I am on day 3 of No Shouting.

[MyCrazyLife]

And I'm so bloody proud of myself!

I hated myself sometimes; I've got three lovely children (5, 3 and 1) and yet I got to the point where I was screaming at them regularly. Ok so in my "defence" it's the holidays, they fight and wind each other up constantly, I get very bad PMT.

But on the other hand, my horrible, abusive mother used to shout and scream at me, everything was my fault, and she would end saying things like "you should be ashamed" ... "You are a horrible bitch that no one likes" etc etc (things that to this day still affect me).

Now I never got that far with my own DC of course; they are all so loved and wanted. But I was terrified I'd turn into her. So after having a horrible day last Thursday, I vowed to stop shouting. They will still be disciplined if naughty, of course - with the Silly Step or toy confiscation etc - but I won't take out my own frustrations on them.

It's the third day, they're all asleep and I haven't shouted since that Thursday. I never thought I'd be able to do this, really hope I can keep it up. If I can, they may never remember the awful screeching mum they used to have.

Anybody else managed to stop?

Thank you all for the welcome - I'm feeling more positive now. DH and I have decided to completely cut out all screen time for DS at home, in the hope that that will help. Tomorrow is a new day with no shouting in it.

I'm also really interested in the "Never ask twice" approach.

Nearly I have one who hits/kicks when he is tired. Sometimes I can spot it but other times it seems like he goes from lots of energy to grumpy and tired in a split second. Then I'm more likely to get angry at him. My new technique is to send him to bed! Within 5 minutes he is usually asleep and we've both avoided our shouting triggers. (Saying that, I failed miserably at it today because we're both ill!)

That sounds great, Sue - DS is tricky to get into bed without a lengthy lead in so if you have any tips I'd be really grateful to hear them.

Hi. Dropped off for a few days I know. Things aren't going well here My 7yo in particular seems determined to make me lose it. The thing is, I don't really shout as a matter of course, I have lots of empathy and am generally doing all that crap like "It looks like you are getting upset. Would you like to talk about it?" and so on and so on but it is exhausting. Every single moment of my day is taken up with reasoning and after a while I find myself in the downwards spiral of getting more and more angry, which results in me shouting. And once I've shouted once, it goes on. For weeks. I get to the point where I actually say "Ds1, give it a rest. Please just do what you've been told to do BECAUSE I SAID SO"
And do you know the thing that's the hardest? My ds's can be little shits, like all kids and they do it in front of other people (not often) or I tell my friends, and they all say it's because I'm too soft. They all have these children that do what they're told to because of they don't they get shouted at, rejected, sent away (just to a time out for however long) and it seems the more I try to understand the issues my children think they face, the worse they behave.

silverymoon we have times where we think everyone else's DC's behave better. It's not true IME. For everything mine do that their friends don't there is something mine don't do.

thumbwitch yes, I find it hard on my own. I know people have it much harder but I find bedtime really hard without DH. Bath, pjs are fine but then I need to breastfeed the baby and get him all snuggled. DD will not just stay and watch Night Garden and comes and pulls at him, climbs up his cot etc and is then all shocked when he is still wide awake and I can't come and do her stories.

Why, why, why can't they understand the simple logic of 'give me 5 minutes alone with your brother and then I'm all yours' arghhhhhh!

Yesterday was ok apart from shouting in the street at DD who had snatched my door keys saying she would take them to the door and instead decided she would 'open' my brand new car. I was nearly hyperventilating as she approached my paint work with a key. I managed to stop her but only by yelling 'no, no, no that's very naughty, stop right now'.

I've got the same night problems too, Pasta. I hate trying to manage the three for bedtime.

I had a lovely day yesterday. But failed massively today. 2.5 yo wouldn't stay in bed for a nap. Baby really needed one too. It all just snapped inside me. The house is a state. DH is off golfing after work, after a week of working late. And he is bringing his brother home after for tea. There's no food for them so I must brave the shops with the dcs.
Bathroom needs cleaning urgently.

