Toddler and newborn...How??? Support thread?

[Suchanamateur]

I am in the very early days of having a newborn (9 days old) and an almost 2 yr old DS and am seriously struggling at the thought of DH going back to work in the next few days - for a number of reasons. I had a taste of it yesterday when DH had to go into the office, unexpectedly, for much of the day.

DS is an absolute joy and I totally loved the few weeks of maternity leave pre DD when we just hung out all week. But now he is in total Mummy rejection mode and terribly teary. Utterly understandable but quite upsetting.

DD is a sweet little froggy newborn, doing froggy newborn things - eating, sometimes sleeping - and mostly at inconvenient times. I had a really awful time in the early months of my DS and the scars run deep (plus PND) - so every time I can get her to nap, I can feel huge waves of anxiety washing over me. I know they are different children, but I can't help project into a future where she doesn't sleep, night or day, and wonder how I will manage - I used to walk DS in a sling for hours and hours outside but that isn't an option with two of them. It was only at around 6 months when we did some sleep training that thing started to even out a bit with DS, and then got wonderful and I understood how you might actually enjoy being a mother. Six months seems an age away!

DD is currently cluster feeding without stop from about 5/6 until 10 ish. I can just about handle the clustering later in the evening, but I've got no idea how I handle DS dinner, bath and bed with a baby clamped to me and DS saying 'Mummy no' at everything..

I know pretty much the answer to all this is grit teeth, ride it through and this too shall pass. But wondering if anyone in a similar situation wanted to join in to help it pass? Or provide wise words and comfort from somewhere out the other side?

hi all, good tips ninja!

we've survived our 1st week with DH back at work but only by completely cheating and having help every day. next week is my last week with help...

DS2 is 16 days old now and is finding his voice. Takes down bucketloads of wind when he feeds as my letdown reflex is supersonic, and then writhes and screams in pain after feeding. I fear we are gearing up to colic o'clock again, just like with DS1. The anticipation and not knowing is a killer

Read all the OP's posts out of curiosity re. her relationship with her DC1 and see it improved around 14wks!! 12 more to go then God I miss DS1, he is such a gorgeous boy.

Sorry, feeling a bit sorry for myself today. Been up since 4am after 3 night feeds.....zzz

Thanks for the tips ninja! Liking the wine and biscuit tip the best...
I've found my reclining high hair really helpful. Can pop dd in (now 11 weeks) and put the dryer on and it lulls her to sleep nicely. Also, making up nutritious meals for ds (roast dinners, spag bol, shepherds pie etc) and freezing in little pots so I can give him a decent meal when I'm flying solo instead of relying on oven ready or tinned stuff.
Crazy what colic remedies have u tried? I think gripe water was the only thing that worked for ds. Dd thankfully has been spared.
Anyone tried/thinking about playgroups yet? Am contemplating taking them both but the thought of it brings me out in a cold sweat.
Am solo for the wknd as DH at work. Surviving so far but all hell about to break lose as both waking up from naps at same time. Here we go...

Hi. May I join you? Ds1 is 17 months and Ds2 is 1 month. I had an elective csec with ds2 (emergency with ds1) but my scar is infected and not getting better with anti bs so back to docs mon am. It's v restricting on what I can do with ds1. And ds2 is a cling on. Not a massive fan of being anywhere but my arms. Plus he has a tongue tie and is feeding every two hours, tho I'm hoping this will be fixed at hosp mon and he might not feed do often after.fortunately ds1 seems to adore his little brother and likes to help with nappy changes, and gets his blanket if he cries. V sweet. Haven't had time to read thru the thread yet so apologies for jumping in with no advice.

Can I join please? 33 weeks pg with an 18 month old Ds. I'm watching this thread with interest (and a little horror). I have no idea how this is going to work......

My eldest 2 are only 15 months apart and my youngest came when they were 3 and 4. My tip to cope with cluster feeding in the evenings is to do the children's main meal at lunch time so you can give them something very quick and simple for dinner (omelette was a winner for us). That way I could slam dinner out in 10 mins or so, then sit at the table with them and feed baby. I ate when DH came home and cooked for us.

