August Babies...part 2!

[elena2]

Hi everyone!

Just to let you know I've changed my name from musica, to tortoiseshell - musica was a bit too much of a giveaway for anyone who really wanted to stalk me!

How are things Wills?

Are you an increasingly rare British domestic cat/butterfly or a pretty hairslide, tortoiseshell? Nice to see you around, hope things are OK with you.
Wills, how are you doing? How was your weekend?
How is everyone else? Dd has finally stopped exuding slime from every opening on her head so she is back at nursery, poor love. Shame the cold coincided with learning to kiss (blech, yuck, feel like that slug from the stroke awareness ad has crawled all over my face).

Cat or butterfly, don't mind which - both have charms! Glad your dd is a bit better marina - it's really yucky when they're like that, isn't it!

Wills- just popped in to catch up and saw your bad news. Sorry to hear things have gone backwards for a little while with your DH. Heres hoping this is the last of the cancer. Wishing you and sending you lots of love and hope you get support from others around (as it seems your mum is not at the moment) Do let us know how things are going if you get a chance. And hope you feel able to let out your feelings with us, as you must be all over the place, up and down.

Hi all, thank you for your messages of support they are wonderful. I know I should have written ages ago but I simply don't know where to start. Besides I'm also concerned that when I start I may not be able to stop. It wouldn't be a long post it would be a full blown 5 book epic! . Its a little bit like when I was a child. My mum always said if she heard a bang and a scream she'd walk to me, but if she heard a bang and silence she'd sprint. I've caught my kids cold - funnily enough marina dd2 has just learnt to kiss and caught a cold at the same time so I know exactly what you mean by slimey kisses - ugh! The cold has just turned into sinusitus so I've just returned from the docs where she happily wrote me off work for a week. She's been trying to write me off for the last month or so but as she would only put down stress related I kept refusing. Personally I don't think a cold and sinusitus really warrents 7 days off but there you go. Last email from my mother informed me that she was no longer going to talk to me. To be honest it would be great if it could stay like that for the next 6 months as I really need to off load some stress and deal with these issues one by one. The problem is that I know it wont last. She's currently on holiday and already she's texting me! Meanwhile work is upping their attempts at getting rid of me and I've finally pulled my head out of the sand and am off to see an employment law solicitor on Friday (at enormous expense). In terms of dh's cancer we have to wait 4 months to see how many more tumors grow in that time so its awful limbo time. Tell you what all of this ontop of the general blues at missing my kids and having to return to work is not good. But Christmas is coming and I AM going to Disney with my kids regardless of what my mother wants and I AM going to have my best ever Christmas!

wills it does sound like you have such alot of things going on in your life, very stressful things at that. I am pleased you doc has given you time off as it sounds just what you need. I wish I could offer some more advice, I just want to let you know we are all here for you. I realise you have to be strong for your fam and that can be very hard sometines.
Your mum.... I wont start to go there as I wish to be positive in this post, to keep your sprits up. PLease just ignore all emails and texts from your mum, just dont open them. If she really needs you she will call you and then you can say hello mother "I'm glad you called to other us support"....she will then have to either follow that line ov conversation or risk sounding selfish, if she doesn't show any support just say something like "I see this is a bad time for you, and you cant offer any support right now, so I'll let you go, speak to you soon, bye"
I know it sounds weird but it will make her think before she phones you next time.
I hope your dh makes a full recovery. Well done for making the decision to go to Disney, it will be great and after these past few months you all deserve it.
(((hugs)))

bumpity...

Hello everyone - I can't beleive how little time I have to write at the mo. Wills I hope you are doing OK. Sod your mum and focus on yourself, your partner and your kids. Wish I could think of something better to say but I think its all been said already.

My own mum is doing remarkably well. Have got her a new scooter and she is now terrorizing pedestrians and exploring the town. Shes also developing a social life and looks really well so I'm starting to relax a bit about that one although its still tricky squeezing everything in.

DD2 has been evicted from the bedroom for a few weeks now and is sleeping like an angel. We just stopped responding and she started sleeping. She's also started eating during the day now and she seems really happy. She started walking a couple of weeks ago and now there is no stopping her. Managed to get some size 1 kickers of ebay (none of the measured shoes would fit) and she loves them. Shes also really starting to talk and is so responsive. Its maginal watching the other 2 with her and seeing them all rolling round together giggling. I just love it. I think the gap is just right at the moment. They adore her and they are so funny together.

