Toddler and newborn...How??? Support thread?

[Suchanamateur]

I am in the very early days of having a newborn (9 days old) and an almost 2 yr old DS and am seriously struggling at the thought of DH going back to work in the next few days - for a number of reasons. I had a taste of it yesterday when DH had to go into the office, unexpectedly, for much of the day.

DS is an absolute joy and I totally loved the few weeks of maternity leave pre DD when we just hung out all week. But now he is in total Mummy rejection mode and terribly teary. Utterly understandable but quite upsetting.

DD is a sweet little froggy newborn, doing froggy newborn things - eating, sometimes sleeping - and mostly at inconvenient times. I had a really awful time in the early months of my DS and the scars run deep (plus PND) - so every time I can get her to nap, I can feel huge waves of anxiety washing over me. I know they are different children, but I can't help project into a future where she doesn't sleep, night or day, and wonder how I will manage - I used to walk DS in a sling for hours and hours outside but that isn't an option with two of them. It was only at around 6 months when we did some sleep training that thing started to even out a bit with DS, and then got wonderful and I understood how you might actually enjoy being a mother. Six months seems an age away!

DD is currently cluster feeding without stop from about 5/6 until 10 ish. I can just about handle the clustering later in the evening, but I've got no idea how I handle DS dinner, bath and bed with a baby clamped to me and DS saying 'Mummy no' at everything..

I know pretty much the answer to all this is grit teeth, ride it through and this too shall pass. But wondering if anyone in a similar situation wanted to join in to help it pass? Or provide wise words and comfort from somewhere out the other side?

Oh why didn't I find this sooner? My two are 20 months apart and DD2 has just passed 4 months. life is getting a lot easier but it's been a rollercoaster at times. I'm bookmarking this thread for when the kids are asleep so I can have a good read.

I started keeping a diary when DD2 was about 6 weeks old and found it really therapeutic. I've started putting them into a blog and getting some good feedback - I won't put the link up as I think that's going against forum rules but if anyone wants the link I'd be happy to provide!

Hope you are all coping well. It's amazing what we can do when we put our minds to it xxx

Can I join? Ds is 2.11 and dd is 2.5weeks. First week solo without dh. I am still mastering getting showered before midday!

So DC2 arrived in July. Another DS . He is 4.5 wks and DS1 is almost 22mths.

For the most part it's been really tough. DS1 is boisterous, at times mean to ds2 and slaps/scratches him. Whenever I get my bf cushion on my lap ready to feed, ds1 climbs on it. He is climbing on all the furniture. Throwing toys. Even at the tv. He smacks me and when ds2 is not in the Moses Basket he pulls it over, stand and all.

To complicate things I'm recovering from a section and my abdo muscles have seperated. Waiting for Physio appt to come thru. Have just started to lift him but can't carry him for long.

He goes to nursery once a week but I'm changing it to two mornings to give me some time to do stuff without a rampaging toddler in tow.

I've had help since day one but that ceases today and I've yet to have the children on my own for longer than an hour. That hour was hell. Who knows how I will keep us all in one piece.

Hope everyone is ok and surviving.

Hope today goes well silversky

Today is my first full day solo with both of them. And dh is working 11.30am - 3am!

DS is ok with dd, but acts out with us. We have had hitting, biting etc. It is all aimed at us, not dd.

Lots of cbeebies today!

Hi folks.
Can I join in please...lots of tips here?
28 month ds and nearly 5 month dd.overseas.
All going good till we all got sick last week and it has been awful, trying to look after a snotty coughing baby,Sick toddler whilst feeling dreadful in 90 degree heat and ants everywhere. The first time I have really felt what a slog parenting is.
My ds is sweet with his sister but she is suddenly wanting to be held when awake. I am thinking of putting him in paid nursery two mornings a week even though financially I would rather have waited another year....about 35 quid for 2 morns.he just looks so in need of more interaction than I can provide. When baby sleeps I have to dash round just doing the basic chores.
Is anyone else doing nursery.........I was going to wait till nearly 4 but think I may do it before he hits three even.

