Things you don't say to a woman with a new baby

[IShallCallYouSquishy]

I have a 21month DD and a newborn DS. DH runs his own company so had to go back to work on Tuesday so been a tough few days. A couple of corkers today made me wonder what gems other people have had said to them. Mine so far....


DMum the day after I had DS: oh DD probably thinks the baby is still in there (looking at my stomach)

DFIL today (DS is 8 days old):you look tired

DH today: you know you had a little sleep this morning and i took DD out, I was thinking of going out on my bike if it stays sunny. (I had about 3 hours sleep due to BFing DS most the night!)

Yes ok, my hormones are a bit all over the place but surely none of the above are acceptable!

[Bishandbesh]

"My friend's baby had to be admitted to hospital with bronchilitis when he was just a few weeks" a neighbour said to me when dc was 2 weeks and had the sniffles......

"Having a baby is not that special, life goes on you know" colleague said when dc was a few weeks old.

[KateSMumsnet]

at all of these. In the hopes of stopping people saying these absolutely ridiculous things in the future, we've created a handy page of things you don't want to hear when you've just had a baby. Please do print it out, roll it into a tight tube and use it to whack people who say stupid things.

[Bearfrills]

Bagofbags, DS (my first DC) was 9lb 3oz with a 95th centile head. Second stage of labour was nearly four hours long, he was back to back with his head tilted and I tore too. Everyone told me my next would be bigger as "babies tend to get bigger". DD, two years later, was a titchy-by-comparison 7lb 10oz with a 25th centile head. Moral of the story: people know nothing really.

DS2 is a week old today and the MW came to remove my CS dressing a couple of days ago. She inspected my poor swollen, bruised lower belly, winced and said "my word, what did they do to you?!" To be fair it is a spectacular bruise (belly button to tops of thighs, bright yellow and purple) but my belly feels absolutely huge and none of my pants will fit so it really wasn't what I wanted to hear!

FIL, on learning our chosen name, "oh no, I'm not calling him that....." followed by him listing several 'comedy' names that are more acceptable that he's going to call him instead.

[hillyhilly]

"You can't call her that, it's a ridiculous name"
Never mind, you'll have to try again (for a boy)

My dear MIL

[MrsFooCough]

Not delivered yet (only 6mths) but we know what we want to call it, boy Leo or girl Grace. On telling MiL and StepFiL, StepFiL said "eurgh what a horrible name, LEO, ugh that's rubbish"

I actually yelled out IT'S NOT YOUR SODDING BABY SO I DON'T CARE WHAT YOU THINK and DH told him to piss off, so I think we dealt with that well. ~proud face~

[whomovedmychocolate]

Ah mine are a bit older so the hurt has faded but I give you:

Poor DH, with you having the caesarian he's having to do SUCH A LOT OF WORK, he looks exhausted.

I can only credit breastfeeding related oxytocin for preventing me from caving in the heads of my in laws for saying this shit.

[OnTheRunAndUpTheDuff]

My mother: I hope you don't name him anything stupid

My grandfather (10 days in with ds1): Why haven't you brushed your hair? You look a total mess

And from several people who have now been deleted from my Facebook account: Oh, another boy. Oh well.

[Flopsy28]

My Dd (now 8) was 10lb 11oz and birth after a long labour and EMCS... midwife: "wow... You've given birth to a toddler".

I always thought she looked small and cute.

And I've still got baby belly :(

[BlessedAssurance]

From MIL to DH when DD was 6 days old" why are you tired and not sleeping". It is not your job to look after your Dd while your wife sleeps. It is her job. I had gone 14 days overdue, got induced, contractions came on top of another and i did not open, got an epidural after hrs of pain which ended in EMCS. DD wouldn't latch and i had an infection on my boobs, which were the size o two hills. They were bloody and sore that meant Dd was hungry,ahhh, i tear up just thinking about that time . Dh told MIL to F....k off.

[Tinks2]

My BIL came to visit me 2 weeks after very long and horrible labour with DD - first 8 days pp I'd spent in hospital waiting for docs to realise I needed a blood transfusion, then left hopstial with an infection in episiotomy which wasn't picked up by hospital, and mastitis. He actually greeted me with "Oh! Comfortable are we? Oh no, please, don't get up, will you?" in possibly the most sarcastic tone I have ever heard when he saw me in bed (but with nightie / dressing gown on and sitting up with hair brushed and bed made around me and everything!). No one jumped to my defence, in fact, MIL started banging on about how she'd had an episiotomy with her first and how it wasn't a big deal...

