Anyone for a new high needs baby support thread?

[PterodactylTeaParty]

There used to be some high needs baby support threads on here, but they fizzled out a few years ago. So, does this sound like your baby?

1. Feeds frequently daytime
2. Feeds frequently nighttime
3. Needs to be constantly held
4. Won't sleep alone
5. Hates the car seat/pram
6. Short naps

Ever laugh bitterly at the phrase "drowsy but awake"? Find yourself staring in envy at the babies at baby group who lie happily in their prams gurgling at toys? Wanted to punch the oh-so-helpful person who mentioned making a rod for your own back while you paced up and down with your unputdownable velcro baby? If so, roll up and join in!

Dr Sears on 12 features of high needs babies: www.askdrsears.com/topics/health-concerns/fussy-baby/high-need-baby/12-features-high-need-baby

And 20 survival tips for parents: www.askdrsears.com/topics/health-concerns/fussy-baby/high-need-baby/parent-parent-20-survival-tips-parents-high-need-children

Oh, and my DD was super-active in the womb as well, from really early on. Wonder if that's a thing with them?

DS (25 months) was also v. active in the womb. If anything, this baby (am 38+5, some signs labour is imminent) has been even more frenetic despite an anterior placenta which I thought was meant to mean you don't feel them as much? I have had about a billion scans and he has thrashed through every single one. I have even had sonographers asking if I can 'calm him down' (umm, how?). I was feeling him moving at 12 weeks. To be honest, we have the fear!

DS finally started sleeping through at 23 months - did it for 6-8 weeks and then stopped again at Christmas and now we seem to have hit "night terror" age. Great! Are night terrors a high needs toddler thing does anyone know?!

Also, yesterday he skipped his nap completely for the first time (was with MIL not us for the day). I said I point-blank REFUSE to have my 2 year old drop his nap the same week we have a new baby, it is absolutely NOT happening! Fortunately our nanny was horrified too so hopefully we can make sure it was a one-off.

Not too bad but mainly because I have visited friends /had people pop in to distract me so even if ds was fussy I was able to not worry and the day past pretty quickly. He does seem less snotty (and being full of calpol probably helps!) So fingers crossed for tonight

I'm getting really stressed now I can't do anything, I'll put her down and she screams straight away, I can't go loo, do any housework, then when she's back with me on my lap she turns and looks at me smiling and I hate I'm becoming so stressed arghhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh

I know the feeling flashy DH - who is working from home at the other side of the house - just came up to check everything was ok because the screaming was so loud. Cause of screaming? Me leaving room for 20 seconds to get DD's lunch from the fridge. Sigh.

That's what it's like Pt, so glad I'm not alone, I hate getting so stressed, she wants company all the time.

Ah flashy I feel your pain. When DD's naps are so short it makes the day feel so long due to constant need to entertain and hold. And that's with going to a baby activity every morning!

When everyone else is home she's fine, it's when we're on our own, oh well before we know it they'll be grown up and moved out

ds doesn't want me to express but doesn't want to breastfeed either!

Ugh. DD did not want to go for her morning nap today. Much screaming and crying. Baby swimming later today, that should hopefully knock her out for a bit. I am hoping that once she masters crawling (so near and yet so far!) she'll be a bit less frustrated and angry, and a bit more cheerful.

I'm meeting some friends for dinner next week, I'll not be back until about half 8 - good luck DH

auntie yes yes yes so depressing - the amount of times I have just shut the door and breathed deeply whilst ds is crying in order to deal with him! There is nothing wrong with him he just wants mummy cuddles ALL THE TIME! Going to try and ice his dedication cake today with my friend and her dd who is the same age- I expect it will be her icing me watching with ds being picked up 90% of the time. Luckily her dd is very calm and content. To be fair probably for the best as shes very skilled and I'm definitely not

flashy housework with our dc no chance!

Being ill and looking after ds is pushing me to the edge right now!

My mum is going to have her for a bit tomorrow. Housework will be done

Rocking/feeding DD to sleep after a tough evening with a lot of shrieking and a bit of making dinner with a loud angry baby clinging to one leg. DH is out for the evening at a work thing eating canapés, the bastard.

Sometimes it's really hard to remember when she's in a cry-all-the-time mood that she's not crying at me, she isn't angry with me, I'm not letting her down, she's just... crying. I wish I could fix it though

How is everyone else doing?

I'm really not coping well today. Baby up half the night, is now exhausted but just will not nap. Cries when I pick her up, cries when I put her down, cries in sling, cries in travel cot we use as a playpen, cries on floor. I feel so useless and inadequate.

Hi Pterodactyl. Aw you poor thing

My DD had a shocking night as well. I still have crappy and despairing days.

Just try get through today, you're not useless and inadequate. It's the sleep deprivation which makes you feel shitty.

