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See all MNHQ comments on this thread

Original poster

She took my kids away from me ,what a good person!

209 replies

papa123 · 23/12/2012 12:12

I have been the prime carer for my kids for years ,but she was jealous because i was too close with them ,so she provoked me ,i shouted to her ,made me arrested ,she left ,took me to court ,invented all sort of allegations,the case continue...

OP posts:
Original poster
papa123 · 23/12/2012 14:32

i am not sayimg that it was her fault that i abused her ,no those are my actions and i am sorry i talking about the kids been taking away from me suddenly without notice .what if i took them away from her and went to court and put allegations regarding the kids what would she feel,think .i regret my behaviour with her but the kids are not a thing that you play with ,before the separation those kids were with me every day,yes every day when she was working .so for her to decide like that its non sence

OP posts:
SledYuleCated · 23/12/2012 14:34

Can you not see that most people would suggest that the children aren't left with the paret who has admitted to being an abusive husband?

Cantbelieveitsnotbutter · 23/12/2012 14:35

Eh?!?

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General parenting
BluelightsAndSirens · 23/12/2012 14:35

I think you will do best by continuing your course and becoming a better person. I'm sorry you don't get to have more contact with your children but that will come once you prove you are trustworthy.

chrismissymoomoomee · 23/12/2012 14:36

You should have thought through all the consequenses before you decided to be an abusive arse then. Its your own fault the kids are better off not seeing you lose your temper and be violent. You didnt think this much about them when you were qbusing their Mum.

BehindLockNumberNine · 23/12/2012 14:39

It is still all about you isn't it???

Can you really not see that in the eyes of most people you have no rights to the children?
Can you really not see that children are better off being raised and nurtured by a stable, honest parent, not an egotisitcal, controlling, abusive one?
Reallly?
Really really?

She is not using the children as a pawn in this. She is protecting them!

You however, ARE using the children as a pawn. You honestly believe that after all you have done you have a right to the children? All this bleating on about her having taken the children - STOP IT!!!

Man up, take responsibility for your actions, attend the courses you are on and learn from this.

For pity's sake!!

DozyDuck · 23/12/2012 14:40

If you can be abusive to her then you can be abusive to the kids. There is no way I would leave my kids with someone who was abusive, no fucking way.

Original poster
papa123 · 23/12/2012 14:42

thankyou all for the advise ,i will continue my course of course and will improve to be a better dad ,this a very hard time ,i hope it will improve .
thanks bluelight and to all the nice words from mners.

OP posts:
mrscrimbobash · 23/12/2012 14:42

Abusing your wife DAMAGES your children.

They are brought up in an atmosphere of fear and fighting. It is not good for them- your wife has done the right thing by extracting them from the situation.

If you went into court and made allegations that weren't true, you'd be lying. You'd be put in jail. Your wife made allegations that were true which led to the children not being in your custody.

This is not about what she is doing to you or to your kids- this is about what YOU are doing to YOUR FAMILY.

BehindLockNumberNine · 23/12/2012 14:42

Hang on, the children were with you every day whilst SHE WAS WORKING??
So she was providing for you aswell?

Now, apart from being a full time dad, what did you do to contribute to the family? Because I have a sneaky suspicion that being controlling and abusive may have been the limit of your contribution....

swallowedAfly · 23/12/2012 14:45

right so you are an abuser and you never worked and you think you'd be a good candidate for having care of your children?

she took the children because you are an abusive, fucked up individual and the children would not be safe with you.

controlling, abusive, cocklodger comes on mn looking for sympathy Hmm

WankinginaWinterWonderland · 23/12/2012 14:45

'improve to be better Dad'?????

You need a full personality change, be careful, it may not only be your wife in future Social Services may and often do make the decision for her. Your lucky you had supervised contact imo!

WankinginaWinterWonderland · 23/12/2012 14:46

'a very hard time' poor you..............Hmm

Sickening.

swallowedAfly · 23/12/2012 14:47

i'm guessing you did not work because you have no right to work in this country and you are using your cultural background as your excuse for not knowing you were abusing her or that it wasn't normal.

as someone who has lived in cultures where men can indeed get away with abusing their wives and having it seen as normal i'd just like to state that even there DECENT men do not abuse their wives. let alone abuse them AND live off of them

SolidGoldFrankensteinandmurgh · 23/12/2012 14:47

You are a complete failure as a father and husband. No one is going to help you. You have got what you deserved.

ZZZenAgain · 23/12/2012 14:49

I am sure it must be incredibly hard to go from being with your dc all day to seeing them once a week under supervision. You have to really get a grip on yourself now. You want to see them more often and in more normal circumstances, so you have to be very careful from now on how you proceed and how you deal with your anger. They won't be coming back to live with you but you can aim to reach an amiable agreement over time. I think you have to accept that this is going to take time.

Piemother · 23/12/2012 14:55

You sound delightful op. even being arrested hasn't drawn your attention to that fact your behaviour is unreasonable. Oh no, it's all about the mum using the kids as weapons. Yawn. What's next accusations of implacable hostility? Malicious mother syndrome?
Incidentally witnessing abuse is listed as 'significant harm' under the children act '89 which h us the legislation which governs family law cases. So now you know

DioneTheDiabolist · 23/12/2012 15:01

Stop moaning. You did the damage to your family. If you really want more access it's time to man up, own your actions and do something to repair the damage.

This will involve continuing with your course, therapy, respecting the restraining order, paying child support, doing whatever your ExW wants you to and not badmouthing her on the web.

You wrecked your family, no one else.

Thankfully your children have a loving mother who is nurturing them and protecting them from you. You should be thanking her, not slating her.

Original poster
papa123 · 23/12/2012 15:04

i beleive that someone who recon what he did and willing to change and deeply remorsful deserve a second chance ,i am realy honest about this ,no one can change the past but can improve the future .i will do anything to get my kids back i will never give up ,i was looking after them a lot since they were born and i miss them a lot i was helping with almost everything my problem was my temper ,yes i need to change completly ,and for those who said she was providing for us thats not true i was working too and i am british

OP posts:
Piemother · 23/12/2012 15:07

British huh?

SledYuleCated · 23/12/2012 15:09

What has being British for to do with it?

If you have changed, you need to fucking prove it, not just say its going to happen. Prove it. Ten, and only then, might people consider your situation.

DoctorAnge · 23/12/2012 15:09

Well done to your poor wife. I bet she has had a terrible life with you.
Abusive people have no right to contact with innocent children.
I agree it sounds like you have been a dreadful failure as a Father and husband. Work on yourself if you want to do something constructive.

DozyDuck · 23/12/2012 15:09

You weren't honest you said at the beginning of this thread that you only
Shouted at her but in another thread that you were violent towards her.

That's not honest that's lying.

WankinginaWinterWonderland · 23/12/2012 15:10

i beleive that someone who recon what he did and willing to change and deeply remorsful deserve a second chance ,i am realy honest about this ,no one can change the past but can improve the future

heard it all before

However, I have heard people like you can change, quit moping around posting here and get help, it may take years, one thing I must say however you do not deserve anything imo!! Actions speak louder than words, go get help!

DioneTheDiabolist · 23/12/2012 15:11

Willing to change is never enough.
Only actual change will do and this thread shows that no actual change has taken place. You are still blaming your Ex for the repercussions of your actions.

You do not yet deserve a second chance.