I am on day 3 of No Shouting.

[MyCrazyLife]

And I'm so bloody proud of myself!

I hated myself sometimes; I've got three lovely children (5, 3 and 1) and yet I got to the point where I was screaming at them regularly. Ok so in my "defence" it's the holidays, they fight and wind each other up constantly, I get very bad PMT.

But on the other hand, my horrible, abusive mother used to shout and scream at me, everything was my fault, and she would end saying things like "you should be ashamed" ... "You are a horrible bitch that no one likes" etc etc (things that to this day still affect me).

Now I never got that far with my own DC of course; they are all so loved and wanted. But I was terrified I'd turn into her. So after having a horrible day last Thursday, I vowed to stop shouting. They will still be disciplined if naughty, of course - with the Silly Step or toy confiscation etc - but I won't take out my own frustrations on them.

It's the third day, they're all asleep and I haven't shouted since that Thursday. I never thought I'd be able to do this, really hope I can keep it up. If I can, they may never remember the awful screeching mum they used to have.

Anybody else managed to stop?

Teenage - amazing! Well done! What are you going to do with yourself?

DP is working away. About 6 months ago we had a very bad patch, so when he went to work away I was glad

However, things have been really good since then, so I'm just bored when he's away now! There's never anything good on TV and I can't find a good book to read (on kindle) spoilt brat emoticon...

Well done everyone! I didn't shout today but was at work 8 till 5 so not a major achievement, tomorrow is an at home day so will be my real challenge.

Dh is home and the football is on so if probably rather he was working away to be honest

Have you read game of thrones crazy ?

Why is bedtime stressful?! They don't want to go to bed, I'm tired, we both read both of them a story, they share a room, so one has to be asleep before we can even try and get other down or they arse about!

I'm on mat leave and busy working my way through all nine series of 24... Series 6 episode 17 as we speak. With dinner and a beer. And I have a whole cake I'm going to try not to eat in one go

There's never anything good on TV and I can't seem to get into reading at the moment. I need a long commute if I want to read a book!

Day 1 of no shouting complete. Feel quite pleased even though I've only had him for four waking hours as I've been at work.

MyCrazyLife that was a lovely way of looking at it - what am I good at when it comes to parenting? I make good meals and am very patient whilst he eats, I give loads of hugs and kisses, and I make sure he has his night routine every night so he winds down and falls asleep ok.

Today I was told by our nursery that DS is 'spirited', but not in a positive way. We are moving house soon and I am looking forward to getting him into some new childcare, as since we left the baby room at our nursery I've had so many comments about his boisterousness

Liberal - can you just cut down to one story?! Luckily mine seem to like to going to bed, but I've always been strict with it. DS and DD1 share a room too and they do often mess about. I leave them to it. If they ever woke the baby up (in another room), I'd be cross!

I haven't read it, is it good? :) DP put the film on once but I fell asleep - Im weird and don't really like films!

Teenage - ok, I can see why you're happy! What flavour cake? I want cake :(

Karin - well done! You sound like you have lots of great qualities - especially the affection you show him. I would be so fuming after a day of shouting I wouldn't want kisses and cuddles. Now I do :) DS is nearly 6 but keeps running up to me, kissing me, then going back to whatever he was doing!

Aww I'm not sure a 16 month old can be "naughty"?! I hope you find some better childcare at the new place x

Love the thought of your DS running to you for affection! What a fab reward for day four!

Perhaps try The Passage by Justin Cronin. It's kind of scifi but not really. In fact it's quite weird but very consuming. Other favourite books of mine are We Need to Talk About Kevin, the Game of Thrones series (already mentioned!), The Help and World War Z. I like dark books...

Oh yes and I know what you mean about 16 month olds not really being naughty. Although this evening he did chuck his banana at the window and pointed with an "uh-oh"!

I'm thinking childminder over nursery so he is more influenced by older children. Oh I don't know. Thoughts welcome!

Awww, at story time,ds (6) said..did you have a nice day mum? (He asks this every night) I said yes, lovely,...ds:I didn't shout..me: no, me neither nice wasn't it?..ds: yes, can we do that tomorrow? And every day? :) :) :)

I'm turning in, after 2 hours last night with a dodgy stomach __and half bottle of wine tonight-- I'm knackered.

Thanks for the thread all :)

Ok that's two votes for Game of Thrones, which I appear to have mixed up with the Hunger Games

My 20 month old also throws food. A banana went on the floor today because I didn't give her a muffin. Older children may influence your DS, but in bad ways as well as good?? My third copies everything the older two do. Sometimes it's hilarious (watching a baby attempt to do the Hokey Cokey!). But she has also learnt to hit etc...

Maybe view a few and see which feels the best?

And thank you, he is a very sweet boy. I will not take them for granted anymore.

Liberal - awww how motivating is that?! Bless his little heart. Dodgy stomach here too. Thanks DD. Night night :)

well, I had this thread in mind whilst doing DD's bedtime and all went well - well, she got a bit angry at one point but we got through it with no shouting or crossness from me. Bedtime is actually usually fine but as I'm often tired then I do get snappy with her when she starts arsing about. But tonight I let it flow over me.

