Toddler and newborn...How??? Support thread?

[Suchanamateur]

I am in the very early days of having a newborn (9 days old) and an almost 2 yr old DS and am seriously struggling at the thought of DH going back to work in the next few days - for a number of reasons. I had a taste of it yesterday when DH had to go into the office, unexpectedly, for much of the day.

DS is an absolute joy and I totally loved the few weeks of maternity leave pre DD when we just hung out all week. But now he is in total Mummy rejection mode and terribly teary. Utterly understandable but quite upsetting.

DD is a sweet little froggy newborn, doing froggy newborn things - eating, sometimes sleeping - and mostly at inconvenient times. I had a really awful time in the early months of my DS and the scars run deep (plus PND) - so every time I can get her to nap, I can feel huge waves of anxiety washing over me. I know they are different children, but I can't help project into a future where she doesn't sleep, night or day, and wonder how I will manage - I used to walk DS in a sling for hours and hours outside but that isn't an option with two of them. It was only at around 6 months when we did some sleep training that thing started to even out a bit with DS, and then got wonderful and I understood how you might actually enjoy being a mother. Six months seems an age away!

DD is currently cluster feeding without stop from about 5/6 until 10 ish. I can just about handle the clustering later in the evening, but I've got no idea how I handle DS dinner, bath and bed with a baby clamped to me and DS saying 'Mummy no' at everything..

I know pretty much the answer to all this is grit teeth, ride it through and this too shall pass. But wondering if anyone in a similar situation wanted to join in to help it pass? Or provide wise words and comfort from somewhere out the other side?

We're havign a telly day today, due to reasons in my last post! DS is currently playing angry birds on my phone and I'm hoping to take at least one of them to visit a neighbour later. Probably dd, as ds is quite rude to peopel at the moment - hides behind my legs and refuses to acknowledge them. I hope it's cos he's 2.5, cos he was alwaysa friendly little thing.

THe point of that post, btw, was to say: go for it; cbbies yourself silly!

Basically I do no housework, that's what DH is for

Grumpla just take it an hour at a time - I have read some of DS's books so many times I don;t actually look at the pages now - sometimes he brings them to me early in the AM and its dark and I just recite them .

Someone further up was asking about bathtime on your own with 2. Its tricky and depends a lot on the layout of your house but a few ideas:

1. Be VERY organised. get towels, nappies and PJs all ready in whichever room you will dress them in.
2. If DC2 is old enough to sit up stick them both in the bath together and do wash / hairwash etc then leave DC1 to play while you dress DC2 within earshot. Dump DC2 somewhere safe, (baby seat / floor if they're not crawling / cot even with a few toys) and get DC1 out and dried.
3. All sit on bed /floor for milk. Teeth for both then DC2 to bed
4. Story and bed for DC1

5 x3

Well things got a bit better, we went out to the caff for lunch and DS2 slept the whole time! So ds1 got plenty of attention.

I feel like I'm moaning disproportionately now compared to some of you others up thread. So I will try and button my lip for a while and push on. Breastfeeding cafe on Monday so I'll just keep pumping & attempting to feed until then.

Bath time tips sound good we haven't actually washed ds2 properly yet but it does sound more do-able when you read it in a list like that!

I have DD 2.2 and DS 8 weeks.

Chilling out today as DP has taken DD to grandma and grandads for the weekend. Can't believe that looking after just one if them is a day off! It seemed like so much work the first time round....

I find the bouncy chair saves bedtime-I put DS in the chair and bounce him to keep calm (and occasionally drop off) while DD has milk and story. I then put DS to bed and promise DD that i'll come back for a cuddle when DS has gone to sleep (seems to be ok with her!). I put the baby gate across her bedroom door so she can't go anywhere.

I put them both in the bath together.

grumpla - moan as much as you need, we all have times when it just seems too much. I feel guilty at times like now when DP has taken DS out and its just me and DD and it seems SO easy with just one that I can sit and MN while she crawls around eating chalk playing!

Ask, accept any and all help.
I don't know why we have to 'cope' alone , it's not natural imo.
Get your mum in or a friend or his sister a neighbour, school friend, get them all to do something and don't expect you can do it all it's impossible and why should you stuggle.

swap dcs at weekend for a bit get some one on one time with pfb and he gets his with newborn.

Also try and get some time for you and and dh.

