Please or to access all these features

Add post

Watch this thread

Save thread

Start a new thread

Flip thread

Hide thread

My feed

Active Unanswered threads

Getting started FAQ's

Unanswered threads Acronyms Talk guidelines

Hide shortcut buttons

Talk

Parenting

For free parenting resources please check out the Early Years Alliance's Family Corner.

Flip

1 2 3 4 5 6 7 8

Original poster

fuming as step daughter has wee'd on sofa and said nothing

186 replies

mymiraclebubba · 19/03/2014 22:54

Please let me vent without flaming me

I love my dsd to bit but she has pee'd on my bloody sofa AGAIN and said nothing!!!! I only know because I put my dd's toy down when I fed her and when I picked it up it stank of wee. Dd is finally asleep but had a real battle as she loves her toy grrrrrr

There is nothing wrong with dsd she just gets caught up in what she is doing and holds it til she can't hold anymore and freely admits to it. I don't about or tell her off but I am fuming tonight about it!

What can I do to stop her swing it other than pull ups and constantly nagging her???

OP posts:

Are your children’s vaccines up to date?

Set a reminder

MellowAutumn · 20/03/2014 22:40

My - if she does not tell you - for whatever reason, it's psychological my dear. The fact you do not understand this and cannot accept this is very telling about your attitude. The fact you are going to curtain your weekend activities :( is even more so. She needs more help from a hcp with specialist knowledge.

Original poster

mymiraclebubba · 20/03/2014 22:46

i am not now and never have been your 'my dear' mellow so kindly lose the patronising bs.

Ohbaby - becuase i am not, i am amending the activities as a theme park will create too much distraction and cause her to wet herself so why should i put her or the rest of the family through that?

OP posts:

MellowAutumn · 20/03/2014 22:52

Because all you are doing is setting yourself up for possibly years of your dsd peeing on things and for a long term shit relationship with her that will be way more stressful than a little understanding and gentleness - because . your current methods are working so well arnt they?

Interested in this thread?

Then you might like threads about these subjects:

Families General parenting

OhBabyLilyMunster · 20/03/2014 22:55

Best of luck to the kid - shes gonna need it.

Original poster

mymiraclebubba · 20/03/2014 22:57

have you actually bothered to read the thread Mellow or are you just here to create trouble?

i have a great relationship with dsd and if you had bothered to read the thread you will see that she wets more often in situations i have nothing to do with. and 'my methods' are her parents methods that i have to follow sowind your damn neck in and go away!!

for the ladies who recommended the ERIC site, she only really fits the voiding postponement category, i will show her the site so she can see she isn't the only one, but the site recommends everything we have done in terms of reminder, behavioural support which i would interpret as helping her understand the consequences of her not going and rewards for not wetting. will print it off for dp and her mum

OP posts:

MellowAutumn · 20/03/2014 22:58

And oh goodness wouldn't want her to have too much fun and wet herself - oh wait she does that anyway doesn't she in 'normal' circumstances? So it's obviously NOT a punishment and of course she won't see it as such as it's such a reasonable and measured response that is entirely for her own good.

Paintyfingers · 20/03/2014 22:58

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Boris13 · 20/03/2014 22:58

Wow! she's 8, not that old really... Ur not taking her on a trip because of this, no wonder she doesn't tell u...

My sister weed herself just yesterday, she's 33!!!!!

LEMmingaround · 20/03/2014 22:59

It sounds like anxiety :(

Kudzugirl · 20/03/2014 22:59

Proper behavioural assessment works with the whole family not just the child. That is why you really do need to start the process off to gain this.

Websites are no substitute for proper face to face imput- they can only be an adjunct and support.

MellowAutumn · 20/03/2014 23:00

Love your interpretation of the behavioural support advice on ERIC. GOod luck with that.

Original poster

mymiraclebubba · 20/03/2014 23:02

painty - i said she can forget it i never said i had told her we were going or that we aren't now going.