.

Nearly I tell him that he's in time out but has to sit on his bed. Other times I carry him in, tell him he's grumpy because he's tired and he has to lie on his bed for 10 mins. Cue him saying he's not tired but I close the door, send him back if he tries to come out and usually within ten mins he's asleep!
(That all sounds much more peaceful than it inevitably is, so add background shouting, banging and punching of a teddy bear for a more realistic view!)

I just read over the last few posts.

Don't I always apologise if I lose my temper. I just did it now with DD2. I try no to add on any 'Buts' to my apology (DH does that and it makes it sound like such a crap apology)

I really need to try a lot harder. This isn't as easy as I thought it would be.

God these posts sounds so familiar, this past few days had been sooooo hard, and yes, the relentless reasoning, and upbeatness (not a word is it?!) Is so draining, I just want to shout.....leave me alone for 5 minutes! Just stop talking at me!!

I also find when I give in and shout it sets the tone for the rest of the day.

Today's going well, because I've kept them busy for every minute, I've told ds though that after the park (we're going now) I've got to get some jobs done round here, housework bleurgh.

Hang tough everyone, we're doing really well considering!

Good day here today. No shouting, I have been calm, responsive and upbeat. Fucking exhausted and could do with a nap now. But first I have to cook dinner, tidy flat, bath ds's, read stories, get them to bed, iron, bed.

Thanks Sue - worth a try here too! DH is putting DS to bed now: lots of shouting from (shattered) DS but DH is staying calm. Totally agree Liberal that once you have shouted it's really difficult to turn things around and get the mood calm again.

I find I shout more when I'm in company and all my other tactics have failed or I'm pushed to the edge. Today was when the dc kept stopping in front of the buggy so I have to stop and they are messing around and dawdling.

We are all doing well. The fact we have recognised and accepted we are shouters and have "vowed" to change and are making baby steps is a big deal.

Bingo I'm the opposite. I shout behind closed doors. In company/public you'd think I was the calmest person alive!

Had a shit few days. Trying to be better with the children. DD1 is really testing me tho. She can't take no for an answer, even when I give her a reason (you can't play with my scarf because it's keeping me warm; I can't play right now I need to cook your supper). When she hears 'no' I get called an idiot, kicked at and hit. She's only bloody 5 FGS! It really gets be down tho as I can't seem to reason with her. When I do try the quiet chat about how sad her behaviour makes Mummy she just says 'I don't care' repeatedly. Which them results in me yelling 'well I do care!' (I think there's a 'bloody' in there somewhere too, under my breath).
Boys are being fine. Apart from DS1 who occasionally decides he's 'too tired' to cooperate with anything.
I am trying so hard to enjoy them but it's difficult to be so upbeat all the time. Who ever knew summer holidays could be so exhausting?!

I did really well yesterday morning then was so shouty in the afternoon tbf the afternoon was particularly stressful (and this will completely 'out' me if anyone I know in RL is on this thread )

1. the hairdresser gave me big, messy hair (think Crystle out of Dynasty) rather than the sleek waves I wanted but she was adamant it would brush out differently (oddly enough it didn't )

2. Then whilst driving home I realised there were streaks of sticky dye in my hair (I hadn't been getting my hair dyed!) and it had also got on the hood of my new raincoat

3. then someone ran into the back of my car and drove off

4. then DP realised he'd left our office open so I had to drive a detour to lock it up (Did I mention we were on a tight timescale as we were going to a massive family party?!)

5)then when I got home and just wanted dp to come out and help carry in the bags of shopping, and have a look at the damage on the back of the car. Dp and ds decided that rather than opening the house door or answering the phone, that they would hide and surprise me

I was so shouty by that point. I did apologise to them straight away, and took five minutes out to paint my nails and eat toffee until I could speak rationally again.