To summerise, time management and delegation is the key.
Get a cleaner, dog walker toddler walker baby jiggler anyone to ehlp you cope. and good luck
thise days were hard but bloody lovely at the same time :)

Glad you managed a trip out today Grumpla. We made it out for a park trip which saved DH and I bickering about DDs naps. He believes that we should just pop her in her basket awake and hey presto she'll sleep. I do occasionally try but just leads to tears and over tiredness. His view is that bfing and jiggling to sleep- my current strategy - leads to bad habits. Needless to say that as I'm the one doIng the work, I'm a bit although god knows how to manage 20 mins of jiggling when it's just the 3 of us. Tv seems to be the answer.. Brings back un-fond memories of multiple arguments about DS' sleep..

Thanks for the reminder about DH getting some time with the second, mamas12. I don't really feel he gets any time with her so we shall have to try and tag team with the two better. Maybe he can learn the jiggle. I'd be perfectly happy to take some time off settling duty!

THe baby sleep thing it a mystery to me. I was able, after much coaxing, to get ds to nap in the day when he was tiny. He'd even manage to sleep in his cot.

No chance with dd.

I just haven't got the time to dedicate to putting her down and re-settling her - especially as if I go upstairs, there's nothing more likely to disturb an almost sleepy baby than cries of: "I comin'!"and a stompy toddler arriving. Even when I had the bottom stairgate it didn't help: "Mummy! (rattle,rattle) Mummy, where are oo? Come down.

Think I'm more lax at night too - dd feeds to sleep til about 8, then I take her up, put her down and wait 5 minutes for when she realises and needs more boob.

Dreading the future where they both go to bed at the same time - and that bit where you're teaching the baby to settle. I remember lots of crying and running up and down teh stairs. CAn't really let her get to the crying stage cos ds will wake.

Stop. Let's get tonight over with first!

My friend with a 22 month age gap said the art of bathing dc1 while bf dc2 was invaluable at first...

Well done everyone on here for rapidly approaching bedtime for dc1 at least, (hopefully)

And has anyone else had/ having major issues with clingyness of dc1? These babies aren't even here yet and she's having to be prised off my by dh, I can't put her to bed without it taking up to 2 1/2 hours as she's inconsolable if i leave the room. Any chance this (which has been going on for months) will change before babies born?! 4 weeks 4 days and counting...

Suchanamateur did your DH try and do the "awake in bed" thing with no1? Did it work then? I feel like DH (who has been amazing 99% of the time) does seem to have forgotten some of the worst bits of having a newborn! He definitely thought we could just pop ds2 down in the basket after a feed and he'd nod off. Wasnt until we discussed it that I was able to remind him that was a feat ds1 didn't manage until about 3 months old!

It's easy to forget just how new a newborn is. I think jiggling is the only way. Hoping that the fancy vibrating bouncy chair I've bought (so much for neglected second child!) might help but he's too small at the moment. One of my friends had great success with one for her dd.

grumpla, I've already forgotten how old your newborn is, but i agree, jiggling was the only thing that worked for me. I have been lent a swinging chair, hoping for a similar affect (in which case I will buy one for the second baby ASAP!!) . My dh also just didn't get that little babies get overtures quickly- I'm talking about he still disputed it with a 6 month old... I think not being the one doing it day in day out makes a massive difference... At least you've jogged his memory :)

DD is 3 months and no drifting off to sleep here

Not helped by her reflux which causes her to cry out in pain randomly during the day/night despite being on meds :( I've got a travelcot set up downstairs for when I get around to putting down for naps. Talking to a friend who's hot on teaching her DCs to self settle etc, she said it wasn't until 6 months thatshe got the youngest napping regularly in a cot. She started trying from 3 months. So I'll be jeffed if I'm wasting 3 months and will let DD nap in the sling for as long as possible.

DS was clingy and now it's more of a "want mummy" to do things. He likes to play a game where we "drive" so I encourage that as I can sit next to him and DD can lie there while we "drive" to the seaside.

Thanks for reassurance that the 'awake in cot' baby is an unusual one. DS certainly couldn't be lain down at that age (or much older) but then he was the ultimate sleep resistor and we the ultimate new parents, who didn't realise he might need to be helped to sleep until I discovered the wise women of mumsnet 4 weeks in. Poor DS chronically overtired by then. Will no doubt be on angsting soon about our reluctant cosleeping/sleeping on me arrangements..

