Anyone for a new high needs baby support thread?

[PterodactylTeaParty]

There used to be some high needs baby support threads on here, but they fizzled out a few years ago. So, does this sound like your baby?

1. Feeds frequently daytime
2. Feeds frequently nighttime
3. Needs to be constantly held
4. Won't sleep alone
5. Hates the car seat/pram
6. Short naps

Ever laugh bitterly at the phrase "drowsy but awake"? Find yourself staring in envy at the babies at baby group who lie happily in their prams gurgling at toys? Wanted to punch the oh-so-helpful person who mentioned making a rod for your own back while you paced up and down with your unputdownable velcro baby? If so, roll up and join in!

Dr Sears on 12 features of high needs babies: www.askdrsears.com/topics/health-concerns/fussy-baby/high-need-baby/12-features-high-need-baby

And 20 survival tips for parents: www.askdrsears.com/topics/health-concerns/fussy-baby/high-need-baby/parent-parent-20-survival-tips-parents-high-need-children

To those of you with poor sleepers- what are your lo's like during the day?

Ever since she hit about 4 months (now 9 months) she's generally been a pretty happy baby during the day. Loves socialising, very smily, grins and laughs all the time - as long as you are within reach, constantly interacting with her, and ready to pick her up as soon as she deems it necessary now now NOW. I am still amazed by this because she was just so unhappy for her first few months. It's the one high-needs area where we got lucky.

(That said she will still flip from super-happy to screaming blue murder in a few moments, and some days she's still either in my arms or clinging to my legs screaming at me all day, but at least in general she seems to like life an awful lot better than she did when she was tiny.)

I'm absolutely dreading going back to work in about 3 months and leaving her with a childminder.

I went back to work part-time when DD was 5.5mo, and she's with her grandmother for three half-days a week. Luckily they adore each other and DD gets near-constant interaction from her which seems to be what she needs. She will let MIL rock her to sleep in the sling, and when she hit about 6 months started to nap in her buggy too. So it's gone better than I imagined, although DD often still bursts into tears when I get home and won't let me put her down for the rest of the evening - but she doesn't seem particularly fussy while I'm out at least.

Happy in the day as long as I go for a walk/drive every 1 1/2-2h to get ds to sleep. If not over tired mess like I have now and dh who promised he would be home by now hasn't left yet and is 2h away...great

Ugh.

DD feeds to sleep and stays on my lap until I go to bed ,then we co sleep. That way she's right by my nipple for her wakings and I get some rest. But when I go back to work (fairly soon) I'll be doing some late and night shifts, so obviously need an alternative. Tonight is Night One of Pantely Pull Off and sshh-patting. I am currently re-settling her for the sixth time :(

I have just found this thread, I have a 15 month old high needs baby (dd2). I am so shattered, every night she wakes every couple of hours or so, I bf and either dh or I sleep next to her (she does the first bit in her own cot but after that I am too exhausted to try and put her back).

I work full-time and also have a 3 year old who lately also wakes up pretty much every night at some point. So there is a lot of bed-hopping for dh and I. Today I felt so low, so stressed and tearful at work as we had a particularly bad night and also a really bad morning where 3 year old wouldn't get dressed, we were all running late etc. I don't know how I am going to get through the next few months, am just hoping at some point she will start to sleep.

When I come in from work both of them are fighting for attention and if dd2 is put down she immediately starts to cry insanely. It is always extremely difficult to have them both on my own as she has never been that easy going type of baby who will just gurgle in a bouncer while I play with the toddler. She spent much of the first year in a sling, would not go in the pushchair until 10 months and cried in the car seat every time until she was in a forward facing one.

On the up side, she is such a hilarious little character and will play and entertain herself for ages if you are just nice and CLOSE by. She loves to go out and about and socialise and is so very affectionate and cuddly.

I can't even contemplate sleep training. I am too shattered and I know that she would resist anything so strongly. She has been like this since the moment she was born. The first night, we were in hospital and she slept on my chest while I snoozed and worried that she would fall off the narrow hospital bed!

I was not like this as a baby, apparently I slept in my own room from the first day! My dd1 was also sleeping well from early on. My sister, however, was just like this.