Don't blame yourself for your baby not sleeping, she's high needs, it's just how she is. Hope you feel better soon, I know this is so difficult

Oh dear nightmare will she sleep in pushchair? We go on lots of walks to retain my sanity - he's either asleep or content if we are out and about in it... sleep depravation is torture. ..literally! Hope you had a better night x

I wish this thread had existed 18 months ago! These descriptions sound exactly like my son (though we were luckier with night time once eventually asleep - the only benefit of two 40 mins naps maximum!). I still marvel if I see a baby in a pram awake and not screaming and purple faced.

My son is lovely - very happy, smiley, joins in with activities with gusto, but I still cannot leave the room or even stop giving him attention for a minute without a meltdown. He is better in car with new car seat and will tolerate the buggy for short spells (after five minutes initial complaining). Bedtimes are not great but much better after we finally realised he will not self settle and cuddling to sleep is better than a nightly battle. after one whole month of trying controlled crying with nightly screams lasting 45mins and often vomiting, he won and we took side of cot and cuddled to sleep.

One way I have coped is by referring (in my head, to dh and the one friend with a similar baby) to the low maintenance babies as "plonkers" (as you can just plonk them down) and telling myself that the high maintenance is a sign of intelligence and that he'll be a millionaire at 20 and we can retire early :-)

Pterodactyl how are you today?

DuggieHugg great post, love the plonkers bit I too am astounded to see babies just sat in a pram.

Doing better today Another really rough night, but DH took her this morning so I could get more sleep and she's been a really cheerful little thing the rest of the day.

and telling myself that the high maintenance is a sign of intelligence and that he'll be a millionaire at 20 and we can retire early :-)

Yes! Let's go with that

Glad things are a bit better.
I'm struggling at the moment. DD is asleep in the sling on me but she's started screaming a lot more. Think her reflux is bad again. I've just added dairy and other things back into my diet so it might be that.

Glad she was happy and you were able to get some sleep pt

babyonboob perhaps cut out one at a time to see if it helps? Thank goodness for slings!

Ds refused to nap on sunday as was his dedication - no words for how exhausted he was. Been better today - napping at the moment- but still not himself. He's had a cold for over a week...poor thing!

Oh, BoB, sorry things are rough. I hope her reflux gets easier on her (and you!) soon.

How are you all? DD currently asleep on me after fighting her morning nap for a long time.
I'm happy to report the car seat situation seems to have improved- I now give her a fairly large Lamaze doll to hold onto (which she can't lose) which she can play with/ chew when the dummy falls out. Meltdowns on average half the time now!

Ooh good tip on the doll Tallblue. DD usually lasts about 5 mins in car seat before meltdown begins. That's 5 mins more than a month ago, mind..

HV visited yesterday and was visibly shocked when I said I walk/stand with DD in sling for all her daytime naps (if I sit down she wakes instantly). Persuaded me to try putting her in sleeping bag rather than swaddle sack so she could start self soothing rather than using boob as comforter through the night. Cue total confusion, flailing arms and hysterical tears at bedtime. Back in the swaddle sack she went... I don't know when they become able to self soothe but I think 4 month old DD might be a way off yet..

Wanted to revive this thread as I'm looking for support with my high needs 5 month old DS. Mums that posted on here -- how are you all getting on now that your little ones are bigger?

I understand so much about people completely not getting it... I never planned to co-sleep, or wear my baby everywhere, but that's just what needs to be done in order to preserve some sanity and get some sleep. "Put baby down drowsy but awake" is my favourite piece of advice that I cannot help but laugh at... Even if I put my DEEPLY ASLEEP son down, his eyes shoot right open and he's WIDE awake and active. He also does not sleep unless he's latched on boob/held in arms/cuddled tightly. He will SCREAM his head off in the stroller before eventually passing out from exhaustion (20 minutes of this makes me break out in cold sweats as everyone in the park and on the streets stares at me -- I just want to yell "he's not starving or ill, this is just how he goes to sleep in his pram I promise !!!"

Needless to say I've tried the PUPD and gentle sleep training methods to try and get him to fall asleep without a boob - and - rock for 15 minutes till my arms fall off - routine, but it ends up in him completely hysterical (none of that grumbling and then dozing off thing most parents go on about)...

When he's awake he is very very alert and curious, wants to move on his own but gets frustrated that he can't. He's most happiest when he's playing with me or my partner - he loves being silly and tickling games etc -- but I do feel like I have a toddler trapped in a baby's body because he does not sit still. He's ok when he's in constant motion, but if things become too calm and boring he starts to whinge and demand more action!

Basically... It's crazy hard work and I wish people with "calm" babies would stop trying to shove their, admittedly well meaning but horribly annoying, advice at me.