Anyone for a new high needs baby support thread?

[PterodactylTeaParty]

There used to be some high needs baby support threads on here, but they fizzled out a few years ago. So, does this sound like your baby?

1. Feeds frequently daytime
2. Feeds frequently nighttime
3. Needs to be constantly held
4. Won't sleep alone
5. Hates the car seat/pram
6. Short naps

Ever laugh bitterly at the phrase "drowsy but awake"? Find yourself staring in envy at the babies at baby group who lie happily in their prams gurgling at toys? Wanted to punch the oh-so-helpful person who mentioned making a rod for your own back while you paced up and down with your unputdownable velcro baby? If so, roll up and join in!

Dr Sears on 12 features of high needs babies: www.askdrsears.com/topics/health-concerns/fussy-baby/high-need-baby/12-features-high-need-baby

And 20 survival tips for parents: www.askdrsears.com/topics/health-concerns/fussy-baby/high-need-baby/parent-parent-20-survival-tips-parents-high-need-children

OK, DD down for the night at 7.30. Woke and yelled for me at 9 and 9.30. This is not going to be a good night. We're averaging about 6/7 wake-ups a night at the moment - it's not as hard as it could be because she sleeps next to me in a 3-sided cot and she's bf so I can just roll over and feed her back to sleep, mostly, but still. So tired.

(To be fair to her though the teething doesn't help with this - usually she wakes and settles herself again without crying about two or three times before I come to bed. And at least she'll sleep the first part of the night without me next to her now, unlike the first 6 months!)

urgh it's shit isn't it. Especially when you know it's going to be a tough night!

Have you got a DP/DH around?

Have you got any chocolate or cake for later?

yeah, DH will take her in the morning for an hour or two so I can get some sleep. Running low on chocolate though. Must restock supplies.

Definitely restock on supplies
I'm off dairy and other things atm due to suspected intolerances. I've got some double deckers in the fridge that I can't wait to have when I stop bf. Sometimes I take them out and sniff them (as if I'd be able to smell the chocolate through the wrapper )

Glad your DH gives you a bit of a break. You're doing great you know, your last sentence about your baby being able to sleep the first part of the night without you now says that you've made progress.

6/7 wake ups a night as well! You're doing amazing honestly, the chronic sleep deprivation just does you in physically and mentally.

Hope your DD settles soon and you can get some rest

Anyone had any success sleep training a high needs baby? My 16mo dd still demands bf 2-3x a night, each one taking 1.5-2 hours. I'm shattered and being a bad mum to (also high-needs) dd1...

Can i join?

My ds is 6 months and has been ill with bronchiolitis for 2 weeks and now has started teething again :(

My HV used to think it was something I was doing and tell me off for not leaving him to settle until ds screamed blue murder at her and she couldn't settle him

Wow, AuntieMaggie, your HV is an idiot. It's tough enough having a baby like this without people telling you it's your own fault.

Great idea for a thread.
My lo was HN for the first few weeks, but amazingly he's 6 weeks now and has recently transformed from screaming rage over everything (feeding/sleeping/being picked up or put down/being in pram/in cot/you name it never ending wailing), to a relatively calmer "colicky" infant. His head-penetrating wailing mostly comes for 3-4 hours after 6pm.

I don't even try to settle him for bed until 10pm as he basically cries unless he is on my boob. I nurse till he falls asleep as he can't settle on his own.

I think he grew out of his full-on high needs phase (if that's what it was?!) so maybe that can happen early on. I was falling apart it was so bad.

Can I join? I was a lurker on the last thread (with previous DS) and lucky me have another high needs baby.
DS3 is 11weeks old. He wakes every hour or so for comfort- will only actually feed twice a night but wakes up frequently in between. He cannot be put down for daytime naps and has to be fed and rocked to sleep.
However- I've been here before and I know it passes. He now will go in a Moses basket for some time at night where previously he slept only on my chest. He also has the most beautiful smile so I know he's happy really.
Good idea OP to share our woes and keep each other company and ride it out.

Well my positivity has gone right out of the window as DD was up every 2 hours last night

So worn out with this

Just saw this thread on 'active' and popped in to give you a bit of hope. My 3yo DS was a high needs baby, ticked every box. Got through it with slings and co sleeping, and he was much calmer from probably 18ish months old. It was such hard work though, you have my sympathy. Erm he still doesn't sleep through though. My 14mo DD though was one of those babies I used to dream about! No problems in the car seat or pram (mostly), sat in a bouncy chair, naps better than her brother. Not great at night though, but hey, who needs sleep!

poppetina, thank you for the reassurance! I reckon I could manage DD not sleeping through for a few years if she was just a bit less exhausting in every other way.

