Things you don't say to a woman with a new baby

[IShallCallYouSquishy]

I have a 21month DD and a newborn DS. DH runs his own company so had to go back to work on Tuesday so been a tough few days. A couple of corkers today made me wonder what gems other people have had said to them. Mine so far....


DMum the day after I had DS: oh DD probably thinks the baby is still in there (looking at my stomach)

DFIL today (DS is 8 days old):you look tired

DH today: you know you had a little sleep this morning and i took DD out, I was thinking of going out on my bike if it stays sunny. (I had about 3 hours sleep due to BFing DS most the night!)

Yes ok, my hormones are a bit all over the place but surely none of the above are acceptable!

[VeggySausage]

happydaze I got a lot of sharp inward takes of breath and then they would cross their legs. I don;t think they do it consciously to be fair!

[BumpAndGrind]

DD is 4 month, last week my mum came out with the gem 'You need to look after yourself more, you look like crap'.

Really, mother?

[bootsycollins]

I've not recently given birth but I'll share my terrible tale. On Thursday me and my friend were sat having a coffee with her gorgeous 6 week old dd. Two 40 something ladies sat at the next table were cooing at the baby and then the one that looked like a perma tanned stereotypical pagan Wicca woman asked me if I'm the Grandma!.

To clarify I'm 36 and my friend is 26, I was as there open mouthed like
" Really?". Ouch!

[NiceOneCenturion]

Oh and Ishallcallyou of course he shouldn't be going out on his bike, his first priority is supporting you at the moment, in any way you need. You can start reintroducing the idea of me time later when you're ready for some too and it is equal, you've been growing a baby and recovering from birth and looking after that baby is all you should be having to think about.

Solidarity sister.

[ShadowFall]

From the regular shop assistant at the local shop, when I went in with newborn DS2 - had last seen this lady a few days before the birth -

I didn't know you were having a baby! You didn't look pregnant at all!

Repeated loudly to everyone in sight for about 15 mins until she'd recovered enough from her astonishment to scan my shopping.

Nice to know I'd just looked fat. Thanks for that.

[VeggySausage]

Ooh bootsy, I bet it was just a not so subtle dig at your friend who they decided was a teen mum.

[LadySnapcase]

"Put the kettle on" as said by visiting family members 48 hours after I'd had an episiotomy. Could barely move off the sofa, you put the bastard kettle on you gits

Am not still bitter, honest

[GingerRodgers]

In the supermarket when dd was a week old, I had a woman pat my stomach () and exclaim "goodness you got another one in there pretty quickly!"

I went and cried in the frozen pizza isle.

[GingerRodgers]

Aisle! Oops

[ToriaPumpkin]

'Have you been out for a walk today with the pram?' DS was ten days old, my stitches were still tight and coming away, I hadn't slept more than two hours in a row since the birth due to colic and (as yet undiagnosed) reflux and I was still getting used to not having SPD and being unable to BF.

I don't think I even answered him to be honest. His reasoning was that I'd said I planned to get out and walk every day to try and lose some weight, but I thought some leeway was reasonable

[TeaAddict235]

Op, I feel your pain. My DM said to me 2 days after arriving from hospital, "oh you look tired" too. Ummm yes after an emergency operations and 3days bed rest plus demand feeding.

Then one week later she "whispered" to DH, "is she depressed?" such that I could hear her upstairs from bed while she was at the front door! Depressed?! I'm annoyed that you thought that you were so tactful to ask so that the stinking neighbors could probably hear.

[phantomnamechanger]

when DD was 6 months old I was talking to an acquaintance I had not seen for ages. she would have known from other mutual friends that I had been pg. She said "whens the baby due?" Oh no says I, I've had the baby, she's 6 months old !