However, at said party, I didn't shout at ds at all and even dp commented that I was much more laidback than usual. So thank you everyone because I'm sure having this thread is helping.

BookabooSue, managing to stay calm on a bad-hair-day is commendable. Managing to stay calm on a visit-to-hairdressers-bad-hair-day makes you downright incredible in my eyes

I am popping in to say what a fantastic supportive thread this is. My Mum screamed and shouted all day - but there were 5 of us and yes in my time I have done a very good impression of a fishwife too

While I hardly ever shout much now as DC's are older but did especially when they was around 6/7/8/9 yrs and being really slow getting dressed/not listening/ bedtimes - oh bedtime was such hard work and then shouting would turn into a rant about the messy bedroom etc and I would feel bitterly ashamed with myself afterwards. (Interesting i did not shout when they were toddlers, I seemed to have more patience maybe because they were babies)

I think if you realise that shouting is not getting you anywhere, the DC's won't hear you either -at least you have some insight of yourself. I hated shouting and felt awful afterwards and slowly twigged that i needed change my parenting (maybe it was getting older & wiser too) I was not helping myself or them and made a decision to really try and stop as it was not getting us anywhere. We would still have to get to school/football/sleep wherever if I shouted or not and I do occasionally use have a firm voice now and they know it.

I found things do get easier as they get older and a lot of you appear to have younger DC's and sometimes you have shout if your DC's is going to run out on the road/ touch the hot oven etc and that's ok but yes I remember the frustration of pen/jam on the wall or being used as a jumping platform and then discovering one of them with only one sock on and we have to leave in the house in 10 seconds flat, oh yes.

Also 3 kids and a shouter! Keep us updated!

buffers I am too scared to check my hair to see if the random dye (I think it must have been on the hairbrush the hairdresser was using) has left me with odd coloured streaks!

I totally missed DS' triggers (and hence mine) at lunchtime. He was hungry and tired, and had a massive temper tantrum. He's now sleeping (Nearly I had to physically carry him upstairs trying to hit me but once there it took about 10 mins for him to fall asleep) but I did shout at him so I feel rubbish.

Sometimes I wonder why I find it so difficult to remember that tired and hungry equals nightmare - sleep and food equals a peaceful life (for DC and me!)

Book I'd honestly ring the hair dresser and tell her! That dye may well not come out of your coat, or your hair, she owes you a freebie (non Crystal) haircut at least!

Urgh, I'm doing alright today, but had a few close calls,ds was football training this morning, which is a pita of a journey, and all he's done (7) is wind dd up, tell her to shut up constantly, wrestling with her, now he's hassling to go to the park!

I'm standing firm, I've got stuff to do,I just wish he would play on his own sometimes!

Liberal you're right. I might nip in and see them. I've been using them for years but it wasn't my usual stylist. It sounds like you've done really well today. Have some celebratory

cheers book :)

Not having a great day. No full on yelling but I seem to have lost all tolerance and patience after all their nonsense since we woke. I'm not showing them I love them but that their an irritation. I'm going to hide in the kitchen drink a cuppa, regroup and go and apologise for being foul.

They're

Desperately need tips on how to deal with scenarios such as:

Can I have a biscuit?
No because it's nearly dinner time.
Can I have a biscuit?
No because it's nearly dinner time.
I WANT A BISCUIT. NOW.
No because it's nearly dinner time.

Inside my head I am absolutely raging. Why won't they listen? I know it's because they think "oh she will give in eventually". They just don't shut up when they want something. Same situation if I have said yes! They keep on til they have it in their hands.

Go on, I'm in.

I have 2 x DS, 5 and 2.

the 5yo is whiny, the 2yo unbelievably boisterous.

Constant. Fighting.

Another week of school hols to go

I've just had a really shouty day and have sat down, after tears from everyone, to tell them I'm going to stop being a shouter and that I know it's not right.

DS1 said "why are you always so angry, mummy?" :(