Toddler and newborn...How??? Support thread?

[Suchanamateur]

I am in the very early days of having a newborn (9 days old) and an almost 2 yr old DS and am seriously struggling at the thought of DH going back to work in the next few days - for a number of reasons. I had a taste of it yesterday when DH had to go into the office, unexpectedly, for much of the day.

DS is an absolute joy and I totally loved the few weeks of maternity leave pre DD when we just hung out all week. But now he is in total Mummy rejection mode and terribly teary. Utterly understandable but quite upsetting.

DD is a sweet little froggy newborn, doing froggy newborn things - eating, sometimes sleeping - and mostly at inconvenient times. I had a really awful time in the early months of my DS and the scars run deep (plus PND) - so every time I can get her to nap, I can feel huge waves of anxiety washing over me. I know they are different children, but I can't help project into a future where she doesn't sleep, night or day, and wonder how I will manage - I used to walk DS in a sling for hours and hours outside but that isn't an option with two of them. It was only at around 6 months when we did some sleep training that thing started to even out a bit with DS, and then got wonderful and I understood how you might actually enjoy being a mother. Six months seems an age away!

DD is currently cluster feeding without stop from about 5/6 until 10 ish. I can just about handle the clustering later in the evening, but I've got no idea how I handle DS dinner, bath and bed with a baby clamped to me and DS saying 'Mummy no' at everything..

I know pretty much the answer to all this is grit teeth, ride it through and this too shall pass. But wondering if anyone in a similar situation wanted to join in to help it pass? Or provide wise words and comfort from somewhere out the other side?

Oh Addicted!

• WARNING - MISERY POST *

I'm at my wits end with DS2s sleep (30min naps and not many of them, waking constantly at night) and have put out some preliminary enquiries about sleep consultants.

I feel like a big fat failure and he's only 3mo

DS1 is teething (molars, he's 2.6yo) and this has caused his eczema (usually non-existent) to flare up to the extent that it's infected. So we have strong antibiotics and steroid cream to play with too.

And while I'm pouring out the doom - I'm so worried about my mum. She had her second hip replacement a couple of weeks ago; got home - wound is infected, so she's had to go back in to have it re-opened and 'washed out' (grim) and now the IV antibiotics have given her D+V so she feels shit and has to stay in hospital for at least 2wks. And she's 500 miles away so I can't even visit her.

AND we've decided to cancel our holiday (we were going to Portugal in a few days' time) because of DS2 being so difficult, and DHs work, and needing the annual leave to use to go up and see my mum instead.

Feel pretty low tbh

mistress - there's a good reason why there are so many books and discussions about children sleeping: nobody really has a clue how it works. So it's not you being a failure, if anything you're showing great determination, coping with everything that's being thrown at you. Hopefully the sleep consultant can help and you'll have another chance at that holiday. And sorry to hear about your mum - my family is in a different country and it's tough being that far away when they really need you. :(

thanks Ciske

Totally miserable mistress. Probably doesn't make you feel any better but DD the same. Will only sleep short naps and then only in sling, and up countless times a night. Feeds so much at night she's not really hungry in the day. DS was like this (although not so bad) and in the end we did sleep training as he was just so overtired, as was I. Fwiw, I think the short nap thing is very common. Hope things tart to feel a bit brighter for you- sounds like you've got a lot on your plate at the moment even without double trouble to contend with. Would be interested to hear if you get anywhere with sleep consultants.

Oh and I'm back to thinking that there is reflux related discomfort going on. She's so squirmy and grunty and I don't think that not being able to sleep longer than an hour at night is normal. So I'm going back to the doc to discuss further meds. Of course that may be me grasping at straws (DH thinks it is)..

HEllo all.

Looks like it's been a sleepless week for many of us. Dd is 6 months old today, but I s tilll feel I need hand holding - especially as (after three nights of 1 waking), she's back to 3 or even 4 night wakings.

addicted - terrified on your behalf, but also a little jealous you have anything resembling a sex life. Ours goes like this:
Me: we really should have a bit you know, it might stop us bickering.
dh: I know. How about SAturday?
me: (relieved cos I'm too tired and can't be arsed). Yeah, ok.