I'll join the newbies as well although I think I posted on here in the Dark Days when DS2 was waking every 45 mins - no wait, still does that every other night. Things were okay for about a month. Then we started potty training and weaning which has been a disaster. While DS 2 has been shoving food in one end like crazy nothing was coming out the other. Cue hell on earth for the last 3 days while I force OJ into him and put suppositories up. Never done that before, not fun. We did BLW with DS1 and that worked so much better but to my shame I didn't seem to find the time and patience to do it this time. Big mistake! It's horrible to see him try and fail to poo. .

Potty training is going well although I am apparently 'doing it all wrong' by offering chocolate as a reward and my praise should be enough. Thanks for the support MIL!

Full day of lone parenting yesterday. It was bloody hard. Best bits were Ds1 nap time and bedtime.

Ds2 didn't sleep much just one stint in the afternoon.

Ds1 was slapping ds2 when he could.

HV came. Started off well but then got bit emotional, just feel overwhelmed at the MASSIVE task ahead aka parenting two smalls on my own most of the time.

Won't even mention no nursery next week due to bank hols and no Man around due to work.

Also have the feel bad when ds1 at nursery as do miss him. He is having a ball there so don't need to worry. But do worry when he is with me we don't do enough fun stuff iyswim.

Sorry this isn't a thread exactly relevant to me (pg with first baby) but just thought I'd delurk and say I think you are all doing an AMAZING job looking after 2 small ones and keeping your sanity together!! Genuine awe from this overwhelmed pregnant fatty.

Lurking cos DH and I have always planned to have the second/third one close together (to mirror his childhood) and to get the "small" phase all done at the same time so I can go back to work after.... this thread is terrifyingly honest & useful! Wondering how the actual fuck DMIL managed 3 that were all 15 months apart... Clearly I am naive and have much to learn from you all.

Just popping on, I've lurked a bit though not posted since the beginning of the thread.

Struggling on with 23 month old DD and the dts, nearly 5 months but one still sleeping like a newborn.

Tired.

So, exactly when will this promised routine emerge as there's bog all here...

I wish that I'd seen this thread 17 weeks ago!

DD1 is 2.8 and has gone from being an almost perfect child pre DD2, to being a stroppy, needy and whinging (normal) toddler.

DD2 has already cut her first two teeth and has more on the way, so she's being a bit of a grump despite Dentinox gel, teething powder and occasional Calpol. She's also being a bit bitey (made up word), which can be a bit painful as she's EBF and a complete milk monster!

I manage (cope) most of the time but the 4-7 dinner, bath and bed routine still makes me want to scream into a pillow .

I'm also struggling to make enough time to do nice things with DD1, which I have massive mummy guilt about....

this too shall pass

Marking my place to come back for support, but maybe also some reassuring words from 6 months down the track. Also need Fuchzha's advice about poo... But must now sleep as neither had their afternoon naps today so we've already had several dual wake ups, and more to come no doubt

Pls do such! I remember posting whilst diffed and reading your updates.

Hello!
Tried reading previous threads for advice but a lot to get through!!! DS just 21 months and if it's not nailed to the floor he'll break it/move it/throw it etc etc. DD is 3 weeks. Had difficult time- ive been rehospitalised in week 1 and again this week due to fever and pain etc from retained products. DD also had a sepsis scare last week and kept in for 3 days- luckily turned out to be viral gastroenteritis but terrifying doesn't begin to describe the experience for all of us- including DS who has been without me for several days at a time due to all this and is terribly unsettled. DH goes back to work Monday and I'm really anxious! DD bf every hour- 2 hours day and night (exhausting!!) and I feel awful parking DS in front of TV whilst trying to do this. DD looks like she's taking after DS with a milk allergy so constantly vomit and diahorrehea and painful wind. Means after each feed I have to keep her upright ages and then terrified she'll choke when I lay her down at night if she's sick so sit up half the night watching her. GP referred us but if anything like my son we'll have quite a wait till shes seen :(
Any advice on good routines to get into? I used to take DS to a different mother and toddler group each morning but can't see how I'll get us all out thd house in time!
Also advice on how to reassure him I'm not going anywhere (after spending do much time in hospital) and how to spend time with him abd still look after all her needs!

Forgot to mention the terrible tantrums have really kicked in with DS but this was before arrival of DD and even then they were difficult to deal with!!