My DS went the opposite just before DD born and was super into Daddy, which had continued. He just doesn't quite know what to make of me with this new addition attached to me/my noob. Dreaming- i definitely think they react before the event and can sense the impending change. It's as if their emotions are even closer to the surface than the average toddlers'.

Apologies for iPhone spelling..

Marking spot... Dh back to work thurs when dd2 will be 10 days old.

With two parents it is do-able. With just me? It looks like will need my friends to visit a lot!

Hi everyone, can I join? DS1 is 24 months and DS2 is 4 months. Needless to say the past four months have been tough but I feel like (after a difficult ptrgnancy and suffering from post traumatic stress after DS2 arrived) we're starting to settle into it.

Still feeling exhausted though, mostly because DS2 still wakes in he night for feeds. As far as routine goes I've been focusing on getting the bedtime one as coordinated as possible and am now trying to get them to synchronise or at least overlap naps in the middle of the day.

I have found in addition to the other great tips people have shared that getting DS1 out to run around at least once a day significantly reduces propensity to be naughty at home. Indoor soft play has been invaluable while the weather hasn't been great and obviously the outdoors will be more doable now the weather is improving.

I've also found being able to post on MN like this helps a lot because I've realised there are loads of lovely ladies going through the same thing and knowing I'm not alone in my experience is hugely comforting!

Hi can I join? Ds is 2.9 and dd is 8 weeks. Both ivf babies and am so bloody lucky to have them but hell it is shattering. Dh works long hours and was out most of yesterday playing sport the bastard so it is pretty much all me. He has taken them both out for a walk, first time baby has gone without me, so have half an hour to myself to drink coffee and whinge in mumsnet.

Love this, can i join too? Ds is 2, dd 4 months.

Tbh is hasn't been as bad as i imagined but ds is very intense. No sibling rivalry (yet) but the boy is pretty much uncontrollable whenever im bfing the baby (which is always...)

Doesn't help that DH works 7 days/week most of the year which is starting now, but for my sanity i go out two nights a week with mates and take the kids to see them at weekends.

Recommend nights out if you can get them!

Erk. Just checked the weather forecast. Heavy rain all day

Counting down the hours until DS1 goes back to nursery for his Tuesday session. Then feeling guilty for counting down the hours.

Anyone else look back to DC1 newborn days and think "what was my problem?!?! It was sooooo easy!!!"

Hope we all have a good okayish better week with our terrible terrific twosomes...

Hello all, just wanted to join in too. I have DD1 2.5 and DD2 just 5 months. Best things I've found for coping is trying to find toddler activities to get you out of the house, especially in the mornings. I've found that DD2 will usually sleep in baby bjorn, or (even better) there are lots of willing people to cuddle DD2 whilst I get some time with DD1.
Also - cbeebies and peppa pig have got me through a lot, it has meant that I can even doze whilst feeding, knowing that DD1 isn't going anywhere!
Grumpia- just wanted to say I think you're amazing for persevering eith expressing. I did it solidly for DD1 cos of tongue tie/ latch too & it drove me potty, I decided that if DD2 couldn't feed I'd have to go for formula cos there was no way I was facing that again. Well done for keeping going but would it be the worst thing in the world to move to formula if its not working?

Ugh. We had a miserable day yesterday. DD just wouldn't go to sleep so I was stressing about that (not another sleep resistor), and DS really unsettled. He'd been promised a swim by DH was because of the weather the pool was full so no go, which caused upsets. In the aftern

Ugh. We had a miserable day yesterday. DD just wouldn't go to sleep so I was stressing about that (not another sleep resistor), and DS really unsettled. He'd been promised a swim by DH was because of the weather the pool was full so no go, which caused upsets. In the afternoon, we decided to brave the weather as we all needed air. DD refuses to sleep in buggy and by the time we got to wet and soggy playground, DH and I were arguing. DS upset by this.. When we got home, DS refused to eat and then promptly vomited everywhere. Not sure if a bug or just the stress. He's been ok if a bit unsettled overnight. DD has woken up every 45 minutes for the second night running. Am going to send DD and DH out in the sling in the rain later and spend an hour with DS, calmly and. It obsessing about sleep.

All this and DH still got two days of paternity leave left. Absolutely dreading when he goes althoUgh at least then we can't argue.

Yuk suchanamateur that sounds like such a stressful day. What I kept telling myself when both girls had chicken pox was that this was the most stressful that things would get this week (or that day). It kind of helped...