Toddler and newborn...How??? Support thread?

[Suchanamateur]

I am in the very early days of having a newborn (9 days old) and an almost 2 yr old DS and am seriously struggling at the thought of DH going back to work in the next few days - for a number of reasons. I had a taste of it yesterday when DH had to go into the office, unexpectedly, for much of the day.

DS is an absolute joy and I totally loved the few weeks of maternity leave pre DD when we just hung out all week. But now he is in total Mummy rejection mode and terribly teary. Utterly understandable but quite upsetting.

DD is a sweet little froggy newborn, doing froggy newborn things - eating, sometimes sleeping - and mostly at inconvenient times. I had a really awful time in the early months of my DS and the scars run deep (plus PND) - so every time I can get her to nap, I can feel huge waves of anxiety washing over me. I know they are different children, but I can't help project into a future where she doesn't sleep, night or day, and wonder how I will manage - I used to walk DS in a sling for hours and hours outside but that isn't an option with two of them. It was only at around 6 months when we did some sleep training that thing started to even out a bit with DS, and then got wonderful and I understood how you might actually enjoy being a mother. Six months seems an age away!

DD is currently cluster feeding without stop from about 5/6 until 10 ish. I can just about handle the clustering later in the evening, but I've got no idea how I handle DS dinner, bath and bed with a baby clamped to me and DS saying 'Mummy no' at everything..

I know pretty much the answer to all this is grit teeth, ride it through and this too shall pass. But wondering if anyone in a similar situation wanted to join in to help it pass? Or provide wise words and comfort from somewhere out the other side?

Well, it has to get easier this week!

It would appear that I had a stomach upset over the weekend, so no food; utter exhaustion and constant nausea (definitely not pregnant - I checked!).

Both of our dads had falls (although mine actually ended up in hospital).

Managed to take both kids to their cousin's 3rd birthday party (though without dh, due to his swollen unmentionables), but it was hard going.

TO top it all off, ds woke 2 or 3 times in the night and tried to come in to us. Now normally, dh deals with ds and I with dd, but again due to poorliness, it fell to me. No sooner had ds dropped off,than dd woke for a feed.

Ds has now been despatched to nursery for a couple of hours, which gives me tiem to try and find a crap old phone to use instead of my lovely Galaxy, which he broke yesterday.

When I'm back in work and it's wet break with 30 16 year olds, I'll look back at this period as really quite restful and relaxing.

Grumpla, yes I look at DD and think what dud I do all day when DS was teeny?!!!

suchanamateur, I feel your pain re sleep resistance. When DD was tiny she basically lived in the sling between feeds to make sure she napped. No buggy!! She's better now at 13 weeks, as in easier to spot signs or tiredness, but no buggy sleeping just yet.

Another hard night here - DD seems to cluster feed from 6.30-12pm. Or comfort feed as she gets wind/reflux. So no evenings for me as she screams for dh at this time. I had hoped she'd be going down fir bedtime by now (although DS certainly didn't until 4-5 months)

We've got sun today but rain tomo so braving softplay tomo

Astronaut- that sounds pretty intense! Hope your Dad is feeling better and really hope this week goes easier on you. V impressed by your party going. We have two 2 yr birthday parties this week and not sure I'm brave enough!

Iggly- I think I remember you from the sleep threads with our first horns. Glad to hear you are seeing some progress with your DD. Sounds a ridiculous Q but did you just pop DD in sling post feed and then get on with things? DS had to be walked to sleep so wondering if DD will be the same. I'd do anything for more than 40 mins (20 of which are jiggling). We also have sun but DS still sad and lethargic so I think DvDs for us. Good luck with soft play- let us know how you get on.

suchan, probably not as dramatic as it sounds, but did seem to be one thing piled on another. We're usually a healthy family, so any illness feels like armageddon to me! Don't think I'd've been attempting parties if a.it wasn't family and b. dd was younger. In some ways it was quite relaxing - ds went to play with his cousin (wouldn't wear his fancy dress costume though), and dd was whisked away by various family members.

Iggly I think I spent lots of DS's babyhood worrying about why he was/wasn't doing x/y/z; surfing the internet and going for long, boring walks. Wish I'd read more books!

Major breakthrough today!!! Ds2 and I have managed FOUR "proper" feeds. I'm so chuffed (and a little chafed, but not as bad as I was worrying it would be)

Kathhere thanks for your kind words, I know it wouldn't be the end of the world if I couldnt get BFing properly established but goodness it would make life easier! Even once DS1 was off EBM and onto formula I found it very restrictive having to carry all the gubbins everywhere, wondering if it was all clean, worrying about where I could make / warm milk etc. Crouching over a camp stove several times in the night was not really a highlight of our festival / camping expeditions! I know BFing has its own downsides but gawd it would mean we could do so much more this summer!

Anyway fingers firmly xed. So far I can only feed in the rugby hold with about eight million pillows but hopefully this is the start of us turning the corner.

Astronaut sorry to hear about your dad and FIL, that must be really stressful. Talk about it never rains... Hope they both make full recoveries soon.

Great that's great Grumpla!

Astronaut I've got a kindle so I can read while DD feeds (when DS is napping) - why I didn't read more of my books with DS, I don't know.

Suchanamateur, I replied on your other thread.

Softplay is tomo

Soft play.... You're a braver woman than I Iggly

I need to get my kindle out. Feel like I have the concentration span of a gnat at the moment though!

