I am on day 3 of No Shouting.

[MyCrazyLife]

And I'm so bloody proud of myself!

I hated myself sometimes; I've got three lovely children (5, 3 and 1) and yet I got to the point where I was screaming at them regularly. Ok so in my "defence" it's the holidays, they fight and wind each other up constantly, I get very bad PMT.

But on the other hand, my horrible, abusive mother used to shout and scream at me, everything was my fault, and she would end saying things like "you should be ashamed" ... "You are a horrible bitch that no one likes" etc etc (things that to this day still affect me).

Now I never got that far with my own DC of course; they are all so loved and wanted. But I was terrified I'd turn into her. So after having a horrible day last Thursday, I vowed to stop shouting. They will still be disciplined if naughty, of course - with the Silly Step or toy confiscation etc - but I won't take out my own frustrations on them.

It's the third day, they're all asleep and I haven't shouted since that Thursday. I never thought I'd be able to do this, really hope I can keep it up. If I can, they may never remember the awful screeching mum they used to have.

Anybody else managed to stop?

I'm still here and finding the thread so helpful. It's a daily reminder to me that I can do this.

Well done Karin for today, know what you mean about ending the day without the shame feeling.

We've been away for a week which would usually trigger lots of shouting as DC get unsettled and play up away from home. Would love to say I didn't shout all week, but I have at least massively reduced the amount I shout and DS now reminds me, with a "mummy you promised me you wouldn't shout anymore" which pulls me up good and proper.

It's so hard, fighting the instinct, but I can see DS calming and being more settled.

Still feel horribly guilty for every shout, sometimes he looks so scared. This thread has really made me consider the consequences, where I'd just been thinking it was "only" shouting. I don't want him to be scared. I don't want him to become a child or adult shouter. I want him to learn how to handle his emotions much, much better than I do.

So thanks one and all for keeping this thread going, I really needed it.

I'm back after a few days away - have been checking in and following thread but haven't had a chance to post.

All been pretty calm here apart from today. I'm feeling rotten (stinking cold bleurgh) and am really really tired. So I've been snappy and crap all day. No full on shouting, but definitely not as zen as I've been recently! And like MomeRaths said earlier on, I haven't been showing them I love them I've been showing them they're annoying me :(

Anyway - hoping for a better day tomorrow. I'm worried about the start of the dreaded school run again on Thursday. And I'm struggling to pick up DS2 (3) as it seems to strain the muscles under my baby bump which is not helpful as he is very clingy at the moment.

Must go to bed. I'm so tired I can't think what I'm typing. to you all - I'm so impressed with the level of support and the determination to do better on this thread. Thank you all so much.

0898 you're right. There isn't time to reason with a two year old about to do something really dangerous. I think the difference now is if I need to shout 'no' I stop there and lower my voice to explain why rather than keeping it raised to explain why.

I'm also loving this thread. I'm really proud of how I am doing. Will be interested to see if DH notices the difference when he is home.

Still finding this thread really inspiring - well done all. We had a good day with the only shouting being due to having to make myself heard at a distance. I need to work on not snapping as well, though, and picking battles. I am sure I see a difference in DS too, as he seems calmer.

Pasta - DH says he can definitely see a difference in me and the boys which is very motivating. Also, we are getting on a lot better since I started on the no shouting rule. Good all round.

thumb that is understandably very scary.

Instead of shouting I've introduced saying to DC1 - Are your listening ears on? Look at me please. insert instruction Do you understand? What did I say?

Seems to be working!

Thanks Thumb a big well done back to you - you sound like you've made a big difference already and it's only been a couple of weeks at most. Love that you're seeing a difference in your DC too.

Pomme - ahh, unlucky parents! Glad their DS grew out of around 2ish - I might not have to wait a whole year more then!

0898 - I agree that at this age there just isn't time to reason but I do like Pasta's shout NO and then drop the voice down to normal levels again to explain.

I can do the "listening ears" thing with DS1, and also do the "what did I say?" and other "checking" questions to see if it's sunk in. I've also taken to doing this for reminding him to give something to his teacher - start off with the whole instruction, then deconstruct it by questioning him - so what are you giving to Mrs S? and when are you doing that? and who are you giving X to? - just so I know he's listened to the whole of the instruction and remembered it all. And, it's worked so far! Repetition and questioning seem to embed it into his mind better and he does actually remember to do it!

Congratulations karin and They'remy - sounds like you're both doing really well! And Bicnod too - even more impressive when you're ill. I've just started my annual bout of bronchitis (whoopdedoo) so have been shitty all weekend but haven't shouted that much; and so far haven't manage to shout at all today (lunchtime now). I can't though - shouting brings on coughing now! Good reason not to do it and to practise alternative strategies.

Bicnod have you explained about the baby and its hard to pick him up? Maybe try saying he can sit on you when you're sitting down, but you really can't pick him up so much?

Where's MyCrazyLife gone? Hope you're ok if you're reading crazy.

Can I join this thread too!

I've been trying for a couple of months now not to shout, and for a while was doing really well. But I'm 37 weeks pregnant with DC3 and the tiredness, hormones and general discomfort has meant that my other two children (both sons, one aged 4yr10m and another aged 3yr2m) have born the brunt of my lack of tolerance.

I naturally have a very short fuse and lack tolerance in all sorts of areas. I'm a complete control freak and love every aspect of my life to be organised. Unfortunately, kids don't comply this ideal do they!! And so one of my goals is to become a little less of a control freak and realise that the mess can wait until later.

