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Parenting

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Original poster

2 1/2 year old on naughty step for 3 hours - now asleep!

193 replies

kitpuss · 15/07/2011 14:01

My little boy spent has been on the naughty step for 3 hours, refusing to say sorry. Now he's asleep on the floor next to it.

We only had 10 minutes of tears during the whole 3 hours, he sat there pretty happily but kept saying "not say sorry".

I've not really used the naughty step much before and now have no idea what to do when he wakes up.

So to any experts on naughty step procedure - should I just forget about it and get on with the afternoon or should I still be trying to get him to say sorry?!

OP posts:

Are your children’s vaccines up to date?

Set a reminder

perpetualsucker · 15/07/2011 16:01

My 5 yr old dd is a champion negotiator. It means that sometimes she'll have an extra 5 mins on the naughty step if she refused to say sorry and spent the first 5 mins chuntering on about why she shouldn't be there and trying to get me to back down. Just wondering if people think they should only be allowed off when they've said sorry and if not, what do they do next?
Btw I do find some of dd's comments whilst cooped up on the naughty step really funny e.g. 'roaring at the top of her voice, 'It's not a naughty step, it's just a step etc.' I have to move away so she doesn't her me laughing.

noddyholder · 15/07/2011 16:04

It is just a step She will go far.

Amaretti · 15/07/2011 16:06

What a horrible thread. The OP doesn't describe an upset child, just one who stayed in the same place a long time and then fell asleep. She hasn't done anything awful, she hasn't harmed her child, she asked for help and she got a load of shit. OP I hope you are ok. I don't think you have done anything awful. I doubt you'll be back here and I don't blame you. But don't spend time feeling bad. He knows mummy is boss now and no harm done, honestly.

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colditz · 15/07/2011 16:08

He's certainly very clear on who is 'boss' already, otherwise he wouldn't have stayed on the naughty step for three hours.

I still want to know precisely how that was enforced.

PonceyMcPonce · 15/07/2011 16:11

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Huffythetantrumslayer · 15/07/2011 16:12

Christ I'm gobsmacked at some of the nasty comments on here! And I haven't even read the deleted ones. Op made a mistake people!! She's evil? You're all fucking barking.

QueenofJacksDreams · 15/07/2011 16:24

It would seem the OP has deregistered as when trying to send her a supportive message I got an error saying kitpuss is not an exsisting username.

No-one in this world is perfect its what makes us human and kids don't come with a manual to tell us what to do to keep them safe happy and well behaved we have to learn on our own.

When my DD was born I suffered with terrible PND for years I still suffer with depression, I had no support and no idea what I was doing and I did things back then that made perfect sense to me but I realise now they were all wrong and some of them quite badly too.

As a parent I'm still learning with the support of friends and my DH whats right and whats not, to be told you're a monster to the small child you love with all your heart and soul is the most heartbreaking thing in the world. All it would of taken is a simple explanation to make the OP see she was doing things wrong instead she was set upon bitchily and will now have lost somewhere she felt safe and could of gotten support from.

Support not attack should be the first rule of human interaction.

noddyholder · 15/07/2011 16:38

I think people have been way too harsh!

Georgimama · 15/07/2011 16:39

Mine came with a manual. It was in the Bounty pack.

MoonFaceMamaaaaargh · 15/07/2011 16:41

supernanny has so much to answer for. Perpetuating all this crap about manipulative dc's and "consequences." The number of times i hear the naughty step spoken about by people who seem to have no idea about the psychology around it (or why it was disowned by the psychologist that came up with it). All her fault.

Quenelle · 15/07/2011 16:44

Yes, I think OP has deregistered I hope she's getting some support in real life anyway. She must be feeling absolutely wretched.

What a wonderful example of mob mentality.

colditz · 15/07/2011 16:53

"kids don't come with a manual to tell us what to do to keep them safe happy and well behaved we have to learn on our own."