For bath time, I ran the bath and dunked baby, then topped it up for them to play in whilst I carried on feeding baby sitting on the toilet!! Then they would come out and baby would screech whilst I dressed them in pjs. For bedtime stories, I fed in a camping chair in their room whilst we all listened to an audio book. It felt like a bit of a break and they were happy with it as long as I was with them.

This all meant the baby had a similar routine to the older ones (or was at least familiar with it) and now he's 6 months he has started going down to bed at the same time with them after the story. WIN!

It really does get easier. DH has been away on business for 3 weeks now with 5 weeks to go before he gets home and I even have time to eat now!!

help!! i think we may have colic on its way! DS2 has screamed almost solidly since 11am today with less than an hour's sleep! how the f* am i going to manage 2 under 2 with colic??? anyone had this?

please let this just be a random one-off....am panicking and having horrendous flashbacks to the grim nightmare of the first few months with DS2

crazy, do you have a decent sling (something really comfy, not an old baby bjorn type thing)? Research studies have shown that babies carried in a sling for 2+ hours per day cried 50% less than control groups. IME they're great for helping many babies to sleep too. (DS1 would only nap in the sling between 9 and 14 weeks - a nuisance, but way better than the hideous overtiredness, nap refusal and dreadful nights we'd had up till that point.)

i have a moby but unless i'm actually outside he fights it like a demented octopus and screams. if i persist will he just get used to it?

Hmm, no idea, I'm afraid. Maybe if you use it outside at every available opportunity he'd warm to it at other points?

Hello, just wanted to pop it and say hi and some virtual unmumsnetty hugs. Also particular congratulations to Angeldog on your new addition. You helped me so much on the sleep boards when DS was little and I'm revisiting them now as with gorgeous sleepless DD.

Crazy - second the sling if you can get him used to it. It did take a while for me and DS to get back on track but all his issues about a new baby were taken out on me, rather than on DD or in terms of behaviour so in some senses that was a good thing. I think I was also extremely sensitive to it with the mad hormones rushing around. I was just thinking the other day how easy our relationship is now so it really does get better. He's still a pain in te arse toddler though, in between the bits of uber- sweetness, and I'm still a shouty tired mummy.

And to the PP who asked about potty training. We ended up doing it when DD was 4.5 months because DS seemed ready, although I was prepared to put it off forever. Obviously at a later stage than you are at with 2, but was very pleasantly surprised by how easy it ended up being. So perhaps give it a shot and you can always go back to nappies. I used copious bribes and rewards, and just took the potty out with us so we didn't have to stay in.

My biggest learning to date: there is no such thing as too much cbeebies.

Oh and although DD was a pretty grim newborn - Velcro etc- she's turned into an extremely chilled out baby, so there is hope... It does help when they start being entertained by the sight of their older sibling as it can keep them entertained for ages

such thank you for coming back to offer words of hope!! Clutching desperately at it after an evening so far of baby screaming hysterically whilst toddler flung food roun dining room. Give me strength.....

Hi Crazy so sorry it's been so rough :( my first was colicky with reflux and didn't. ever. Sleep. So I sort of feel your pain, but can't even imagine a toddler thrown in :( have you tried infacol? Worked a charm with our first (didn't make it go away but made things a little better and they can have it earlier than gripe water).... I'm sure you've tried it xx

Things have been bordering on ridiculous here.... Ds1 spending most of day / eve / week doing some sort of Tarzan scream/ whine. It drives me insane, and has shortened his naps- I'm lucky to get him down for 40 minutes lately.

Ds2 found his voice as well and although I loved that first smile when it arrived a couple days ago, his ideas about hourly feeds and only sleeping next to mummy, and wanting mummy to hold him all day ... Well I just can't do it :( not with Tarzan in the background...

We still all have our cold and I'm still bleeding!! (sorry if TMI). I had a bad csection (lost over 5 litres just in surgery, and 2.5 + after ... Had transfusions blah blah blah.... Frustrated that nearly 6 weeks out and I'm not normal yet.... And I know that it's meant to take longer as I had complications etc .... But man I'm ready to know its going to heal and be ok :| also tired of still being on pain meds, considering I was off pain meds after first csection after 3-4 weeks... (dr said it would be longer this time as they removed uterus to stitch/ stop bleeding and then put it back in.... Lots of bruising, but hey at least I'm here and healthy -ish right?)