I haven't read through all the replies yet (but I will).

Good luck to everyone else wanting to shout less and well done to those that achieve it.

OCD and control issues here too mandbaby. It's hard isn't it? Really wish I could chill myself out.

I don't have OCD but I do have control issues too. I get so stressed out about things not being in their places. DH can't see dirt nor does he worry about tidyness. But he does like that I used to know where everything is. He thinks I still do. I barely know my name these days.

I was a little cranky today. Not ranty-shouty though. Baby has been waking a lot during the night. It must be a growth spurt. So I am tired. DD2 has dropped her nap and she is a very active little girl. I am trying harder. DD1 informed me this morning that I was getting shouty so I apologised and reigned my temper in.

I ordered a Mindfulness book to try and help me with my stress levels. It's worth a try. I'll try anything at this rate.

Hello again. Back from holiday which was lovely. Did have some shouty times while we were there, but not too bad.

Today has been vile though. It's been raining, we've been cooped up, post holiday blues, missing my parents who helped a lot while we were away... trying to get my work done this morning... and shouted. A lot.

I'm trying to get back onto a diet mindset, so will start again with the non-shouting too. Will try and check in here to keep me on track. So identify with what you say, mandbaby.

Hey all. Just re-read the post and all the brilliant tips and support. I've started reading 'Calmer, Easier, Happier Parenting' and have been putting bits into practice. The result has been far better than I expected. Even DH is now reading the book!

Bedtimes still a battle (DD1 just hates going to sleep) and they're actually all awake now still

Out of interest, and slightly off tack I'm afraid, what words do you have in your house that aren't allowed? We have 'stupid' and 'kill' but I want 'FGS' to be deleted (clearly got it from me but now DD1 has started to say it I want to ban it as I didn't realise how bad it sounds) and 'idiot'.

At the mo the only Words/phrases that is discouraged is "oh God" but that is for DH and luckily the children have not picked up on it.

Instead our main challenges are dc1 kicking off at dc2 physically. Twice today I've witnessed dc2 being grabbed/kicked/strangled

Ended the day talking through gritted teeth but I did not shout.

Was driven to drink this evening with the effort of it all and enjoyed a glass of wine.

Roll on DH's return from Middle East and our holiday.

Bingo I feel your pain. I hate seeing the DC hurt each other. I'm guessing they'll grow out of it eventually!

I did break my sister's arm when I was little by pushing her out of the top bunk. I wouldn't dream of doing it now

Back to square 1

Just so tired. Lovely DH got me out of the door this morning and has been messaging me with reassurance. Feeling like I have a real problem with controlling my temper.

Bad couple of days here too, karin - because I'm not well, so my fuse has shrunk to absolutely nothing. I have bronchitis so shouting is the last thing I should be doing, but then constant repetition isn't much good either :(

Will wait until I'm better then start again.

Bingo, I have the opposite problem - DS2 is the one who beats up DS1, and as DS2 is not quite 2 and Ds1 is nearly 7, it's a bit rough on DS1 because Ds2 is still not really able (or willing ) to understand me when I tell him to stop - DS1 therefore has to put up with it, take evasive action or otherwise protect himself without hurting DS2 in return, poor boy.

Still - keep on keeping on, eh!

I just roared at dd1

For the love of god, how do you get your toddler to leave the baby alone?

Mat when dc2 pitched up dc1 was distracted with games, tv, pots of Cheerios/raisins basically snacks that would take awhile to eat. Dc2 was in a sling a fair amount as it meant I could have both hands free and still have cuddles with dc1. It does get better but when you're in that stage it's pretty horrible at times. I remember having days where I simply felt beaten. Actually I still have days like that now when the children are running feral and nothing I do or say has the reaction I would like or need eg not running out into the road.

Buffesrs I watched the younger one push the eldest one off a ledge last week. Youngest one laughed and obviously doesn't understand it's dangerous. I'm grateful that we didn't end up at A&E!

Thanks bingo. For the most part she's being sweet but she always wants to be touching dd2 and fiddling with her, or prodding or rocking. Today it was feeding her pretend yoghurt but sticking the wooden spoon right in her mouth. Then as we were getting ready to go out dd2 was in the car seat by the front door and I was looking for my purse (turns out I'd left it at the shops yesterday) and dd1 was squishing her face and trying to move her head. I just lost it.

Dd1 was very quiet and compliant then but I scared her. I must've looked very aggressive and scary. Which is what my own DM did and I hated it and still resent her for it.

But after a morning of asking her nicely to leave the baby alone I was at my wits end. She simply doesn't seem to get it. Probably because she's only 2.9 but still.......

Gah.

Karin I totally empathise.

I was so shouty on Sunday but afterwards I was working out my triggers - DS had done something very dangerous and then he just wasn't listening to why he shouldn't do it again.

Yesterday he had a temper tantrum and I didn't shout so was very proud of myself.

So far, so good today. Fingers crossed it continues.

MATb1, just a thought but does she have her own "baby"? Life like dolly with buggy etc? So she can copy you and look after her own baby? Helped a friend of mine. I was v lucky that DS was pretty uninspired with DD to begin with. Mega rugby tackling from 6m though so the poor girl is growing up rather hardy.

Started badly today when I got hit for saying no. DS v sorry after though and we've had a great day since he's apologised. Onwards and upwards.