I am on day 3 of No Shouting.

[MyCrazyLife]

And I'm so bloody proud of myself!

I hated myself sometimes; I've got three lovely children (5, 3 and 1) and yet I got to the point where I was screaming at them regularly. Ok so in my "defence" it's the holidays, they fight and wind each other up constantly, I get very bad PMT.

But on the other hand, my horrible, abusive mother used to shout and scream at me, everything was my fault, and she would end saying things like "you should be ashamed" ... "You are a horrible bitch that no one likes" etc etc (things that to this day still affect me).

Now I never got that far with my own DC of course; they are all so loved and wanted. But I was terrified I'd turn into her. So after having a horrible day last Thursday, I vowed to stop shouting. They will still be disciplined if naughty, of course - with the Silly Step or toy confiscation etc - but I won't take out my own frustrations on them.

It's the third day, they're all asleep and I haven't shouted since that Thursday. I never thought I'd be able to do this, really hope I can keep it up. If I can, they may never remember the awful screeching mum they used to have.

Anybody else managed to stop?

So she is being punished as she got bored? aw :(

Have shouted a bit today, but less (I think). We were at an event where you could try all kinds of art and sport activities as a taster, and the boys were overwhelmed by choice, there was tons of stuff I'd have loved to have had a go at if I'd been on my own and I suddenly felt like sitting in the middle of the floor and crying! Think I must still be tired.

Teenage - that's a good idea about tidying before tea. Will try that out.

Lots of good tips on this thread - thanks so much all!

I haven't read the thread but really want to do this. I sometimes find myself shouting quite loud and sometimes even arguing.
I've not shouted today and we are having a lovely day. Although I tend to shout more when dp is around. But that's for another thread I think.

Will be reading this thread later. I'm on day 1

Come on, kablooger, pomme is heavily pregnant and had to wait an hour for medicine! I think I'd have had a tantrum in that situation...

Of course we do rewards too! It's probably about 50/50. Just simple things like if you walk nicely back to the car, I will get you a doughnut each from lidl (they absolutely look forward to this. 25p each!).

Blue eyeshadow - that does sound overwhelming! I'll be in a similar situation tomorrow as I'm planning in taking them to a car boot sale - of course it's for me, DD needs cheap trousers for nursery as she's grown out of last year's, and they're probably going to get bored within nano seconds. Any tips?! My first plan is to give them £2 each to spend on anything they like... And maybe take a pack up?!

Silvery Moon - hello :)

I hope things with DP are ok. Good luck for the rest of your days...

The girls will be back in 10 minutes and the boy in 2 hours. They will all be knackered from being out. Wish me luck!

i didnt mean that - she punished her daughter as the daughter was bored?

I think if you are doing it properly you don't accept that there is any situation where an adult has a tantrum at a kid, sorry!

The daughter was playing up right royally as she was bored so she got punished. I promise you she is well looked after, fed and everything, she doesn't need your fricking sad face.

This thread was quite supportive until you turned up. What you doing here anyway if you're so blooming perfect? Good god what is it about motherhood that turns some women into total arseholes?!

I havent read all the messages but will do later when I have more time. I'm a shouter too, I grew up in a violent household so swore I would never ever raise a hand to any of my 3 children which of course I never have, unfortunately I shout and my patience levels are very low. I am determined to raise calm children. My DS is grown up and he managed to grow into a lovely, calm young man but it's the two girls who test me all the time. I'm not going to shout anymore, this is my day 1.

This thread is brilliant - I am a shouty blamey mum and really really don't want to be. I didn't use to be. DS1 is a dreamer, DS2 is high maintenance and DS3 is a newly mobile one year old so shouting has sadly increased greatly over the years from DS1 turning 3. I've read the book and still haven't managed to knock it on the head - probably because I couldn't relate to the book. But I CAN relate to Kabloogers sypnosis of it and am going to put it into effect.

Doing well on day 1 here, but have only DS as dd at nursery. Just wanted to say thanks for the thread and wake up call OP.

I've promised DS I'm going to really try. He's v pleased and we've had a lovely day so far. Bedtime still to come...

ah - well I will leave you to shout at me too pomme.

hides thread

Welcome newcomers. I still haven't really told my dds that we're stopping, might do that, sounds like it gets a good reaction!

I would really like to do this, please can I join?

There is a book of sticker charts around here somewhere and I thought I might get the girls to award me a sticker every day if we get to their bedtime without me shouting. How does that sound?

Re rewards and punishments : we saw a paediatrician for our ds when he was nearly 4 at pre school's request. They suspected he had an ASD. He apparently has aspergers traits. The paediatrician told us that children's minds are wired to pay closer attention to and keep repeating anything that gets them attention. So if you want to change behaviour you have to pay massive attention to the 'good' and none whatsoever to the 'bad'. This obviously doesn't apply if the 'bad' is unsafe. If that occurs you remove the child from the unsafe thing with as little fuss as possible.
We started to make changed the next day. We decided to work on one behaviour trait at a time. This one trait, so for eg ds was too rough with his sister who was 2 at the time, then gets the focus. Every time he was even the tiniest bit kind or gentle he got massive praise. When he was rough we moved him without any comment at all and then carried on with what we were doing. We used a pasta pot system where he got to collect bits of pasta and when the pot was full got a small prize from a stash.
The difference was enormous very quickly. He started doing the praiseworthy things more often and the poor behaviour fell away. We still use a very similar system now he's 8. And almost never punish in any way.

Hi everyone!

Celia - hmm. I think that puts too much in control into a child's hands - they have to know you're in control... That doesn't mean you have to shout. But that's just my opinion!

Thank you shopping, you've given me some food for thought there.

I really just meant it as a fun way of carrying out the first step of the "you can stop yelling" link - showing my commitment to my DC.

I'm not anticipating them giving me a 1 2 3 warning "or you won't get a sticker for your chart, Mummy!"
I am rubbish at sticker charts, the DC get very bored of them and we/I forget to do them, and whatever it was we started them for just sorts itself out anyway! except for bedtimes

Small crisis occurring. No shouting has been working well till now. Girls have had dinner, then DD1 ran upstairs to the toilet to brush her teeth. She liked herself in deliberately so that DD2 can't get in to brush her teeth.

DD2 is standing outside the toilet yelling and whining and DD1 is just not responding. Usually this is where I would go in yelling and have a go at DD1. I don't really know how to respond under the No Shouting rules. What would you do?

DD1 is terrible for winding DD2 up deliberately and does it all of the time. DD2 has an awful loud cry which really sets my teeth on age. I usually go nuts when DD1 behaves like this :(

Thanks for the welcome. Everything is fine with dp but he annoys me with his eye rolling and everything is a chore body language and I end up snapping at all of them.
to dinky.
Looking forward to reading this thread tonight

I decided the best option is to ignore this for now, so I'm continuing to clean up the kitchen after dinner. Amazing the shouting seems to have resolved by itself but this is not usually the case.

They are both laughing now - DD2 is crying/laughing.

Maybe No Shouting is instilling a sense of calm into the house that wasn't previously here?

Redandyellow - mine do exactly what you've described. And I normally go charging to the one who has done the winding up and shout. Yes, just ignore!! Give the one who has been wound up something else to do :)

mycrazylife it's very reassuring to hear that your DCs do that too - I keep thinking DD1 is being horrible and I get very stressed by her behaviour at times. Although DD2 isn't really any better.

But they are playing nicely now. If I had intervened I would have been massively stressed and they would be being shouted into their bedrooms now.

Well done, red! It's funny how not one person has reported a WORSE outcome after stopping shouting, isn't it?!