Saturday comes. Bedtime comes. Both of us slip into bed and hope the other has forgotten; sleep is far more important.

Had a go at play doh this week. Successful in that Ds liked squishing it and rolling it. Unsuccessful in that he wanted me to keep making things.

"Make me a....rhino!. (I create an almost perfect replica of a rhino(!), rendered in blue play doh and present proudly to offspring.)
Offspring looks critically, "Thata nota very good rhino."

Have also just taken a rare moment whilst both slept to check my bank statements - and have realised that we're over spending by a few hundred quid each month, therefore eating into what savings we had.

The worst thing is, I have a suspicion all our money's gone on sticker books.

Evening all,
Had had a tough day with DS and I've been muttering "you little shit" under my breath a lot. He's not being horrid on purpose but today I felt totally at a loss and thought "how the hell will I cope with two". Major wobbles have set in.

astro I think sticker books are a worthwhile investment!

Ok, not wanting to jinx anything...but since I phoned and arranged an appt with the sleep consultant lady, DS2 has been sleeping better at night

Still a total arse in the day though

I am looking at private nurseries so DS1 can maybe go and have some fun a couple of mornings a week, before he starts playgroup in September. God knows he's not having much fun with me atm.

Astro, there's no age limit on the thread. I intend to still be here moaning when the dc are at school

And me. Glad nights are looking up, mistress

Silver I reckon wobbles all par for the course. You'll be grand and since hanging around with us, you'll have all the tricks of the trade (or at least know where to go for rich tea and sympathy).

astr0 you're conversation sounds very familiar. As does the Saturday night pretending not to remember.

I feel cheerier this eve as had some sun today and just went out with DH to the pub for an hour and drank a schooner of red wine rather too quickly. Perhaps it will help DD sleep..?

Anyone seen Louby or Grumpla recently? They've been very quiet. Perhaps they have cracked it. Supermum style.

I'm waiting for exhaustion to hit. Feel ok at the min, but had an awful night and really shouldn't feel this awake given the amount of sleep I didn't have

Small was up and wide awake 12-2:30 and 4-5:30. And then big was up at 6:30. DH did a shift, but I must have got 4hrs max.

Got friends round this morning...so I'm hoping that will carry me til lunch. And then I'm praying big takes a decent nap so I can get me head down too.

Almost comically awful night here.

Dd fed at 1230, fair enough.

Ds woke at 130 needing a wee, that's why you're still in nappies at night - use it!, but didn't settle. Thi woke dd, so I went to feed her to sleep.

Whist feeding dd again, ds crept out of his room and into ours. Dh is sloightly deaf, o while I was silently screaming at him to wake up, ds slid into bed with him and waited, trembling with excitement, for me to notice him.

An hor or so later we kind of got them sorted.

5 am dd woke for a feed. 6 am ds up.

And to top things off, it wold appear that dd has chicken pox. 2 weeks to the day that ds's spots appeared. So that's another week in quarantine. Why couldn't she have caught them the same time?

Shit to chicken pox, Astro.

Comically shit night here. DS2 went down complaining at 7.15. Woke screaming at 7.30, then again at 9, 12, 1, then awake til 3.30, then woke at 4.15, 5.30, up at 6.45

Sorry - two lots of shit there

Hi all,
It's very quiet here! Have you all cracked it? We've been manic here and dd has given up sleeping to boot!
Hope you are all doing well.

I didn't want to jump in, because I seem to post loads! I worry that the thread will vanish, and then I'll only have dh, my parents, my colleagues and FB to complain to.

I have cracked it, btw - send oldest child to granparents. Babies are so much easier second time round - if they're by themselves.