Sorry, I never really get to pour this stuff out anywhere as I just get people's 'helpful tips' or outright criticism. I really should be in bed now.

I'm in, dd2 is 6 months and has started fighting her sleep, the worse thing though is not letting me leave the room without screaming blue murder, I can't even go loo

Flashy - gah, yes, it's so frustrating when you can't even pee. I was just bringing DD with me and plonking her on the bathroom floor, but now she wants to stand and pull everything down to play with it's getting impossible.

Oh Terra, you must be exhausted. Do you have friends/family around to give you a break? I hope so much for you that she starts sleeping well soon, or even just gives you a bit more of a break during the day.

On the up side, she is such a hilarious little character and will play and entertain herself for ages if you are just nice and CLOSE by. She loves to go out and about and socialise and is so very affectionate and cuddly.

Yes, that's just what my DD is like. She's so happy and fun if you're right there and not doing anything else and there's a lot of interesting stuff going on and preferably a lot of people around... if I only had about four times as much energy as I do, she'd be a doddle! Took her to a Baby Sensory class this morning and she loved it - I went to pay the leader, looked back, and DD was on the other side of the room crawling like crazy and giggling to herself without even looking back at me. It's weird to me that she's so independent at times like that, but still just needs so much of me at home - much of the time it's a choice between baby on my hip and baby clinging to my legs and crying to be picked up. Really need to work out how to do the back carry properly with the Ergo.

We bumped into an acquaintance the other day whose baby is a bit older, and a great sleeper, because "we did Gina Ford and it just works so well and we have these friends who didn't and their baby wakes up all the time and it must be exhausting, ours was sleeping through the night by eight weeks, theirs still isn't can you believe it, how's yours doing?" I sort of went "Ummmm...." and DH made a tactful comment about how all babies are different. Aaaaiiieeee. And I know Gina Ford wouldn't have worked for DD, or me for that matter, but Lord I need a better answer for times when I'm talking to people who have The Perfect Solution.

(Although, next time someone takes all the credit for how well their baby sleeps, I'm going to take all the credit for mine hitting some other milestone. I mean, DD was holding her head up when she was twelve hours old! That must be 100% due to all the running to the toilet to throw up I did in pregnancy, right? )

Pterodactyl that's so annoying bit what else can you say - people just do not get what it's like if their baby sleeps well. Tbh if I had done Gina and it worked I'd probably come out with the same kind of comment! I do believe a lot in routine, it is so worth doing so that babies know what bedtime is, but it sure doesn't guarantee sttn. Just try to let it roll off you. Dd1 was high maintenance and crap sleeper but such a lovely toddler, never had issues with hitting or biting other kids etc..It is just a personality thing and children are what they are.

Got asked by lady in the GP surgery if dd2 was a good baby - I said 'nope!' And she looked really shocked! A bit sympathetic but mostly shocked

Ah I'm really envious of you that have well mannered happy babies during the day time at least. It's so tough with a sensitive hyperactive cryer who goes off at the slightest thing. Feel so on edge all the time.

I hate it when people ask if ds is 'good' - like babies are either good or bad.

Totally agree auntie I normally say hes getting happier and happier each month to avoid the question!

chickz ds is all smiles until he is tired then there is no point me even staying in, drive or walk is essential! So flashyballs I can TOTALLY relate!

She is a very happy little girl most of the time, if I'm with her, or someone, the other kids or dh, but when I'm on my own it's hard, 1 thing we have missed is the sleepless nights, she's fab for some reason, although about a month ago it was 11-12 at night that seems to have stopped now.

How is everyone doing? We had a minor success last night as managed to put DD down after 3 out of 4 night feeds and she didn't insist on suckling endlessly back to sleep (I say 'put her down', we're co-sleeping so not far to go!)

Wondered whether any have tried cranial osteopathy and whether it made any difference.. Am guessing that if you have and it was an amazing success you wouldn't be on this thread..!

That still counts as a success maymow, well done!

We have been okay-ish the last couple of nights, by her standards at least - she usually wakes 2 or 3 times in the evening before we go to bed and 3 or 4 times during the night. So she's in her bedside cot for the first part, and then I lift her over to sleep in between us after the first night wakeup (which I know is not recommended for co-sleeping, but she is 10 months tomorrow and huge so hoping that makes it better).

