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Original poster

I am on day 3 of No Shouting.

521 replies

MyCrazyLife · 17/08/2014 20:40

And I'm so bloody proud of myself!

I hated myself sometimes; I've got three lovely children (5, 3 and 1) and yet I got to the point where I was screaming at them regularly. Ok so in my "defence" it's the holidays, they fight and wind each other up constantly, I get very bad PMT.

But on the other hand, my horrible, abusive mother used to shout and scream at me, everything was my fault, and she would end saying things like "you should be ashamed" ... "You are a horrible bitch that no one likes" etc etc (things that to this day still affect me).

Now I never got that far with my own DC of course; they are all so loved and wanted. But I was terrified I'd turn into her. So after having a horrible day last Thursday, I vowed to stop shouting. They will still be disciplined if naughty, of course - with the Silly Step or toy confiscation etc - but I won't take out my own frustrations on them.

It's the third day, they're all asleep and I haven't shouted since that Thursday. I never thought I'd be able to do this, really hope I can keep it up. If I can, they may never remember the awful screeching mum they used to have.

Anybody else managed to stop?

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LiberalLibertines · 30/08/2014 18:57

Awww welcome 0898 we all know that feeling, sucks doesn't it?

I'm amazed at the difference in mine when I'm calm and don't feed into it.

Another day down :)

karinmaria · 30/08/2014 20:31

Hi everyone, this thread dropped off my TIO list!

Shouted last night and gain this afternoon so I'm back at the beginning Sad two weeks of DS (not) sleeping like a newborn and working FT has left me a sniffling wreck. God I hope he sleeps soon. Thank fuck DH has a few days off next week so I can sleep on the sofa whilst he does the wake ups.

I am going to admit something I am really really ashamed of. I shouted at DS in his pitch black room and then just left him to cry. Came back when I had calmed down (and was wracked with guilt) and he was sitting silently with tears running down his face. Still managed to shout again today despite promising myself I wouldn't.

Back on the wagon from tonight. Well done to everyone making such brilliant headway and Thanks and strength to those struggling (like me).

MasterFlea · 30/08/2014 20:38

Book your day sounded horrid. I'd have wanted to hide under my bed if it had happened to me.

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LiberalLibertines · 30/08/2014 22:28

karin seriously, we've all scared our kids, that's why we're here, trying to change. And when your tired a saint would struggle! Here, have some Wine tomorrow's another day!

Thumbwitch · 31/08/2014 00:47

It's allowed to shout when they're being really naughty/dangerous, isn't it?

DS2 has just started closing doors - regardless of who is standing in the way. DS1 has been caught twice between door and jamb now, thanks to this - and this morning he really slammed the bathroom door on DS1, which hurt a lot. :(
Mind you, shouting made no dent on DS2, nor did smacking his hand :(. I extremely rarely use smacks, only when it's a really serious thing (like trying to kill your brother by slamming a door on him) but there's clearly no point as it had no effect, so won't be doing that again.

BingoBonkers · 31/08/2014 06:18

Most effective punishment here is isolation. They want to be with me or with the family and by putting them in another room for a time out usually only has to be threatened to stop the behaviour.

combust22 · 31/08/2014 06:29

I don't punish at all.

karinmaria · 31/08/2014 07:32

Thanks Liberal. Managed to get through a tough night, on my own as DH is on nights, without shouting so onwards indeed.

Thumbwitch · 31/08/2014 11:04

Bingo - I can't do that, sadly. It's possible it might lead to one of DS2's pass-out episodes, and since he doesn't immediately start breathing again once he passes out, I daren't have him the other side of a door. Last time he did it I wasn't sure I was going to get him back again ShockSad - I can't tell you how worrying it is.

buffersandbumpers · 31/08/2014 11:10

Combust, how do you discipline your children out of interest? I love the 'no punish' idea but (as discussed briefly earlier in the thread), surely there are some situations that do need punishment. Some I can think of are: deliberately snatching from and hurting siblings/friends, answering back (constantly) and deliberately damaging/breaking property/toys.

There is also a feeling when out and about that as a Mum you should be seen to punish certain behaviour. I'm genuinely intrigued to know what methods you use without punishing.

LiberalLibertines · 31/08/2014 11:16

Care to elaborate combust ? Hmm

LiberalLibertines · 31/08/2014 11:17

Thumb god, that must be so scary. :(

combust22 · 31/08/2014 11:26

buffer- I practice AP- so lines of respect are already well defined.

The situations you describe I can't say I have experienced.

Thumbwitch · 31/08/2014 11:50

So you don't shout either, then Combust?

Thumbwitch · 31/08/2014 11:52

Liberal - it really really is. I'm told he would start to breathe again eventually when his CO2 levels rise enough - but I can't wait for that to happen just in case it doesn't, iyswim - having a lifeless non-breathing child is not something I can just sit and watch! :(
Apparently he'll grow out of it around age 3 - so just over a year to go.

Ds1 also had the breathing problem (they just can't catch their breath) but never passed out; and DH apparently used to pass out but would immediately start breathing again - DS2 has just taken it to a whole new level. Lucky me, eh Hmm

PastaBow · 31/08/2014 11:56

Oh gosh thumb that sounds awful. You poor thing. Hope he does grow out of it soon.

Good for you combust. Curious why you felt the need to comment on this thread? Clearly it will be of no benefit to you?

combust22 · 31/08/2014 12:22

No thumbbwitch. Shouting achieves nothing.

Thumbwitch · 31/08/2014 13:03

Then, combust, why are you on a support thread for people who have troubles with no shouting? are you just here to gloat?

LiberalLibertines · 31/08/2014 14:36

This reply has been deleted

Message deleted by MNHQ. Here's a link to our Talk Guidelines.

pommedeterre · 31/08/2014 14:38

I'm still reading! Shouted a bit at dd1 this am when I put her in time out and same for dd2 yesterday pm. Probably just one or two sentences raised and then returned to normal voice. Dd1 reacted v quickly, showing I suppose that if you do it v rarely shouting does work...

I cannot imagine a child that doesn't do any of the things thumbwitch mentions!

Thumbwitch · 31/08/2014 14:44

Thanks pomme :) - but I really hope you don't know any other child who does what DS2 does in the passing out and failing to start breathing stakes, because that's really effing horrible for all concerned.
(I know that's not what you meant at all, btw, just, you know!)

Well done Liberal - good days add up. :)

LiberalLibertines · 31/08/2014 18:22

Oh MNHQ deleted me, but they didn't shout :)

0898 · 31/08/2014 18:37

Hello all. I'm so glad this thread exists. Just by posting and committing myself to it has made today 100% better than yesterday :)

karinmaria I utterly empathise with the feeling of shame when I think about the worst of it. But I can't change those moments when the decibels went off the chart. I think I can show the DCs that I know it needs to change, leave it in the past and move on.

Thumb that is terrifying and again I totally hear where you're coming from. DS2 is a flight risk and a human battering ram and his strength at 2.5 is frightening. I think shouting as a very occasional warning to avert injury and disaster is decibels well applied, tbh. We have the ability to raise our voices, there's a primal reason for it.

pommedeterre · 31/08/2014 18:42

Haha liberal - serene punishment!

thumbwitch - I know one little boy who did it until he was two ish. Absolutely terrifying. I'd be an utter wreck.

karinmaria · 31/08/2014 20:41

Finished day 1 (again!) without shouting. Good. No shame...