I am on day 3 of No Shouting.

[MyCrazyLife]

And I'm so bloody proud of myself!

I hated myself sometimes; I've got three lovely children (5, 3 and 1) and yet I got to the point where I was screaming at them regularly. Ok so in my "defence" it's the holidays, they fight and wind each other up constantly, I get very bad PMT.

But on the other hand, my horrible, abusive mother used to shout and scream at me, everything was my fault, and she would end saying things like "you should be ashamed" ... "You are a horrible bitch that no one likes" etc etc (things that to this day still affect me).

Now I never got that far with my own DC of course; they are all so loved and wanted. But I was terrified I'd turn into her. So after having a horrible day last Thursday, I vowed to stop shouting. They will still be disciplined if naughty, of course - with the Silly Step or toy confiscation etc - but I won't take out my own frustrations on them.

It's the third day, they're all asleep and I haven't shouted since that Thursday. I never thought I'd be able to do this, really hope I can keep it up. If I can, they may never remember the awful screeching mum they used to have.

Anybody else managed to stop?

Ok, I'm joining you if that's alright? My mum was a terrible shouter and I never used to be with mine, but sometimes hear myself these days and I sound just like her :-(

Mine are 5, 3 and due 29th December.

Would really help to see how everyone is getting on I think.

I think when they're tiny it's hard. The only time I felt myself going there was when I had two under 3 and left my job to be at home all the time.

My mum said I was shouting more. Still feel bad about it. Perhaps if you all list your flash points we can work our way around them?

Plus buy "how to talk" book. It's ace

www.amazon.co.uk/gp/aw/d/1848123094?pc_redir=1408207058&robot_redir=1

I did this about a month ago. I was really struggling with DS1 (nearly 4) - juggling him with DS2 (4 months) and being sleep-deprived as well. I kept blowing up at him, then we'd get to about 3pm each day (usually when we were out somewhere) and he'd just have a complete meltdown about something really small. He'd just flip out. Every day the same. It was a nightmare.

The day I decided to stop shouting (was also shouted at by my parents and hated that I was doing the same), DS1 was calm all day. No flipouts, no tantrums.

Obviously he still has his moments, and I slip up sometimes. But nowhere near as bad as before, and our relationship has transformed.

It's like he was absorbing my stress all day, and it built up and up and then he'd get to the middle of the afternoon and just explode.

I'm not a big shouter but I do on occasion shout at them. I don't like it and would like to just stop it.

My mum shouted at us, she was also very negative. It did affect me. ( that article is really good) I did just build up defenses. I caught my mum shouting at my children and stopped her looking after them. I just don't think it's ok, she sort of looses control.

I have caught myself saying stuff that she said to me and I am every conscious of not doing that. "what is wrong with you" why do you always do that " your so awkward" she would also belittle me to outsiders.

I think I threaten them more than I'm happy with to. I'd like to stop that now.

Gosh it's like therapy, any good books out there?

That's brilliant. I stopped shouting when mine were about 4 and 2. Like you I'd got to the point where I felt like I was shouting all the time and I definitely felt angry a lot of the time.
I found reading How to Talk so Children Listen gave me lots of ideas for ways to get through to the children without shouting.
I still lose it occasionally but it's rare nowadays.

Watching with interest. I'm having problems with my DD at the minute and her behaviour. Starting to think it could be down to me and my shouting. I need to find the will power from somewhere to stop doing it. Feel really guilty now

Good luck everyone.

Manofsponge - I hate to admit it but I mostly blow up at them when something else is stressing me out. So, I'm struggling to build a toy for them, or my phone stops working, or DP pisses me off, or I bang my arm on the stair gate... All these things that are nothing to so with the DC gets them shouted at.

Either that or when the 3 yr old is constantly screaming and wetting herself for attention (the odd time is probably an accident, but the rest of the time is definitely for attention!).

It's only 8:30 and it has been trying already! The baby woke up screaming. She had poo absolutely stuck to her (must have done it in the night) and was sore and upset. The 3 year old wet her bed then wet knickers she'd had on for 5 minutes and smiled as she told me. The 5 year old was asked to get dressed about five times and was till just in pants when I checked on him. But I can do this. I haven't shouted at them.

We're going to a toddler group at 10 - I once read to take them to these kind of places as much as possible, because you're a lot less likely to shout there!!

We definitely do get out a lot as it keeps me less shouty I think.

I get cross when they are just demanding things constantly, even when Im doing demand number one they'll be issuing demand 4 and 5 at me. They are 4.5 and 2.5.

And yes, if the phone is ringing, my work email going and something is spilled then I will shout a lot. If something is spilt in a quiet moment I am much less likely to shout. DD1 definitely is affected by my shouting and will shout back sometimes.

We do naughty corner but tend to shout at them to get them there I think...

Ok, so this is day one for me.

I sat them both down first thing (6&3) and explained that I want us all to stop shouting at each other, and that I knew I shouted and it wasn't nice, so I was going to try really hard to stop. They seem happy! We'll see!