Thanks Silver and congratulations- I remember your updates too and thought you were super brave for reading all our moans in advance! Congratulations to everyone else on their second sprigs too. Naturally - you sound like you've been through hell. I really hope it's upwards from now on.

Things are definitely better than the newborn days for us now. I'd say the 3 month mark did actually turn out to be a bit of a turning point. Partly because DD started to settle in the evenings which gave me at least an hours time 'off' before I went to bed. She also started sleeping in her cot not on me which was a huge relief and gave me more time to spend with DS. Whenever she napped I worked really hard at having proper quality time with DS, and I think it has paid off a bit. I've used TV far too much- DS now looks gleeful when I say I have to put his sister down for a nap as he gets cbeebies. But I've stopped beating myself up about it.

Slings were a godsend for us in terms of getting out of the house and allowing DS to do fun things in the early days. I never got on with the double buggy - although others swear by it- as DD point blank refuses to sleep in it, so it languishes in the corner of our bathroom! We have now moved on to pushchair with buggy board which works well.

DS getting older has helped (he was just under 2 when DD born) as he's now far more verbal and can occupy himself for a bit longer than 3 seconds. Maybe 5. DD is also much sweeter than when a newborn and is babbling and laughing away- entranced by her older brother. And cheesy though it is, seeing that develop has helped enormously.

Things are still challenging though and often I feel caught in relentless domestic and mother drudgery, in a way I didn't with only one. Sleep remains an issue for us and I've not at all managed to synch the two 'routines' so right now it feels as if one of them is Asleep or the other. And DD will now not nap anywhere but the cot so our windows for getting out are limited. But we're surviving and having a nice time sometimes. I still find that breaking the day into bits means that I can have some disastrous bits and then some great bits and try to see both for what they are. Post 3pm is still a time when I'd happily hand both over and do almost anything else!

Current challenge is finding time to wean DD, who is currently super constipated from starting a week or so ago. And wondering how on earth I cope when she is mobile and getting into all DS' stuff. It's already a major flashpoint as if she grabs him or something of his, he kicks off- and otherwise he's good with her. Any ideas?!

Currently have a stomach bug (which no doubt will get passed on) so may be about to learn about all 3 of us being ill at once..

Oh and nursery has been our godsend (although still feel a bit guilt about it) and potty training- which I had utter and total fear about - seems to be going ok. Copious rewards and bribes, and not caring that the house smells a bit of wee. And vomit.

Hi all,

I have DS1 2.9 & DS2 4 weeks. I've been reading this thread over the last few days & it's been so reassuring to know others find this newborn & toddler lark challenging! It's also good to read about others that are out the other side.

I'm really struggling with the lack of sleep, feeding every 1.5-2 hours & the guilt that I'm not spending enough time with either DS. I know I shouldn't be but I'm counting down the days to 12 weeks when I hope things will calm/settle down.

Also DS1 is having tantrums over everything, 'no' is his favourite word & I have to battle him over most things.

Hope thread continues cos helps to read advice & know I'm not the only one doing this. Feel very isolated sometimes.

Naturally......poor you that sounds stressful for all. My ds has severe milk allergy too do keep looking for signs in dd too.
Not much time as should be getting son down as baby is asleep before finishing dinner but I think it is helpful for all of us reading to know lots of us find it hard juggling the two.

I went into the bathroom and screamed Stop Crying yesterday as I found it so hard coping with both crying and an ear infection.....all of us I'll the whole of August....it has been a trying month.
But today we did a mum and kid class and managed the walk up our massive hill in a double buggy ....sweating like a batard when I got home but neither cried.....then my son refused to walk up the 40 steps so that was fun.
You just have to take a deep breath and scream in a pillow when you need to.

Slight improvements in our world are that DS2 started sleeping v well at night, though I'm hoping the 430am today is a blip! Wouldn't mind so much if he went straight back to sleep but nooooooooo.

Also DS1 has stopped trying to climb on my lap when I'm about to start bf'ing or actually during. Instead he's taken to climbing on the tv cabinet and swinging off the tv. I'm so over repeating myself "Get off/down, you will hurt yourself if you pull the tv on top of yourself". Constantly removing him from the bloody cabinet. I won't even mention the sofa surfing which is when he climbs onto the arm, stands up straight, announces "ready steady go" (least I think that is what he is saying) and then he launches off . It doesn't matter if you are sitting in the way either. I thought if I sat next to the launch pad he wouldn't do it. Wrong!