Grrr anyway I had my first completely solo start to finish day today (DH was away with work) . I survived! And so did the boys :)

Wishing everyone a Fab / peaceful/ quiet rest of the week

Hi pinkninja. I know what u mean. My ds1 only has one nap now. And it used to be 1-2 hours and is now about 40 minutes. I want to sleep!!! And ds2 is also a Velcro baby and feeds every two hours which I thought was bad enough..hourly =. And like you I had a c sec again. I've had trouble with the incision, it's still
Infected after almost 6 weeks. And the bleeding is only just Stoppong. I hardly bled in the first two weeks when dh was home and able to look after my 17mo but as soon as he went back to work I started bleeding loads. Gave me a fright. Well done for first solo . Hugs.

Ps the noise. I wish there was. Volume switch on ds1 who repeatedly. Wakes ds2. Not his fault but its driving me round the bend.

Hi, will join too. I read bits of this when i pregnant with DC2 and he is now 4.5 months. DC1 is almost 17 months. Life is hectic as there is only 12 months and 9 days between them. Looking at pinkninja's advice I agree with it all! I have kept DC1 in childcare part time to keep routine going as I will be going back to work. DC2 sees the place each time we drop DC1 so it wont be a strange place to be when its his turn to go!
I have some awful days, usually when sleep seprivation kicks in. Both were sick at the same time and it was horrific. My advice (besides what has already been said) is to take help when offered. I dont ask for help but if its offered I have just stopped feeling guilty about handing them over and just do it! Saves my sanity. I have also just started an excercise class once a week. Its painful but its me time.
Will be back for advice, no doubt, very soon.

Can I join too :s I have a 15 month old and I am 25 weeks. I am so worried about how I will juggle everything. I have only just got my hormones all calmed down lol. So I'm nit loosing it or flying off the handle. Now I feel as though I could have a panic attack at the thought of coping with a toddler and a newborn. I'm so exhausted too as my daughter doesn't walk yet so am carrying her everywhere. I'm hoping she will walk by the time the newborn comes. Eeeek!

How's everyone getting on? too busy to post?!

I swing wildly between elation and despair...think I'm still in the grips of the damn hormones. DS2 is 23 days now, and at risk of jinxing it, isn't too bad at night. DS1 is ill at the mo though so he's awake regularly in the night, so if it's not one it's the other. I'm shagged. The evenings have disappeared with walking DS2 round the living room so he doesn't shout the house down and wake up DS1. He does plenty of screaming in the day too, BUT he goes in the moby now reasonably happily which is a reeesult. Makes certain things possible, thank God.

DS1 is adjusting a bit better, giving "gentle strokes" and showing DS2 things he's got/he's doing, which is really sweet! He does still headbutt him but I think that's his way of being friendly? He asks where DS2 is and has learned the word brother (buvva)

On the other hand, I have yet to do a whole day solo, and have massive fear at the prospect. I know I just need to dive in and do it but the anticipation is killing me...both DS's are just so full-on, and bouncing DS2 to stop him crying is a pretty full-time occupation. Oh for a fast-forward button...

Hello :)
Hope everyone is well.... Looks like we are all being kept busy by big baby and little baby!

Got a call from childminder last week... Her son had hand foot and mouth.... My ds1 came out with it a few days later, so he's just now starting to come out of it. Ds2 seems to have avoided it (I bf so maybe got my immunity?) but has had some sort of cold.... It's meant no sleep for DH or myself for at least 5 nights now....and also ds1 is a horrible patient and has awful tantrums when he isn't feeling well. I've never seen anyone behave as unreasonably as he does when he is ill.

things seem to be slowly returning to normal now... If only I could manage to actually get some housework or laundry done? How is everyone else managing this?

We will be 8 weeks post birth tomorrow so feeling more healed from csection. Have started more serious walking but obviously that's been put on hold due to everyone being under the weather.

Anyway hope you are all well.,...we will need a new thread soon :) will see if I can get something started and link it up here

Our new thread

Becoming Mary Poppins