Chicken pox has been a nightmare with dd. Way more spots than ds and it's sent her sleeping pattern completely haywire. Since Monday, I have been woken up every single hour of the night! and if dd lets up, ds wakes up for a wee/drink of water/cuddle/discussion about the metaphysical poets....

It's like having a newborn again. I don't know if it's wholly chicken pox, or whether constipation and teething have been thrown into the mix as well. The only way I'm getting through the week is playing outside in the afternoon and reminding myself that it will pass. It will.

And if it doesn't, I have 3.5 months to do something about it before I'm back in work.

Am still here and haven't cracked it despite having got to magical 12 weeks. Have however had some cot naps which has given sling and back a break and given me a bit of one on one time with DS. Although DS keeps bringing me the sling and asking to get in it to sleep. That really would break my back. Am thinking of investing in some play doh given everyone's success. Not sure I can make a rhino though. Anything to distract from the newly discovered finger paints granny bought at Xmas and I'd kept hidden. DH's face when he came home to find paint marks on the white kitchen he repaimted a couple of months ago was a picture. I did point out at the time that repainting was pointless with a toddler and a new baby who would inevitably go through the throwing food smearing mush stage.

Sorry to hear about spots and bad sleep. We only have the latter without the excuse of the former.

No, I haven't cracked it yet! Sometimes I think I have, and then I get rewarded with a shopping trip like this morning: DS2 screaming in sling for food, me shaking his bottle and milk coming out everywhere... then DD1 spots the little train that goes through the shopping centre and dives in while I shout 'stay with mummy'. I run to the train, only to find that I can't take her out as the door locks automatically. So there's me, with screeching DS2, DD1 locked in train, my bags/buggy/handbag out of sight, and begging a random dad to help me release furious DD from the train.

Dragged them all back, now both crying, and a lady says to me 'you look a bit harrassed'.

I was every bit the stereotype of the 'mum with kids' out shopping, and not liking it one bit. :(

Ah well, it was uphill after that and I treated DD and myself to icecream for surviving the trip.

Ciske, that sounds too familiar - not the events, but everyone crying.

SHit here at the moment and I hate it, I hate it, I hate it.

So, dd recovered well from chicken pox, but:

*We think she may have dairy allergy and, based on FRiday's vomathon, a banana intolerance.

• I have noe been awake every hour of the night for almost 2 weeks.

*I have not slept propelry in 6 months.

*ds keeps waking in the night and setting dd off.

*ds is ignoring his groclock and reverting to 5am starts - loudly

*Ds is suddenly becoming jealous of dd - now she's doing mroe and needs to to be interacted with

*dd won't eat from a spoon. Doing BLW, but was still banking on feeding her porridge.

*ds won't let me do anything.

*dd won't settle at betime and needs to be held. But she won't let dh hold her

*ds is now refusing to have a wee anywhere but his own home

*I'm sick of being on call 24/7.

*dd still won't take a bottle

*did I mention how sick of everythign I am?

Sorry to rant, but I've been bursting at everyone I met today - even the nurse who did my smear test got an outpouring.

Sorry it's shit Astro. The sleep thing is just such a killer and makes everything so difficult to deal with.

We have had a mixed few days. Magic 3 months and DD has found her thumb which is making sleep easier (getting to sleep that is; she still hasn't mastered getting back to sleep). but will only sleep on her left side. Anything else results in screaming. Making me stressed about her safety and getting a flat head.. Turning her in her sleep only wakes her. Gah. Why is it never straightforward..?

We are also suffering from the mysterious disappearance of the remote control. Which is Not Ideal. Didn't realise quite how much I relied on knowing cbeebies was there even if we weren't watching it. This weekend is turn the house upside down to look for it. Have been (silently) blaming DS in that he has probably 'posted' it somewhere, but wondering if in my sleep deprived state I have actually managed to put it in the freezer or something

Hi - I'm sorry that I didn't keep up with this thread, finding it impossible to find the time.

