Toddler and newborn...How??? Support thread?

[Suchanamateur]

I am in the very early days of having a newborn (9 days old) and an almost 2 yr old DS and am seriously struggling at the thought of DH going back to work in the next few days - for a number of reasons. I had a taste of it yesterday when DH had to go into the office, unexpectedly, for much of the day.

DS is an absolute joy and I totally loved the few weeks of maternity leave pre DD when we just hung out all week. But now he is in total Mummy rejection mode and terribly teary. Utterly understandable but quite upsetting.

DD is a sweet little froggy newborn, doing froggy newborn things - eating, sometimes sleeping - and mostly at inconvenient times. I had a really awful time in the early months of my DS and the scars run deep (plus PND) - so every time I can get her to nap, I can feel huge waves of anxiety washing over me. I know they are different children, but I can't help project into a future where she doesn't sleep, night or day, and wonder how I will manage - I used to walk DS in a sling for hours and hours outside but that isn't an option with two of them. It was only at around 6 months when we did some sleep training that thing started to even out a bit with DS, and then got wonderful and I understood how you might actually enjoy being a mother. Six months seems an age away!

DD is currently cluster feeding without stop from about 5/6 until 10 ish. I can just about handle the clustering later in the evening, but I've got no idea how I handle DS dinner, bath and bed with a baby clamped to me and DS saying 'Mummy no' at everything..

I know pretty much the answer to all this is grit teeth, ride it through and this too shall pass. But wondering if anyone in a similar situation wanted to join in to help it pass? Or provide wise words and comfort from somewhere out the other side?

Hi ladies!!
So glad you posted and we are going to revive this thread. I was gutted when I found it and saw no one was posting any longer. Was worried I'd be out here on my own trying to figure out the baby and toddler / 2 under 2 thing :)

Its time to get ds1 down for his nap, and then 4 week old ds2 will need a feed but just wanted to say I'm around too, and from the sounds of it, I'm in a similar situation to a few of you :) (also recovering from c-section, which didn't quite go to plan...)

Have a fab day :) and hopefully I'll be back for some posting soon

Hello ladies, I've been following this thread for a while now, good to know there's so many of u out there struggling with this newborn toddler thing.. DS is 21 months and DD 10 weeks, finding it a real struggle when DH is at work. Can totally relate to the velcro baby syndrome, DD refuses point blank to sleep anywhere other than me during the day and poor DS is being Cbeebied to death! Let me know if there are any of u in the London area, would be great to set up some kind of support group. Oh well back to the multi-tasking, which we are all so good at..apparently..

hooray for more people!! just tried to nap when ds1 did but ds2 woke shouting for a feed, having fed every 2hrs last night then slept 8am-11.45am like an angel

don't manage 1 handed typing so well so will pop back later. SO glad there are more of us!

Sitting here doing another feed for ds2 (4weeks old) while dh plays with ds1 (23 months) in playroom.... Hoping we can suRvive the next few mad hours of dinner and bedtime routine.... Wishing you all luck as well! :) can't wait for some tv and vino

PinkNinja we have a really similar age gap between our 2 DS's. Has your DH gone back to work yet? DH has his first day back tomorrow and I'm totally terrified - the ratio of adults to children is going to be all wrong!!! Sorry your c-section didn't go to plan - hope you're recovering ok.

misschicken how do you do basic things like mealtimes for DC1 with a velcro baby?

Yep think our age gap is v similar.
I was freaked out re being on my own with 2. Also ds2 turning into Velcro baby.

Dh went back just over a week ago. I had 1 amazing day where everything just worked and other days where both boys really pushed it to the limits with crying and demands.

I've found that post nap (2ish) until 5 is hardest part of solo time, and I'm not well enough yet to get them out for hours of walking ( though
I'm hoping to at some point to keep my sanity).

When dh gets home (5ish) I'm ready for the boys to be sleeping lol, but atleast he's here helping then (although does travel
With work so I will have to figure out at some point how to manage the full day on own. Scared about that!!)

