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Original poster

Would you leave you 4 month old at home, to go on a holiday of a lifetime

359 replies

sesame · 24/03/2006 16:14

I have a dilemma. I have the opportunity to go on an all expenses paid holiday that we woudl seriosuly never ever be able to afford in our lives. The only problem is, its a work thing and the excursions etc that are compulsary are not child friendly, taking the baby is out of the question. My mom will gladly look after the baby, but am i crazy for even thinking about going????

heres me trying to justify it. we haven't been away for a couple of years and in the last 18 months have been through 2 miscarriages and 2 family deaths, which have all taken their toll on us. We really need this break but just can't afford a holiday.

what would you do????

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Mercy · 24/03/2006 21:59

Forgot to say, you say it's a holiday of a lifetime - your baby is a once in a lifetime event too.

Holidays can be postponed, the early months/years of a life can't

myermay · 24/03/2006 22:03

personally, no i wouldn't leave a 4 mth old baby. TBH i wouldn't leave my 4 & 10month old for that long. I'd go away for the weekend, but only leave them with my mum. Dont' think the baby would miss you though(sorry!), more the fact that i couldn't cope with being away from them for that long

nulnulcat · 24/03/2006 22:04

for the first 6 months i didnt go anywhere as i was breast feeding but im a single mum and as soon as i was able to i took advantage of family offers to look after dd for me went on my first holiday without her when she was about 1 she went to my mums and had a great time the first time i left her was hard but it was only for 2 nights and i gradually built it up! id say go for it if you have the chance its probably easier to leave a baby than a toddler as they dont make you feel so guilty!

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kid · 24/03/2006 22:06

I personally wouldn't leave my baby, not even for a weekend. My eldest baby is 7 and I still wouldn't leave her. I know others that have left the children while they go on holiday, I just think its up to each person.

izzybiz · 25/03/2006 09:50

Im sorry also, but i dont think a 4 month old baby would miss you.
I have left my Ds loads of times with my parents and i always miss him more than he misses me.
Youre not going to scar your child for life by leaving it, while you have a break.
Wait till babes born and see how you feel then.

bijouxdeux · 25/03/2006 11:35

izzybiz - spot one!

I know it's not the case but let's there was a forced separation for one week - you'd manage, the baby would be fine (come to think of it, dd stayed with my parents for a week when I had ds1, of course I missed her but there wasn't a lot I could do about it and dd loved being with her grandparents). I can't see granny not be 'able to cope' with a 4 month old - it's a doddle compared to a toddler (believe me I know .

Just think of the reunion as well - wonderful

zippipetitspieds · 25/03/2006 11:36

I am certain that a four month old baby would miss parents if left for a week..how can you believe otherwise?

FrannyandZooey · 25/03/2006 11:38

I don't think it is spot on I think it is deluded. How do you know you miss your child more than they miss you? How are you expecting them to show you - write you a note?

If you think a tiny infant who is bonded with their parents is not going to be affected when those parents disappear for what is an extremely long period of time then you are quite quite wrong. Yes they would survive if there had to be an enforced separation, or even if you chose to do it. But I really can't belive that people think a baby is not going to notice.

monkeytrousers · 25/03/2006 12:11

I kind of agree. What you've said is a rationalisation based on what you want to be true, not necessarily what is true. There's nothing inherently wrong with that, as long as you admit that's what it is.

Flossam · 25/03/2006 12:40

I would say a no too. Just because the way I felt about DS while he was 'inside' so to speak and they way I felt about him when he was 4 months were two very different things.

BF isn't easy peasy! Well some people find it is but I didnt really. To express the amount needed for a weeks visit in 4 months is unrealistic IME. While abroad you would be needing to pump and dump several times over to try and keep your supply up. That would taint a holiday however special for me.

I think you think, as I think I did (a lot of thinks there!) that a four month old baby will be 'old enough'. But they are still very tiny and very reliant on mum/dad.

Also, you don't know yet how your mum will be with baby or how you will feel about how your mum is with baby. It can sometimes be fraught and could well not go as well as you now expect it to. What I am trying to say is this baby is soon to be the most precious thing in the world and you most probably aren't going to want to leave him/her anywhere other than in your arms!

lovecloud · 25/03/2006 12:43

Depends on how you feel, the fact that you are asking means you could handle the separation.

I could not let dd out of my sight at this age so i know it would not even crossed my mind although i would still have been gutted knowing what iw as missing out on but if i did go i would of cried and probably got the next plane home but i was breastfeeding and i think that makes separation in he early months harder.

I know plenty of mums who could handle separation at that age and if you think you can then go for it. Alot of mums work full time at that age anyway so its not much different.

Good luck with your decision!

soapbox · 25/03/2006 12:44

I left my DD with my DH for 2 hours when she was around this age.

