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Parenting

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Original poster

Would you leave you 4 month old at home, to go on a holiday of a lifetime

359 replies

sesame · 24/03/2006 16:14

I have a dilemma. I have the opportunity to go on an all expenses paid holiday that we woudl seriosuly never ever be able to afford in our lives. The only problem is, its a work thing and the excursions etc that are compulsary are not child friendly, taking the baby is out of the question. My mom will gladly look after the baby, but am i crazy for even thinking about going????

heres me trying to justify it. we haven't been away for a couple of years and in the last 18 months have been through 2 miscarriages and 2 family deaths, which have all taken their toll on us. We really need this break but just can't afford a holiday.

what would you do????

OP posts:

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moondog · 30/03/2006 21:59

And I speak as one who would bloody ^love* a week away somewhere on my own.
I could afford it,my dh would probably be happy for me to do it. (My case being that I have been alone with two children for most of the past 5 years)
I won't though,because it's not bloody right.

katetom · 30/03/2006 23:17

Not bloody right for "you" that is Moondog, and thats cool. I think your wrong in saying that its not "right" in general. In my experience its a very happy experience for all concerned, parents, baby and ESPECIALLY grandparents, mine are baby crazy.
I've learnt from this thread that we all have very different ways of mothering, and we all have babys with different needs, or we percieve those needs differently. Its not a case of one approach being right or wrong. I think its actually ridiculous to suggest its wrong to have a night or more away from your child.

moondog · 30/03/2006 23:19

I'm not suggesting that at all kt.

Interested in this thread?

Then you might like threads about these subjects:

Families General parenting

katetom · 30/03/2006 23:21

"I won't though,because it's not bloody right"

Sorry if i misinterpreted but it did seem thats what you were implying??

moondog · 30/03/2006 23:24

No
And yes the 'not bloody right' thing does pertain to my children.I don't think it would be.
I am no earth mother but would just wilt and die without them physically close.
Dh has to spend quite a bit of time abroad at the end of this financial year (for tax reasons) and i know he would probably like to take one or both children off to see family we have dotted about the place. I don't think I could bear it though.

lockets · 30/03/2006 23:25

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

katetom · 30/03/2006 23:26

I would struggle with that too, if it was longer than say a week!!

katetom · 30/03/2006 23:27

I would struggle with that too, if it was longer than say a week!!

JoolsToo · 30/03/2006 23:29

lockets - I agree if people are jetting off alone year after year or even taking the kids and then palming them off to child minders - but a once in a lifetime opportunity is something else

JoolsToo · 30/03/2006 23:29

bugger! I changed my mind about that post but pressed the wrong button! bugger bugger bugger

hey-ho

moondog · 30/03/2006 23:30

I would worry constantly (am an anxious sort of person when it comes to my children) which would cancel any pleasure whatsoever.
My ideal is to have the children close,but someone else hovering over them while I relax.
If we have friends 'round,I will often get a babysitter so that i can do just that.
Thus am able to sit in my garden and get pissed with the grownups,knowing my 20 mth old is not halfway down a mineshaft.

JoolsToo · 30/03/2006 23:37

a lot of it would hinge on the relationship with your mother (the grandparent) I would think.

moondog · 30/03/2006 23:39

True
I wouldn't presume to suppose that my parents would do this.
They have their own lives.
The occasional overnighter yes,and a lot of daytime stuff but a week??
Nah.

jenweber630 · 31/03/2006 01:47

You know - I think I'd go with the baby and just not go on the excursions - even just taking walks around the hotel if you can and eating out and taking advantage of the hotel room sounds good to me. That way you're away with your partner for a week in a new place and your baby can be with you. We did a lot of travelling early on in ds's life as we moved abroad when he was 5 months old and while it was not easy, it was totally doable.

jenweber630 · 31/03/2006 01:49

Oops - just read more of the thread - looks like you can't bring the baby anyway... That sucks because there is no reason you couldn't just hang in the hotel and do things on your own - I hope you make a decision that you're happy with!

Skribble · 31/03/2006 01:55

I left mine a 2nd at 4mths to work away for 10 days, Dh moved in with his mum and dad for a week. I wasn;t BF anymore so that bit was easier, other than than I don't see the problem, its not like your leaving baby with a nanny its your Mum.

Skribble · 31/03/2006 01:55

I meant my 2nd baby

ghosty · 31/03/2006 02:34

My mother left me for a month when I was under 1 in the days before mobile phones and the internet etc ... she only rang once a week to see how we were.
They were made of stronger stuff in them days.

Callisto · 31/03/2006 08:50

I agree entirely with Moondog. It seems very selfish to have children and then expect your family to look after them. As I have said before - why bother having them at all?

poppadum · 31/03/2006 09:05

I am amazed by how practically every discussion on MN eventually boils down to this: why bother having kids at all? Of course, we could apply this to mothers who work when they don't need the money, and leave the kids at nursery or with a nanny. we could apply this to mothers who let their kids play on their own instead of getting down and playing with them every second of the day. we could apply this to mothers who don't do tumbletots and gymboree and all the other mindlessly boring ( to me) activities out there. we could apply this to mothers who send their kids to boarding school.we could apply this to anyone who doesnt fit into our "one-size-fits-all" definition of motherhood.

I am still flabbergasted by how leaving your kids with your parents for a week maybe once or twice a year makes you unfit to be a mother, but it's ok to expect them to help with the day to day stuff. How does that work?

Callisto · 31/03/2006 09:12

Poppadom - the point was that leaving your children with grandparents all day everyday and then leaving them with grandparents to go on holiday seems to mean you don't actually want to spend any time with them so why have them in the first place.

zippitippitoes · 31/03/2006 09:14

I can empathise with that granma moondog, i am surprised how on this thread the gps are so happy to have the children and on other threads they are devilks incarnate!!!!

poppadum · 31/03/2006 09:31

Callisto,

Was that really the point? Except for the woman Moondog mentioned, I don't know anyone who leaves their kids with their parents everyday and then leaves on exotic holidays.

j5baby · 31/03/2006 13:48

Personally, I look at it like this...going away and leaving one's baby is such a 'tiny' event in the WHOLE scheme of things i.e. their lives. Honestly, by the time my DD reached toddlerhood, I wondered why on earth I made so much fuss about moving DD onto a bottle, in preparation for going away. We are fortunate to go away often for weekends, and grandparents are always happy to look after DD. If we didn't do it when she was young, she probably wouldn't be so relaxed about it now. She has a wonderful time with gparents...and her development blossoms everytime she stays with them. Take advantage of it.

Kaloo20 · 31/03/2006 16:25

I left mine for 10 days when they were 4.5 and 3.5 to go to Mauritius with my husband on a holiday we had won.

Left the children with our capable daily nanny for the first few days - she stayed overnight, then with my Mum over the weekend and finally our Nanny took them to our friends house for the last 5 days. We rang regularly and checked on them, but deliberately didn't speak to the children for the whole 10 days we away. I was far less worried than my husband about the whole thing about being so far away.

The children didn't know how long we were away and had a fab time at my friends - only asking for us the day before we were due home.

They aren't scarred by the experience - to be honest neither of them really remember it (now 7 and 6) I asked them recently.

I'm not a bad mother, in fact knowing when to have some me time or time with your husband is very important in any marriage.

As Nike say JUST DO IT

and enjoy ...

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