I know it's wicked, but I'm basically wishing these years away

[CanIRetireYet]

I have 2 DC, one in primary and another toddler. I work part time in a very stressful job.

I am not enjoying this bit of my life in the slightest. I was thinking the other day about how many days I have probably enjoyed since becoming a parent and I could think of 3 (with holidays, Christmases and birthdays being the worst of all).

I can't bear the lack of sleep, the constant cooking & cleaning, watching my earnings going nowhere, someone always needing me, the utter mind-numbing boredom of childrens' games and books, feeling my once quick and clever mind turning to porridge. Looking in the mirror and seeing a bright young woman has been replaced by a frowning mousey figure with stained clothes. My body is so tired from fetching and carrying all the time. The constant going up and down the stairs...

I am basically living in hope for the day when my kids are old enough to occupy themselves a little, maybe sleep through most nights, perhaps even make their own drinks and snacks.

I know it is terrible but I am basically wishing these years over and hoping that I emerge from this dark tunnel with some energy remaining.

I think perhaps I'm not supposed to be a parent and now it's too late. People say "Yes, but then you see their little smiles and it's all worth it" and I just think, no, no that really doesn't ring a bell with me at all.

Is it just me? I have had depression in the past but this feels different.

slow, take it from one who knows, the only solution is time, they eventually grow out of it, absolutly nothing we tried worked except hanging in there and waiting till they were ready to sleep alone and all night!

ssd You're right. Thank God, mine are grown now (almost) but anyone who has a baby/young child who doesn't disturb them at night should go and be bloody sanctimonious on another thread.

There's NOTHING worse than being completely at the end of your tether, from lack of sleep, and some old bag coming along and saying "mine always sleep/slept through - never had a problem".

My theory on that one is that baby's/young child's mind is not doing an awful lot...... Bring on the flaming......

you'd be have a flame retadent suit on gorgeousx!!

its all down to luck, although sadly and smugly parents who have had or have good sleepers always take the credit like they are doing something no one else has thought of....as if

To OP - I'm 26 and I have a 2yr DD, I feel like you do alot of the time. Whether its depression or not, I don't know. The constant drudgery, being mithered all the time and my daughter has been a poor sleeper from day 1. Some people get used to being sleep deprived, I don't, but feel I'll have a good day if I get at least 5/6hrs proper sleep.

I'm finding it particularly hard at the moment as my OH is working away during the week, only home at weekends while I look after our daughter full-time. And I'm 25wks pregnant. My family don't provide any support, though my parents pop round sometimes, they just sit there while I make tea, not really a rest for me.

Just wanted to say that I empathise with you, its hard. I've become an expert at putting on a brave face though, so to most people, even my to DD, I 'act' perfectly happy. My advice, to you and to myself because I don't do it at the moment, is to look after yourself first. Its probably the best thing we can do for our kids as if we're happy, then its better for them. Its easy to fall into the routine of being utterly selfless, that the very idea of doing something for yourself seems so selfish. It seems like you really need to get a break though, anything, to recharge your batteries.

Good luck.