Anyone for a new high needs baby support thread?

[PterodactylTeaParty]

There used to be some high needs baby support threads on here, but they fizzled out a few years ago. So, does this sound like your baby?

1. Feeds frequently daytime
2. Feeds frequently nighttime
3. Needs to be constantly held
4. Won't sleep alone
5. Hates the car seat/pram
6. Short naps

Ever laugh bitterly at the phrase "drowsy but awake"? Find yourself staring in envy at the babies at baby group who lie happily in their prams gurgling at toys? Wanted to punch the oh-so-helpful person who mentioned making a rod for your own back while you paced up and down with your unputdownable velcro baby? If so, roll up and join in!

Dr Sears on 12 features of high needs babies: www.askdrsears.com/topics/health-concerns/fussy-baby/high-need-baby/12-features-high-need-baby

And 20 survival tips for parents: www.askdrsears.com/topics/health-concerns/fussy-baby/high-need-baby/parent-parent-20-survival-tips-parents-high-need-children

Can I join? Waves at Ickle and Auntie.

DS is 6mo, and will now be put down in his jumperoo/on playmat/in rocker chair for a while, and he's starting to tolerate his pushchair and car seat, but these are all very recent things! He will occasionally sleep through the night but mostly is up at least 4 times a night, and has to be fed back to sleep otherwise he screams. Daytime naps have to be on me. I'm exhausted! I want to move him into his own room, but when I've tried it I've ended up spending most of the night in the chair in his room trying to get him to settle. I'm going back to work in February and I'm starting to worry that I'll never manage on this little sleep!

The Dr Sears list describes 6mo DD to a tee. She is so full on, 24/7. She'll only nap on me and we co sleep so that I can just lie on my side with my boobs out and let her suckle on and off throughout the night.

Like tunaandcheesesandwich, we had a swinging chair that she used to sleep in, but one (sad) day it just stopped working. (The sleep inducingness, not the actual swing.)

Because she's so fascinated and interested in everything, she initially appears to be quite an easy baby, but anyone who spends time with us soon realises she's utterly exhausting. She's brilliant fun as well, so very quick to laugh, but her mood is mercurial and she goes from busting a gut laughing to utter rage/devastation in a heartbeat.

Definite high needs baby no 1 but at 1 year, some things are much much easier. I still laugh at this drowsy but awake nonsense - we have no such setting on this model! But on the plus side, I have a super inquisitive active bundle of fun. Hot weather in the summer got us from "only sleeping in the daytime in the sling" to napping in the pushchair. I'm hoping this summer will see us from co-sleeping on the boob/on my arm to wanting own space. Definitely a believer in "do whatever works" and ignoring advice..though I do worry little puggle will need to pick a uni close to home so I can pop round and feed him to sleep after a night out......

Our house is cluttered with baby paraphernalia which family so generously gave us, now collecting dust: baby swing, pram, crib, one bouncy chair (although she will tolerate a different bouncy chair for a few minutes, yet they look really very similar to me!) - and it makes me feel so guilty.

babyonboob I have tried and tested quite a few slings now. The Caboo was great for a while but didn't offer head support so rarely use it now. Bjorn leant to us by friends I found too fiddly. We got a Boba but the colour bled on to DD's clothes even after washing so sending it back. At the moment she lives in a Connecta, which I've found really easy to use and she seems comfy and supported. I like the look of the Ergo 360 as baby can face outwards and look at the world - my left arm is knackered from holding her in the crook constantly. But I really should not buy any more slings..

DD (3 months) is a terrible sleeper, completely addicted to comfort nursing. I put her down on her stomach last night to see what would happen and bam! out like a light! Of course I then didn't sleep watching to check she was breathing.. but now I'm wondering whether to let her tummy sleep if we use the Angelcare monitor - any others have experience?

Maymow thanks for the feedback about slings. I actually bought the Boba carrier on Amazon last night and it's been dispatched. I'll keep an eye out to see if the colours run but may keep it anyway if it's good for our backs and comfortable.

Erm with tummy sleeping, I probably wouldn't at 3 months. Think it could be a risk if your DD can't move her head to the side so her nostrils aren't covered.

I know what you mean as well about the unused baby paraphernalia!

Waves to Ickle and Becky

PterodactylTeaParty yes not the best HV... she also told me I needed to tell my gp at our 6 week check about his inability to settle himself and that he had his days/nights mixed up... my gp said what did I expect he was 6 weeks old!