Go iggly!! Soft play sounds tiring :)

And shame other people had such hard weekends...

grumpia- yippee! Onward and upward I hope, I agree bfeeding is so much easier than carting everything about. Good luck for tonight's feeding & tomorrow

Grumpla- excellent news! And loving the word gubbins which I had temporarily forgotten about.

Iggly- I saw thanks. Time to get on my walking boots. Might also look at another sling if I'm going to be using it a lot. Good excuse for baby related purchase.

Jealous of everyone's Kindles. I have my eye on DH's. Meanwhile, I am treating my addled brain to some new pulp vampire lit - am hoping will be indulgent without being too strenuous..

Oooh, sling chat!! I've just bought a Boba 3G but wondering if I should have gone straight for an Ergo...

Hope you're ok feeding grumpla, I would have been lost without lansinoh every 30 min

Such, if you are into pulp vampire lit then it is simply unacceptable that you do not own your own kindle

Trade in your baby gifts for one at once!

I've got a Moby but also wondering about an Ergo. My SIL has lent me hers to try this week- will report back. That is if I've not hocked it for a Kindle.

Any seats left in this thread? I've got DD 2.5 and newborn DS, now 2 weeks old. DP is back to work on Thursday, and yes, I'm dreading it!

Good things:

• DD seems to respond well to sleeptraining from the past few days and I might eventually succeed in getting her to sleep until 7.00 instead of 5.45;
• DS is the world's most chilled out baby and will sleep / relax all day long, provided he stays well fed and gets his share of cuddles.
• DD is keeping one nursery day all my ML, and two GP days until things have settled down a bit here, so I will get downtime. Phew!

Worrying things:

• How do you calm down a tantruming toddler while BFing?
• What do you do all day with two? How do I stop the day becoming a relentless train of feeds, tantrums and toddler games?
• I had virtually no free time between stopping work and baby, so exhaustion is still catching up with me frequently, not helped of course by broken nights. Am fully expecting to be a wreck on Thursday night.

I'm reading all your hints and tips with great interest - and my respect (and ) to those who manage 5 days a week or more on their own with double trouble!

Hi everyone. Nice to see lots of new people

Ciske - my dh sodded off to Hong Kong when DS2 was a week old, has only taken four days paternity leave in total and is buggering off AGAIN, to Switzerland, for four days

But - it taught me early on that I can manage. It is a bit soul destroying sometimes and poor DS1 bears the brunt of me being a bit misog/grumpy/distant.

Question - is anyone else trying to do a rough approximation of the Baby Whisperer E.A.S.Y routine rhythm? And - do your newborns self-settle in a moses basket?

Kindles - don't have one but brain is too mushy to read properly anyway, so I just FB and MN on the iPhone.

DS1 - 2.4
DS2 - 4wks

Wow Mistressploppy- you're doing amazingly. And make me feel bad for complaining that DH is going back to work tomorrow. Although I do remember with DS that sometimes it was less stressful when it was just the two of us as I got on with doing everything entirely my way (within baby reason). Suspect the same may not be true now. Although at least DS has stopped vomiting.

Just accosted a very competent looking mother of two in the playground and pleadingly asked her 'it gets better doesn't it??' .

As to self settling in the Moses basket . Not with my 40 minute max sleep fighter. Would love to be doing something like EASY though. How are you getting on.

A spreadsheet would be great. Just need a fourth arm..

DS - 1.11
DD - 2 weeks

hi can i jump on, DD 2.4 DC2 due 3 weeks, getting nervous now DD has become very clingy she's stopped sleeping through. DH is wonderful with her but i feel like a mess. i'm worried how it will be with 2 :(

Thanks, Grumpla. fil is in his 80s, so 'tis expected. My dad is 65, so that's not great, although if you drink solidly for nigh on 50 years, what do you expect?

mistressploppy, got the baby whisperer for ds, but couldn't do that routine, so readitswappedit. I never found it compatible with bf on demand. Dd never self settled in her basket. In fact, she spent most of her first 6 weeks sleeping upright on one of us, cos she appeared to choke to death in her basket. By 4 am she'd end u in bed with us. Happily, at 10 weeks she was in her cot in her bedroom, but I'm still not brave enough to put her down awake at night, so she's being fed to sleep. Have tried a bit in the day, but inevitably she ends up catnapping in her chair.

ds- 2.5
dd -16 weeks

suchan there may come a time when you long for 40 min naps. DS is on a stint of 10-20 min naps which make me miss his 30 mins ones (which now count as a good nap)

I no longer have 2 under 2 so it would get magically easier, right?

no self settling but I think we do kinda do EASY. If it is a bad getting off to sleep then he gets offered food then sicks it back up again

ploppy can you get some help, childminder for DS to take to playgroups a few times a week.

I turned into shouty mum this morning as DS was really unsettled as I was trying to get everyone ready and out the house. Once out, everyone was fine. Doesn't help that DD has a cough/cold.

What's helped us recently is that DS goes to bedtime sleep around 7 now versus 10pm. Once he is off for the night, although he wakes/feeds frequently, he is easy to get back off. He doesn't stay awake.

I generally feed him to sleep while DH puts DD down. It doesn't involve crying so why not. If it becomes a problem later I'll deal with it then.

Ah, it's not that bad, Such and Penguin, just 'avin' a moan

We use a kari-me sling. Do go to a local sling meet if you have them, just to try their slings by hiring them for pennies from their library. Might need something lighter in the summer. He is in it everyday as he just cries if he is the buggy. Am hoping once he is 6 months and can sit-up things might change.

DD 2 (and one day )
DS 5 months (nearly)

Jeez, 5mo already Penguin

well next week, but yeah

It will be you soon just ignore what I say about his sleep