Anyone for a new high needs baby support thread?

[PterodactylTeaParty]

There used to be some high needs baby support threads on here, but they fizzled out a few years ago. So, does this sound like your baby?

1. Feeds frequently daytime
2. Feeds frequently nighttime
3. Needs to be constantly held
4. Won't sleep alone
5. Hates the car seat/pram
6. Short naps

Ever laugh bitterly at the phrase "drowsy but awake"? Find yourself staring in envy at the babies at baby group who lie happily in their prams gurgling at toys? Wanted to punch the oh-so-helpful person who mentioned making a rod for your own back while you paced up and down with your unputdownable velcro baby? If so, roll up and join in!

Dr Sears on 12 features of high needs babies: www.askdrsears.com/topics/health-concerns/fussy-baby/high-need-baby/12-features-high-need-baby

And 20 survival tips for parents: www.askdrsears.com/topics/health-concerns/fussy-baby/high-need-baby/parent-parent-20-survival-tips-parents-high-need-children

ds woke up a few times last night though I only had to pick him up twice I'm exhausted. doesn't help I'm ill and in pain too. Can't someone have him for a few hours dp said this morning... yes dp who???

I'm also trying to express every couple of hours to increase my supply which works really well with a baby that doesn't want to be put down today!

I long for the day I can prepare/eat proper bloody food!

I'd love to do this, I just have no idea how. Is there a spell i don't know about or something?

exactly. "She needs to learn how to nap on her own" - oh ok, I'll just write her a letter about it, shall I?

Pterodactyl when people give me their irritating well meaning advice about sleep I often feel like saying ok, I'll bring that up in his monthly performance evaluation under the heading needs improvement, shall I?

PterodactylTeaParty lmao at "i'll just write her a letter about it, shall I?" - I might actually say that when people give me "advice" in future!

becky if you find that spell let me know.

I dunno what is going on with ds but he's very clingy today and is napping on me for the nth time today. I haven't got dressed or eaten anything except choc biscuits with my tea this morning or done anything other than cuddle him and feed.

Becky2208 and icklekid - thank you. I'm just broken at the moment. DP is walking round now with a screaming DD. She's already been asleep once.
So fucking pissed off with this.

auntie I remember when still breastfeeding all my nct friends expressing lots and all I could think was how because ds would not (still often won't ) be put down. When dh is home I used to hide upstairs. When ds was refusing to breastfeed I had to pump whilst he screamed next to me then give it to him and repeat! Was soul destroying!

babyonboob was last night any better? At midnight after being up every 20mins 5 times I gave up and we co slept. Right 5am= daddy time.

becky love the monthly reviews!

Just got home from a disastrous experience at a coffee morning. Picture the scene... Mums and babies on the grass outside in the garden, babies rolling around, playing on a blanket (I'm not in the UK!).... Me inside in a dark corner, holding back my own tears, trying to calm down a hysterical baby! I don't know why I do it to myself. I know this happens every time we try to go out but keep thinking next time it will be better. I go to coffee mornings to sit on my own in a corner. I left after calming baby down, only for the crying to start again once in the car. I may never leave home with DD again. If she is indoors in our home with the same routine, she is fine. Do I just need to accept that I won't have any kind of social life for the next 18 years?!

Tallblue That's really hard. How old is she? Is there anyway to distract her by taking her own toys or feeding her? Is she better if someone else holds her?

I wouldn't stop going out but maybe find a way to incorporate it into your routine to try and get her used to it even if she does cry.

icklekid - we slept a bit better thank you but getting there was terrible. She'd been asleep once (on me) but when I put her in bed she woke up. Got more and more upset, wouldn't feed. DP walked round with her screaming, she got herself into a right state and was sick. It was really upsetting. Made me decide CIO is not for us.

Poor you did you get any sleep co-sleeping?

Tallblue

Tallblue- how tough. I've been there. Mine used to cry and cry and cry and I was you in the corner trying to calm my baby. Now she is 15 months and still cries but nothing like she used to. She's v hyper though. It's tough for you right now but hang on and it will get better.
People used to say that to me and I'd never believe them but its true.
Things are still tough for us now as dd is still very high needs but things like distraction work to divert her if she's got upset.

Babyonboob- glad to hear you slept a little better. Little positive signs of improvement are always good.

Hope everyone else is doing ok.

I spent an afternoon in pub with a friend who has 2 under 2. They were both so easy.

I felt so jealous sitting there with my hyper 15 month old who cried on and off for various reasons. She wouldn't sit still. Wanted to climb on table but couldn't so cried. Cried again for another unknown reason. Cried again for another unknown reason!

for TallBlue and BabyOnBoob - Lord knows you need it.

I find the crying and meltdowns harder when around other parents and babies - I'm convinced everyone's looking at me thinking "what is she doing wrong?", which I doubt they are but in the moment it's hard to believe that.