Is 3 years ago but can still feel the rage rising when I think of it...

[JupiterGentlefly]

I didn't tear. On either child therefore I had a foof like a bucket even before giving birth according to the bitchy girls I used to work with. .

[FetenFirstTimeMum]

DM and DH kept bottle feeding my DD despite me trying to establish Bfeeding. Reason, my breast are too small(DM not DH!!). Really !

DM at day 3(she couldn't keep it any longer) your belly is huge even after the c-section. Thanks mum !!

[GKLN54]

My friend had post natal depression for a while after her first baby. We went to visit her after birth No., 2. DH asks her how her 'afterbirth' was this time... Out of the mouths of babes and grown men?

[FetenFirstTimeMum]

someone mentioned this to me when arriving and when leaving. "I have to leave now, it takes so long to get to your place".
As if mentioning it first thing when she walked through the door wasn't enough.

I'll keep that in mind for when I visit next time. if I do :)

[Ohwhatfuckeryisthis]

oh isn't your grandson lovely? (no, she's my dd)

[minipie]

DD was born at 34 weeks, 4lb 15oz. teeny tiny, and in hospital for 3 weeks. all a massive shock.

Comment from friend of MIL: "lucky minipie to give birth to such a small baby".

Erm, nope, I'd have chosen full term and a big, healthy baby every time thanks.

[ILoveMyCaravan]

From my (D)M:

One week after having DS1, terrible pregnancy and birth, still hobbling around with spd and feeling like shit, she said: 'Are you looking after DH properly he seems a bit depressed, hope you're giving him enough attention."

After DS2 EMCS she said: "I've bought you a couple of things for the freezer, do make sure you tell everyone what I've done to help you."

I already had 'things' in my freezer, a frozen ham joint wasn't really going to make my life any easier.

[Ohwhatfuckeryisthis]

and from fil on the birth of my twin boys (his 3rd and 4th grandsons) "Oh more boys. Why is she crying?"

[susiedaisy]

From exh the day after ds was born telling his parents. "I'm exhausted it was a long day yesterday, and the chair in the labour room was so uncomfortable"
I had had an 18 hour labour. He fell asleep and popped out to make himself tea and toast half way through.

[HomeIsWhereTheHeartIs]

When DS was 3 days old, said by MIL: did you hear about that baby in China who got flushed down the toilet? It was on bbc news!

[Mumbert]

"Are you pregnant again?!". It was a week after the birth of my son and I still had some baby belly left....

[TheArmadillo]

When ds was 3or 4 days old he was admitted to scbu (we were still in hospital at this point as I was having blood transfusion), the doctors weren't sure what was wrong with him (turned out it was dehydration as my milk hadn't come in). My so called father shouted at me at me as I couldn't tell him what was wrong with ds telling me I had already failed as a mother. My so called mother telling me I was selfish and self centered for being upset at my father because he was worried about his grandson.

The bitch of a midwife telling me no wonder my son was in scbu if I couldn't be bothered to feed him properly and then when I asked her to show me walked off saying she was too busy. As did every other midwife on the ward I was on, i was struggling with breastfeeding.

My mother pointing out to every visitor when I got out of hospital the size of my stomach, and faking concern that it wasn't normal for it to be that big, that she had a flat stomach the minute she had given birth. Ignoring the fact that I hadn't had a flat stomach before getting pregnant. Comparing me loudly to my mortified tiny friend, who had had a baby 6 weeks before me. Tiny friend stood up for me but my mother ignored her.

I have nothing to do with my family now.

[Sparklymommy]

Having not had to have stitches, even after a forceps delivery, my Dsis said I must be "huge" down there! Thanks for that!

[BornOfFrustration]

BIL -'for God's sake Born, you could have put a bit of makeup on'.

[BranchingOut]

A funny one. Went into a cafe with my son at a couple of weeks old. He was wearing a knitted hat, (a very treasured heirloom sort of item).

Lady in her 60s peering into the pram: 'Oooh, lovely. Tricia, come over here and look!'
Tricia: 'Ooh yes, lovely'
Lady: 'Such fine work, what a lovely piece of knitting'