fuming as step daughter has wee'd on sofa and said nothing

[mymiraclebubba]

Please let me vent without flaming me

I love my dsd to bit but she has pee'd on my bloody sofa AGAIN and said nothing!!!! I only know because I put my dd's toy down when I fed her and when I picked it up it stank of wee. Dd is finally asleep but had a real battle as she loves her toy grrrrrr

There is nothing wrong with dsd she just gets caught up in what she is doing and holds it til she can't hold anymore and freely admits to it. I don't about or tell her off but I am fuming tonight about it!

What can I do to stop her swing it other than pull ups and constantly nagging her???

www.eric.org.uk/

oops...forgot linkiness

www.eric.org.uk

Cheers lack will have a look at it with her when they are with us at the weekend!

Lunch, you are a horror. Go and do some reading on child development for the sake of any poor kids you come into contact with.

And if you won't do this (which I am sure you won't, given the strength of your utterly flawed conviction) then please stop giving such irresponsible advice out on an Internet forum.

Feel so sad for the girl. Surely best way to stop this is to give her hugs and show a genuine desire to help her. Poor 8 year old

lack has given great advice here and I hope it helps. It sounds like your all working together to solve this which will help DSD feel all the adults in her life care.

Ignore the posts accusing you of being at fault as your SM. And thinking it's bad you vent here.

I vent here in MNSN about bad days with DS but never to him because I know he can't help help it - but I'm only human!

I think it's fine to vent on here. It's good. Sorry you're being bashed. You're clearly trying to help her but have run out of ideas maybe?

Do check out the ERIC website. Also, have you tried asking her to wait after she's had a wee, on the toilet for a short time, maybe a count of 20, then try again. Some kids don't empty fully and their bladders need to relearn. It's a very easy thing to try. Encourage fluids too and be clear with her that you'd be really appreciative if she would let you know if she has an accident, you know it can be embarrassing, but you're there to help.

And FWIW, I'd not cancel her trip. It won't help and will just make everyone miserable.

Good luck.

My ds had problems, it was worst around 6-8 but carried on till he was about 10 (though less often by the time he was 9). It was bladder capacity and the fact he doesn't drink (I was the same as a child) so for us, we had to really encourage him to have 8 drinks a day and we had specific times when he had to go to the loo and just try, even if he didn't feel he needed to go.. we asked him to try (get out of bed, after breakfast, before leaving for school etc..) If he did have an accident then he was expected to go and shower, change and put his dirty clothes for washing without any fuss (any wee in floor/furniture we just cleaned up without fuss). This was worked out with the school nurse, who I have to say was fantastic and she'd dealt with similar problems before plus, she spoke to ds rather than going over his head and only speaking to me. We involved his teacher and she did a mass class loo trip at certain times (obv not all kids in the loo at the same time but done in a way that ds didn't feel singled out).

It took a lot of patience but getting cross doesn't help. It is hard though and I do understand where you are coming from OP, good luck!

We have tried the dot om the loo and count to 30 before you stand up but it doesn't seem to help because after a month or so of doing it and her not wetting and we all thin "yes she's cracked it" so we stop reminding her so often and she starts again! Reward charts don't work with her either unfortunately - she has one but isn't really bothered by it.

She has told dp this morning that she wet at school because her teacher wouldn't let her go when she asked. I have worked in schools and never known a teacher refuse a child they knew had a problem holding it so I am not entirely sure I believe her but we will go in and have a word when we drop her at school this morning.

I will be cancelling the theme park as she needs to learn consequences to her not telling us but I am not cancelling all together we will still go to the city farm and park otherwise her brother is punished too which isn't fair.

I will definitely try the Eric website that lack has talked about though

And a massive thanks to everyone who has offered advice and support!! I have learnt not to post in step parent forum as the actual issue gets completEly ignored in favour of step mum bashing so apologies if I have taken any of the comments too personally x

What may help with school is the system my DS uses. He is autistic and has a consisted bowel problems. He has a toilet card which is stuck to Velcro on a board when he needs to go. And he takes himself off. Then the hole class has a boys and girls toilet symbol that is nest to this strip. Any child who needs to go can put the symbol there and take themselves. But because there is only 1 of each they can't use it to go off in groups instead of working.m
The school were wary of my suggestion about this but agreed to test it to help my DS and have actually said because they can go but only one at a time most wait until break time ( to go in groups!) and there's no disruption of children asking during teacher talking.

And yes if common in junior schools for them not to let children go during lessons. They encourage them to wait but children who are very vocal about needing to go often are. Maybe your DSD asks and then shuts up because she's told no?

Not consisted bowel problems - associated!

Winning the school are aware she has issues holding and according to her mum who dealt with them last time they always let her go if she asks which leads me to believe she hasn't asked and is saying the teacher said no as she suspects she then won't get into trouble. We will be talking to her teacher today.

Not sure what the procedure is but they certainly don't let them go in groups. I suspect that IF she has asked it has probably been within seconds of coming in from playtime so can understand them then saying no as she knows full well she should be going then.

Teacher was lovely, dsd hadn't asked her if she could go to the loo as she did confirm that mum had blending and both her and the ta were aware to let her go. She did say that dsd goes out for spelling lessons on a Wednesday so she would make sure that teacher knows too although dsd was adamant it was class teacher but did look very shamefaced when we asked the teacher so I would assume she didn't and thought that by saying teacher wouldn't let her would get her out of any perceived trouble!

She even tried to wear her wee soaked uniform to school today when I had laid out clean for her!! I despair!

Someone tell me kids do gain some common sense eventually?!

Bloody autocorrect! Been in not blending

At home, could she have a timer with her, and she sets it with you after she's been to the loo and go again when the bell goes off, say after 45 minutes, an hour? She could then choose the design of it and take herself off to the loo, then she has some element of control about this instead of being reminded by you / her parents.

So you discussed it in front of the child?

You have no clue. Poor kid.

I can't believe you punish her for this. Read some parenting books/go on parenting courses, because you're doing it wrong.

She's probably terrified to tell you if this is your normal reaction.

Yes wtf she needs to know the school know there is an issue and that she is ok to ask as they will let her go.

We didn't say "did she ask" we said that she told us she had asked and hadn't been allowed, at which point dsd looked very shamefaced and stared at the floor. The teacher said it couldn't have been her as she was awareand would have let her go and mmentioned the spelling lessons

Note the word "shame". YOU are making her feel shame. Stop it.

I understand you find this infuriating and incomprehensible but this really, really, really isn't a type of behaviour that responds well to sanctions, anger (even if it's about not telling rather than wetting) and shaming.

I've been in a similar position, tried that route and it helped no-one. I would recommend you accept that, at the moment, she can't help occasionally wetting and can't always tell you. Can't, not won't

It is really unlikely that your DSD even knows why she is doing this, let alone being able to articulate it to you but if it not physical it will be a psychological problem and she'll need help with it.