What I'm really struggling with at the moment is daytime naps (in buggy or Ergo only, and then only a catnap after much protest) and spending half my evenings settling her back to sleep, because she will only settle for me then and just wails if DH tries. If I could just count on even 30 mins break to get some things done during the day on my own life would be so much easier.

teaparty I'm there with you ds naps on me or buggy - time to myself ...what's that? I tend to think walking is good exercise or put a film on and enjoy cuddles -saves stress at the moment!

maymow I did cranial osteopathy with ds which helped with some things but wasn't a magic cure. His skull plates were apparently too squished and his neck was really tight. He used to scream pretty much constantly when awake if not feeding until about 8 weeks I think maybe later so it helped with that. Best thing would be to book a consultation

Definitely share the pain on daytime naps. I often think if could get those sorted - or even just a bit more predictable - the day-to-day would feel so much more enjoyable. As it is I never know if she'll wake after 20 mins in sling in a screaming grump or go a full 1hr 30 and be a total joy.

Thanks AuntyMaggie interesting to hear your experience. What kind of things improved? We had a consultation plus 1 treatment; the osteopath said she had a tight skull. There may have been a tiny improvement (eg playing on mat for 10 mins not crying after 3 to be picked up) but could be coincidence - so just debating whether to fork out for further treatments..

We did around 8 sessions of cranial osteopathy. Didn't make the blindest bit of difference as she just has a high needs low tolerance temperament. Cries a lot because she is sensitive to things and because things annoy her.
Sorry I can't be more positive maymow!

We didn't because it was too expensive and dh thought it was all rubbish but a friend swears by it for her little boy- he was much calmer afterwards. I think the sooner after birth the better from what she said. I'd told dh if colic didn't go after 12 weeks we were getting it no matter what the cost! Thankfully we didn't have to have that conversation!

Helpful advice from my family today! (Childless) brother says that his friend (with one DC) says that the trick to getting DD to nap in her cot is to let her fall asleep on us, then put her in her cot, and then when she wakes up she'll be used to it and won't cry. Gosh, if only I'd thought of trying that!

Also, my mother is determined to get us to put DD in her own room, because that's the trick to getting her to sleep through the night. Despite also telling me that I was in my own room from day 1 and didn't sleep through until I was three.

People are just trying to help, people are just trying to help, they are not actually in league with the baby to stop me getting any sleep ever, breathe calmly, breathe calmly...

I think the phase smile and nod comes in handy here - that and this eve

Oh Pt you have to laugh don't you, laugh or you'll just cry. Dd falls asleep on us but I have to be like a ninja to put her down without waking her up.

Sat up in bed rocking her back to sleep. She's been up since 2.30. Before that, up at 1.00, 11.00, 9.30. Fairly sure she has a new tooth coming through. I am so so tired.

I think her eyes are finally closed but I don't dare stop rocking...

pt know that feeling ds has the most horrible cold and up all night with him - currently stood rocking him. He sounds so horrible and feel so bad for him nothing worse than being bunged up let alone as a baby

Did you get any sleep pterodactyl?

I was filled with rage today by the smug annoying woman this morning who told me her DD 'sleeps well because I leave her to self settle'. ODFOD. If I leave DD she will scream until she vomits. This isn't something I have done, this is who she is! Even as a 9 week old foetus the obstetrician said how incredibly active she was.

who told me her DD 'sleeps well because I leave her to self settle'.

Bwahaha. She's welcome to come round to my house and explain to me at which point during the red-faced cry-scream-vomiting this 'settling' is supposed to happen...

I really have to find a way to let people's idiotic well-meant advice roll off my back better. Including my family's, who are usually great but when they get the bit between their teeth on something just will not let it go.

We had months of my mum and MIL trying to get me to take DD out in the pram rather than her sling, and just plain not accepting "no because she screams non-stop until I take her out" as a reason why I wouldn't. Eventually went out with both of them and DD in pram, DD howled as expected, and I got "well she's just doing that because you expect her to!" Yeah, she's psychic. I'm really hoping that co-sleeping isn't going to be the next thing they seize on but I bet it is. Sigh.

Eventually got her back to sleep from 4-ish to 6.30 so I got a bit more rest. How are you coping, ickle?