Overall it's been better than I thought though and although I do usually have atleast 1 awake needing
Attention all of the time, it's not always crazy.

Be brave, you can do it. :) I'll be around as well :)

Best tip so far... Make dc1's lunch either night before or in morning... Helps the lunch rush go smoother. Also ds1 goes into playroom at some point every morning for solo play for about 1/2 hour. I try to feed ds2 then so he might Chill during ds1 lunch/ nap routine.

Also... Prepare yourself, 2 of them really crying hard at same time really is quite something :|
But it'll be ok, and it'll pass.., I've been surprised how quickly after the storm passes that I've felt calmer..,

.... Saying all this , I'll probably have one of THOSE days tomorrow where toddler throws tantrums and baby wants milk all day...
Here's hoping not.

Crazy paving I thought about a sling but decided against it as I was worried she might not want to part with it (and didn't think my back could take it!) so I use a swing and gym. Have the most luck with the gym, she often plays happily on it whilst I feed DS (not cracked the self- feeding yet). But quite often it's a case of DD in one arm, feeding with other. Bath times are hardest as she rarely naps so have to have her on bathroom floor on towel, thankfully she likes staring at light, window etc.

Pinkninja those moments when they cry at the same time... Oh I lose the will! Think to myself, what the hell was I thinking?!! But have to remind self how great it will be when they are 3 and 4

hopes

Oh fab, she's just woke up as I'm about to eat, sigh sigh sigh (-;

Hello all! Been a long time since I saw this thread

Things are a lot easier for me these days as DS2 has now learnt to sit. Although he has also just learned to crawl! So that will bring its own set of challenges no doubt... Babies are so much easier once you can plonk 'em on the floor for whole minutes at a time.

To any new joiners - it does get easier! So much easier!

Thanks for the encouragement from further down the line Grumpla - glad things are better for you!

Think I'm going to have plenty of double screamies today - DS1 was kept awake until 10pm by DS2 last night. Poor little thing is utterly shattered today How on earth do you stop a small screaming baby (please don't let it be colic, please please please) from keeping your toddler awake at night in a small house? If DS2 does have colic - like DS1 did - we could have 3 months of seriously late nights for DS1, which just isn't fair...

Good morning ladies...
Horrid night at our house with both DS1 and DS2 up most of the night....
I slept from 11-1130 and then 12-2 .... Nothing after that.... Been a long time since my day started at 2 am! (DS1 never slept as a baby!).

DS1 seems to be starting to show some signs of jealousy and testing DH and I.... So of course he only wanted mummy last night... DS2 not having any pumped milk so only I can feed him at the moment :s any of your toddlers actually not only doing ad behaviours (ie throwing toys) but telling you? DS1 actually TELLS me "hitting mummy", "throw cars" in an effort to get more attention :(. Mostly its just annoying as I try to encourage the positive behaviours and this means I have to give negative attention too. What are you all doing for discipline at the moment? We've just started time outs....

Did I mention most of us have horrible head cold? Only DH escaping so far .... Roll on nap time... Really hoping I get a nap then....

Hope you're all having a good one.

Crazy and Victoria, good luck on your first solo day! Im sure you'll do fab.

grumpla so good to see you back. Had been using yours (and other) old posts as therapy in the evenings :) with a big glass of wine. Thanks for lighting the light at the end of the tunnel (seems a fair way off for now tho ) :)

Would love to hear any tips :) x

Hi all I'm watching with interest - I'm expecting DC next year when DD will be 18 months, eeeek!

