Toddler and newborn...How??? Support thread?

[Suchanamateur]

I am in the very early days of having a newborn (9 days old) and an almost 2 yr old DS and am seriously struggling at the thought of DH going back to work in the next few days - for a number of reasons. I had a taste of it yesterday when DH had to go into the office, unexpectedly, for much of the day.

DS is an absolute joy and I totally loved the few weeks of maternity leave pre DD when we just hung out all week. But now he is in total Mummy rejection mode and terribly teary. Utterly understandable but quite upsetting.

DD is a sweet little froggy newborn, doing froggy newborn things - eating, sometimes sleeping - and mostly at inconvenient times. I had a really awful time in the early months of my DS and the scars run deep (plus PND) - so every time I can get her to nap, I can feel huge waves of anxiety washing over me. I know they are different children, but I can't help project into a future where she doesn't sleep, night or day, and wonder how I will manage - I used to walk DS in a sling for hours and hours outside but that isn't an option with two of them. It was only at around 6 months when we did some sleep training that thing started to even out a bit with DS, and then got wonderful and I understood how you might actually enjoy being a mother. Six months seems an age away!

DD is currently cluster feeding without stop from about 5/6 until 10 ish. I can just about handle the clustering later in the evening, but I've got no idea how I handle DS dinner, bath and bed with a baby clamped to me and DS saying 'Mummy no' at everything..

I know pretty much the answer to all this is grit teeth, ride it through and this too shall pass. But wondering if anyone in a similar situation wanted to join in to help it pass? Or provide wise words and comfort from somewhere out the other side?

How is it that babies can hear a fork being lifted?!? Little buggers.

Well I did get a couple of hours more after my epic rant last night (sorry about that!) and feeling a bit more human now.

And both of my children are asleep although as DS1 has already napped for an hour and a half and Ds2 has only just conked out it doesn't feel worth attempting anything productive... Shall just lie here on the sofa and read the papers on my phone!

Amazing how much you appreciate these moments of respite...

Ciske amazing sleep! Grumpla and Pomme sorry about yours. DDs post jab sadness gave us our longest sleep to date - 4hrs from 7.30 to 11.30. I am still in shock. Rest of the night she was back to her usual
hourly but 4 hrs not on me was lovely. I suspect not to be repeated.

We went to the Aquarium today. Mistake. So did every tourist in rainy London. Luckily because DS is small he could see the fish through people's legs. I think I caught sight of a shark whilst being poke by an umbrella..

Dd is either an incredibly light sleeper, or her hearing is like mine (bats have nothing on me, as the child who thought he'd whispered: "I hate MRs AStronaut, she's a bitch", can attest.) We have to be so careful once she's gone to bed. Infact, I won't let dh wash up cos her bedroom's over the kitchen and he clatters about.

Think dd was ok last night. 10pm and 3, so doable.

Ds however, woke up crying at 4, then decided 530 was wide awake time. It was around this time last uyear that he started his 430-530 wake ups, so I am very nervous. Time to reintroduce the GRo CLock. Find it ironic that with my futuristic nickname, i have a toddler keeping mediaeval hours.

Zoo today to see the dinosaurs ("No, no dinosaurs in the zoo mummy. ANimals in the zoo.") Wasn't raining, but fairly chilly, so unlike suchan, the place was fairly quiet. No meltdowns from ds this time, and I learnt that Aardvarks are actually quite big buggers, so a successful day!

I totally jinxed it! Never boasting on mn ever again, lesson learnt.

Grumpla - I feel for you without your DH about. It makes it all feel tougher and weekends are so helpful now in sharing the load.
Ciske- glad to hear you are getting some sleep.
Pomme - I don't know how they do it, they must set up secret alarm systems. I have actually stopped making myself tea beyond half an hour into ds nap as every time I do, he wakes up within minutes of me making it...
Suchan - well done for braving the aquarium. I've only been once when it was glorious sunshine which thankfully meant it was really quiet but I was pissed off to miss a sunny afternoon to gaze at fish!
Astr0 - ds also trying to get up super early and I cannot face it. My lovely mum has been having him but she's gone home now so praying for a bit of a later start tomorrow.

We've had a good day apart from the fact that the other half of my nanny share has just dumped on me from a height and announced that on 6 weeks when she goes on mat leave she no longer wants the nanny share. We were meant to be carrying on for 2 mornings at mine. This means if I want to keep the nanny I have to find an extra £100 a month to do sole care, and without the benefit of ds getting social interaction. Nanny would be perfect care when I go back as she'll only charge the same to have both ds and dd together. So now it looks like I'm going to have to start working a bit as of Sept which is shit. Also, I need to find a nursery / pre school for ds to go to to get some social interaction without me being there.
Fuckity fuck fuck fuck....
All of this on top of the fact that we've now decided to put the house on the market which means that we have decorators/ builders in for the next two weeks/ half way through which I'm having ds 2nd birthday party.
Thank god dd is a sleeper or I think I'd go insane...