I think this thread is good because you have people to report back to so knowing that you've got to 'fess up if you were shouty is a good incentive not to be! And knowing that there are people out there who are in the same boat and support each other.

Liberal have you had a look in your library for the book? They might be able to order it up for you if they haven't got it. I finished my book yesterday so might have a read of it this evening.

Game of Thrones is awesome, with the added bonus of being full of Hot Men.

Ha, I never got into it, River Tam. Probably because I was pregnant and hormonal and wanted the lesbian sex scenes to fuck off! Was that Game of Thrones?!

Well done for getting through bed time. I'm also v tired by 7pm - I'm not an evening person at all. It would be brill if we could look back on this thread in a years' time and see how far we've all come.

Such a lovely thread - thank you. It is just the wake up call I needed. I'm going to start tomorrow... DD5.9 knows how to press my buttons and I worry I have become 'that shouty mother'; DS4.6 has started shouting recently and DS1.11 gets shouted at by me if I'm particularly tired/grumpy. But it's all going to change. It has to because the children are starting to shout too and it's horrid. Plus I dread to think what our new NDN must think

buffers yep, my kids shout at each other, and when I hear ds shout at dd sometimes, it's exactly the sort of things I shout, it makes me so sad.

River I absolutely LOVE game of thrones,I read all the books, then started watching at about season 3, so am now watching the early ones to get my fix! I watched about 5 episodes lady night when I couldn't sleep :)

Dd had only just stopped getting out of bed, so I'm turning in for good this time night!

Well done op. Need some sleep now, but would like to join this journey. I worry myself as I can have the patience of a saint and it's stupid things that have me shouting. I want to be more predictable and consistent for my lovely children.

Well done to people who got through the day! We had another big meltdown around tidying up after tea - that's always a flashpoint because so maybe we should try some kind of lateral approach to it.

MyCrazyLife - I'm weird and don't much like films either. It has to be really good to make me want to devote so much time to sitting down and watching something!

Starting to realise that DS2 shows affection through touch, so when he starts randomly pawing at/prodding people it's probably because he hasn't worked out how to do that appropriately yet. Trying to channel him into hugs, which is much nicer. :)

I'm tired, which is half the problem, so I really should get off MN and get some sleep. Night!

Blue, we do tidying up before tea... All bets are off after tea, everyone is too tired. So dd (who is only 2.5 admittedly) tidies up whilst I get tea on the table. Could you try that to make things easier? That said, I do leave the tidying up on the tea itself until after the dc are in bed...

Good luck to our newbies!

Buffers - it's funny you should say that as I've been smiling at the neighbours in passing over the past few days and I've been thinking "have you noticed I've stopped shouting? Have you?!" Haha.

I'm into day 5 now. Really need to get up can't believe I haven't heard the baby yet.

BlueEyeshadow - yep, same! I always think "ugh, 2 hours of just sitting here, boring!"

Re the tidying - I often say to them "if you want pudding, you need to tidy up first". It's usually done in 3 minutes flat. At the min pudding is just an ice lolly (63p for 8 in asda! Keeps them quiet for ages).

Good luck everyone...

well, we got through getting ready for nursery without any raised voices this morning, despite the fact that we were all tired (DD in and out of our room last night) and she didn't really want to go.

I am now mainlining tea and chocolate in an attempt to get through the working day without falling asleep.

Had another look at the How to Talk book last night, I still don't really get it, the position of the authors I find a bit odd and so many of the situations are either aimed at older kids or just things I wouldn't get bothered about anyway, so with my general lack of imagination I was struggling to see how I could apply much of it. I find our tricky situations are much more subtle that that book seems to deal with. But I will plod on through it!

oh arent you all doing well!
the best tips I remember from HTT are

1. be fun - make a joke out of really silly things ( liek tidying up)
2. the fantasy thing works for dreamy kids "wouldnt it be nice if we never had to eat vegetables ever...' etc
3. stop over instructing - some parents go ON AND ON AND ON at their kids

4.Describe the problem rather than launching into attack - say " leaving a towel on the floor makes it wet'

1. LISTEN - when they say something like "I don't like sausages' Don't just contradict them straight away, they give you a list of ahums and ahas to say that makes the kid share more and feel listened to

RiverTam - I guess books can't be aimed at everyone. Sounds like you're doing well without it! I've had a great morning today - two children always seems like a breeze compared to three! Although DD1 has been screaming that she couldn't put her trousers on properly I already feel calmer though. I used to go spare if they climbed onto my new bed, for example.

Can't wait till they get picked up and I can relax!

Kablooger - number 3 is/was me all over. It was like I never let them do ANYTHING. I didn't want them to have a boring childhood like I did. But I couldn't let go.

Touch wood, I'm doing quite well with this!

that's a very helpful summary Kablooger! Think I'll type that out and stick it in every room in the house!