Toddler and newborn...How??? Support thread?

[Suchanamateur]

I am in the very early days of having a newborn (9 days old) and an almost 2 yr old DS and am seriously struggling at the thought of DH going back to work in the next few days - for a number of reasons. I had a taste of it yesterday when DH had to go into the office, unexpectedly, for much of the day.

DS is an absolute joy and I totally loved the few weeks of maternity leave pre DD when we just hung out all week. But now he is in total Mummy rejection mode and terribly teary. Utterly understandable but quite upsetting.

DD is a sweet little froggy newborn, doing froggy newborn things - eating, sometimes sleeping - and mostly at inconvenient times. I had a really awful time in the early months of my DS and the scars run deep (plus PND) - so every time I can get her to nap, I can feel huge waves of anxiety washing over me. I know they are different children, but I can't help project into a future where she doesn't sleep, night or day, and wonder how I will manage - I used to walk DS in a sling for hours and hours outside but that isn't an option with two of them. It was only at around 6 months when we did some sleep training that thing started to even out a bit with DS, and then got wonderful and I understood how you might actually enjoy being a mother. Six months seems an age away!

DD is currently cluster feeding without stop from about 5/6 until 10 ish. I can just about handle the clustering later in the evening, but I've got no idea how I handle DS dinner, bath and bed with a baby clamped to me and DS saying 'Mummy no' at everything..

I know pretty much the answer to all this is grit teeth, ride it through and this too shall pass. But wondering if anyone in a similar situation wanted to join in to help it pass? Or provide wise words and comfort from somewhere out the other side?

yikes

10 minutes? With DS (also a chronic catnapper), I never worked out whether actually catnappers were as usual as the 2 hr lunchtime sleepers (who seemed to be everywhere). I seem to breed them short sleeping though. DS rarely has more than an hour even now unless he's ill. Am googling sling meets near me now

Just a quick one as as lost a long post!

Softplay was a disaster - not because DS went on an uncontrollable rampage, but because he decided he didn't like any of it so we looked at some ride on toys, played ping ball then went. A waste of £14, but I had a cuppa and a sit down while DS ate biscuits :)

Nights are getting worse here - 20 minute snatches of sleep as DD wakes every hour with god awful wind that makes us both cry. I've cut so much out of my diet, I don't know what to do next

No self settling here.

Sling - I have a manduca which is like am ergo and it's great.

Our days are thankfully broken up by DS's nap which is 1-2 hours. 2 hours is becoming rare. Mornings I go to playgrou/library/softplay and afternoons are playdates. DS also does preschool two mornings a week. It doesn't give me much of a break as I have to drive him there so I get about 2 hours at home but it tires him out. I've also kept his nanny on two days a week after realising I was close to breaking point with DD's atrocious sleep. I can barely function most days!! So I feel I'm cheating but some nights I am too tired to eat dinner.

mistressploppy - you're right, we'll all manage because there's no option not to. It's not like we can freeze the lot of them for a few days and come back to it when we're ready.... Can't believe your DH was only around for 4 days, that's barely enough time to return from the hospital and feel slightly human again, let alone chase mad toddlers as well.

I'm trying to plan next Thursday with small trips out (to the GP to register DS, to the park so DD can play, visit to the SureStart centre to see about those dreaded baby groups), so I can see how it goes and up the challenge as we go along.

As to slings, I got the Kari Me sling which seems quite good, and with DS only a 5 pound package, should be easy enough to use.

sorry to hear about the wind iggly I've not ventured near soft play as I don't think DD could do the cargo nets and I can't really follow her around with DS. Hope either time or a solution presents itself to you

D day tomorrow- wish me luck. I currently feel like my boobs are round my ankles from a 4 hr feeding frenzy and am sporting a good line in baby sick hair. Just right to embark on this new 'adventure'. Good luck for Thurs Ciske, and sorry today was a bit grim, Iggly. Gin flavoured biscuits all round.

