Shriv, we were in Watchfield before the new college was built, I had no idea about BG!!

Bye for now, BL

Scootergirl · 30/01/2007 12:22

Welcome bellalasagne! Hope you're ok today. Today's complaint in the Scooter house is that DH has to go into work despite there being no work to do cos most people are still on their way back from Afghanistan... Bloody useless Army

BellaLasagne · 30/01/2007 13:29

I remember it all well! Hurry up and wait.....

Was your DH at staff college? We did it donkeys years ago (I obviously have a few years on you!) when we went to Shriv for 6 months followed by 12m at Camberley (oh joy, another move).

I'm not having a bad day as I'm working from home today, so having a bit of a breather.

BL x

Scootergirl · 30/01/2007 17:17

DH was at baby staff college (the one where you go from being a captain to a major). The he was issued with his checked shirt, red moleskins and black Lab and sent on his way

frenziednester · 30/01/2007 17:38

Hi BL, nice to chat to you too! We have had a good day today - my mum is here so I have help with the ironing, toddler separating, and she sends me off to bed for naps!! (I'm pg with no 3). I'm trying to sort out our move to herford, but as a 'wife' I am not allowed to sign anything , so progress is slowwwwwww!! What's life like in the real world, BL?

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Scootergirl · 30/01/2007 17:45

Forge his signature.... Not that I ever did... honest

frenziednester · 30/01/2007 17:47

oooh, devious... I like it!

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Scootergirl · 31/01/2007 09:38

Sometimes they force yout into it by just being so bloody awkward!

BellaLasagne · 31/01/2007 17:20

Hi Frenzied,

It sounds good that you've got some help. When are you moving and when's baby due? Knowing what I due I bet it's roughly the same time!

I can't believe the system won't let you book/sign for things. I really hoped things would have changed for the better but it looks like they're still stuck in the 19th Century, never mind the 20th!

These are all reasons why we left (and I use the term 'we' on purpose as it is a joint life and therefore the decision has to reflect that), plus there are many others which I won't go into here. But Scootergirl you need to be aware that unless your DH is being groomed for CGS he will hit a concrete ceiling (I named this as a macho version of our female glass ceiling) just after 40, and unless you're both prepared to 'play the game' he won't get promoted again.

This is entirely dependent on his Regt of course, but we certainly hit it. I was very frustrated not only by the usual limitations of Army life, but also that I didn't think DH was being recognised for the talented chap that he is.

He's now working for a major defence contractor, and after 3 months has been promoted once and there is talk of another step in March, because they've realised his potential. I couldn't be more pleased for him!

I'm managing to develop my career, which was very much on the back burner due to postings and children. Now our children are at primary school I work when I can and am just about managing, but DH being away during the week is a problem.

The only solutions are to move house (not an option) or for him to find another job, not ideal as it's going so well. We bought the house of our dreams 3 years ago and are investing huge amounts of £ and time in getting it how we want it. Not only that but our no.1 requirement was for our children to be settled in local schools, which they are, so we wouldn't move now.

So, as I'm rambling, to answer your question and sum up, civvie life is great but not perfect. It's certainly a whole lot better than Army life if you're not happy moving, but it is dependent on knowing what you want to do as a secondary career and being able to get the right job.

I don't know if this will help or not! The grass is always greener on the other side, isn't it, but it's a very difficult decision and totally different for each person.

The only thing I miss are dinner nights in the Mess, ooh and summer balls. My frocks are gathering dust!

Bye for now, and take care,

BL x

P.S. SG - my DH still has yellow moleskins and loads of checked shirts, all the same!

frenziednester · 31/01/2007 18:57

Hi BL. Baby is due 4 April, DH gets back from Canada 9 April and starts new job 10 April. We march in to Herford 25 April, then he deploys to Iraq for 6 months early August. Been a long time since we've had a year like this - but never complicated with babies in quite the same way! Gkad that on balance your lot is better in the 'real' world, and hope it continues to go from strength to strength. I am retraining as a linguist, which hopefully I can do from home and fit in around the school runs etc - that's the plaN, anyway!!!

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nulnulcat · 31/01/2007 19:02

im not a wife just a girlfriend so can i join in? dp is off to afghan in march so i am getting sad!

BellaLasagne · 01/02/2007 11:59

Hi nulnulcat,

It's so horrible when you know they're going. I had 24hrs notice when my DH went to the 1st Gulf war back in 1990 and that was actually so much better, bizarely.

How long is DP going for? Can you plan yourself some milestones while he's away to help the time go?

Chin up, BL x

Notyummy · 01/02/2007 12:22

Can i join from the RAF contingent?? Its flying suits and black labs here....you get thrown out for any of that checked shirts and moleskins nonsense!!

I am supposed to be working from home today...just taking a coffee break don't you know. I was in the RAF myself until 2 years ago and have just started a new job after having first dd 6 months ago. I was self employed before that as a management consultant.

I find it hard trying to juggle it all, even though dh is fantastic when he is here...,however it is nearly always him that disappears at short notice and always me that has to manage the nursery pick-up/buy food/take dd to docs with conjunctivitus etcthing on my own. Ah well, it could be worse...nothing too lengthy on the horizon.

BellaLasagne · 01/02/2007 13:07

Hi Notyummy (love the name!), I'm working from home again today except my work PC has gone U/S and I'm waiting for a call from tech support. Meanwhile I'm busying myself....!

Someone once said to me that they'd always employ a Forces wife because they're so bloody efficient!

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