Whilst I remember any words of wisdom about introducing DS to the new baby? Have read some conflicting advice - do/don't bring him to the hospital - do/don't hold the baby when you greet him?

Also I'm forever being jumped on by DS which is clearly going to be an issue as I can't be jumped on whilst trying to feed a new-born. Again any advice?

Hello, can I join? Have a DS, (2y2m) and a new DD (3 weeks).

I am a SAHM, with a DH who works from home most days which is both a blessing and a curse. My mum lives nearby and has DS one day a week - am contemplating sending DS to nursery for two half days but don't want to do it too soon as don't want him to feel that the baby has usurped him.

At the moment I am feeling really bad about the amount of TV he is watching. It's on A LOT. The cruddy weather and having a newborn glued to me is making it hard to do much outdoor stuff. We did make it to a playgroup on Friday morning and went to a local museum yesterday.

Silver, ds went to my mum's when I went to have dd. I came out of hospital the same day (dd born 2 am, home 12 hours later). No one came to visit me in hospital (apart from my friend who works there!) because it was so quick.

We asked my mum to keep ds for 2 days, so we could get over the first horrible night at home with a newborn and catch up on sleep ready. Ds had a whale of a time and mum spent 2 days priming him for meeting dd.

When they turned up on the SUnday afternoon, dd was asleep in her moses basket and Ds had a tiny toy to give her. He went straight over to her and put in next to her, and was rewarded with a a present 'from' dd. He pretty much ignored her from then!

Ds was/is a bouncey/clingy/snuggly toddler, but he's just had to get used to someone else being on me and being happy to snuggle into my free arm . I have to stick my elbows out on occasion, and get sick of saying: "Watch the baby", but he seemed to calm down once dd actually arrived. It's nappy changing that I have more trouble with - ds gets that the baby's having boob for dinner, but he has a habit of leaping of my back and swinging from my neck whilst I'm trying to change dd on the floor.

Bearcrumble - I think dd's actually bored of the telly its been on so much this week. With colds and the weather and a 9 week old baby its been her best friend recently. Her second best friend is the iPad..

bc I had a telly phase but we did get to the other side where i rarely have it on now; maybe once or twice a week

Silver dd didn't come to the hospital, I thought it would be quite scary and she'd cry when she had to leave me. My mum had her for two days and nights and didn't really mention the baby until a few hours before she came home. I was holding him when she came in and she was utterly delighted to meet him it couldn't have gone better. Just to seal the deal the baby had 'bought' her a dolly. My top tips would be loads of positive comments about how the baby loves older bro/sis etc. let toddler get as involved as they want. Newborns are pretty tough and can cope with a toddler's clumsy cuddles.

Bear I'm 10 weeks in and the TV is finally not on all day. It got to the point where we were watching CBeebies ALL day in the early Weeks Don't worry about it. Its survival at this point, if it gets you
Through the day do it.

I feel like we have turned a corner with Dd's behaviour. Things less stressful and whiney here, not sure what the solution was, mini eggs??

We had been doing ok with the TV, then the monsoon we've been having has scuppered it. Whatever gets you through I say.

We were in and out of hospital pretty quick so DS had his sister come home for tea. My mum had done lots of prepping in the day and we had the present all ready. She was in the carseat when they met (the only time she's slept in there) and we made a big fuss of how she was 'his' (going through a 'mine' stage). Seemed to go ok.

Silver - DD came to hospital, I don't think it harmed her, but it definitely made an impact as she's had a fascination with hospitals and doctors ever since. :) We made sure there was a present 'from the baby', and have allowed those clumsy toddler cuddles as well (within reason, DS is not a doll!).

Bear - we had way too much TV for DD during first few weeks, so as soon as DP's pat leave was over and I was alone, I turned the damn thing off. A few tears at first, but she now knows that Cbeebies 'sleep' during the day and has turned to other activities to entertain herself. Which means I get to turn the radio on and listen to some adult voices during the day. I don't think I could have stomached months and months of toddler TV, plus DD has as much fun with her own stories as with Mr. Tumble. At the moment she's a pirate buying icecream from me.

We still have too much telly!

It gives me time off at lunch time from, erm, 12-2 . It rains a lot up here.

There will be even more telly this week, as ds has chicken pox. Glad he's finally caught it, and I'm off work anyway, but it has scuppered this week's plans. Dh is off for a couple of days and we were going to do stuff and I was going to have time off. What with potty training over Easter and a weekend of rain, I'm starting to get heartily sick of the sight of my house.