First experience on my own today from half eleven to six. Dd2 now a week old.

It was a little chaotic and bath time was an utter disaster with screaming from everyone.. We survived though and dd1 in nursery tomorrow so I get a baby day to do the housework.

Sorry to hear soft play didn't work out Iggly. My DS1 loves it but even so it can be challenging with both of them there (especially when he runs off with other kids and I can't easily keep an eye on him (embarrassing fingers jammed in door incident springs to mind). Definitely easiest when DS2 has a nap while we're there!

I used a version of EASY with DS1 (ff) and am also finding it more challenging to work around it with DS2 who is bf. He does seem to be easing into the 1.5-2 hour awake time then nap schedule though now which makes things a bit more predictable.

For those of you who feed to sleep - I was trying not to but have embraced it for now, much faster settling so I can get back to DS1, don't have to worry about DS1 waking his brother or disturbing him when I'm trying to settle him, and no crying. Will I be regretting that in a couple if months' time though?

Loubylou, ds was still being fed to sleep at 9 months, although I think he started waking briefly as I put him down, so we had a good few months of up-down-up-down shhhh!,tip-toe out...shit, the floorboards!

I think you start to feel that you're making a rd fr y*r on b**K, but they do grow out of it and as I've learnt from ds, what's the point in trying to force an issue (and coping with all the tears and angst), when a month or so later, it sorts itself out anyway?

Our latest issue appears to be dd assetign herself somewhat by refusing a bottle of expressed when I go to pilates. Don't get it: a month ago, I went on an all day-er with my mates (only had 5 drinks the whole time cos I was so terrified of being pissed!) and she had bottles all day; suddenly, it's like poison. She needs to get a grip, cos dh has got a charity comedy night coming up (he's the comedy) and I've got a fancy dress party to go to.

The thought of somethign nice to do is the only thing that gets me through the chronic boredom sometimes!

ps. Did painting on Mon, so am officially now in the running for Britain's best mum. Sod off Stacey and Katie, I'm coming!

Painting; bloody hell, good on you

I've brought some playdough from wilko's, but if it is not raining am hoping to take her splashing in puddles.

What do people do if it is raining and you have baby in sling? I tried the buggy again today as he had just woke up and therefore not tired. He still screamed so I ran to playgroup , luckily the phil and teds is a jogger as well although physio says I'm still not supposed to run.

Just waving from the other side-and sort of from within too as I have a DC4 who is 4mths. Having 4 is hard work but having two under 2yrs was probably the worst period. Mind you, getting 3 under 5yrs in and out the house and car took some doing!

All I can say is it does get easier but that doesn't help when youre in the thick of it. I fed DS1 to sleep which was lovely at the time as he was my first but he then didn't sleep through until he was 2yrs!!! We did the BW EASY plan with DD1&DD2 and they slept through by 4mths. Incidently, we didn't start it with DD1 until she was about 8wks and she resisted at first but after a couple of days she seemed so much more settled.

Good luck to you all!

Baby in sling in rain = tuck a mac around them. Or put them in an all in one rainsuit, but a pain if they're then asleep when you arrive and you worry about them over heating in it. I think the mac thing will be much harder if pushing a pushchair though, good tucking in needed!!

I fed DD to sleep for 9 months, bricking it about the rod I was making for my own back, but she weaned herself off it no problem- as in one day she wasn't asleep after feeding, and I thought 'Sh*t! what do I do now?!' put her down, walked out, cringing for the howling....she went to sleep . However, the last 5 months while I've been pg have been sleep hell, so it's all gone to pot... 4 weeks today til the babies are born for me.

Did anyone have a CS? How soon could you pick up your toddler if so?

I have an oversized mac which zips over DD in the sling but I leave the zip open to get get air in. She has a hood plus there's a sleep hood on her sling. Haven't tried in heavy rain though. Ok for a 10-15 min walk as most of our journeys are local.