Mine does not seem to have a 'fuss' mode - she goes from zero to "HELP HELP SOMEONE CALL SOCIAL SERVICES" red-faced screaming with tears in about three seconds. yep this is ds since he was about 5 days old... I was still in the hospital then as I had high BP and severe anaemia and the midwives could tell him from the other babies from the other end of the corridor... he had character they said

tunaandcheesesandwich genuine question - how did you manage controlled crying? anytime I've left ds for even a bit out of necessity he gets in such a state

It's these sort of normal everyday activities which are nigh on impossible with a high needs baby. people don't understand this and there have been threads on here that have made me cry from guilt that I still can barely manage any housework when ds is 6 months old when they're flaming the op for being lazy for not doing any at 3/4months :( I would actually enjoy doing some housework!

I can manage to shower with ds in a bouncy chair if I'm quick though he managed to launch himself forward and almost tipped it over the other day so that won't last much longer. He likes his playmat and jumperoo but again for about 10 minutes at a time. He hated the inflatable ring thing after a couple of times of liking it He just absolutely loves interacting with people and attention - doesn't matter if its me (apart from when he was ill over Christmas). He always hated the car seat but lately he seems ok as long as we play classical music so loud we can't hear ourselves think and hated the sling.

I'm quite lucky as he'll sleep for somewhere between 4-6 hours before waking for a feed and then will go for another 2-3 hours but then is up for the day but this does mean I often got to bed at 8pm as he's up at 4am! During the day he catnaps on me for 20-30 mins about 3-4 times a day though recently by fluke I can sometimes get him to sleep on the bed by lying down with him then gently removing myself.

But on the plus side, I have a super inquisitive active bundle of fun this sums ds up perfectly - he's such fun and I've got to do so much with him because of how he is. And puggle I keep saying to DP its going to be like that bitty sketch from Little Britain!

I had a bit of a meltdown yesterday as I was so exhausted physically and emotionally - I find my mood really depends on ds's mood and if he is really upset so am I. Watching him scream through illness for two weeks over Christmas really took it out of me and the final straw after a morning of screaming at each hourly nappy change because of his nappy rash was being told he'd lost weight over Christmas.

My next challenge is moving him into a new cot in his own room... do it gradually or get it over with in one go?

Auntie my DS sounds very similar to yours. He's very inquisitive and gets bored of things very quickly, but will stay in his jumperoo or door swing for quite a while as long as someone is also with him and talking to him.

On the plus side, he's pretty happy to let anyone hold him, cwtch him and play with him, but he does look around to check I'm there every so often. He's also really enjoying new foods, and so far the only thing he hasn't liked has been carrot and swede.

I'm putting off putting him in his own room for now as he has a cold, but I have no idea how I'm going to get him to sleep in his cot. I also need to get him to feed from a bottle or cup as I need to cut down on breastfeeding to go back to work, as I won't be able to express. so far I'm not having much luck! I don't know which battle to pick first!

DD's bedtime is usually around 7.30. It is now 9.30 and she's still awake. WTF? DH has her in the other room in the Ergo with white noise playing and lights off to see if that'll work.

Ugh, I am so tired I just want to crawl into a corner and sleep for a hundred years. I've had an evil antibiotic-resistant kidney infection from hell since before Christmas, and I think I've finally shaken it (tests tomorrow to find out) but it's really taken it out of me energy-wise. Her sleep and naps going haywire on top of that is just flattening me.

But on the plus side, I have a super inquisitive active bundle of fun - yes, I am reminding myself of this too! She is so sociable and active and funny, she really is a delight when she's in a good mood (which is fairly often these days as long as you're doing something fun with her allllllll the time). She never stops babbling either - I think she's going to be a real chatterbox when she's older.

DH just texted to say she's asleep. Hallelujah and choirs of singing angels! Now to see if we can transfer her out of Ergo and to bed...

This is a great thread. Just brilliant that we can all talk about our babies without anyone trying to solve the issues. I find the well meaning advice in rl really hard. I think 'yes if I could bloody put her down in her cot and shush and pat her to sleep, I would do!!'

Couldn't even put her in her playnest this morning, so straight up and into the back breaker sling

Really good to hear from people who've also been through this nightmare and come out the other side. I'm still only having one of these little monsters

Yes babyonboob so good to vent and not feel need to solve problems! It's just how they are!

Ds totally messed up our 'habit ' (no where near a routine!) This morning so ended up going for walk around the block at 9.30 as he wouldn't sleep or eat but was both hungry and tired! Anyway about to wake him with food then go see a friend whose just moved locally. Going to see a possible childminder later- bets on ds being on worst behaviour?

Oh we have had an awful morning. About 5 epic fits of crying all before 8am. Some to do with falling over but who knows about the others. Such loud piercing screams and I always wonder how much the neighbours can hear. Had to go to the loo with her sat on my knee as date I even put her down for 2 mins.
Icklekid good luck at the childminder.
Babyonboob- yes I agree just to vent. There is unfortunately noggin solution. I used to google endlessly to work out why my baby was so miserable but over time I have been trying to accept that it's just how she is.

