Would you leave you 4 month old at home, to go on a holiday of a lifetime

[sesame]

I have a dilemma. I have the opportunity to go on an all expenses paid holiday that we woudl seriosuly never ever be able to afford in our lives. The only problem is, its a work thing and the excursions etc that are compulsary are not child friendly, taking the baby is out of the question. My mom will gladly look after the baby, but am i crazy for even thinking about going????

heres me trying to justify it. we haven't been away for a couple of years and in the last 18 months have been through 2 miscarriages and 2 family deaths, which have all taken their toll on us. We really need this break but just can't afford a holiday.

what would you do????

I couldn't have left DD at that age. She's nearly 4 now and only left her overnight so far!

not for a week. a night maybe. I wouldn't relax.

I would. If it is a once in a lifetime opportunity and your mum will take care of your baby I would go. It will be good for you and DH to spend time together as well. I left my 8mth old for a long weekend and cried everyday, I was preg with No 2, but it was important for DH to have attention. Left both for a week to go on a cruise a year later and of course i missed them but I had to think about my marriage/husband too.

I did it too, left dd @ 4 months with my Mother.

I was on my knees and when I got back I was a far far better mother than I was when I went. I hadn't recovered from the birth at all and was in bits. I cried so much on the way out that dh made me wear shades in the airport in case I frightened children.

I had a marvellous time but also cried all the way back in the cab from the airport with excitement!

oh and my phone bill from Grenada to London was about £300

Sorry, sesame ... I know you want to go and I really understand that ... and when I was pregnant with DS I would have thought, "What's the problem?" etc etc ...
But once the baby is born you may change your mind and not want to go anymore. My DH went away for 2 weeks when DS was 10 weeks old and DS really noticed he was gone ....
I would struggle with going that far for a week now, and my children are 6 and 2 ...
But that is me ...
I hope you manage to make a decision ...

I wouldn't do it either, I do think you should wait to see how you feel when your Junie arrives (I'm another June 05 mum) and if you can decide then, great.

In honesty, having your first child (poss any child, I have no idea!) is also the journey of a lifetime - couldn't really say 'holiday' admittedly! If you can hold off on making a decision you will be in a much better position to be happy about your choice; nothing worse than telling your dp you'll go and then feeling absolutely awful about backing out - or even worse, going, and hating every minute of it.

All the best for June!

Well, I went back to work at four months with a huge sigh of relief after having DD1. But I am unnatural and inferior.

Not sure how I would have coped with a week away, though.

In all onesty after dd1, I would've wanted to, but wouldn't have. After DD2, I just wouldn't.

No diff in love between dds, just that motherhood first time round was a real shock and not something I took easily to.

Definitely no children is just not the same as "no breatfeeding babies". If dh's work can't accomodate that then I doubt it really would be the holiday of a lifetime.

Also to consider is that babies go a little weird at 4-5 months, so you might think you have everything cracked only for it to go to pot a week before the flight.

You know in your heart what you want to do, so go with your instinct.

I wouldn't have wanted to go. A week away from my baby would have been torture for me, not fun. But I'm not saying you shouldn't go - if it could be good fun for you, then it's your call. And the baby won't remember whether you went or not I suppose - but you will!

I think the nos have it then, by an overwhelming majority!
NB I'm a no too, in theory I thought yes but then I remember that I didn't leave dd with anyone till she was 4 months, then did it for 3 hours. Hated every minute of it, literally a cat on hot bricks.
By the time she was 2 I was going off for the odd weekend, had 5 days away when she was three and ten whole blissful days when she was 4!
But at 4 months ? forget it...

I went away for a hen weekend (it was my bestest mate, I wasn't missing that for the world) when dd was 5 months old.

Honestly, while I loved being there for me friend, it just wasn't a holiday. I had to pump and dump breastmilk every few hours, which meant carring the whole pump stuff around, pumping in yucky train toilets etc etc. I leaked all over the place, I had to have everyone wait for me while I pumped... thank god they were all drunk women, I had no dignity left at the end.

I left dd with dh and had no worries at all about her care. But despite trying every trick in the book, she wasn't taking a bottle and I felt so bad for dh having to wrestle it down her oz by slow oz with lots of screaming. I couldn't have let anyone else cope with that.

I also went back to work part time at 5 months. I was not the strong assertive decision maker I was before and am again now - I was a ditzy, slow, tired person. The thought that I might have been able to cope with the intensity of a business week away with networking, power dinners etc - no way. I'd have been a wreck.

So, while you may not have the problem of emotionally being unable to leave your child, I'd seriously question whether it really would be the holiday of a lifetime for you.

I think its easy for you to think this is a good idea now, before you baby is born.

But once your baby is here you will find it a whole different story!

If you're going as a guest of dh - why on earth can't you take your baby with you? Presumably its only your dh who would have to go on excersions and so you could stay out of the way with baby.

If you breastfeed - yes its a good idea to introduce a bottle early on (if you want to mix feed) but not constantly for a week because i can't imagine a baby a) coping v well with suddenly no breastfeeds, and b) coping with going back to breastfeeding when you do get back - thats assuming that you manage to keep your supply up whilst you're away which actually i think is highly unlikely.

I'd say, push to take the baby with you and have the best of both worlds!

Cant believe people think a 4 month old would not notice that their parents had gone away. FFS a cat would notice if you had gone away. Possibly a hamster would too, I don't know. If you don't mind that the baby will notice and be distressed about it, that's one thing, but please don't kid yourselves that they won't notice.

Meant to say - with a 4mth old baby, it doesn't really matter if a place is childfriendly or not.

So long as you can get your hands on a cot (which you could take a travel cot if you had to). If you're breastfeeding you won't need any equipment except for nappies and suncream. Baby won't even be eating solids, so 'child friendly' places really don't matter.

Tipex, I hear what you are saying but would like to say that I have been with DH for almost 10 years and have DD3.5, DS 2.5. Pre-children we travelled alot and did mad weekends away to places like South Africa, Quatar which was a lot of fun. We were away every month to one country or another. He said it would all change when we had children and it did. He is away now and I am at home and he will be away next month skiing and I will stay at home. He is mature but hankers after time alone together in some foreign city exploring something new. I went to Italy with him in January for 3 days for a break and to get away with him and it did us the world of good. We do spend a lot of time as a couple in the evenings which I would say is good quality time which is important. I just think that sesame says she will never have this opportunity again in her lifetime and it sounds as though she is contemplating this, so why not if she has the trustful care of her mum at hand.

I'm dreading a work weekend in Sept and ds will be nearly 2 by then

Sesame - as others have said, I would stongly suggest waiting to see how you feel as you will leave your old self outside when you go in the delivery room

oh and I should mention, dh had a work trip away scheduled when dd was 4 months old.

He ended up cancelling as she had a bit of a cold and he didn't want to leave her.

sesame , no from me, and you will feel totally different once u hold that babe in your arms, they will be oyur life and everything will fall by the wayside, holidays/cars/designer goods wont matter a damn, but you'll do anything for the baby.

Sesame, have just read that your baby isn't even born !! I don't think you can make a decision about something so important assuming this is your first baby and you have no idea how you will be feeling when your baby is 4mths old. Need to put decision on hold, have your baby, enjoy being a mum for a few weeks and then mull it over. Good luck with the birth and becoming a mum.

Sorry, haven't read all the thread so apologies if i repeat anyone else.

A weekend away in the same country, yes fine. But thousands of miles away?? You would not be able to get home quickly if your mum can't cope, baby is missing you or is ill.

Sorry, but it's only a holiday. When your child is older and has a good relationship with its grandparents, then yes, great.