Penguin, I think Honey has made interesting garments in the past to facilitate sling-wearing in all weathers.

Good to know about starting EASY at 8wks, lovingthecoast - I can't remember when we started with DS1 but DS2 is only 4wks, we have a bit of time before I start to panic . I can't get him to feed solidly, it's always in dribs and drabs, and he always falls asleep afterwards no matter how much ear-twiddling and face-blowing I do

No word yet from suchanamateur - fingers crossed it's all going well.

DD is at nursery and DP is spending his last day of paternity leave sick in bed, so I'm spending a quiet afternoon with little DS, mentally preparing for tomorrow.

Please can I join?! I've got a 15 month old son and the next one due soon (I'm 38+1) although wont be long as he is another big one and wont go past DD.

Scared but glad to see good advice here!!!

just going to have a little rant - my previous posts have been on the line of "I've got this sorted and here's how" but gggaaaaahhhhh! today... 9m old gets dragged around a bit on a wed cos of toddler's pre-school etc and misses her morning nap in her cot, just cat naps in the car. Afternoon she usually gets it but toddler has just woken her up after 20 mins having a strop about NOTHING so now she'll be a nightmare until bedtime (he of course is now perfectly happy. ) fuckety fuck fuck fuck.

As you were...

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but loses points for letting ds have a youtube fireman sam fest with his Taid this afternoon while I supped tea and ate biscuits with his Nain

TRixie, that just pisses me off so much. Ds does it all the time - usually just when I've got dd off. TRouble is, cos she's been woken up by a crying child, she ends up being really upset and inconsolable. [exasperated emoticon].

Thanks everyone for the reassurance! He does go to sleep by himself if we're out and he's in the buggy and if he gets disturbed by his brother for example he will often go back to sleep on his own, depending on which stage of sleep he's in so have been reassuring myself with that!

Mine also refuses bottles now, we found if we served the milk slightly warmer than you would expect (not hot obv) then he would take it but never enough to substitute a full feed. So my pilates classes are carefully timed and he just has to wait til I get home!

Got him weighed today and at almost 19 weeks he's 8kg so makes me feel like I'm doing the feeding part right if nothing else!

Hello! I survived (although wish I'd seen the sling/rain tips earlier- DD still a bit soggy).

Only one double meltdown, on way back from soft play. Lessons: 1) dOnt try and do too much and remember SNACKS for all, 2) make peace with the fecking sling- trying to have another 'go' with the buggy for sleep was just a recipe for disaster.

Wine now- mid cluster feed. Oops.

Can someone explain how you get from the A to the S in EASy? Have never understood - is it using PUPD or standing over cot shush patting? Would be lovely to have something that worked that wasn't boob or sling.

Astronaut- impressed. Our finger paints have only ever been used to build towers. Not actually opened.

Ps. Am in awe of all this talk of Pilates and fancy dress parties. I can barely make it downstairs in an evening (and have been known to eat dinner in bed ). Makes me think there might be light at the end of this tunnel.

well we managed playdough and puddle splashing. Thanks to the fact that after I fed DS to sleep at lunch (he is fed to sleep at lunch and bed, others are either sling or rock) I left and he slept for an hour. Good job as DD woke early from her nap, meaning I had 1 min of child free time (and one grumpy toddler at cooking dinner/putting to bed time).

Just wanted to say hang in there, I found it so tough with 2.11 and newborn but it got better.

suchanamateur the exercising for me at least is a fairly recent thing, I started going for walks with the boys in the P&T after my 6 week check (my back never coped with a sling for long) but found if I overdid it I'd pay for it the next day. But definitely starting to feel more like myself and motivated to feel healthy and stronger again, my body felt a bit ruined and exhausted for the first few months. Also if DH is around I've been known to sneak off for the odd power nap!

penguin it's as though they plan it sometimes I think, a small child/baby tagteam of sorts