Well just wanted to say hello to everyone. Oh and that I've taken your advice. I'm dumping them all on SIL on Friday and going to have my hair done properly - going to go really really red for halloween. Can't wait

Hi everyone - how is everyone doing? Wills, I have been thinking of you a lot this week - I hope things are improving in the Wills household!

I'm finding everything really stressful at the moment. Ds had a really horrid nightmare last week, and he is still recovering from it - he is paranoid about having the door shut, so monsters and wild animals can't get him, and he is alternating between between manically energetic, and utterly clingy, weeping into my shoulder! He does have times of utter sweetness, but today they feel few and far between! Dd is being a bit less clingy than she has been, but she is being very demanding of attention, and this afternoon I just feel like they have both been crying the whole time. I sometimes just want to put them in a cupboard and take the batteries out!

I know it's just one of those days, and tomorrow I'll think 'aren't they lovely', but today I want to scream!

DS (6) is having lots of nightmares at the mo! I think its his age. I always say that when they wake up they need to think "well I'm glad that was a dream because now I'm awake its all gone" Not convinced it works though. He wouldn't go to sleep on halloween in case the witches came. So I told him they'd be too busy tonight

I know how you feel though - some days they just seem to bounce of the walls and you end up snapping etc and feel even more rotten.

I had a horrible episode over the weekend. Been building up to this big halloween party for weeks. Great fun getting everything ready and painting the kids faces etc. Then when it was time for me to get ready I just felt like I wanted to cry and sank into a hugr depression. Just couldn't snap out of it. Missed the kids party completly. Mananged to drag myself out later and then I perked up - not sure what happened. Wondering if its hormonal. Are my periods finally making a comeback? Seem to have gone down with thrush this morning which I never get. What is going on!

Totoishell - fancy getting a baby sitter and bolting to somewhere warm and sunny for a few days? Sounds like we both need a break.....or maybe we should just send the kids :O

Wills I'm thinking about you too.

even my :O don't work anymore

see....

Hi all. Things are not going well. DH's results have come back and they are not good. They still feel that they can control the cancer but its now a question of how long. . Our consultant is wonderful and he always checks and double checks everything. Dh's specimens have now gone off to a leading pathologist for checking and then the consultant is going to put a panel of people together to discuss how best to progress. Meanwhile its like being in limbo all the time. Although not as bad its a little like when I miscarried. I was told there was an empty sac and then told I might have got my dates wrong and to wait. Its horrible, you go from completely numb to not knowing what to do. I daren't let dh see me cry (as he really can't cope with seeing me upset) but I have some fantastic friends around me who have rushed to my rescue and we've agreed that I cry with them and laugh with him.

Meanwhile my mother threatened to turn up to the Halloween party I'd arranged for dd1 and her school friends whose parents we are also very close to. I took my counsellor's advice and let dh handle her. He's rather enjoying the freedom. Until now I wouldn't let him join in and it drove him nuts - so at least he's getting some fun. I'm strongly considering writing her a letter asking her to leave me alone for awhile.

Work is work and awful but there may be some kind of break through on the horizon.

The only other thing is.... Katherine I've done a you! I'm two days late. I'm never late! I'm hoping that by writing this here it will make it arrive! I'm on anti-depressants and have been categorically told by my gp not to fall. Although I want another dh still does not. It would break him to have to worry about another child given what's happening. At the same time I'm not exactly fit at the moment, I'm barely eating, stressed out of my mind and hardly in a good state to carry. Another loss would cripple me. Hopefully stating these facts out loud will mean that it will start pleeeease

DD1 has been having monster nightmares. Dh walked into her room and asked her where the monster was (she pointed to the cupboard), he then opened the cupboard door, lifted the imaginary monster up, stomped down the stairs and booted it out the front door with the words "No monsters are allowed in this house!". He does this from time to time and it seems to work. What the neighbours think when he does this at 3.00 am in the morning is anyone's guess .

Hope I haven't made you all too gloomy.

wills. far from being gloomy, you have shown what a great person you are, your inner strentgh shines thru. I am really sorry the results were not as you would like. I can't imagine how you are feeling. I am glad you have let your dh deal with your mum. I cant believe she is still acting so horrid with all thats going on lol@monster busting dh.

katherine-- sounds like your mum is doing good. pleased your dd is walking and eating in day, how is she now? how did the hairdressers go?

tortoiseshell--- hope your day was much better today.