• magical solution not noggin solution. Although I do like that word!

Great idea for a thread. Have not read it all but just wanted to say that DS was definitely in this category, he was such hard work for the first year and didn't sleep through the night until 23 months - eight weeks ago! His sleep is still very 'fragile' - we were away last week and it was a disaster. BUT I have to say that having been such a difficult and to be honest not very rewarding baby he is SUCH a lovely toddler. So chatty, enthusiastic, interested, just really delightful. He was a late walker (at 17 months) and around the 17-18 month mark was the real turning point for us, he just seemed so much happier suddenly. He has never slept more than 12 hours out of 24 and that is still true, but at least at 2 that seems a lot more normal than it did at 2 weeks!

I am expecting DS2 some time this month and quite nervous about it to be honest. DS was very lively inside but DS2 has been if anything even livelier: I could feel him from 11 weeks despite an anterior placenta! He really honestly appears never to sleep in there. So we are bracing ourselves.

Is anyone else on high needs baby no. 2? Did experience mean you found it easier to cope with? Or is it true that second babies are usually more chilled? Anyone else notice a correlation between a LOT of movement inside and being sleepless once born?

On high needs number 2 (although I have 3DC)
It really is a massive difference and makes you realise it's not your fault as that's how I felt with DC1!
Slightly better night for us last night- only woke at 10, 1, 3 and 5 which is progress.
Also just had a long nap on me (given up attempting to put him down)
With DC1 (also high needs) my MIL put him down for naps when he was 13 months and I was back at work. It was like something just clicked and he was more settled. So I think they all get there in the end.

BabyOnBoob - gah, yes, shush-pat! That one's up there with 'drowsy but awake' for me in the Completely Unrealistic Advice Hall of Fame. Although my absolute favourite was from my hairdresser: "Well if you carry her around all the time no wonder she doesn't like being put down!" Sigh.

Frankly I would get cross if I was trying to go to sleep and someone was patting my bottom!

A good friend of mine texted me telling me her DS has taken to drifting off to sleep when she pops him down in his cot The only thing putting DD down 'drowsy but awake' has ever done was wake her up fully, piss her off and make it 10 times as hard to get her to sleep.

Ha. I put DD in her cot at 4am today after half an hour of trying to rock/feed her to sleep, when her eyes were already closed, thinking in some moment of madness that she might be tired enough to just drift off herself. One minute later she was standing up, bouncing, bashing a toy duck off the cot bars and yelling "LAGALAGALAGA!" - which I think is Baby for "nice try, Mother."

puggle01 patting ds's bum is one of the few things that helps calm him down and the more vigorous the better sometimes - honestly you should see how dp jiggles him and pats his bum and he goes to sleep!

Erm, personal question - if you have a sleep hating baby that naps on you, how do you manage to have sex? It's been a long time and I (think I) miss it.

winkly 3 options -quickly, ignoring his /her crying , or you get someone else to take baby for a walk/look after them! If you go for option 3 I wouldn't explain why

I've reverted back to holding DD for naps. If I put her down in cot, she wakes after 20 minutes, won't be rocked back to sleep but will be grouchy and obviously still tired. If I hold her (snuggled up on couch while I watch Gilmore Girls...) she will sleep for 1.5 hours, wake up happy and rested and it makes for a better night time too.

I actually don't mind not being able to get anything done and I obviousky love the cuddles but I am wracked with guilt about what DD will do when she has to start nursery when I return to work in April. I mean the staff aren't going to walk around rocking her then sit holding her are they?! I predict screams.

Incidentally on the screaming front, since turning 8 months last week DD has started a very pronounced babble of "rah-rah-rah". She does it in a happy tone when playing etc but I've found that in some situations where she would have previously started screaming, she has instead been doing the rah-rah-rah in a shouty, urgent "voice". I have often thought her screaming was borne out of frustration with not being able to communicate, perhaps as she finds new ways to communicate what she wants/needs there will be less screaming? Still demanding but maybe not as stomach-wrenching!

Stay strong everyone!

sex? what's that then?!

seriously if I get any time I have other things I want to do before sex... like sleep.

juniormint DS sleeps better on me too. If I could do something while he was awake I wouldn't mind either. As for going to nursery according to a mum in my baby group who works in a nursery they're used to this and have plenty of babies that don't nap on their own so try not to worry but maybe talk to them about how you can prepare dd. Also she may be different for them - ds is for other people... He goes to sleep in the buggy in my mum's house for her and has gone to sleep in the car seat that he hates!