Toddler and newborn...How??? Support thread?

[Suchanamateur]

I am in the very early days of having a newborn (9 days old) and an almost 2 yr old DS and am seriously struggling at the thought of DH going back to work in the next few days - for a number of reasons. I had a taste of it yesterday when DH had to go into the office, unexpectedly, for much of the day.

DS is an absolute joy and I totally loved the few weeks of maternity leave pre DD when we just hung out all week. But now he is in total Mummy rejection mode and terribly teary. Utterly understandable but quite upsetting.

DD is a sweet little froggy newborn, doing froggy newborn things - eating, sometimes sleeping - and mostly at inconvenient times. I had a really awful time in the early months of my DS and the scars run deep (plus PND) - so every time I can get her to nap, I can feel huge waves of anxiety washing over me. I know they are different children, but I can't help project into a future where she doesn't sleep, night or day, and wonder how I will manage - I used to walk DS in a sling for hours and hours outside but that isn't an option with two of them. It was only at around 6 months when we did some sleep training that thing started to even out a bit with DS, and then got wonderful and I understood how you might actually enjoy being a mother. Six months seems an age away!

DD is currently cluster feeding without stop from about 5/6 until 10 ish. I can just about handle the clustering later in the evening, but I've got no idea how I handle DS dinner, bath and bed with a baby clamped to me and DS saying 'Mummy no' at everything..

I know pretty much the answer to all this is grit teeth, ride it through and this too shall pass. But wondering if anyone in a similar situation wanted to join in to help it pass? Or provide wise words and comfort from somewhere out the other side?

Forgot to add that, 10 weeks in, I'm also getting quite bored with reading toddler stories / playing toddler games, walking around with drool on my clothes and listening to children cry 24/7.

DP feels hard done by because he has to work long hours and is busy.... how I wish for a long hard week at work, with adults, no crying, no drool, nobody demanding attention for a few minutes. Being alone with my own thoughts for a while, oh bliss.

And the fucking laundry, I'm sick of the fucking laundry.

With you on that Ciske

DD now 10 weeks and still sleeping shockingly badly. Suspect that's it for a bit. But have managed to get her to have 2 of her morning naps in cot this week (still only 40 minutes but it gave my back a break). Small triumphs. She is super smiley and does a good line in raised eyebrows at her brother. Our attempts to get her to take a bottle of non allergy formula failed dismally (it smells fucking awful though so can't blame her) so now in cow express mode so DH can take at least one night waking. Missing my milky coffees and cheese so much - think there has been some improvement in nappies and general digestion but that could just be age. Need to wait another two weeks before I reintroduce- am fantasising about what I'll have to break the dairy barrier..

DS is being great with her and is much less angry with me, thank god. I have fingers in ears still about potty training but big boy bed may be on the horizon as DH found him straddling the cot bars this morning..

I've found the rain has made the last few weeks pretty hard to manage both of them and guilt levels are still quite high. But the happy pills are working I think so feel less desperate. Just very fucking tired.

Magic 3 months soon approaching so expecting the delayed 6 week thunderbolt. Perhaps DD will even allow me to dust of the Phil and teds that is languishing in our bathroom while madam is carried everywhere.

DS2 is 3mo tomorrow

I'll let you know

such - I'm also blaming the rain. I think we'd all feel better if it was sunny.

, I started reading this thread at the start but was too busy/tired to post!

Now we're out of the new newborn thread, I have a very loose, changing weekly routine in place I have time to MN clean and tidy, can I join in?

Dd1 is just 18mo and dd2 is 12 weeks she's bottle fed since day 2 and i haven't had a period since locia stopped at 3 weeks but not thinking about it at all, no soiree not. At. All!

Oooo hey ploppy

:( didn't mean to kill the thread

You haven't killed it, addicted. Pesky children get in the way - except mine, who are plonked in front of the telly at lunch time so I can MN and eat cake without Ds spotting me.

