Would you leave you 4 month old at home, to go on a holiday of a lifetime

[sesame]

I have a dilemma. I have the opportunity to go on an all expenses paid holiday that we woudl seriosuly never ever be able to afford in our lives. The only problem is, its a work thing and the excursions etc that are compulsary are not child friendly, taking the baby is out of the question. My mom will gladly look after the baby, but am i crazy for even thinking about going????

heres me trying to justify it. we haven't been away for a couple of years and in the last 18 months have been through 2 miscarriages and 2 family deaths, which have all taken their toll on us. We really need this break but just can't afford a holiday.

what would you do????

Kaloo20, there is a big difference between leaving children who are 3.5 and 4.5 years and who because of their age will have some independence from their parents, and leaving a 4 month old breastfeeding baby!! In any event all this "just go for it" etc. advice is a bit irrelevent because the OP hasn't had her baby yet, so can't possibly know what she'll feel at the time or make an informed decision yet, and it's such a personal decision.

Sounds like you've had a rought time recently. Baby needs a happy mommy! An unhappy/stressed mum/family us no good for a chaild or baby. Baby will be with YOUR mum, the best possible person to0 look after them. All these other people who go to children friendly resorts & leave their babies & toddlers in creches, trusting the company that has SOLD them the holiday will look after their child, Who are all these people to judge you!

the point I was making about mums being clingy is illustrated by moondog saying she would wilt and die without her kids. (her needs/emotions not the childrens needs)

I agree that seperation anxiety is totally normal - my lad is going through it now! BUT there is a difference between a normal development stage and a baby/toddler who literally cannot be left even for a moment with anyone other than their primary carer.

I do believe that if your baby/toddler is inconsolable if EVER left with secondary carer (dad), Grandmum or nursery then the kid needs some loving support to help them form safe and secure attachments to other carers as well.

And of course it is possible for a mum/carer to be too clingy! It is natural for our children to move away from complete dependancy as they grow and develop. At 8 months old my baby wanted to learn to feed himself, at 12 months he likes to play with his toys on his own for 10-15 minutes and will bring you them to show you. Clingyness is the oppostie extreme of lack of bonding, a clingy carer isn't thinking of the childs needs they are fulfilling their own needs. Children are not there to give US unconditional love and affection, we give it to THEM.

My sister deliberately moved her DD onto a bottle by four months so that her MIL could look after her for a week whilst sis went to Australia with her husband on business. I now realise that she was abnormal and I am shocked at her behaviour.

Ignore everyones opinion - do what feels right to you at the time. You will know when the time comes.

PS Sisters DD is happy well, adjusted, 18yr old who just won a place at Oxford to read Physics.

PPS I know all about attachment problems and separation anxiety - I'm adopting and it's a major issue to be learned about. Generally children separated from their primary carers will do fine if they can attach to a good substitute.

aw sue i think thats a bit harsh on your sister. at the end of the day breast or bottle doesnt matter as long as baby is happy, everyone is different and brings up their babies in ways some may disagree with but who cares? its not their choices its the parents and thats something i try to live by. if we all worried about what people thought we would never do anything. :)

I was only only joking about my sister, I think she's a fantastic mum and puts her children first 99% of the time but has always taken a short break away from them every year, sometimes a long weekend, sometimes up to a week generally not much longer. However she didn't really want to breastfeed any of hers a minute longer than she felt she had to and 3 months was the max she managed for any of them. They all seemed pretty healthy to me and in fact her daughter failed to thrive when bf'ing and grew like topsy once she'd been moved onto bottle. Health visitor decided she hadn't been geting enough nutrients on bf.

aw sorry i misunderstood! i just couldnt get on with BF either and constanly told my HV my son wasnt getting enough, things came to a head one night when he was screaming for four hours and i kept putting him on the breast only to realise i had absolutely no milk. i tried to express to see and nothing. had to go out and buy formula. he had lost nearlya pound in weight before HV accepted i needed to formula. anyways thats off post!