We don't. The governmentruns parenting classes, ask your health visitor. And on that subject, we have health visitors. We have Surestart centres (children's centres). We have libraries full to the brim with parenting books of every flavour to suit every type of parenting (barring abusive) and someone who is literate enugh to start a thread about something horrible they've just done is literate enough to start a thread asking how to do the naughty step properly.

Deciding to use the naughty step, then leaving a child on it for 3 hours, is like deciding to smack and then giving the child 30 with the buckle end of a heavy leather belt. Or deciding to use privelege withdrawal, then taking the child's right to clothes away.

WhenCanIWine · 15/07/2011 16:54

Appalling. Those of you who waded in should be ashamed. I find it depressing that a number of regulars seem to love to jump on anyone who admits to being (or comes across as being ) anything other than a perfect parent.This site is meant to be for support. If you truly had that woman's child's interests at heart you would have talked her through her misunderstanding of the technique, not driven her off the forum.

colditz · 15/07/2011 16:56

And what could you say in real life apart from "Don't do that, it's really really cruel and stupid"? What level of support do you think the OP is going to get if all she wants is advice on whether or not to continue a massively overblown punishment into late afternoon? Who on Earth do you know that would support that?

And to be honest, I have hardly read the other posts and my post was the first one. How you can ascribe that to mob mentality is beyond me. People have reacted strongly because the described situation was horrifying, not because people are mobbing.

colditz · 15/07/2011 16:57

I wonder if she's as upset as her child yet?

noddyholder · 15/07/2011 16:59

It sounds like a one off though. Colditz you need to chill or write a book on being a perfect parent!

WhenCanIWine · 15/07/2011 17:00

No, the situation was NOT horrifying. you have an issue of your own here I think. It was a stubborn stand off between a stroppy toddler and an insecure parent. The child was NOT beaten, they were told to stay put. bit daft yes, but hardly going to do long term damage. Get some perspective

WhenCanIWine · 15/07/2011 17:00

Colditz, read the OP. the child was not upset.

Huffythetantrumslayer · 15/07/2011 17:00

Colditz did you read where she wrote her child was happy just not willing to say sorry. He wasn't screaming and wailing for 3 hours. You are way over the top. I tried to send amsupportive message too so no funnily enough not everyone agrees with you at how ' horrifying' she was. Get over yourself.

scarlettsmummy2 · 15/07/2011 17:00

I also have a 2.5 year old and can't imagine ever doing this. Firstly because she has no concept of what sorry actually means, and two, because I have more important things to be doing than playing a stupid parenting game for three hours. Bet the OP did Gina Ford...........

colditz · 15/07/2011 17:02

Tjhe child wascrying for 10minutes, which is 8 minutes longer than the child should have been there.

The child sat on the step, not allowed to get off, for a further 2 hours and 50 minutes.

That's not a stand off. That's borderline abusive. It is horrifying. I challenge you to find ONE SANE PERSON who would recommend such an approach for a child of 2.

colditz · 15/07/2011 17:03

I do not know one peson who would even consider doing this. Does that make everyone I know completely perfect?

There is a wide, wide line between perfect and sub-acceptable

Huffythetantrumslayer · 15/07/2011 17:04

Of course no one would recommend it! But borderline abusive? No imdont think so.

WhenCanIWine · 15/07/2011 17:05

Wouldnt recommend it, in fact yes it was ridiculous, but totally disagree it is horrifying. if mum was stood there screaming abuse too then yes, id agree. i think you must have your own pictures in your mind of what happened, your sense of it doesnt match what i read. You are off with the fairies on this one.

Georgimama · 15/07/2011 17:06

'm struggling to see how so many people reach the conclusion that the early responses to the OP were "mob mentality". For a start there was an absolute flurry of responses within the first ten minutes or so, precisely because so many people were stunned by the OP. I mean, she was actually seeking advice about whether to persist with having him on the step beyond the three hour mark, even though he had fallen asleep!

I'll tell you what is mob mentality and you see a lot of it on MN lately, people who arrive late to the thread, without full possession of the facts (because HQ has got trigger happy with the delete button) and start telling other people how dreadful they are.

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