One of the signs SS look out for in neglect cases is when parents put their needs very obviously before the child's. I often worry whether this applies to eating cake and finishing doing your make up before you take everyone down for breakfast.

The 3 month mark already seems such a long way away, it's flown. I'll have a 6 month old next week and have started tentatively weaning her this week. BAby porridge has had mixed success, but she mauled a stick of cucumber I just gave her. I was queen of puree last time, so quite like this chucking random bits of food at the baby thing. ALthough it's probably not meant to be quite this random!

Apart from keeping us isolated, chicken pox hasn't been too bad. Keeping an eye on dd though, although if I'm still feeding her she should have my immunity, I think.

The rain has stopped, but it's still not warm or sunny. Maybe that's whay I keep forgetting Dd is so old - it still feels like March.

Hi all. We've had the shittiest week. Firstly the shit hit the fan about the nanny share, but that now pales into nothing. Since then, my dad has had a major stroke, and while is doing well considering it still a massive shock and he is still poorly. Then on top of that we've just found out that dh's dad has advance and aggressive prostate cancer which has spread. Now waiting for results of an MRI.
Suddenly I couldn't care less about how much telly we have on. Desperate for this hellish week to be over.

mrsrvc so sorry :(

Mrsrvc that's awful, is your dad in a stroke unit or still on the ward? Hope you get some good news soon. Totally agree, bollocks, leave the tv on all day if it helps I do

Oooh, hi Addicted! We have matching DC2s! at the lack of AF - it couldn't be; could it??

By the way, Addicted - if you fancy waving at the rest of the Killers, we are here

Any thunderbolts come your way today Mistress? Or failing that a long nap?

Nope. Things have gone from shit to shitter. 45min naps are now firmly settled at 30min - or so I thought. He threw in a 20min one this morning. Taking even longer to settle at night and even bfing won't send him off. I'm tearing my hair out and I can't even blame a growth spurt as he's not feeding any more than usual

I am seriously pissed off and can't help wondering how much worse this is going to get?

Sorry, that wasn't what anyone wanted to hear, was it?

Christ mrsrvc that's awful really sorry to hear your news.

Sorry to hear about your dad and FIL mrs

Thanks girls. Visited my Dad yesterday and he is doing amazingly well, walking and some talking. He has to have an op ASAP to unblock an artery but hopefully considering the enormity of the stroke he will make a pretty good recovery.
No more news on FIL but they are coming up tomorrow for Ds 2nd birthday.
Poor DS, he's really playing up but I think he's just picking up on all the stress. He really loves his GD do we went to the hospital yday and took a birthday cake and my Dad gave him a trainset which was all great. But ds keeps asking if his gd will be coming to his birthday party.
Talking of which I'm somewhat regretting organising for 12 toddlers to come for a garden themed party on Tuesday with all this happening and all this rain.
In positive news, dd appointment has been moved forward due to stripping at GP. Typically it's on the anniversary of ds1's death, so not the ideal day, but glad she's being seen sooner.
Feeling like our luck has to change sometime soon...
At least dd is no bother! (Infact she is a positive delight and keeping me going through all of this).
Hope you are all doing ok.

Stropping, not stripping! Although the sight of my naked body would probably encourage pity!

Mrsrvc - very sorry to hear about your FIL and your father. :(

mistress - bad news about the naps. Neither of my kids were any good at doing long, structured naps at set times, no idea what we've done wrong. SIL manages perfectly timed naps for DN, mine just drop off as and when, any place, any time. It's a mystery to me, so unfortunately no advice to offer...

In good news, it would appear we've made some progress with potty training DD. She walked into our bedroom this morning with her pants down, nappy between her legs, and carrying her potty in her hands. She then took it to our bed saying 'I made stinkiestinkie in my potty. It's not a small one, it's a giant one!' She wasn't lying either, as we could see when she dropped the potty on the floor. Ah well, we're very proud of her anyway.

MrsRVc so sorry to hear about your week. Glad the appointment's been moved forward. It#s only been a couple of months since you told us, but when you're waiting for somethign like that it seems like an eternity.

