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Original poster

2 1/2 year old on naughty step for 3 hours - now asleep!

193 replies

kitpuss · 15/07/2011 14:01

My little boy spent has been on the naughty step for 3 hours, refusing to say sorry. Now he's asleep on the floor next to it.

We only had 10 minutes of tears during the whole 3 hours, he sat there pretty happily but kept saying "not say sorry".

I've not really used the naughty step much before and now have no idea what to do when he wakes up.

So to any experts on naughty step procedure - should I just forget about it and get on with the afternoon or should I still be trying to get him to say sorry?!

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exoticfruits · 15/07/2011 17:32

I doubt if he remembers what he is supposed to be sorry for!

Georgimama · 15/07/2011 17:39

Another pet hate of mine - the chorus of "oh how nice it must be to be perfect". You don't have to be anything approaching perfect to work out that naughty stepping a two year old for three hours must mean something has gone wrong.

StrandedBear · 15/07/2011 17:44

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colditz · 15/07/2011 17:47

If by 'perfect' you mean 'not cruel' then yes, I'm not cruel.

colditz · 15/07/2011 17:48

Watch it, StrandedBear, because I told the OP to go and apologise and I got deleted.

RedHotPokers · 15/07/2011 18:08

I use the naughty step for my DD (nearly 5) very rarely when her behaviour has been really unacceptable (mostly any kind of violence against DS Blush).

She does 4 minutes from the time she has calmed down and sat down (ie. no screaming, wailing, getting up).

It works for those rare times of very bad behaviour IMO. I have used it once with DS (2.4y) when he needed a timeout following a humongous tantrum.

OP was misguided and foolish. However, both my DCs have fallen asleep at least once in the period following a tantrum/bring told off. In fact it is not at all unusual for DD to have a strop, get told to go and calm down in her room, and then be found later fast asleep on her bed.

As long as the child wasn't being restrained or bullied, and wasn't excessively upset, then it can be chalked up to experience as a silly and ineffective way to deal with bad behaviour.

ApocalypseCheeseToastie · 15/07/2011 18:35

I got deleted for that too Colditz.

I was only stating the obvious, I now have visions of the poor wee boy lying asleep next to the stairs

Dorisnextdoor · 15/07/2011 18:41

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TheRealMBJ · 15/07/2011 18:52

I agree with the sentiment of most posters above. 2.5 is much to young to expect a little one to understand or say sorry. And the punishment in this case was far too harsh, no matter what he did. I am not a fan of SuperNanny, nor of the naughty step.

HOWEVER, I do think that the tone and posts directed at a (probably) first-time mother who clearly misunderstood the concept and was asking for help was way too harsh. Have some compassion people.

BitOfFun · 15/07/2011 19:21

I wondered that, so did a search. There is a post from a few years ago where the OP was wondering if the naughty step was appropriate for punishing accidents after toilet training was finished, with an older child. So I think it's possibly more a case of having been using a version of the method for a long time that most people wouldn't recognise.

Still, I daresay there won't be any longterm damage, and I imagine the OP has got the picture now.

exoticfruits · 15/07/2011 19:24

OP does seem to have had a hard time-I hope it doesn't put her off asking for advice.

BitOfFun · 15/07/2011 19:39

Well, she has deregged, so...

TheRealMBJ · 15/07/2011 19:45

Also her second post on this thread was apologetic and acknowledged that she had got it wrong. I am sure the advice was well meant but perhaps it may be good to consider how you yourself would like to be spoken to?

exoticfruits · 15/07/2011 21:12

That is a shame-I hope she reads and comes back.

penelopethefrog · 15/07/2011 21:24

I sent my then 3yo DS to sit on the step when he refused to take his medication. This was after much bribing, patience, him spitting it across the room. Told him he could stay there until he was going to take his medicine. After 90 minutes, when he didn't get off the step, and eventually fell asleep, we gave up. We could have opted to pin him down and hold his nose to get the medication into him but felt that would be abusive, and would cause lasting damage if we did it once, let alone the several times a day that might be necessary.

So I do believe a small child will stay put on the step out of stubbornness, and I think the OP's mistake was not picking her battles, and getting caught up in trying to force an apology. Looks like she has a stubborn child on her hands and I sympathise. I think some of the responses on this thread are way, way OTT.

TheRealMBJ · 15/07/2011 21:35

I agree penelope it is really hard to know enough about the situation from a 100 (or so) word OP. Yes, it seems extreme. Yes, perhaps she misjudged the situation. Yes, maybe she should have known better or more about her chosen disciple method. But to have jumped in and berated her like that for 7 pages especially since she read the replies and posted a seemingly contrite reply after only a handful of responses was unkind and even cruel.

TheRealMBJ · 15/07/2011 21:36

And just goes to show what the mob mentality can do.

Doitnicelyplease · 15/07/2011 21:56

I have used the naughty step (though we now call it Time Out) since DD was 18 months or so, she is now 2.10 and it does work for us.

You should be doing a minute per age so two minutes, I only add another minute on if she does not sit on the step eg walks off.

After it is over I explain why she was put there and tell her I love her and give her a hug, she sometimes will say sorry but it is not mandatory and you are just entering into a battle of the wills which no one will win.

exoticfruits · 15/07/2011 22:03

I think that it is MN at its worst, she appeared to be a first time mother finding her way and some of the replies would really make her feel a failure.

Moodswings · 15/07/2011 22:24

I can't believe you were so wound up to expect an apology from a tot! Haven't read all the thread but really do think you need to take a chill pill.

Sorry but you sound very controlling.

exoticfruits · 15/07/2011 22:33

Give the poor woman a break! She has already been frightened off. I think that she has got the point that she misunderstood the 'naughty step.

Moodswings · 15/07/2011 22:38

I'm sorry but no one in their right mind would put a child in a single place for 3 hours! I'm not exactly parent of the year myself but would know not to do that.

exoticfruits · 15/07/2011 22:40

She does now-no need to keep putting the boot in!

TheRealMBJ · 15/07/2011 22:42

FFS!

Read. The. Thread.

Then come back and see whether it is necessary to continue to kick the poor woman. She's gone anyway.

kellibabylove · 18/07/2011 00:21

When you sit ds on step do you explain to him why he is there? If you miss out this step, the whole process is pointless and he is unlikely to say sorry because he will have forgot after a tantrum what caused it in the first place. I think the naughty step is wonderful, I very rarely have to use it but it is very effective. 2 1/2 hours is insane!! 5 minutes maximum!!!
If he refuses to say sorry explain what he has done wrong again, let him go but tell him your not happy with his behaviour and dont pay him any attention until he apologises usually takes about a minute before you get your apology.

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