BabyOnBoob, ugh I'm sorry it is just so hellishly exhausting when you can't even get a halfway decent chunk of sleep.

How's everyone else doing? We had a minor victory today when DD let me plonk her in her travel cot for a few minutes while I put a load of laundry on, without any screaming at all. (Tried to do it again later to make a cup of tea and she started yelling before I even left the room, but still, small victories...)

I am so jealous of people who talk about leaving their babies to fuss for a few minutes, too. Mine does not seem to have a 'fuss' mode - she goes from zero to "HELP HELP SOMEONE CALL SOCIAL SERVICES" red-faced screaming with tears in about three seconds.

Pterodactyle - I totally get you about people saying to leave the baby to fuss. My DS used to scream and cry in the car seat, which made long journeys really difficult.

People said to just leave him crying in the seat, but he used to cry so much that he would start gulping and choking and almost make himself sick while gasping for breath. This meant having to keep stopping the car and taking him out for rests.

A few months later I did controlled crying for a few nights which completely solved the sleep issues at night, and the same people who said it was OK to leave him crying in the car seat, said that controlled crying was bad for the baby! But it worked for us as he then slept really well, he became happier and we all coped with everything much better.

Hello everyone. My dd is now 15 months and slowly getting better but it's been a very very slow process. Still so incredibly sensitive demanding hyperactive. She doesn't cry as much as she used to but her cry is the loudest thing I've never heard so tuna and tea party I'm with ya. Can go from 0 to 160 in about a millisecond!

We had 2 naps today in bouncy chair (after being fed to sleep and held for 10minutes) this is like a miracle but he's snuffly so think it might be to do with being a bit poorly.
I know what you mean re: leave them to cry. DS will not just self settle- he goes to full blown crying if not picked up. To be honest self settling is the least of my worries. If I could get more than 2 hours sleep in a row I'd be happy.

Yes please can I join waves at auntie 6 month old ds currently rocking as he has a cold so is just miserable despite having just had nap, fed and had calpol! A sling saved us earlier and currently saving to get an ergo!

He will now go in pushchair and fall asleep in it but thats fairly recent! Oh what fun high needs babies are!

Thank you Pterodactyl.

That's brilliant news about your victory today with the laundry

It's these sort of normal everyday activities which are nigh on impossible with a high needs baby.

I put my DD in the bathroom with me in her bumbo while I had a 10 minute shower and she went mental, screamed her head off.

I find life with her immensely stressful and she won't have any brothers or sisters.

Please can anybody recommend a sling? The one we got from mothercare is doing our backs in. I've got a kari me but she leans over the side so not safe. I was thinking a strappy, structured one if anyone can help.

This was a long time ago, but I bought an electric swing that automatically went back and forwards while playing music. This worked for a few weeks and I could shower, brush teeth etc!! But effect wore off and after a few weeks it did not have the same affect, so I sold it on Ebay. But calculating cost per use, it was worth every penny!!!

Sorry, shouldn't have nc midway through such an important thread but I'm TipsyMcgee.

Just fancied a new name!

babyonboob we used closer caboo which was brilliant - from about 5 months I found my back was getting sore so looking at getting a buckled one.

My ds hardly goes into bouncy chair, hates lying on back so playmat hardly used however we bought an inflatable ring playnest think it was called where he could sit up and really liked it. Gave us some time without holding him before he could sit up by himself!

Thanks for this icklekid. I've been looking at one called boba. It's pricey but I'll be using it for hours and my back is shagged very sore with the one I use now.

Yes we got her the playnest thing for Christmas she'll tolerate it for a few minutes if you're with her. Hoping she'll grow to like it then I can have a poo take a shower in peace.

DS settled at half 9 and has now fed at 11, 1 and 3. Except now he's not really feeding, just comfort sucking.
So tired but unfortunately this is normal for us.

And 3.30, 4, 4.20, 5.10. . .
It goes on.
Not had a night this bad for a while :(

I hear ya RainbowInACloud

You'd think they'd be shattered and just sleep wouldn't you.

I'm sure I say that many times a day "you are so tired so why won't you sleep??!!"

We use this bath support www.mothercare.com/Angelcare-Soft-Touch-Bath-Support---Pink/630324,default,pd.html as a chair in the bathroom and for some reason he doesn't cry in it. Sadly at 6 months he can now wriggle out but if you can get one on gumtree/ebay cheaply is worth a try!