We have had a thunderbolt. Granted, dd is almost 6 months, but for the last 2 nights she has only woken up once. I'm a new woman! SHe got a tooth on Friday, so I'm hoping she might calm down. I am horribly afraid that she's going to kick off tongiht when it's the final Homeland. I've been with it for weeks; i deserve a payoff.

Ciske, I have discovered that a PT toddler is a mixed blessing: YEs, you've done it, you won't have the only child in high school in nappies; but every time you leave the house or arrive anywhere, your heart's in your mouth as you ask: "Do you need a wee?" Your eyes bulge frantically and your heart pounds alarmingly when you're halfway througha walk home and you hear: " i need a wee!", accompanied with dramatic grabbing of crotch. Especially when you're not sure if it's the first inkling, or a damn about to burst. Heart also leaps alarmingly when you hear: "Mummy! I done a big poo-oo. (Sccrrrape thump. Sccrrrape thump) I empty my potty."

Hope people are actually having soem kind of Bank Holiday - and not getting cabin fever like the Easter Bank holiday and Dh's days off

mrs glad your Dad is doing a bit better and happy birthday to DS. You can tell your DD when she is older that you stripped at the docs for the sake of her health. Preferably when she is a teenager and in front of an unsuitable boyfriend.

ciske go DD and her giant one.

mistress sorry about the naps. We have crap naps too and still only in the sling. Operation Cot is happening soon.

Astr0 send the thunderbolt round the thread please! One wake up seems a lifetime away. Fingers crossed for your evening but if it goes tits up that's what 4od is for... DH and I have had our longest conversation since DDs birth today speculating on what the finale will bring us. But I suspect I won't see of tonight given DDs pattern.

We've been at the inlaws who fed and watered us and did some DD sling duty, and have kept DS overnight. They are currently my favourite people. DH was so excited that he didn't have to look after DS that he suggested we go out for cocktails tonight. I had to point out that we did actually have another child.

Oh this is the very place for me!

Day 1 of DH being back at work after paternity I'm the proud (and very tired) owner of DD1 - 2.9, and brand new DD2 - 15 days.

I'm very proud to say we've made it to lunchtime all in one piece. There was a few times last week where I thought I would be rocking in the corner by this point...so I'm rather pleased I have surpassed my own expectations on that front.

So far DD2 is a dream baby, aside from Tongue Tie which appears to have ravaged my nipples beyond all recognition. Feeds are seriously PAINFUL! But we're hoping to get it snipped by the end of the week.

DD1 on the other hand has been hard work since the baby arrived. DH has been taking the brunt thankfully. But she's really ramped up the stropping and wailing and shouting and screaming more than I ever expected. Hard, hard work. I was in tears last week at the mere thought of coping with her and the small one.

But here we are. And we're coping so far!

It's doubly tricky as I had a c-section and therefore cannot lift much or drive or walk very far. So all my usual tricks to entertain her (ie get her out of the house as much as possible) are currently null and void. I foresee a lot of cbeebies and films in our near future!!

So that's us. I'm sure by 4pm I'll be back with a slightly different outlook of the week ahead...but we'll see. At least my mum and sister are up visiting Thursday & Friday so I'll have another 2 pairs of hands at my disposal.

Excuse me while I sit here and cry.

(I have a 18mo and a 3mo)

My periods haven't returned so before going to the Dr I thought I would take a PG test...there were 2 lines so I took a 2nd one this morning which was negitive . I've been on the phone to the Dr and I just have to wait it out for 1.5 weeks and see what happens before they will investigate further.

Heffulumpa - welcome! to get you through long days indoors, I recommend play-doh. I used to hate it deeply, but found it keeps DD entertained while I can sit next to her with the baby and chat away/pick up pieces from floor/roll yet another ball. Cheap set from Argos has already given me hours and hours of peace!

addictediam - holding your hand ready for the 1.5 week wait! But whatever happens, remember you'll cope, because you're a parent and not coping is simply not an option for us.