Well last night after DD woke up just as I picked up fork, decided to sit quietly in swing quite bizarrely. She then stayed awake all evening, manically staring round the room and furiously sucking dummy. Quiet though, thus enabling me to watch corrie and xfactor in peace. (DS religiously goes to bed at 7 for 13 hour marathon, thank god) She finally flaked out after bottle and slept 11-5, had feed and then back til 8. So not a bad night overall (-forgets about DS doing second horrendous poo immediately after changing him whilst DD screamed blue murder for feed-)
Well today will be 50% easier (in theory) as DS at childminders (going once or twice a month so it won't be too much of a shock to his little system when I go back to work in June).
So a day of leisure and light housework ahead. Or possibly not.
(-; good luck all xx

Pinkfondantfancy - I think it's not too bad an age gap in some respects (my DS 19 months when DD born) as there's not as much behavioural stuff as you get when they are 2+ My DS too young for jealously etc, might be different for others, just my opinon from my experience. On the down side, it's nappy hell, role on potty training!

I'm in..... Have a DS 25 months and 38wks pg with dc2, shitting myself x

evening all, hope everyone's getting on ok.

I've had unexpected and very welcome help the last 2 days, so have yet to fly solo! DS1's sleeping routines have gone to hell though, he just can't settle. He woke at about 9pm last night and cried inconsolably for 20mins Poor little thing, he's so out of sorts and looks constantly exhausted.

DS2 is 12 days and I have massive fear about the 3 week wake-up and possible colic. It all went seriously tits up from weeks 3-11 with DS1 and I'm expecting the worst with DS2. Has anyone had a more chilled DC2???

Morning all :)

CrazyP- we had a V crazy ride with our first as well (he came out screaming and not sleeping and that didn't change for ages- he slept 4 hours at month 9). He also had colic and reflux and is generally quite a full on boy (even now as a toddler he is one of those that really does just NEVER stops). Our second (so far!!) seems ALOT more chilled. He has been a bit up and down the last 10-12 days but we think he had some reactions to the antibiotics I was on causing him grief (tummy trouble/ gas). Otherwise, he is just generally more chilled... He's still a Velcro baby, just like my first, however he doesn't cry near as much and generally seems more content and calm... :). So yes, am keeping fingers crossed this doesn't change.

Been a crazy morning here with both boys screaming so much by 830, I thought it must be evening all ready and surely time for a therapy session with Ben and jerrys! Sadly I'm not kidding. Whipped it out and had a quiet few spoonfuls!

Hopefully will get DS1 downfor his nap early today as we have hip scan for DS2 this afternoon. (breech baby). Am just hoping he's ok :)

Hopeeveryone is doing well and has a good wednesday x

Morning ladies, am posting first then going to read back.

I am desperate. I have a 22 mo DD and a 6 weeks old DS.

It's so hard,even with the wonderful help I am getting from family.

When they are both screaming, who do you go to? How much cbeebies is too much during cluster feeds for the baby?

The guilt, the guilt........

Ooh me too please. I have a 21 month old and a 3 month old - it has been a lovely, crazy, stressful, rewarding chaotic 3 months. Some minutes it seems like I am getting the hang of it...but it soon disintegrates :)

Returnof - I've been thru the same cbeebie-related guilt. Further back in the thread someone made the point that, so what if your dc spends 3 months or so of their life watching rather a lot of tv. Is it really going to damage them and have a profound effect on their life? I think not. Think of it as a godsend, they do enjoy it after all, it's not like its some cruel punishment! Of course we'd all rather they were engaging in more meaningful, structured activities but there is plenty of time for that. So hurrah for cbeebies!

Can I join please? DS1 is 2.9 y.o. and DS2 is almost 4 days old.

DS1 adores DS2 so far but is being really stroppy & difficult. He is normally a very 'easy' & compliant child so I'm finding it really hard work with him.

He is having a phase of food refusal, and he goes into meltdown if he doesn't eat regularly so that is making it worse. His sleep has never been good, but he was awake for 4 hours the first night DS2 and I were home, then 1.5 hours the following two nights, so he's shattered. I don't dare let him nap though, as otherwise he doesn't want to go to bed till 10 - not what I need with a newborn who wants to do his cluster feeding after my bedtime.