She cried hysterically the whole time I was away and was in a terrible state when I got back!

She resolutely refused to take expressed milk from a bottle even when I returned to work when she was 8 mo. I tried every bottle, every teat and every possible method from starving to holding down and forcing it in her mouth

So two points:

The baby will know you have gone and may be beside herself until you return.

There is no guarantee that you will be able to express enough to keep her going for a week, nor that she will take a bottle!

I would also think it unlikely that you and DH are able to share the feeding as you describe until breastfeeding is very well established. It can be very hard work to express enough milk for a full feed in the early weeks!

brimfull · 25/03/2006 12:45

For a week I would definately go.Especially as it's your mum that's taking care of your baby.God a week is nothing!Just think back to this time last week...seems like yesterday doesn't it!

baby won't know any different imo

zippipetitspieds · 25/03/2006 12:48

a week is a long time for a baby and as a new parent it's a long time too..even 24 hours can seem like a lifetime in mother and baby terms

Carmenere · 25/03/2006 12:52

When my dd was 4 months old I had to unexpectedly go into hospital. I was lucky enough to hve been staying with my parents at the time and very lucky to have just started to introduce mixed feeding. My mum coped fine with dd and she went happily onto formula and predictably she diddn't even notice I was gone. But I was distraught. I was miserable without her and I was a real PITA to the doctors who wouldn't let me go home. In all honesty I don't think you are going to want to go when the time comes.

brimfull · 25/03/2006 12:55

If the grandmother is bonded with the baby and they spend a lot of time together I don't think it will traumatise the baby.Granted as a mum it will be heart wrenching .

FrannyandZooey · 25/03/2006 12:56

"baby won't know any different imo"

Ok this is my last post on this thread before I parp myself. I am beyond stunned by post such as the above. What do you think a baby is, some sort of amoeba? Your baby can recognise your voice while in the womb. A newborn knows its mother's smell apart from all the other scents in the world. A baby separated from people it has bonded with is going to experience loss and distress. A baby is a small human being, not some lower form of life.

If you see me on this thread again, wave a big stick at me, as I would almost undoubtedly say something I would regret later.

Mercy · 25/03/2006 13:00

Soapbox, I went to the corner shop when my dd was about 2 months old - a round trip of about 15 mins and when I came back she and my db whom she knew pretty well, were both distraught

brimfull · 25/03/2006 13:02

well the baby won't be affected for the rest of it's life will it?

The people on this thread who have actually done it don't say the babies are still reeling from it do they?

granted they will notice mum's gone and may fret but if they are being cared for by someone they know and love they'll be fine.

soapbox · 25/03/2006 13:03

I know shocking isn't it

She was lovely with DH normally but she knew I had gone, which makes me laugh seeing all the 'she'll never notice you've gone' posts here!

Oh yes she will

zippipetitspieds · 25/03/2006 13:03

I don't think any grandmother even if she is living with you and the baby is going to have anything like the mother's bond..even father's struggle to have that bond that exists between mother and baby when the baby is so small

WideWebWitch · 25/03/2006 13:05

Blimey, when ds was 3 months old his father and I got married and he was left with dh's mother for a night, it was bliss. She's had him regularly ever since he was tiny and they have a very close relationship. He stays there regularly and has done ever since he was tiny.

When dd was born I was enormously relieved to go back to work when she was 4mos old and would have disappeared for a week without a backward glance. Nay, a spring in my step. I was knackered and would have killed for that kind of break!

But Sesame, you can't know how you'll feel until the baby is born so I'd prob say no if you have to make a decision now just because it may turn out that you don't want to when the time comes. OTOH if you are able to say yes but pull out later when the baby is here could you do that? You may not want to leave or you may by 4mos be desperate for a break, we're all different as these posts show. And you may or may not breastfeed so that will affect your decision nearer the time I'd have thought. But having a willing grandmother who is happy to have your baby and overnight too DOES mean that you and your partner will be able to get the odd night away, which will be lovely. Or not away, you 2 could stay at home but get some SLEEP and not have to get up in the morning. Good luck making your mind up.

beetroot · 25/03/2006 13:09

Sesame, i would go. i think it will be fabulous for you.

if you express while ou are away you can keep the bf going when you return if you want to.

baby will be fine.

paolosgirl · 25/03/2006 13:09

Soapbox's post was spot on. Expressing is not always that easy, and I'm not sure how you would manage to express enough for a whole week as well as feeding your baby as normal - and then if your baby is the same as my 2, there is no way he/she will make a smooth switch from boob to bottle. If you are serious about going, I would suggest you start introducing bottles from fairly early on to get her used to one.

bijouxdeux · 25/03/2006 15:07

beetroot and www

I concur!

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