Yesterday he handed me the tv remote and said "BeeBeebies" for the first time. Going to try and have it on less and use it for crucial distraction eg bf'ing ds2 or if ds1 is having a mad hour and needs calming or I want to go to the loo in peace.

He didn't slap/scratch or hit his brother yesterday I've just realised. So that's a good thing. however he does like to climb up and lay next to him which worries me as he's nearly sat on him several times. Not being able to leave them in the room together whilst I'm not there is a PITA but necessary at the mo.

Ds2 is having his six week growth spurt so cue lots of feeding and naff napping in the day unless we are out he only sleeps for short stints. His brother constantly wakes him. Tried putting him upstairs but doesn't work.

Also had a bug here. Not pleasant.

Main thing is we are all surviving. Just.

Hi everyone
Please can I join..am starting to feel overwhelmed and just exhausted with getting through each day!

My two are 2.5 years and 3 months.

I am experiencing the worst toddler tantrums. Climbing on furniture and jumping off, poking the baby, screaming round shops, wrecking room at naptime, refusing to eat anything except chicken nuggets and waffles...I am becoming the mum who just shouts all the time and it drains me.

Oh and I hate the stupid double buggy that I bought, should definitely not have bothered with that!

There are lovely moments when all is calm and the two of them are smiling at each other,and at me......but a lot of the time its chaos. The house is sooo messy, and whats worse is that i have to go back to work soon :(

Please someone tell me it gets easier!

Pitmountainpony 2 mornings of nursery per week is what we do and it definiitely works for us.

Sandy dunes.
I know......some days are so hard.
I spent the whole day cleaning and the house looks better....had a playdate with four parents and 6 more kids...it was pretty crazy but fun to have company and it forced me to clean the house. Most of the time the house is a total tip which gets to you.

Mark

Joining here too please. Have been worrying about this since DS2 was born 4 weeks ago. DS1 is 2.11. My first day alone with both boys is Monday - will try to make some time to read the suggestions on this thread before then...

Hoping this thread might resurrect with a few more of us? Have DS1 23m and DS2 9 days. DH back to work on Mon, having serious cold sweats.

Any tips on how to manage a velcro baby who hates being in the sling whilst trying to manage a toddler?!

Hello all not been on here before I've got DD1 2.7 and DD2 7 mo!

Honestly don't know where the time has gone! Feel both :( that the past 7 mo have passed and :) that the impossibly hard bit is passing!!!

Latest struggles are weaning DD2 she's doing fab will self feed tries everything etc but its just so bloody messy and means there is more cooking for me to do and another thing to fit in to the day! We're getting there and I know in no time she will be eating the same as her sister. Also DD2 is now crawling eeek! A nightmare on several levels DD1 dors not like her baby sis taking her toys or climbing on her! I can no longer park DD2 for a minute whilst I take DD1 to the toilet!

On a better note DD2 has gone from only sleeping on me and waking every hour to self settling in her cot and only waking twice [touches something wooden]

DD2 is total Velcro baby funnily almost everyone I've spoken to with this gap had said the same?? I do miss being able to spend one on one time with DD1 I feel bad if I get cross as she's still so little I find mornings hard bloody work! Feeding everyone and getting dressed and at the minute DH is working 7 days a week so it's all a bit ground hogf like as he leaves the house at half 6!

There are lots of lovely moments now as DD2 adores her sister and she's much more settled so I do get more DD1 cuddles they both go to bed at 7 do the night is mine again! Half 4 till bath time is pretty harrowing though!

My biggest life saver in the early days was getting out DD1 needed the stimulation and DD2 would sleep in the car/pram could never settle her at home bag packed and clothes laid out every night!

We potty trained when DD1 was 2.2 so DD1 was 8 week oh the joys DD1 picked it up right away but she also realised saying 'wee wee' got instant attention and DD2 put down that was bloody hard to deal with screaming baby with interrupted feeds :( and demanding toddler! Easier to do then as I dunno how I would cope with a mobile baby and potty training!