We had a rough night and an even rougher morning, but she's been easier this afternoon after I dosed myself up with coffee. But I really, really want a shower, and DH isn't back until this evening, and there's no way to shower if I'm alone with her without non-stop screaming. One day, one day...

Were any of you high-needs babies yourselves? I was a total nightmare apparently, wouldn't be put down and wouldn't sleep, although was much more independent than my brothers as a toddler and child.

tallblue any chance you can find someone who will sit with you inside and ignore the crying so you can at least socialise a bit or will baby sleep when walking? I did a lot of walking catch ups with baby in sling for first few months...

My ds who always has a long pm nap when taken for a walk shows no sign of going to sleep 40mins later and dh will be late back tonight. . This eve is going to be horrible

PterodactylTeaParty you've probably tried this but have you put her on the floor next to the shower with some toys or in a chair/bouncer?

Or I turn music up and have ds in bathroom - sometimes he cries but I always feel able to cope with the day post shower. He's safe just unhappy!

PterodactylTeaParty I wasn't a high needs baby. I didn't even know ones as bad as mine existed until I had one.

I hope you manage to have a shower. And I hope dh is on his way home so you get a break.

DPs aunt's (he has a lot of them) always said what a beautiful baby he was... wasn't until a couple of months ago one of them said he was hard work! I mentioned something to my mum who didn't comment so I assume I wasn't

I'm not sure I was high needs but certainly didn't sleep - sadly this has never really gotten better and I've always been an early riser around 6/7am even as a teenager. My dad just used to sit me in front of the tv at 4/5am so I plan on doing the same if ds is similar

My DH was high needs, although MIL didn't have benefit of support or slings back then, just carried him on her hip for three years..

We have the same bathroom issue - DD just has to go in bouncy chair and put up with the squeals while I hurry through a shower. Next door neighbours say they don't hear her 'except in the bathroom'.. oh dear. I was treated to extra screams this morning, I think possibly because I had a towel on my head. I know I don't wash my hair that often these days, but really..

Better night last night. DH got home earlier than expected so I got to have a bath too!

Our bathroom is really really tiny so there was no way to fit in her bouncy chair or jumperoo, back when she'd tolerate them. I did do ok for a brief time with her strapped into the detachable seat part of her high chair, though - might try that again now she's eating more. We can't babyproof the room very well, so I don't trust her not to get into everything dangerous if she's not restrained.

PterodactylTeaParty can you leave her in the doorway with the door open?

very loud classical music helps ds sometimes but it has to be almost deafening... that is until the news/adverts come on!

When the door's open the steam from the shower sets the ridiculously sensitive smoke alarm off. I can't wait till the day when we're not renting any more - it's so tough to babyproof around someone else's furniture too.

I'm not sure I was high needs, though I know I wasn't particularly great with sleeping until I was about 5. I really hope DS doesn't take after me in that regard!

Glad you had a better night Pterodactyl. I'm hoping praying that we've turned a bit of corner. We moved DS into his own room two nights ago, the first night he slept 10 - 2, quick feed, then slept again until 6, then woke at 7:45. Last night he didn't wake up until 4:15! He came into bed with me when DH woke him up getting ready for work, but then didn't wake up until 7:45. I feel human again! He also hasn't screamed for 2 days! I'm touching wood and crossing my fingers and really hope he carries on like his - I can cope with how demanding he is in the day if I've had some sleep!

Pterodactyl - thanks for the

My DP was high needs apparently. Had to be in the sling all the time and just cried a lot. We asked his mum when he outgrew this. She said 'oh when he was about 3'. 3?!?! I'm on my knees now and DD is only 6 months

I was actually going to start a new thread on this but Pterodactyl you're having the same issues with the shower as I am.

Previously I could put DD in the bouncer chair in the bathroom doorway with me but now when I put the shower on she screams. I've tried her in her bumbo and playnest, but same reaction. I put the i pad in front of her today with baby Einstein on and got a bath instead. She still wasn't happy and was almost kicking off but not the same level of shrieking.

I don't really want to be getting a bath every morning as it takes ages and don't want to have a shower on a night when DP is home as I don't feel ready for the day without a morning shower.

What on earth is the matter with these babies?! Why can't they just be happy sat somewhere with a few toys?

I think the answer is probably to let her scream while I have a shower or get one at night

I'm absolutely dreading going back to work in about 3 months and leaving her with a childminder. Has anyone with a high needs baby done this and bubs has been ok (when they are fed to sleep on you and scream when you leave the room)?

My dd is now at nursery and its the only thing that stopped me from going mental. She sleeps about an hour there after being made drowsy in bouncer then transferred to cot. They just about get away with it.
She's settled in well, doesn't cry at drop off. Think she understands that she can't have 100% attention all the time. She does cry a lot but at least it's not all day screaming.

To those of you with poor sleepers- what are your lo's like during the day?
Mine cries whines whinges a lot. Such a high needs fuss pot who is such an angry little thing!