Things you don't say to a woman with a new baby

[IShallCallYouSquishy]

I have a 21month DD and a newborn DS. DH runs his own company so had to go back to work on Tuesday so been a tough few days. A couple of corkers today made me wonder what gems other people have had said to them. Mine so far....


DMum the day after I had DS: oh DD probably thinks the baby is still in there (looking at my stomach)

DFIL today (DS is 8 days old):you look tired

DH today: you know you had a little sleep this morning and i took DD out, I was thinking of going out on my bike if it stays sunny. (I had about 3 hours sleep due to BFing DS most the night!)

Yes ok, my hormones are a bit all over the place but surely none of the above are acceptable!

[inamaymaybewrong]

When are you due?

[sunflowered]

Not strictly a newborn quote, but mil after my 6 week battle with breastfeeding:
"well, now you know how easy it is you'll be fine next time"

[Chips1999]

I'll never forget FIL asking if my tummy was "normal" as it was so big....

[PennyJennyPie]

From the lady bringing me to the post natal ward 4 hours ( yes) post partum: you need to do some exercises for the tummy.

[jabbsy]

mother on meeting grandchild for the first time
(this is my first child, would be my dads first grandchild if he was alive / but is her 6th grandchild, i live abroad)

:cant you come to me when its born, i dont want to get a flight or take the train.
:no mum, im not travelling with a newborn til i know what im doing/at least 6months
:ok, well just make sure you have skype set up then

shes a pain in the arse anyway. am trying not to be bothered, but i am quite bothered underneath the bravado....

[FlossyMcTrumpetson]

Old lady in street looking at my baby: "Ah she's beautiful, I presume her father must be VERY good looking"
Presumably to overcompensate for how awful I look then, lady?!

[Electroswing]

'She needs to get over it. I'm family' (non-D M to my brother, whom she's asked why I was asking guests to stay at the local B n B rather than our house. There was no spare bedroom at our house, DH and I were trying to get to grips with a newborn on 5 hours sleep per night, and I was getting up in the small hours to BF. But yeah, I should just get over it and make up a camp bed. NB: she insisted on staying at our house, turned up empty-handed, allowed me to cook for her and was ratty about the poor sleep. Awesome.)

My lovely DB said 'So, apart from the baby and house stuff, what else are you doing?' He doesn't have kids

The next person to say 'Enjoy every minute!' is going to get clocked. I presume their kids are old enough that they've edited out all the sleep deprivation and complete lack of an adult life. I will enjoy some minutes, people. No-one enjoys all of them.

[jabbsy]

i like this thread. sorry if theres a more up to date one and i shouldnt be posting here...

DP on me having SPD at 30 weeks;

you're just milking it because you dont want to go to work (im currently working from home rather than being signed off completely)

want to make me a coffee, ive been at work all day

[vladthedisorganised]

"You shouldn't cover up, I love watching mothers feed their babies, it's so magical!"

Er, my choice, I think? I feel the cold, it's January and I get creeped out by people watching my norks.

"Should you be eating that?"

[FetenFirstTimeMum]

DH was kind enough to cancel the cinema cards before the birth of DD. He knew they won't see the sun light for a while :)

[KristinaM]

Calm -wow, I can't understand why he's your ex, he sounds a charmer

[Chelvis]

arms? weird autocorrect! *ankles

[Chelvis]

Walking in a shopping centre with 2 week old DD2, I was stopped by a very friendly lady standing near a promotional stall. She cooed over DD, asked her age, and then gave me a leaflet for the new plus size shop that was opening. I burst into tears. I was only wearing size 14 as well!

I also had MIL both times telling me that she'd been back in her size 8 jeans the day after giving birth and that the midwife had walked her along the wards announcing to everyone that they should follow her example. I only just resisted pointing out that she probably couldn't even fit her arms into them now ....

[Calminacrisis]

My very exH, morning after birth of third DD, arrives to pick us up from hospital. He's had a 6yr old and a 2yr old to look after and asks me 'why the fuck I'm not ready to leave' as he's tired and wants to get home (silly me, I'd just spent 12 hours in labour and the baby hadn't yet been seen by the paediatrician.

To top it off, exH then decides to pop into a unit of the hospital where some of his work friends want to meet the baby. I drag my swollen, stitched, knackered body there and watch whilst several of his female colleagues coo over my baby. 18 months later I find out he'd had affairs with two of them. True story. Cunt.

[Calmisthemantra]

Mil holding ds"ooh look he's rooting, i would've had lots of milk for you" I was really struggling with feeding due to then undiagnosed insufficient glandular tissue. I was desperate to bf and it was like a knife to the heart

Mil again "Don't be so silly to get depressed this time" when we announced our 2nd pg. I'd had pnd & anxiety following my first

[sparkysparkysparky]

"Just put it behind you"2 months after traumatic birth with dreadful post natal care .If only I'd thought of that!

[ScoutFinchMockingbird]

Not so much what my DM said as what she did after a 24 hour labour which ended in me having a C-section.
Everyone else sent big bunches of flowers/champagne etc.
My DM sent a normal sized bar of Dairy Milk - not even a big one!

[Sillylass79]

Mil when ds1 was crying and FIL said 'I think he wants his mum':

'Nonsense, she's nothing but milk to him, it's the milk he wants, not HER'.

I shit you not.

[Ginfox]

DstepM when she came to stay, when DD1 was 2wks old: "So what's the plan for today?" I replied that my plan for the day had been to get dressed and come downstairs, so I was all done for the day bless her, she means well.

[WeAllHaveWings]

In labour from Saturday morning to Monday morning, induced sunday morning to speed things up and contractions coming fast and hard, 5 attempts at epidural failed, got to 10cm dilated eventually, baby in distress and emcs under ga -all pretty bad.

SIL who was 36 weeks pregnant visited and seeing the state of me was terrified of her impending birth. dh said to her "don't worry, you'll be okay, Wings obviously has a very low pain threshold". If I could have moved at that point his pain threshold would have been tested!

[mathsmum]

sympathy!!!!

[fluffyraggies]

On the whole my MIL is lovely.

but

i swear i will explode the next time she tells me the story of:

a. how tiny she was after the birth of each of her DCs.
b. how 'perky' her boobs seem to have stayed.
c. how she loved every single minute of motherhood, and how idylic it was for all of them.

and (not so much baby related) ...
d. how she expertly juggled all her young DCs while:

• cycling miles for food (she and her DH had a car each and lived in London),
  
• struggling on, practically alone (DHs dad was very hands on, normal 9- 5 job)
  
• making do and rearing her DCs on 'what we could scrape together' (her DH worked for the electricity board and was on v.good money).
  

[mathsmum]

oh lor' - i forgot the mil thing. mine:

'i'm so glad you and s (her daughter) had such easy pregnancies - not like mine'

to be fair, she had horrendous morning sickness, which s and i didn't, but i'd love to know how 2 months confined in hospital (unstable lie) ending in a c-section counts as an 'easy pregnancy'

[aaaaagh]

'Can you make me a cup of tea I don't know where you keep your cups.'
In the glass fronted cupboard in the kitchen......I could barely walk.

[Chesterado]

Just remembered another DH classic. About a week after dd was born he very proudly told me that throughout the labour in hospital he has been desperate for a poo but didn't think I'd want him to leave so had held it in .... Apparently this proves he is a) amazing and considerate and b ) I wasn't the only one in considerable discomfort.....it also explains his 20 min disappearance in search of "snacks" when dd was an hour old.