DS2 has started to eat a bit more now but still very little. Hopefully they'll tell me tomorrow if he's put on weight. I just dont want a lecture or talk tho maybe I'll get out of that part.

Girls I need your help. I'm pregnant.

What can we do? Can you get out for a coffee/lunch? Where are you in the City? CAT me, Wills. I was just planning to mosey on to this thread, catch up with everyone and link us to a new August 2003 part 3 thread, and have just seen your post. I am so sorry.
Champs, best of luck at the doctor's today, please let us know how he is doing. We're at the doctor's later as dd's ears have erupted again.

Hi Marina. I'm a complete mess of emotions and have a blinding headache at the moment. Now that this life has been created I'm petrified of loosing it - seems crazy to feel like that already. I have a tiny (6mm) spot of blood this morning and it was brown not red. God to be going through this again with everything else that is going on. Hopefully this is the light on the horizon and not another horror. I don't feel pregnant. Although my breasts do hurt and i have had period pains.

Of all the people in this world everyone on this thread, you and katherine in particular know how I feel and I was hoping you wouldn't mind me blathering on and getting nervous etc etc.

I'm at work at the mo - will that be cat through? I think not I think my home one would be sent again. I'll try catting my email here. Be a little careful with my work address.

Thanks

Oh Wills - life just never stops pelting up all with c**p eh! I was terrified I was pg, then guilty that I didn't want the baby and then terrified I would miscarry - its a horrendous mismash of feelings and my heart goes out to you.

Still I suppose we always have to look for the positive in everything. I was dreading telling DH - I told him I had some really really bad news and he turned quite pale. Then I burst into tears and blurted it out and he was lovely. We'd been having loads of rows but he was so kind it really brought us together.

Of course this is the last thing that should be happening to you now. Of course everyone will be devastated at the news. But then you go away and calm down a bit and your mind gets used to the idea. In some ways it will be good for you to have a distraction. You will be forced to take care of yourself which you probably wouldn't do otherwise and it will give you something else to think about and plan for.

I really wish I could find the magic words that would make it all OK, I really wish that there was a straight forward solution. But you will get through this somehow and we will all be here nudging and shoving to get you through. {{{{hugs}}}}

Hi all!!
wills... just seen this, I know you are feeling all kinds of emotions right now. Katherine has said most of what I was thinking, we are all here for you. How are you now? I do agree that YOu will have to start looking after yourself (not that you didn't have to before but more so now IYKWIM) SO that alone is a very positive outcome. Please dont be too worried about blood, maybe it was a rooting in drop, like when the imbedding takes place. Have you been to GP? I'm sure you will be given the best care with ahat has happened before and with whats going on now. (((hugz)))

Marina-- didn't go!! I overslept as did DH I feel a bit guilty actually and I'm sure I will be given a telling off next week. How's the ear situation??

Katherine-- you are a wonderful person and that post made me very emotional. How are you feeling today?

OMG Wills! I can't imagine how you feel at the moment. Have you told your dh yet? You 'must' take some time to look after yourself now. If there's anything we can do to help in the way of support etc. then please do say - even if you just need to get things off your chest, don't feel guilty about posting. You seem to be the sort of person who takes everyone else's burdens on your shoulders, without a thought to who is going to help you with your burdens - but it is right to need and want help and support. You don't have to go through this all on your own, and nor should you have to. Please don't feel you are you on your own in this. I really wish there was a hug emoticon, because I am sending you one down the wires of my computer. Like you say, perhaps this is a light on the horizon. But please do take care of yourself. xxx

(Feel very small at my stresses - but katherine, thanks for your message - at the end of my stressful day, dd was violently sick, so guess that was why she was being so whingy all day. Ds still periodically panic stricken, but getting there! Agree that somewhere warm and sunny sounds good!)

Wills- I don't know what to say. I really feel this could be the light at the end of the darkness, something to focus on and look forward too for the two of you. I had some spotting with my first and after a scan the midwife told me it was a sign to tell me to slow down and take it easy. I too am sending you a big and hope you feel ok about all this. How does your DH feel?

see you at August Babies..... part 3