fuming as step daughter has wee'd on sofa and said nothing

[mymiraclebubba]

Please let me vent without flaming me

I love my dsd to bit but she has pee'd on my bloody sofa AGAIN and said nothing!!!! I only know because I put my dd's toy down when I fed her and when I picked it up it stank of wee. Dd is finally asleep but had a real battle as she loves her toy grrrrrr

There is nothing wrong with dsd she just gets caught up in what she is doing and holds it til she can't hold anymore and freely admits to it. I don't about or tell her off but I am fuming tonight about it!

What can I do to stop her swing it other than pull ups and constantly nagging her???

she's scared, embarrassed and ashamed.

or are you suggesting she's doing it on purpose to piss you off?

Maybe she is scared of how you will react if she does tell you?

I bet she is very embarrassed. 8 is old enough to know that her friends don't generally do this.

My 11 year old DS still has the odd accident, and we know that geting angry at him has the exact opposite effect. I'm with backforgood I'm afraid; I can only feel sorry for your dsd as she probably knows how angry you will be and that's why she's concealing it. Poor thing; she will be embarrassed, and scared of your reaction and needs some compassion, not castigation and fear

Not step mother bashing. Pointing out that you're an adult and she is a child. Your sofa is considerably less important than the emotional, physical and social development of another human being

have you done a fluid in/fluid out chart? maybe she needs help to retrain her bladder to hold more?

Santa's she isn't scared - she knows that when she tells us it is just dealt with in a matter of fact "ok well go and change while I clean up" manner the only time she gets told off is when she doesn't tell us

Can't you try removing whatever is engrossing her ? Dd gets like this (she is a lot younger at 4) and won't leave the tv/doll/whatever. So i just remove it/turn it off.

If you were her birth mother you would still get the same reaction from me; I care not whether you are her step mother, mother, grandmother or alien abductor...she has an issue and making her feel bad is not the way to solve it

Lack - yup and Dr said fizzy drinks can make it worse so her Dm has banned them so we have followed suit here

It's crackers, it genuinely is down to being distracted and holding on too long.

I am pissed off (as I have a right to be) that she has done it and not told us

and yes, DS would be worse if he was playing the aptly named, Wii!

She may not realise initially, then when she does realise, she knows she will be in trouble for not having told you, so she keeps schtumm? 8 year olds are quite complex beings, and this is a sensitive issue; has she been on the ERIC website; if she knows how common this actually is, it might help her deal with it.

Truffle bit difficult when it's school/play centre!! But there was no tv tonight she was sat chatting to her dad about something while I was sorting out our dd

Who did she see at the hospital? A problem could be psychological aswell as physical. A general surgeon/paediatrician would probably only have ruled out physical bladder problems. Do you have any other issues with DSD? Has she coped well with her parents' split & your new baby?

Psychological issues can certainly produce physical symptoms in some cases. If it was something like this, may be a little counselling could help her cope in general & clearing up the wetting problem would be a welcome bonus .

The only possible thing I can think of if she doesn't respond to being reminded to go to the bathroom, is to get a special cleaning kit e.g. little bucket, cloth and upholstery cleaner or whatever and show her where it's kept and how you use it to clean any 'spills'
That way if she is too embarrassed to say she's had an accident you're helping her know how to go about sorting out the problem caused rather than ignoring it.

Might work/help?
You know being matter of fact - stuff happens so this is how we deal with it kind of thing?

I only suggest that because you sound at the end of your tether OP.

This would really piss me off

If all medical possibilities has been ruled out then it sounds like laziness.

Whether she was my dsd or biological daughter, i woulx be getting very firm with her over this.

I would make her scrub the sofa, explain about how she will smell and threaten to put her in a nappy if it continues.

I would only do that if it was certain there was no medical condition

Never heard of it lack, I will have a look and show her at the weekend! Thanks

fizzy drinks, anything blackcurrant, and caffeine all to be avoided.

Even a blackcurrant chewit can set DS off.

I know its hard not to get annoyed though; after having wet bedding to wash for the tenth night in a row, it can get a bit trying. It sounds like you;re trying not to let her see you're annoyed, but she may still be picking up on your vibes.

The poor girl is probably embarrassed. I had accidents at that age, I would do anything to hide it.

can you not explain to her that if it keeps happening and then she not tell you then it will be pull up pants for her?

Sorry, should have been a ? on the end of that - not a huge grin!

Lunch - definitely no medical reason. The Dr referred her after we asked them to check again

OMG lunchlady? are you for real? Children rarely wet out of laziness; especially not eight year olds who are all too aware of the social stigma. Thanks, in no small part, to attitudes like yours

OP.

I don't think anybody is telling you these things to step mother bash.
You are the adult who is posting for help on a forum, this little girl needs help too.

I can't help thinking poor kid. Please sod the sofa.

oh, yes humiliating her by putting in her pull ups will surely work

doll that is exactly the issue! It's the not telling us when she knows it isn't an issue as long as we know about it!!

And pull ups don't help cos she then has an excuse cos it hasn't damaged anything we have tried them! She is more embarrassed about them than wetting