"Oh says woman, I thought..." (glances at my belly, desperately changes subject!) She knew I'd had the baby but thought I was pg again! I can LOL about it now 14 years on but at the time I was and

[Mrswellyboot]

After long labour and EMCS, 'you would get over that quicker than a normal birth'

When asked visitors to arrive before 7pm because I was cluster feeding and wanted privacy 'can you not express?'

Hmmm.. Still bitter

[RunningBear78]

We have an appointment free at 7.20am, would that be suitable?

From gp receptionist when making an appointment for 8wk old as ...

[ALittleFaith]

FIL 'Another cup of tea wouldn't go amiss' when DD was a week old and I was BF a low birth weight DD! I was very tempted to point out he knew where the kettle was and he could make me one too.

DH's absolute classic Ooh it's all wibbly!

[Shellywelly1973]

Bike? Lol! Yeah right!? He's taking the piss!

I gave birth to dc6 3 & half weeks ago. When she was 10 days old I had to get c to a hospital appointment for 8.15am...I wasn't happy!

14 days after giving birth a receptionist at my Dr's couldn't understand why I wasn't up & about by 6 am to get a same day appointment...

2 days after I gave birth to my 3rd dc someone c pointed out I still had a fat tummy...She still fat whereas i was back i my size 8 in a few weeks.

People say stupid things all the time but we just remember them better as we are easily upset in the weeks following child birth.

My Exdp was absolutely shite whilst on paternity leave. I didn't even miss him after the new baby was born!

[70isaLimitNotaTarget]

Mine isn't but when my DParents came to visit when DS was 2.6 and DD was new (about 10 days old new)
I told DParents and DD shopping (DD in her front carry Baby Bjorn so make going up and down escalators easier)

My Dad : "Is she ok? Can she breathe"
"I'll buy you some new clothes if you can find any to fit you" ( I was a size 12 and back in my normal clothes thank you , cheeky blighter)

"I'll buy you some chocolate" (Oh yes, me who can't find clothes to fit)

I excused him because he didn't mean it nastily and was very good with DS (park, walks) and took DD out in the pram ("babies like to sleep in a moving pram for fresh air" )

[isisisis]

MIL - 12hrs post EMCS, PPH etc etc "you look pale, I'm not sure blue (colour of my dressing gown) suits you" Really? I think I might look a little pale as I left several units of my blood on the operating theatre floor.

[NickyNackyNooNoo]

All from my lovely in-laws "awww another boy"
"yeah thought you were struggling we noticed you never wore make-up" with 2 under 2, make up was waaaaay down my list of priorities
"breast feeding still....hmmmm"
"well home births are a total drain on resources"
There are many many more


Over the years I've perfected the smile and nod and always drink when I see them

[baggytshirt]

Mil delighted in telling me every upsetting news story about babies and children until dd was 3 months old.... when I let rip at her. I didn't see her for at least 3 months after that. It was bliss

[pinkgirlythoughts]

"Ooh, we'll have to work on getting this off you now (prods my tummy). In fact, you're almost bigger now than you were before you had him!" - said by family member of DH, whilst still in hospital, 3 days after giving birth to DS.


"Well, we've been here for ages, and we haven't been offered a drink yet..." - same family member, 2 days later, the morning after I came home from hospital.

[ElephantsNestInARhubarbTree]

Posted in error. Sorry.

[Theresomethingaboutdairy]

Said by my FIL 3 days post birth of dd 'you'll have to get on that rowing machine soon then love?!' How I didn't burst into tears, God knows.

[MeanAndMeaslyMiddleAges]

Not a newborn tale but I was telling a new colleague about my 2 year old and said 'he's so beautiful' (giant Bambi eyes etc) and colleague looked at photo and said 'well, I wouldn't say he was beautiful.'

Really? Really?? Even if he looked like a forest troll, what person thinks it's a good idea to not agree and keep schtum if the mother refers to her child as beautiful???

But then, he did tell a colleague THE spoiler in Game of Thrones series one seconds after I gave 2nd colleague the box set to borrow...