Astro - We've had cold after cold after cold here and what with the weather as well I'm with you on going absolutely stir crazy. We have the telly on a lot more than that currently. I vow that when dd2 is 12 weeks dd1 will do something other than watch telly and will eat less cake . She does do a lot of colouring on a big flip chart on the floor with it in the background in my defence...

dd1 came to the hospital to pick me and dd2 up with dh so we all went home together as a family which was nice. She was okay and interested in helping from the start but was very, very quiet (uncharacteristic) so was a bit overwhelmed I think.

I managed to get out with both of them on my own this morning for the second time - to make the most of the sunny morning. Took the bus to the One O'clock Club - DS had a great time playing with cold cooked rice and painting. The ladies who work there are fabulous and one of them cuddled DD for a while so I could play with him outside.

I thought the activity would tire him out but he's currently singing tunelessly in his cot 40 mins after I put him down.

I have an ergo baby carrier with the newborn insert - anyone else got one? I'm a bit worried because her head seems to loll forward however I position her or do up the straps/head support. If anyone has any tips?

Hello, I've just been directed towards this thread after posting in behaviour/development. I have a DS 2.3 and an 8 week-old DD and am struggling at the moment. DS is king of tantrum and DD has bad colic, which makes afternoon/evenings a bit hellish. I can't help feeling like the worst mother on earth when I can't give either child the attention they need, DH is great but works long hours. I almost asked him to stay off work today as I'm shattered and quite down, but really don't want anyone IRL thinking I can't 'cope' with two children.

Livia that sounds rough. By dint of the fact that you are doing it, day in day out means you are coping but it's fine to admit- especially to your DH- that it's fucking hard work and you need a break. Other than that come and vent on here there's plenty of us hanging on by our fingernails.

DDs feeding is driving me a bit nuts at the moment. She's a terrible, fussy feeder in the day and then makes up for it all night. Grrr.

We had one day of sunny respite yesterday and then back to torrential tv today...

Ooo. Have just realised tis 2 months since I first posted. Happy anniversary

So how far have we all come in the past 2 months then?

I'm nearly at the 6 month mark. Gave dd soem porridge this morning, she was a bit meh, tbh. Kind of wish I could just ignore weaning until she's at the fish finger and veg stage.

Close your eyes mums of younger babies because....she's still waking every 2-3 hours from 9pm for a feed . ALthough I do seem to have slightly insomniac babies.

However, she is more pleasant during the day and she naps like a little charm. SHe's also a whopper - snug in 6-9 month clothes already. Uh oh.

Ds has become potty trained and has been dry at night for a week (but not tempting fate).

He's stopped crying when he goes to nursery and started standing up for himself to other kids. He has memorized the Cbeebies schedule from 6-8 am.

He's contracted chicken pox at last.

I am no thinner.

I am drinking more wine.

My hands look ancient.

I feel like I can leave now actually.

Not because he sleeps more than a few hours, is easy to put down for naps or naps more than 30 mins. Because we have system and actually most of the time that stuff doesn't bother; even when he woke every 30-60 mins last week.

Good luck everyone, i'm sure now i have said that I'll be crawling back next week :)

Where are we now?

Hmm well bf is going well still and the cant just went four and a half hours without a feed.

The baby has slept upstairs for two out if the last three evenings.

We need to try toilet training with the toddler.

Toddler needs to get better so that she is less difficult - she has tonsillitis currently.

Toddler needs to remove that it is possible to sleep until seven am.

We still have some work to do here.

can't = baby

remove = remember

Thank you for all your baby toddler meet experiences. V useful.

Is it two months for this thread already? Time flies when you're having a good winge.

Where are we now?

DS is 10 weeks and flourishing, so his tiny birthweight (4.5 pound) clearly hasn't held him back.

I managed to BF for 8 weeks, which is a victory or a failure, depending on your viewpoint.

Nights are starting to come together, with DS now sleeping a 4-5 hour stretch each night and his second night feed slowly moving towards the early morning. This means days are a little less foggy.

DD is still jealous at times, but more often she is now a lovely, protective sister who can't wait for DS to "get big" so they can play together.

I managed to get some routine in the day and, with DP working long hours at times, doing the fully shift from rise to sleep doesn't daunt me anymore. But it's still very hard work to manage the pair of them.

And as a result of all that racing around after my toddler and newborn, I managed to get back to pre-pregnancy weight. Would like to do more, but I need the evening too much to switch to 100% healthy lifestyle, so that will have to wait.

Coming up is finishing the potty training, which we started, but I've yet to gather courage to take off nappy all together and deal with the consequences (living room has white carpet :( ). I'm also going to work on regular daytime naps for DS, as my arm and back are hurting from carrying him around all day, and I want some more time in the day where I have the use of both my hands.