Well I managed to survive Mon & Tues with both boys on my own all day for first time..

DS1 (age nearly 3) is quite into being 'helpful' with the baby and only really had one major moment of defiance which was thankfully shortened by my ignoring it until he got bored and decided to do what he was being asked. He has also taken to coming into our bed for a cuddle at a bout 5 in the am - but kind of feel like thats fair enough as long as he goes back to sleep, since DS2 is in there all night.

DS2 (5 weeks) does not like to be put down all morning. However managed to get out of the house on both days and we all had a nap - which is def a good thing as what with being woken up every 1 - 2 hours to breast feed / change / burp all night I do not have the longest fuse. can't remember when these babies settle down a bit into more of a routine and stop pooing at night!?!

Looking forward to officially being able to drive / pick up DS1 / exercise in the next couple of weeks - when hopefully the consultant will give me the all clear re: c-sec recovery.

Thankfully my wonderful Mum came down on weds to help out and DH working from home today and DS1 at nursery tomorrow morning so feeling OK about this week really - fingers crossed next week goes as smoothly!

For some reason checking in here to see how everyone is doing feels very helpful. so thanks all :)

Hi ladies :) can I join please? Have 2 years 9 days between my two, DD1 is just turned 2 years & DD2 coming up to 3 weeks. I'm finding it a bit tough mostly with not having enough hands to get everything done and be in ten places at once. DD2 is bf on demand so cbeebies is getting a lot of air time in order to keep DD1 happy and in one place. Haven't yet attempted taking both of them out in my own, first trip to play group planned for Monday & I'm a bit terrified.

On top of it all DD1 seems to be really keen to start potty training but I'm worried its too soon after new sibling to think about that? Also worried though if I don't do it now while she is so clearly interested I may be creating issues for later on. Feel a bit rock & hard place, if anyone has any experience I'd love some advice.

Hi everyone :)
It's been a wild few days in my house, so have mostly just been trying to survive till the weekend when DH is home with me.:)

Just answered a query on another thread about what to do to make life easier with toddler and newborn and thought I'd post my ideas here too... And Praying you all save me and hoping you post some survival ideas tips

I've just had a little one too, and have a toddler... The sling and nursing basket haven't worked for me. Hoping to sling the newborn when he's a bit older

What has worked:
*Making toddlers lunch night before or in the morning so it's ready to go at lunch time
*I have had a glass of wine most evening :) so... It has helped.
*A few choc biscuits (seriously have everyone bring biscuits when they go to the house. They will get eaten, and won't require extra attention like flowers do!)
*My toddler has a playroom. This works a treat. It was just his birthday, so there are some new favourite toys in there for him to play with. He goes in for about 20 minutes or so once or twice a day. I can shower or feed newborn,- huge help! :)
*A swing/ playmat/ bouncer/ Moses basket - I have all four and regularly pop newborn in for a few minutes time with the toddler.

*Also having a "routine" in place for toddler helps me. .... I try to stick to his routine, and fit in babies needs (eat/ sleep / diaper) in between as they're more simple. I find knowing that my day is divided into kind of 2 shifts (morning before nap and afternoon after nap) helps me make it through :) if all goes to pot, we watch a Disney movie or go for a walk.

*Also getting hubby to get toddler up/ dressed and fed in am helps me as I then have time to feed newborn right at start of day...

*Also been making sure to take my vitamins. I had stopped but have felt noticeably better since starting again.

*I'm also not worried about major housework right now (I had a csection and so can't anyway), so I just try to do a bit of laundry and feed everyone. Hubby does dishes... We will catch up on proper cleaning when I'm feeling better and more used to having 2 to look after all the time.

*ready meals and easy dinners of like "meats and cheeses with homemade bread" have been a lifesaver too

• going out for a drive to the shops when hubby gets in (even for just 1 item), gives us both at break, entertains the toddler, and gets me out of the house with help at least once a day :)