Just wondering if anyone has enrolled their older child in nursery this soon after having a new baby (she'll be 8 weeks end of this week). Was only thinking for 2 half days but he is so shouty at the moment the poor baby isn't getting enough daytime sleep.
I feel like a complete bastard :-( but I think I need to do this.

Also slightly mourning the him-and-me thing - we were having a lot of fun and just starting to go out without a pushchair and now it's back to square one but harder. I can't seem to give either of them the amount of attention they deserve. I also want a bit of time for myself then feel guilty when I get it. He is being less loving towards me and it hurts. My MIL was down this weekend and he just wanted her...

No experience of the starting nursery post number 2 arrival I'm afraid- we did it a few months before. You could try it and see - he might enjoy somewhere that's his IYSWIM with no new baby there.

Really recognise the less loving bit. DS was like that with me - only Daddy would do. He'd push me away. But now, 14 weeks on, and he's back to the mummy love. So I think it's just their way of working through what's going on and hopefully the tide will turn soon.

I'm having a low cycle. Nothing wrong but just very tired and all the adrenaline has definitely worn off. Am being snappy with DS and guilty that poor Dd gets so little attention (although she makes up for it at night). Frankly also just feeling a bit bored of being in the same small area day in day out, doing the same things and missing adult company. Even when I see friends we can barely speak because we're so busy running after smalls. DH is out twice this week and I'm jealous of him- not least that he has the energy. Moan over. Was feeling really quite positive last week - don't know what's got into me.

Bearcrumble - I know just how you feel, especially about the him-and-me thing. I've started using this lady - she takes DS1 to toddler groups once or twice a week, with her own 3yo. He loves it, it means he's delighted to see me and tell me everything he did at the group, and it gives me a morning to focus on DS2.

I think you'll find nursery is a good thing.

Hi. I am hoping I can join this thread? I've got a 20 month old and a 6 week old. Things are good when there is another pair of hands around but so hard on your own - typing one handed whilst bf and ds1 napping. Bearcrumble- totally get the guilt thing and wanting a bit of time thing - in fact posted about it separately a couple of days ago before found this thread! In fact feeling guilty typing now rather than giving dc2 some attention! When dc1 goes to bed I am desperate for some respite I am willing DC2 to go to sleep and feel bad as I've spent so little 1-1 with her in the day I should feel like I want to stare into her eyes and baby talk!
Got 3 year career break and finding I'm wishing it away at mo for them to be them both to be more self sufficient 3 plus year olds and know I'll regret that.
Also beat myself up about the quality and variety of activities /play we do, but saying that did that with just dc1!! oh dear.
Bearcrumble - dc1 goes to nursery 1 day a week - a remnant from when I went back to work briefly. It's fab. It's my weekly lifeline and dc1 enjoys it. It's social for him and makes me feel if we don't get to another group type thing / give him an opportunity to play with other kids it's not so bad as at least he's had something!

Bearcrumble DS1 (20mo) is still at nursery full time (he was there also before DS2 was born). I meant to drop the hours down to 2 days a week 4 weeks after the birth of DS2 but I have been struggling so I decided to keep him full time until DS2 is 2 mo. Two days/week afterwards.
I feel bad about it but it is for the good of everybody, DS1, DS2 and me. I miss him when he is not there but I guess you can't have it all.....
I know exactly what you mean when you say you can't give either enough attention. I feel I neglect DS2 when DS1 is about.....

I've just been reading through some of this thread and have laughed for the first time in 11 days. I'm another mummy of 2 now who can completely empathise with what everyone has written. I want to say could I join you, but things are so crazy at the moment that actually joining a thread seems completely unattainable. Maybe I could just hello every now and then

It's all still very new here and despite finding myself falling for DD more every minute, at the same time I'm sort of grieving for the little world me and DS had built and finding it really difficult, not helped by the hormones which make me cry at adverts/cbeebies/any mention of feeding or DS wanting his mummy when I don't have any hands free.

If I can get myself organised I may go out this afternoon to stock up on playdough and sticker books...