OP posts:

LEMmingaround · 20/03/2014 23:04

Gosh, the poor girl - so much for her to cope with in her family - no wonder she is wetting herself :( Have you thought about getting her some help? Of COURSE it is psychological - she is not doing it to be lazy or naughty.

AskBasil · 20/03/2014 23:05

How do you know it's not psychological/ emotional?

I'm astonished that a parent 2014 c could seriously suggest that this behaviour is down to laziness. Especially on Mumsnet.

Shocking.

Original poster

mymiraclebubba · 20/03/2014 23:08

LEM - she has been referred and they have said there is nothing wrong that she is just holding on too long and then when she does decide to go to the loo she can't hold on any more and she wets.

i have never said she is doing it to be lazy or naughty - the naughty bit is not telling us

i am very bored of having to continually repeat myself

OP posts:

yourehavingalaugh · 20/03/2014 23:11

What is the link between her wetting herself and the trip to the theme park? If none, why are you withdrawing the day out? That seems ridiculous and downright cruel.

LEMmingaround · 20/03/2014 23:13

"x-mum's boyfriend has been on the scene a long time and the kids have known him since the year dot as his dd and my dss are in the same class at school - mum had an affair with him so the kids have known he is mum's dp for over 2 years so doubt that has anything to do with it in that sense although they moved in with him and his 2 kids in January so that could have flared it up i suppose - but 3 months later?!

She is having to share a bedroom with dss in their new house as there aren't enough bedroom (don't ask we have tried to suggest that they stay here more but mum won't hear of it ) and thinking about it, she has seemed a lot more tired than normal. Lack could tiredness be a cause of the slip ups returning in your experience!"

But it isn't psychological Wow

Original poster

mymiraclebubba · 20/03/2014 23:14

she knows nothing about the trip to the theme park - and i am not prepared to put her in a position where i know she will be too distracted and will hold off going to the loo until it is too late. hardly fair to put her in a situation i know she will wet herself - surely that would be cruel?????

we will still go out (if the weather is any good) but somewhere less intense for her

OP posts:

LEMmingaround · 20/03/2014 23:16

yeah, well, 3 months later? yeah, she needs to toughen up doesn't she!

Can you not just ignore this? seriously - everyone around this poor kid is making it her fault, she probably doesn't know which way is up and is realy really insecure - i bet she feels anxious about going to the toilet, i bet she feels anxious about telling you (even though you say you haven't told her off - but you have told her of about not telling so......when you are 8) So she wets herself - she will grow out of it IF she is allowed to.

Original poster

mymiraclebubba · 20/03/2014 23:17

i am saying that the professionals are saying its not LEM - if it was psychological it wouldn't stop and start like it does surely?

she only wets when she is distracted by playing or tv etc. not when she is ill, upset, worried about anything or i trouble with mum/school/dad for anything

OP posts:

LEMmingaround · 20/03/2014 23:17

you are contradicting yourself - in your earlier post you said "she has to learn" consequences bla bla, so she can forget going to the theme park - so don't try now and say that she didn't know and that you are taking them to the farm instead because it will be better for her.

Original poster

mymiraclebubba · 20/03/2014 23:18

No i will not ignore it LEM

OP posts:

Kudzugirl · 20/03/2014 23:19

Yes psychological causes do trigger intermittent incontinence and relapses. That is exactly what they do. Far more so than a steady physiological cause such as problems with stretch receptors or urinary triggers.

RandomInternetStranger · 20/03/2014 23:19

Wow. I really hope my ex's gf isn't like this with my daughter. In all honesty it all sounds pretty abusive. Maybe as the adult you should be reminding her to go to the loo and helping her instead of humiliating her and causing upset, resentment and hate.

Original poster

mymiraclebubba · 20/03/2014 23:19

yes she ahs to learn consequences and it will get mentioned but not in a 'you are being punished sense'

OP posts:

Flip

1 2 3 4 5 6 7 8