Good luck everyone!

Liberal, they'll hold you to it now! So good idea ;) good luck, please keep me posted.

It's only day 4 but I'm just enjoying them more. Well, this morning was hard. The baby covered herself in lip butter from my handbag. The 3 year old had a huge tantrum about the way I brushed her teeth. They've argued and fought and hit. The baby has spilt cereal why I've been writing this ffs. DP has gone to work away and forgot to sort out things I asked him to do. Im still fighting a Stomach bug after three days. But I have. Not. Shouted.

Pomme - good luck with your new baby, btw. So exciting! DP really wants one more I said he'll have to meet someone else, then! No, I'd love to in theory but practically? No way.

thanks mycrazylife. It seems most people think we're a bit crazy! The fighting and hitting is hard to deal with too I think, very, very well done on no shouting through that morning!

I think I like the telling them no shouting idea liberal, might try that tomorrow am.

Can I join in? I've been trying to be more positive and shout less for ages, but it's hard! A bit of accountability on here might help.

I must try this. I shout at my 2 boys (6.8 and 1.10) far too much and I know it. I do apologise sometimes when I've got too out of hand, and I do warn them when I'm in a stressy mood but it's not fair to make them responsible for me shouting, so I shouldn't do that either. :(

I wish I could stop - I should get that book too - but I also need to learn to manage my frustration better. I've never exactly had a blue touchpaper, things that have annoyed me go straight onto the gunpowder, so to speak so there has never been an opportunity for me to "count to 10" to stay calm etc. - I'm just instantly into the reaction.

Will keep trying though.

Pomme - definitely not crazy. It's human nature to want babies. Right?!

BlueEyeshadow - of course, welcome :)

Thumbwitch - I am very similar to you in that I have an extremely short temper. But do you shout at colleagues/friends? I very rarely lose my temper with friends. Don't think I've ever shouted at one! So surely I can keep calm with my DC?!

The two girls are asleep now and the boy is watching some cartoon. So it's pretty peaceful. And tomorrow... I have no children!! They're having the day with grandma so I am going to sit in bed reading/eating crap all day (if this stomach bug goes!).

So far so good here, had a close one where I was steaming the kitchen floor, and they just wouldn't fuck the fuck off stay out of the kitchen, but I managed to catch myself as I was building and spoke calmly instead.

They've honestly been better behaved already, so onwards!!

lol at crazylifes tantrum trio. SIGH - it really does pass

HTT ( the book) has some really good tips on distraction.
I was just in Tesco at the self pay bit and two boys (6 and 7 maybe?) were rolling around on the floor getting in everyone's way. The Dad came over with a huge SNARL on his face and dragged one over to the till.

my thought was why wasnt he making them do the scanning? Or the bagging? i bet typical man he thought " oh it will be easier by myself'! MATE - LIFE is easier without kids!

MyCrazy - I regret to say that I have been known to shout at both colleagues and friends when they've been particularly obnoxious or I've been particularly stressed. I actually had to seek help for it - I was in an extremely stressed state at the time and saw both Occupational Health, who gave me some counselling, and went on an assertiveness course to try and channel my anger into assertive communication rather than aggressive communication - I was the only one on the course who was trying to downgrade my "assertiveness"!

I do not deal well with stress :(

Tantrum trio! Great description!

Oh Thumbwitch, that did make me a bit well, at least you are admitting it's a problem! My mother still to this day denies she ever did anything wrong she's in her late 50s so I doubt that's ever going to change. I've barely any assertiveness so when people have been rude or walked all over me I usually just giggle nervously or cry when I get home

Liberal - that's amazing, and I'm so glad you've had results already. You will feel really really good about yourself tonight!

3 year old has just been given a gingerbread man as a treat yet she sat in her booster chair SCREAMING when I left the room after she'd finished. It's so draining. Normally I scream back, but I ignored her today and lo and behold she has just sheepishly appeared by my side, all screaming ceased. Phew.

say " I will come back when you stop screaming'
and walk away.

do something more interesting

oh, please can I join in? I only have the one DD (4.5) but I can be a horrible shouter, worse when I have PMT (any tips for dealing with that, btw? Poor DH gets it in the neck sometimes too, and it's only come on in the last couple of years).

I find that my general impatient nature, short temper and my lack of creativity, do me no favours in challenging times, and I get stuck in a spiral of ranting. My poor baby. DH is much more patient and calm, and also good as distracting and moving things on, whereas I always seem stuck for ideas.

I have got the 'How to talk' book and started it, but struggled to find it pertinent to me (again, lack of imagination?). Maybe I'll give it another bash.

One good tip is to imagine you are on TV and people are watching you with your kid. you soon stop then.

Argh! Just lost it with the boys. Not a good start! Short temper and impatient is me. Although according to the books (I'm good at reading them but bad at putting it into practice) that's labelling so perhaps I should start by coming up with better labels for myself?